Are you at peace?

[Helen Waite]

I'm very much at peace when fully dressed and made up. If I lived alone I'd do it most of the time while at home. Having to excavate boxes and totes when opportunity arises often leads to "why bother" and gloomy mood.

[Star01]

Reading over comments subsequent to mine I felt the need to clarify my discontent. My discontent is not at the whoa is me I'm standing on a ledge ready to jump level. It's more of a constant feeling of angst that is triggered throughout the day. My smooth legs, a glimpse of myself in the mirror, a thought dwelling on an item of women's clothing, seeing a look that I think would be a good fit. It's little thoughts like that all day every day.

I mentioned this to my therapist and touch on the subject on a regular basis. One of my fears going into my sessions was based on experiences I read on this forum. So many comment how those feelings dominate their lives and intensify until they have to take it further and are forced by their discontent to do so. That sent a message to me that it was inevitable that I was going to lose control and my discontent, pink fog, dysphoria or whatever we went to call it would progress to the point where I have no choice. That is the common theme that I see on here and admittedly I have felt much closer to reaching that point.

I think the therapy taught me that first things come first. In other words, I am where I am now and I may progress further or I may not. If it becomes more intense and motivates more changes I will deal with those when they happen.

I guess to sum it up my biggest anxiety is not knowing the route or how far the journey will take me. Were we just out doing a little sight seeing on the edge of town or will I be whisked away and taken much further down the road? I have accepted my crossdressing in the sense that I know that is what I am but I am discontent in the sense that I need more but I don't know how much or how far it will take me.

I hope that makes sense. That illustrates what I perceive as what drives my concerns, fears but also my desires.

Fantastic subject. Thanks so much for the serious philosophical topic. I for one get so much more of the kind of discussion I'm looking for and the answers tell me that I'm not alone. Much more informative than some of the usual fluff.

[adelinapa]

This is a wonderful thread, hearing where everyone is. There's just so much to agree with everywhere, truly a representation of the shared journey all are on. Thank you.

I've recently reached a point in my life where I've not only accepted it but have embraced it in a way that works for me. Took 30 years but it was worth waiting for.

[Eve_cd]

So, my first response is hysterical laughter, followed by a resounding ?no?. But that doesn?t tell the whole story. I am at peace with the fact that dressing is a part of my life, that is unlikely to go away. My need for some greater understanding of where I fit, the detrimental impact this has had on my wife, coupled with the impact of our dynamic on our children, all leave me very unsettled. (Full disclosure: at current my wife has decided that we need to separate and intends on moving 2000 miles away with our children. I am expected not to follow without ?figuring out my shxt?. I have no assets, and no leverage as I have been predominantly a stay at home dad for the past 7 years. So yeah. )

[Asew]

I denied this part of myself for so long because I could not accept it. But I finally accepted and totally at peace now with it for myself.

I wish that my wife while tolerating was more at peace with it. As a result I compromise to do male mode sometimes and it works (I think).

[Kimberly A.]

Hi, Di. I am completely at peace with my crossdressing.

Here's the story..... I have posted that deep down, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a CD'er. I love women's clothes, I love wearing women's clothes, makeup and wigs and I love presenting as a female. Of course, it's mostly in secret, (meaning my family has no idea and I HOPE it stays that way).

Anyway, I became intrigued with girl's clothes at a very early age, (not sure what age, really) but I do remember trying on my older sister's clothes when I was home alone. Also, when I was in my early teens, I can remember my ex-stepmother, (if you will, unfortunately she passed away due to lung cancer a little over a year ago), acquiring bags FULL of women's clothes from someone. So, she and my dad took an overnight trip somewhere and they took my two youngest half-sisters with them. I stayed home that night, donned some pantyhose and tried on a lot of the clothes that were in those bags. It felt AMAZING to have on those clothes! LOL

So yes, in a way, I guess I've always been into CD'ing and it wasn't really until recently that I finally came to terms with it and accepted it and said, "This is who I am", there's just no changing it. It's a little difficult for me, I guess to explain how or why I'm so comfortable with being a CD'er, but I am totally and completely at peace with it..... I am much more comfortable and a lot happier en femme than I am in "drab". LOL

[Phoebe Reece]

Yes, I am fully at peace with my crossdressing and have been for around 50 years. I think that may be due to my seeing this as a gift, not a curse. I've never struggled with thinking it was wrong to do, although I recognized that many others thought it was wrong. I do not reject my normal masculine side, but embrace the feminine as something extra. I have been able to explore a small portion of the female world while crossdressed and experience things an ordinary man would not. It is simply who I am.

