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Thread: do your kids know?

  1. #51
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    San Francisco Peninsula
    I called my 30 yr old daughter and told her. She said- Are you gay? Are you divorcing? no- I am wrestling with something difficult to understand, but I am going to methodically work on growing up again. then OK non issue. and told all her friends, and they were quite sympathetic and interested, according to her. Her bf sent me Grayson Perry's book, the Descent of Man.

    At first she decline to see me dressed. THen one day I dressed and showed her, and she said- well, you don't really look different.

    The substance of our relationship as father and daughter is the primary and priority connection for me. Being genderfluid means I can switch to what works in the moment.With her is it always manlike, but now with much better communication skills!
    We are all beautiful...!

  2. #52
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    oshawa, ontario
    my wife has recently told me our youngest son(still living at home) has figured out i am a crossdresser when he fixed my computer, this disturbs me but if he confronts me i will tell him the truth

  3. #53
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    My children are young (<12) and I don't want them to know either now or in the future.

    It's something I do for myself but not something that I want to show the world.

    Besides, growing up is hard enough as it is without confusing them.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    I am estranged from my adult children due to a nasty ex-wife. They don't know. My wife's children live with us and don't know either.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  5. #55
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    I live in a different state than most of my children.

    My oldest daughter lives in this state, and has since she was a teen. When I divorced her Mom ( for her adultery, not my crossdressing), I kept her Moms clothes and whatnot in my room and slowly traded it for my stuff. Which means all the kids were used to seeing women's stuff in my room their entire life.

    Stephanie has known since she came to live with me at 16. She figured it out on her own. Now at 32, she is married with two children and we have a wonderful relationship. I have lived as a woman full time, with the exceptions of my other children visiting, for just about 20 years. Her kids call me grandma, and that is how I function with her family.

    My oldest son has been moving back and forth for years, I'm not even sure how he came to know. I think he just had questions and I answered them honestly. The problem with him is he has a big mouth and for some reason thinks he should tell everyone here in Ohio. However; when I interact with his family it is as a father and Grandfather. It has led to some interesting moments with the Grandchildren when they interact and talk about Grandma and Grandpa. I'm still not sure how that is going to play out. As my Grandson is as devoted to his grandfather, as my grand daughter is to her Grandma. I spend the week with my Grand daughter and the weekend with my grandson. For now it works.

    My second oldest son, is I think aware, but is definitely don't ask, don't tell. He lives in California. We are quite close and I take my vacations with him and his family.

    My youngest daughter is in denial. Though I have never said a word on the subject. However; she told Steph that she was unfriending her, on fb, because she did not want to see "family pictures with the kids "other grandmother"...oh and by the way...who is that other woman...never mind dont tell me". Pretty much how that conversation went. My son in law's only comment on the subject is that my daughter, who is completely loyal to her mom, does not want to see "my girlfriend" who has taken over as Grandmother from the girls Mom. Though the truth is my oldest daughter hates her Mother for issues unrelating to me, in any way shape or form. It's one of those things that my ex has told me she knows she was wrong, but just can't make herself fix that bridge.

    The bottom line with my youngest is that she is devoted to her father, and lives a pretty traditional middle class Christian lifestyle...and it's going to stay that way!!! lol

  6. #56
    Senior Member Ceera's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Eugene, Oregon, USA
    When I first came to terms with my own need to express my femininity, including a need to go out in public as a woman, I was 57 years old, and recently widowed. My 18 year old daughter was living with me. I had been repressing my sexuality and femininity for most of my life, trying to live up to my parent?s expectations for me to be a straight male who would marry and give then grandchildren. Between 2012 and 2014, I lost both of my parents, and then my wife. With their passing, I no longer felt obligated to continue living a life that left a large part of my own mind unsatisfied. Well, my daughter had friends in her high school who were gay or lesbian, and even had one friend in her peer group who was openly going through male to female transition. For many young people of her generation, sexual orientation and gender identity are much less cut and dried. So before I ever tried to go out in public as a woman, I came out to my daughter before anyone else. I told her i needed to explore what my own needs really were - that I needed to try being in public as a woman, and try exploring my sexual needs, dating both men and women. She was tremendously supportive from the very start. It has been six years now, and I am now two years into full male to female transition. My daughter remains my best supporter.

