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Thread: Are you at peace?

  1. #26
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    I'm finally at peace now I accept being TG and going full time .
    The real me , no going back.

  2. #27
    Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Over the past few years I have come to accept that I am a crossdresser and always will be. I came to that realization before I started therapy which has taken away any reservations I had regarding self acceptance. In spite of my self acceptance I am not content with my circumstances as they apply to being able to shop or dress openly. I believe that self acceptance and contentment are two separate things. Self acceptance is not dependent on contentment but the two can be connected.

    Self acceptance depends on me and I can have that no matter what others think or do. Contentment can be affected or even dictated by others like in the case of a crossdresser who cannot dress due to their wife's strict DADT demands. That is my situation and it puts me in the position of having to shop secretly, hide things and sneak a few hours of dressing when I can. I have accepted myself as a crossdresser but am very frustrated and discontented by my restrictive situation. My therapist asked me what it would take for me to be happy and content. My answer was the freedom to shop and dress would come first but I can't guarantee where or if it would stop.

    Things stopping me from exploring my gender and attaining contentment are my wife, adult kids, extended family and neighbors. This is where I get philosophical about the balance between my feelings and everyone else's. That balance between my own happiness and how it affects others. When all is said and done a drive en femme or a walk down the street in a dress isn't addressing my bigger issue. For me it really comes down to opening up to my wife and hoping she loves me enough to stay or continuing to live in discontent due to my own fears. I have come to that fork in the road that will make it manifest how bad my dysphoria is. Even if she reacts favorably I would have to make that difficult decision knowing that she might not. If I blow up fifty years of marriage and lose family, friends and reputation in the community is that worth being able to dress as a woman? So far I have not been able to take that leap of faith and I cannot achieve contentment without doing that.

    For many of us this dilemma keeps us in a never ending loop of discontentment.
    Last edited by Star01; 09-13-2020 at 02:18 PM.

  3. #28
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    s.nj near Berlin
    If I answer the question from the meaning of "crossdresser", yes I am at peace with being one. Of course I would like to appear more "womanly" but that's just my vanity and a lot of commercialism aimed at woman that has unfortunately found it's way into my consciousness. I think that if you read the last line of my signature it will give you an idea of who I am so the wearing of clothing designated for the opposite of my birth gender comes very natural to me. Yes there were decades of shame and guilt and hiding, you know the same old,same old. Fortunately? I never married or had children(not kids, only goats have kids)so that aspect of my CDing I cannot relate to or comment on as to how that would have affected my acceptance and coming to terms of my CDing. All I can say is that I am happier, more open and relaxed with my TGism, I know that is off point here but I think it had to be said to explain how I achieved my "peace" with my CDing as a natural extension of who I am. I hope I answered your question to some sort of satisfaction.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  4. #29
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.

    Red face Yes, Di. Because of this site and u!

    Altho it took years of help from cd.comers to accept Sherry and to have Sherry accepted by the trans world? (Still an ongoing process).

    Now, Sherry's world is busy, exciting, glamorous and filled with fun, younger, active and creative folks! Ok, some of it is imaginary. But, almost all the people in it r real!
    And, all of this while I'm still not out of the closet with some family and ALL of Robert's friends!

    Thank everyone here!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #30
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Yes, but it was not until I accepted myself as TG did I find real peace.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 09-13-2020 at 07:45 PM. Reason: shortened it to the point

  6. #31
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    I am fairly well at peace with crossdressing. I am less at peace with certain other aspects of my life.

  7. #32
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    I know some CDs have deep feelings of guilt and shame, but I don't think I've really been in that position. I had the fear of being found out, but that's only because it was something that was not accepted by society - not because I felt that I shouldn't be doing it.
    I am not only at peace with my being a CD, but I am glad that I am one. I have feelings that I know non-CDs will never experience; feelings that enrich my life beyond the "norm" that society expects of a man.

  8. #33
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    I somehow got to being at peace with it early on even before the internet came around to show us how much more common it is than we may have thought.

  9. #34
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Bangor Maine
    Over the years, when I was younger there was a huge struggle in my mind
    there were purges and hiding all the time.
    Life was very stressful and busy

    After many years of marriage I told my wife.
    And the world did start to get to be more at peace for me.

    Our marriage was very tough over the years.
    There was a lots of times that we did not get along very well.
    After I came out to her and she accepted me. It did help or situation for a while
    but did not solve the underlying conditions of the marriage.

