do your kids know?

[Leslie Langford]

There are clearly strong pros and cons for either point of view on this question, and much depends on the individual crossdresser's personal situation, and more particularly - on their relationship with their wife or SO and how she relates to their crossdressing.

But as the saying goes, "You can run, but you can't hide." Even the best kept secrets eventually leak out, and there is something to be said for getting ahead of a potentially awkward or disastrous situation so that you can control the narrative here as opposed to being blind-sided by the discovery. And to Stephanie47's point...death is the great equalizer in all of this. Many of us here are seniors in DADT or similar situations, and have far more years behind us than ahead of us. If we die before our spouses, presumably they can get rid of all the "evidence" and no one will be the wiser. If we are the last to die, it will likely fall to our survivors who will then come upon our secret stash(es) while in the process of settling our estates. Is it really fair to burden them with this unexpected (and potentially very troubling) discovery that will forever tarnish our legacy with the realization that we have been living a lie all our lives, and actually weren't the person they all thought we were?

[Jodie_Lynn]

My only child knew before I told her. My own fault, I taught her to be observant of the world around her, plus she was a snoop!

Once, years ago, she asked me if I was wearing women's jeans ( I was ), and I replied "No, they are my jeans."

When the wife and I separated, I felt that I owed it to our daughter to let her know why. She beat me to the punchline, and accepted me wholly. We are still very close, and when she needs "Dad", I literally 'man up' and am there for her. Other than that, she is fine with my life as Jodie, including the fact that I have a boyfriend.

[Teresa]

River GG,
My kids are now mature adults so they can deal with me living full time . I've been out several times with my daughter to shows and shopping and also take the granddaughter on outings . We usually have xmas day together with the rest of her family . My son knows but he chooses not to see me , they are more guarded about their two young sons , I'll just have to bide my time .

No one has to worry about keeping it a secret because it no longer is one , which feels good .

I do agree younger children and teenagers possibly have enough problems of their own , they are more important and need help and support , that is what parents are all about .

[DTelia]

But as the saying goes, "You can run, but you can't hide."

It really depends. Some secrets can remain a secret. Of course, the more “open and about you are, etc” the more likelihood of someone catching you. But this can be managed, as many here have done.

[kimdl93]

In my case, my adult sons and I have a sort of DADT arrangement. I know they know, because my ex wife went out of her way to inform them, along with a lot of other people. When we are together, I am dad. Other than letting me know in very general ways that they are entirely OK with transgender people, we really don?t discuss it.

[Dutchess]

Yes BUT my children were born knowing I lived an alt lifestyle . I had 6 ids who were 18-0 20 years ago when my wild cd husband entered the pic then later when Kat my TG companion entered it , Kat primarily raised my now 19 yr old .
Again though we all lived an alt lifestyle and both of these people just happened into my life through friends I already had .

Having said all this my 19 yr old has very little patience with her 22 yr old tg roomate , like none . She had very strong feelings for my daughter and my daughter had to make it clear she wasn't going down that road . That she misses our Kat but that life had too many issues for her , that she needs to stay on task with her own life .

So you ever know how its going to turn out .

[Visitor]

I don't have children but read this thread nonetheless to get a sense of what life is like for those of us drawn to this world. I respect the wide range of opinions and how one's relationship with your children's mother is such an important part of this calculation. And that is all over the map from what I read. That touches on the other significant element of this life... the reaction of our loved ones.

With regard to children I find myself wondering about the world they are entering. It seems a much different world that the one I've known. There seems to be much greater acceptance of gender fluidity. I don't know whether that extends to fathers crossdressing, but it seems a healthy thing. Yes, it is very disturbing to some people, so there will be no smooth sailing for folks on this path.

I so appreciate that this place exists so conversations like this can happen. Deep respect to all of you who spend time here and share your thoughts and opinions.

[Genni]

I recently told my two grown daughters (20-something and 30-something years old) and they were fully supportive. The younger one was very surprised. I don't think that the older daughter was much surprised.

[kayegirl]

Both of my kids, if you can call a 41 and 39 year old kids, know. But I promised their Mother that I would not dress in front of them, a promise that I have kept. Likewise my step daughter, 37 year old, also knows but hasn't seen me dressed.

[Lana Mae]

Didn't really get into all of this until after my wife passed away! At that time my daughter lived with us! Once I realized this was who I am, I told my daughter since she lives with me! I later came out to my son! He told me he and his wife suspected! Both of my children said that they just want Dad to be happy! They were both in their thirties at the time! My son said we will deal with it when the time comes as far as the grandchildren! Of course, you and your wife must make this decision! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[banzini]

My kids (7 and 9) both know and have known for years.