[Just Dana]

I never felt shame or guilt for wearing women's clothes (or wanting to be one). I just always accepted that people are different. I'm not sure why. I grew up in a not-very-tolerant world and wasn't specifically taught to be accepting of differences. Either I was born with a lot of empathy or Sesame Street did its job really well.

However, I certainly knew better than to mention it to anyone while growing up. I still struggle with that. Logically, I know that 99% of my friends and coworkers wouldn't be at all phased, but I don't see myself leaving my comfy closet anytime soon.

Dana

[Amy Lynn3]

Yes, I very much am at peace with myself. I call it being happy. Whatever you desire to call yourself or state of mind is fine, as long as one determines to be happy with what life gives you.

I love being a crossdresser, but it is only a part of me. I have two lives, which many people never get to enjoy. The only regret I have is not developing my crossdressing to a higher level. I would love to balance both the male and female me out to the same level.

Di, I have lived alone for 15 years now and I think it would be the best gift in the world to find a woman like you and feel the love you gave to your girl/man.

[Di]

This is a wonderful thread, hearing where everyone is. There's just so much to agree with everywhere, truly a representation of the shared journey all are on. Thank you.
.

Perfect way to put it. I think how much we can learn from each other.
Thank You everyone

[Sometimes Steffi]

I love this thread. So many truly happy people.

[Connie D50]

I'm at peace with it, no longer hate myself after i dress. However (yes sorry I have a however) my wife is a yoyo wife is ok with it one day hates it the next. Wants to go out with me then yells at me a week later about dressing.

[Kay J]

Yes i was always in peace with myself. My only problem was have other people finding out that i love to crossdress. First it was my parents then my wife then my kids. After my kids left home and i found this this place i finally told my wife. Will that did not go over to well as she wanted to have nothing to do with it but she was good with giving me my time whenever i want so glad i found you girls here! I do like to get dirty as much as i like getting pretty if you know what i mean! Just a guy that love to crossdress!

[CynthiaD]

Totally at peace. In fact, I find it impossible to feel at peace when I’m not presenting as female. Crossdressing is my key to peace and happiness.

[Fran Moore]

Yes, I am fully at peace with my crossdressing and have been for around 50 years. I think that may be due to my seeing this as a gift, not a curse. I've never struggled with thinking it was wrong to do, although I recognized that many others thought it was wrong. I do not reject my normal masculine side, but embrace the feminine as something extra. I have been able to explore a small portion of the female world while crossdressed and experience things an ordinary man would not. It is simply who I am.

This is me as well. Thanks Phoebe!

[Star01]

I am at peace with myself. I wish I could say the same for the rest of the world. Only my wife and therapist know and my wife doesn't want to see or hear anything about it. That Star against the world dynamic limits the poor girl but she still has a pulse and comes out whenever the coast is clear.

Without trying to categorize my level of pink fog there is enough desire to dress and obstacles preventing me from doing so to leave me in a continuous low grade state of frustration. I believe that being at peace with myself as a crossdresser is directly related to being able to find opportunities to dress. In other words, if my circumstances allowed me to dress as desired I would be pretty darned content instead of always feeling like a cornered animal.

[Jenny Elwood]

Can't say that I am. Ideally I'd still want to not be a crossdresser. Whether that would entail just being a male without this proclivity or being a GG (with no desire to wear men's clothes!!! ) is hard to say.

[Jenny22]

Visitor, your CDing will expand, and you'll enjoy it wondering why you didn't begin earlier. It's a natural progression, believe me, and once you fully experienced the Pink Fog, you'll not be able to stop.

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I am at peace with my dressing, NOW, but not always so. At a very young age, I wished I was a girl, and that continued through my teens and adult life. Long before puberty discovered me, I discovered feminine apparel, and dressing became sexual for years, with resultant shame. I still felt very feminine while being a dad and raising my family as a male. My wife never knew the extent of my inner being.