    Eventually we ended up separating
    Now I am free to dress whenever I wish

    So yes I am at peace with my dressing.
    But has been a very long road, Overall happiness had to be achieved first.
    And being in an unstable marriage sure did not help at all
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  10. #35
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Di , I have a very workable DA/DT with myWife, she knows about everything,

    But just don't want to see me while I am dressed, >Orchid .oOOo.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  11. #36
    New Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    I would say yes I am at peace with my dressing, but I would probably only be trying to fool myself.
    I am pretty much guilt free with the dressing but not so much with subjecting my wife to it.
    My wife seems to be OK with me dressing and tells me so when I express some doubt about her acceptance.

    Why don't I accept this at face value and believe her. Maybe that is where my lingering doubt comes in. We are both pleasers for each other and would do pretty much anything for the others happiness. So there is the crux of my guilt, is she really OK with this or only OK because it makes me happy.

    If only I could believe .. unfortunately ... over thinking may just be my middle name.

  12. #37
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Nation's Capital
    Actually, I'm quite at peace with myself. There was a time in my life when i would have given anything (well, almost anything) for it to just go away. Now, I consider it a special gift.

    In the movie "Tootsie". there is a line at the end where Michael (aka Tootsie) says, "I was a better man as a woman than I ever was as a man."

    How about that for a self affirmation.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.


  13. #38
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri

    Compared to many, I'm lucky. I came to terms with the idea I wanted to crossdress in my teens. I knew I was my version of normal. I never felt guilty about it.

    Four years ago I overcame my fears about going out dressed, and since then I've made friends, met others in the TG community, been out lots of times, been able to blog about my experiences, and obtained a fabulous wardrobe.

    My life definitely doesn't suck, either as a boy or a girl.

  14. #39
    Junior Member Val_Blackbird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    Not. Even. Close.

    I live in a near perpetual fear that one of a few faux pas was witnessed by the wrong person (couple of accidental mini-outs), and it could affect me personally or professionally, which with my social circle, that's pretty much one-in-the-same. I don't want to take attention from another member who has a similar situation, but I also recently lost my mom. She knew about my crossdressing for about the last eight months of her life, and while she never made an issue about it - actively participated in some instances - I never got the impression she was completely on board, more just going with it to make me happy. So, I have some feeling like I'm dishonoring her memory by doing what I do. I'll never know if I'm right about that or not; I like to think I'm wrong, but it's a difficult feeling to shake. And, of course, there is the fear of being murdered or worse . . . .

    I want to finish with something more positive. I'm happy that so many have found a level of peace. It's good to know that the external factors that, to some extent, govern my life are capable of being slain, and that perhaps there is hope one day I will find a balance. I think maybe I got started in this very late - 37 - and maybe my window will close before I'm able to be completely content with it. But, I shall carry on in whatever way I can and the world will allow. With luck, it'll be a hell of a ride.

  15. #40
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Everyone your honest in depth answers mean so very much. I thank you.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  16. #41
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Living in the present
    Yes. I live alone. No issues.

  17. #42
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    British Columbia
    I meet a surprising number of people who come up and feel compelled to talk to me because I “look so serene”. I love the balance between the different facets of my life and am thoroughly happy with how much time I spend expressing them. I feel no shame or fear or anything negative about what I do - I wish we could all be that way!

  18. #43
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    When I first started to delve into my mother's lingerie draw in my mid teen years I was totally conflicted. Society declared any man who wore woman's clothing was gay although the terminology was rather repulsive. How could that be when I lusted after inaccessible young starlets like Annette Funicello or young girls in school or church. I was a horny teenagers. If I was a homosexual this desire for females did not compute. Of course, my parents were homophobic. The minister at my church was homophobic. Everyone was homophobic. My cross dressing did end up on the back burner for many years. I graduated college. I was drafted. I served in the infantry doing all those war related thinks and having them done unto me. I got married. My wife was a drop dead gorgeous creature...still is. My fondness for nylon got rekindled. I do not know why. We incorporated some nylon gowns and hosiery for me into bedroom play. It was the feel of the material. I never have had any desire to be a woman. Maybe, not knowing how a woman really feels meant I could be somewhere in between. I have never considered myself a knuckle dragging caveman. Anyway, the cross dressing became an issue when I went further and bought a vivid red Vanity Fair bra. We had "The Talk." That changed everything. The world did not end, but it was a little icy for awhile. I came to realize I my pushing her to accept me was nothing less than spousal mental abuse. I also figured out I did not need her approval to validate who I was.

    How did I come to terms with myself and therefore get some inner peace? And, coming to terms with myself does not mean all is 100% alright. I wish I had the opportunity to grab a dress off a hanger and slip into it with all the feminine trappings. But, that is not to be.