  7. #57
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Bangor Maine
    My 3 boys know I dress.
    They are 24, 26, and 31

    The were all very accepting.
    they know I am still their father and love them very much.

    They have all seen me dressed, and have never said a word
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  8. #58
    Junior Member adelinapa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Philadelphia area
    Mines are young, middle school and grade school. So no, they do not know, but i'm leaving bread crumbs. They will, and we live in a diverse enough community that i think it's ok.

    That being said, i haven't told them.

    Like everything else, it's a process.

  9. #59
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Lanarkshire,Bonnie Scotland
    Sadly my son and I have been estranged for going on 5 years now,with no resolution seemingly in sight.It hurts but I don't dwell on it,At home my twin stepsons have known since shortly after their mother and I met and have been super supportive so I've experience of both sides of the coin
    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire


    A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
    A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a rose
    Facebook:Sophie Johnson

  10. #60
    Sarah Adams Vintage4sarah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Southern NH
    I have only one married adult daughter. When my wife and I were working through my CD issues, one of her request was to keep my gender identity a secret from our daughter. I strive to always keep my word and I have not had that talk with my daughter for 20 years now.

    The most difficult problem with this is that my daughter has always been "Daddy's Girl" and we are still very close even though she lives overseas now. She is a bright, open minded person and I know in my heart that she would have no issues herself knowing and understanding my transgender side of my personality.
    Sarah Adams, mature girl from NH. My photos are on Flickr under vintage4sarah !

  11. #61
    Senior Member Ally 2112's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    My x wife told my oldest daughter a couple of years ago .I had no clue we were having a conversation one day and she just came out and said i know what you do
    I had no idea but had an idea if ya know what i mean .She said it was all good and accepted me and was good with it . Thing was i had no idea who knew her husband sister kids or who ever ? .Found out it was just her and she has as far as i know kept it a secret and never brought it up again
    I have a hubcap diamond star halo

  12. #62
    silicone member Danielle_cder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    My kiddos are young (3&5) don?t plan on breaking it too them any time soon! Not sure if I ever will... both my wife and I are on the same page in terms of breaking it too them. Maybe when they are in their teens... my older one is very sharp and intuitive so I?m sure she will probably figure it out or snoop n find. As most know younger children (and a vast majority of adults) have a hard time keeping secrets so... don?t need them to out me.
    the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.

  13. #63
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    A bit south of the 49th!
    My kids know because my ex told them. For the most part, we leave the subject alone.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  14. #64
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    France, Villessot near St Christophe
    Vintage Sarah, my daughter has always been the same to me but despite 2 divorces and a 21 yr gap during which I had no idea where she was, it was a secret. But all of that changed when I realised I was now 24/7 and just about everybody around me knows I dress it became a much needed thing to tell my kids. The one who was most over the moon about it all was my daughter (by the way she is 44 yrs old now). My son not so and as yet has not told his kids or his wife! not the same with my daughtzer who told everybody in the family. All of them have accepted "the new me".
    Of course things dont work out as well for some as it has with my family and my extended family. But what it has done is made life so much easier for me when my daughter comes.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  15. #65
    Member Lux's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    A little late to this thread as life has been very busy back at work. Years ago I posted a reply to a similarly asked question when my two kids were very young. I had told the story of going to a SCC Southern Comfort meeting (back when it was in Atlanta) with my now wife. She surprised me with tickets to the meeting and we had an incredible time dressing up and meeting other CD’s. One evening, we were talking to a group of 5 or 6 lovely ladies when this exact topic came up. Someone in the group posed the question to me and I proudly said “I would absolutely tell my young children as I have nothing to hide and not ashamed of who I am”. At which point someone gave me great advice and told me “why burden them with something like this when being a child is tough enough.” She went on to say that you should only tell them if you have to dress as a female at home but if you do it privately, why make things more complicated. Sage advice.