When she passed away, my CDing became the only thing that mattered to me. Was I now at peace with my dressing? NO! It wasn't until I realized that I was really transgender that peace began to settle in. And, at age 83, after I told my sister, and she fully supported and encouraged me to be myself, I was fully at peace with my being ME. I dress 24/7, with occasional drab on the side. I am truly happy, now.

[Visitor]

I appreciate your thoughts Jenny. I really am staying open to it all. I'm happy you've found peace as a transgender person. That is the question asked in this thread and I imagine all of us would love to be at peace with ourselves and the choices we make in our lives. For me, simply allowing myself to do the dressing I do feels like a blessing. I've no idea where it leads, if anywhere. But I'm content for the moment.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm at peace with myself, but, realizing that so much of the world is violently against even the very fact that we exist, remain closeted since I don't want to deal with being a front line warrior for the 'cause' of trying to make crossdressers as tolerated as gay people are. There are still far too many people who would physically hurt us or kill us, just for existing, because they believe that we violate their theological beliefs. Or even just do things to us that might make our life difficult, like get us fired from our jobs, or evicted from our homes, because they don't want us around. When Caitlyn Jenner came out, I repeatedly heard numerous supposedly educated, enlightened people, complain that they 'couldn't stand' to have to hear about, or see notice in the news about, her, because they didn't like her existence being 'in their face' because they didn't want to deal with knowing that crossdressers and transsexuals exist. It was almost all men; so I suppose the homophobia is still a very big problem in America, as well as the rest of the world. Sure, many are tolerant of us, but there are enough who would like us dead, or just feel that they need to 'show the world' that they hate us, in order to demonstrate their masculinity, for us to become complacent about the very real danger that those people really want to hurt us.
So, 'at peace' doesn't really describe how I feel about my place in our society; since moving to a more southern, less metropolitan community, I've learned that I have several neighbors who have a loathing for gay people, or anyone that they think might be gay. So I remain in the closet, most likely for the rest of my life; only comfortable when dressing up alone, at home.

[phili]

I meet a surprising number of people who come up and feel compelled to talk to me because I ?look so serene?. I love the balance between the different facets of my life and am thoroughly happy with how much time I spend expressing them. I feel no shame or fear or anything negative about what I do - I wish we could all be that way!

I'll take this as a prompt to be even more at peace- how beautiful.Thanks!!

[adelinapa]

I think that may be due to my seeing this as a gift, not a curse..

This right here....

[Lindseynrva]

I have been finding my inner peace since I was @8 years old. I remember going to a relatives house for a holiday meal and that?s when I saw it! Soo many hooks and that satin fabric was to die for I had to try it on. That first time slipping that longline satin bra on gave my such a thrill and calm all the same time and since that moment I have had thrill and calm peacefulness dressing at its been 42 years now. My only wish is that my wife was more accepting and tolerant but she will have no party to any of it. That makes me sad and will always be the little black cloud over this part of life. Almost daily I find a way to connect with my femme self by wearing panties almost every day and most days I?ll wear bra and forms just to have some of the enhancements that I enjoy seeing. After all it?s all about making yourself happy and for me I am a more peaceful person when I?m dressed even if it?s a pair of panties, I know they are there and I love it.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Wouldn't it be nice if all the normals in this world felt totally out of place just one day a year, like Sadie Hawkins day.

T-girls get to as a GG or GM out, t-Girls choice, and they have to go.

Now that would improve my inner peace

[phili]

I have to take back my saying I am at peace- I have been tossing and turning all night and I want my words here to be truthful. The distinction is what a few others have said- which is that I am very wonderfully at peace with myself, having discovered what feels like the last explanatory thread.

I am at peace with the outside world, in that I am confident that the negative consequences that will come my way are normal and not to be worried about.

I am not at peace with my wife. We are in essence negotiating how much self-repression I owe her, and how much crossdressing she can tolerate without moving from simple cold rejection to something worse for her or me. I an not at peace with any answer to that yet, and I think it is also just the first step in creating peace between us. But I accept that peacefully as the normal price of marriage!