    I started evaluating my life. I had gone to one of the top rated public high school in New York City. I went to the premier public college. I graduated. I volunteered for the draft rather than do a coin flip with my brother who already graduated and had a really good job. Along the way I was wounded twice. I experienced death and maiming all around me. I was medevaced. I married a great women who I met in the army. I went immediately from the army to working. The only time I was ever unemployed was voluntary when we moved from New York to Washington State. I got a decent job with the federal government and worked for at it for thirty years. Along the way I supported my family. I paid for my wife's delayed BA (30 years), college expenses for son and daughter who were debt free. I and my wife have paid for our granddaughter's college (20) and grandson (3). Glad to do it. Debt free. I added that all up and thought, if anyone was going to take me to task on being a cross dresser they are going to get a good dose of reality in the form of a fist.

    I do go to counseling for war related PTSD. My counselor who I have seen for more than ten years said to me recently that all my life I have put myself last. I've put everybody's needs before mine. She does not know I am a cross dresser. I have paid my dues. I have done nothing in my life to regret. Let my little quirk alone. I've earned it.

  19. #44
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Madison AL
    After reading all the above, I guess I am happy and at peace with myself but unhappy with the narrow-mindedness of the local community. I want to go out dressed but I keep to my self and live almost alone ( have rented out a couple rooms to an accepting GG who is now part of my support group. Since I live alone and have to answer the door, I do not normally dress during daytime hours.

  20. #45
    Member Christina89's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    South Shore, Massachusetts
    When I was younger and even till a few years ago I did have the inner struggle. I always thought of myself as a freak when I started to crossdress. But after years of struggling to find who I was, I can finally say that yes I am at peace with being a crossdresser.

  21. #46
    Member Brandi Christine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Like a lot of girls here I am at peace, doing this over the years and talking to a therapist have gotten me to the point of acceptance of myself, and truly loving and enjoying myself for who I am.

    And like lots of the girls here I am in a relationship with someone I love and cannot live without who is as of now not accepting of what I do.

    As SaraLin put it

    "I'll never be "pretty in pink", but I have a loving wife, a good home, good health, and financial stability"

    I am good with that, and I think things will get better for me in the future, my wife & I are taking baby steps together, we'll see where it takes us.
    ...Damsel in distress.
    Not exactly natural, Stunning none the less...

    (As Girls Go by Suzanne Vega)

  22. #47
    Life is for having fun. suzy1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Hampshire, U.K.
    I am a realist.
    Some people have the need to cross-dress. Some people have this fem side to them. This is just how it is.
    The problems come when others project their views on us about how that is somehow wrong and we buy into it.
    Last edited by suzy1; 09-14-2020 at 05:26 AM.

  23. #48
    Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Quote Originally Posted by HollyGreene View Post
    I know some CDs have deep feelings of guilt and shame, but I don't think I've really been in that position. I had the fear of being found out, but that's only because it was something that was not accepted by society - not because I felt that I shouldn't be doing it.
    I am not only at peace with my being a CD, but I am glad that I am one. I have feelings that I know non-CDs will never experience; feelings that enrich my life beyond the "norm" that society expects of a man.
    That, exactly. I travel far when I dress. It's very neat to walk the stars in that strange spacesuit, you know (no you don't, since I could never explain it properly ).
    At peace? If it was only for me, yes (again, what HollyGreen said). But it also takes a toll on my wife. So, no. I experienced guilt for the first time since I told her (more exactly since I realized it wasn't right to keep it from her). And there's no reason it will stop, because despite all the efforts we do together, I think the life long lie and the dressing will always be an open wound for her. We can stitch it, but it will always itch, her, me, together.
    "There's one thing I don't understand. The thing that I don't understand is every [bleep]-ing thing about crossdressing."
    - The Blimey (or was it?)

  24. #49
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    East Yorkshire UK
    hello Di,
    mostly I am at peace with my cross dressing.
    I have taken ownership of my cross dressing. I dress when and how I wish. I have accepted it and have mostly stopped trying to discover where the urge came from.
    Sharing experiences here really helps.
    stay healthy,
    luv J

  25. #50
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    What a fascinating and wonderful thread this is. It shows just how diverse we are and how our experiences and perceptions create such a vast range of answers.

    Suzy1, your brief post is really amazingly profound. In a few short sentences you summed it all up.

    We are all different, but the expectation is that we fit some model that really doesn't exist in the Nature of the Beast. You have to be who you are but who you are is a free form activity and not an object that matches a limited selection of templates. It is a process with limitations imposed by some basic genetic combinations that were created randomly. From there on it is life and life is a diverse process of reacting to experiences in ways that make the life process sensible.

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