    This advice was well taken but fast forward to last year when my ex wife demanded I tell my young teenage children that I am a crossdresser. We don’t really get along now and she was never accepting of my female side. Jealous, she was trying to undermine my relationship with my kids using the “you can’t lie to them and have to be honest” argument. I knew she would tell them if I didn’t so we set up a family meeting with her hopes of trying to embarrass me in front of the kids. I took a breath, 100% owned it and was not ashamed in my explanation. When I was done talking, both kids were stone faced and silent until my son smiled and said “I think it’s cool that you can be both”... as I watched my ex wife die inside...priceless. My daughter similarly accepted me and is ecstatic that she and I can watch YouTube makeup tutorials together now. Life is funny that way.
    Last edited by Lux; 09-19-2020 at 11:20 PM.

  16. #66
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Nation's Capital
    Quote Originally Posted by Vintage4sarah View Post
    I have only one married adult daughter. When my wife and I were working through my CD issues, one of her request was to keep my gender identity a secret from our daughter. I strive to always keep my word and I have not had that talk with my daughter for 20 years now.

    The most difficult problem with this is that my daughter has always been "Daddy's Girl" and we are still very close even though she lives overseas now. She is a bright, open minded person and I know in my heart that she would have no issues herself knowing and understanding my transgender side of my personality.
    Wow, are our wives related? My adult (37 y.o.) daughter does not know for the same reason. I also think that she would be understanding because she has several good friends who are Lesbian. But, I can't tell her without breaking my DADT boundaries.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  17. #67
    New Member Pixiesmate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    All my kids know. The first was my son who found me working in the garage in a short mini skirt (it was summertime, hot, and my garage is detached and in the rear of my house. He was supposed to be delivering a truckload of stuff to another state when he surprised me by walking down the driveway and into the garage. He saw what I was wearing and didn’t say anything at that time. We talked about it after he got home, and both he and his wife (who were living with me at the time) told me that they were fine with it. My 2 stepdaughters discovered my clothing choices when I wore a pair of leggings with a male shirt one Christmas morning. It was discussed at length and they were also fine with it. One of my daughters is a high school biology teacher. She was teaching a class on human sexuality mandated by the state. One of the sections in the class dealt gender identity and cross dressing. She asked if I would send her a picture of me in a dress for her class, and then used it as part of the presentation, including identifying me as her Stepdad. She later told me that the class was exceptionally accepting, including one male student who she thought might present a problem. She had a box that students could put anonymous questions that related to any of the material she presented into so that she could answer any questions without having the student fear ridicule from their peers for asking in class. We all remember high school, be part of the pack or be socially ostracized, so the question box solved that problem. All the questions from 2 different classes were read in both classes to prevent any recognition. One of those notes only said, “Tell your stepdad he’s awesome.” It appears that the younger generation is far more accepting of our clothing choices.

  18. #68
    Aspiring Member Leelou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    I love this thread. My daughter knows, but we haven't had "the talk". I came out to her mom years after the marriage ended and we were in a period of reconciling. I wasn't out to my daughter's mom during our 7 year marriage because she had a couple of kids from a previous marriage, we had a brief courtship and I didn't really have a chance to slowly introduce this side of me into the relationship. So I stayed closeted during the marriage.

    Fast forward a couple of decades. We try to reconcile and I come out to her. Everything is great. She's accepting. But unfortunately, the reconciliation doesn't last. I let her know that my coming out to her wasn't binding her to secrecy. She shared with my daughter, I find out years after the reconciliation failed, and my daughter still loves me. I figure if she wants to talk to me about it, she will.
    Last edited by Leelou; 09-24-2020 at 11:08 PM.

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