[Judy-Somthing]

After 37 years of marriage I told my wife that I liked to cross-dress, she freaked out and we end up arguing a lot for the next year.
Then one day after my wife and I argued my 20 year old daughter asked why we argued so much, I told her that I liked to dress as a woman sometimes!
She said "so, what's the big deal" she then told mom "it's not a big deal" then she told my son who said his kink was bigger than mine.
They did see me dressed a few times at Halloween parties.

[TheHiddenMe]

I have 24 and 27 year old sons.

Have I told them? No.

Do they know? One lives full time with us, the other during when he's not away at graduate school. Dad does his own laundry, and dad wears panties. There is also our walk-in closet with women's clothes and shoes that mom never wears. So who knows if they know.

[JeanTG]

My kids are all adults. One is mtf in transition. The other is gender non-binary. The oldest, seems normal, and is accepting. And there's me... so yes they all know.

There must be something weird in the water where I live...

[FrannGurl]

This is a very good post!

I have two sons and four daughters..... Three of my oldest daughters know all about me and are very supportive in such a way as to give me advice or even give and share makeup with me. I can literally tell them anything that's going on with me. My youngest daughter is 13 and she doesn't know. My older sons know I think, but they don't talk about it or bring it up. I have a great relationship with them all and love them to pieces.

[dominique]

I have 2 daughters, one knows and one doesn't. The youngest one knows and is accepting. Story youngest daughter came home un-expectantly and I was fully dressed. She didn't bat an eyelid at me. Maybe because she's was at the time at university so she knows and sees all aspects of life. But when we're both at home I don't tend to dress when she's in the house.

[Cynthia_0101]

The wife and I had discussed telling our child and it was left up to me to decide if it was something I wanted to do, to be honest, it was not. Back then I had a hard enough time to dress in front of my wife let alone our child.

Then about 5 years ago our child came out as gender fluid. Again the wife and I had a discussion and decided at this point it would be beneficial to tell them so they did not feel so alone. It worked out well and had no adverse reactions. I still don't dress in front of them and don't think I ever will.

[Rogina B]

My now eighteen and a half year old daughter has been everywhere with me since age five.She is a wonderful young adult, fully accepting and embracing the diversity of the world.On her college applications,having a transgender father was mentioned in the "additional information" section. There is no shame in wanting to live life in a way that makes you happy. Living an "out" life was always important to me and I shaped our household to suit. Everybody's needs are different.

[Liz Jones]

The "pink fog"came very late in my life--told the wife and later our two Daughters.We have five Grandchildren, our eldest Daughter has three of them.Her youngest on leaving primery school decided he wanted to wear a dress for his leaving Prom. His Mum bought him a dress &4"heeled sandles (he can RUN in them --me i could just about walk ☺ ) At this point he was not aware i dressed, looking at the situation i debated on "coming out"to give him some support. I came out to him (and his brother &sister( the other children are toddlers) i was concernd about him feeling like he was the only one in the world, i know that feeling only too well.......
His Pom went off with no bother ,othe pupils just eccepted him , perhaps its us " oldies" that are the problm........
Liz

[Jenny22]

RiverGG, the big question for both of you is what do YOU want to get out of telling, not why should THEY know.

[DTelia]

RiverGG, the big question for both of you is what do YOU want to get out of telling, not why should THEY know.

Bingo. And once you tell them, they know. It’s done.

Not a good analogy here maybe, but I’ll share anyway...

We dont give our kids cell phones until their 16. Why? Because once they have a phone/mobile device, they’ll always have it. I want them to enjoy their youth.

Regarding this CD stuff...their world is more complicated today than ours was years ago. I think you may have other opportunities to teach them to how to treat others and overtime they’ll probably better understand who you are than you realize, and they’ll have more respect for you because of it.

God bless

[HollyGreene]

Two sons, 16 and 13.
They don't know and as being a CD is part of my private life, I don't plan to let them know.
I have no plans to come out or transition, so there's no need for them to know.

[April Rose]

I came out to my son when he was 22. He told me he had known since he was 14. He is 32 now and it is still a non issue with him. He has trans and non binary friends.

[Crissy 107]

Nope, they do not know and I see no reason to change that.

[abby054]

Yes, my daughter figured it out. Then she went on a mission to find my stuff. She did. Her curiosity satisfied, she began a DADT relationship on this issue with me. She told my wife of her suspicions and findings. That did not go well at all. It is why I moved Abby?s stuff to a storage unit, where I have dressed in peace for the past 17 years.