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Thread: I went past my wife's limit...need alternatives here.

  1. #1
    Member Chloe_S's Avatar
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    May 2019
    Orange County

    I went past my wife's limit...need alternatives here.

    So I made a mistake. I thought my wife was being more accepting of my crossdressing and mistakenly assumed that meant I could buy whatever the hell I wanted and not run it by her first. In the past she said no breast forms or hip/butt pads. I thought that had hadn't. I bought some forms on aliexpress and when I told her about it she got so mad. "I've never been this mad at you before." We managed to work past it and I have a better understanding of her limits now. So my question is, what's the best alternative to breast forms? I've heard people mention balloons, but I'm not doing that. I assume just padding of some sort. socks, tissue, etc.

  2. #2
    Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    Jun 2018
    North Texas
    Maybe gel breast enhancers?

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2013
    I used knee hi's filled with birdseed.

    That worked until I got breast forms.

    I tried the water balloon trick but only wound up getting wet.

  4. #4
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    May 2005
    Maybe it's not the actual forms but the idea of changing the look of your body. Think of it this way. Women can get away with wearing men's clothes rather easily. It's just clothes. Now if they stuck a sock in their crotch, that would change your whole perspective of it just being about the clothes.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    Rags, towels, socks, old t-shirts, etc...

    They all have a different use she should approve of so they can be "hidden" in plain sight.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    I think Genifer is quite possibly correct. Women marry men not just because they like the person and their values but also because they are, well, men. But then their man starts wearing obviously women's clothes at times and that fractures the image she has of her man. She is turned off by it and not all the pleading and explaining about feelings and needs will change that fundamental image of the fact that she is a woman married to a man.

    So, Chloe, perhaps a more positive approach to the disagreement is to sit down together and discuss the emotional factors for you and her emotional connections to you and then come to an agreement as to what is acceptable to both of you along with a second list of maybies that can be tried. But don't make a list of "absolutely nots." That way the door is still open to allowing for you to each adapt to each other which helps you to establish boundaries and limits that are considerate of the views of both of you. It sounds like the approach so far is her, to some extent, sitting by and observing what you do and then when she sees something she does not like she is critical of you which does the relationship no good at all. So have that discussion. Apparently she recognizes your needs but how to satisfy those needs in a way that is acceptable to her is done through a reactionary process rather than being proactive in setting boundaries and not crossing them in her presence. What is acceptable in private may be very different than what is acceptable in the relationship and those differences need to be understood and followed, yet with a flexibility to allow for changes in the views of each of you. That is, keep the communication lines about boundaries open and don't chip them into stone.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    It sounds like you aren't talking enough. It is a relationship red flag when you start assuming. This is what she is upset about most. You didn't ask.


  8. #8
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Jul 2018
    New England
    This x 1,000. One thing is convincing her that you enjoy the clothes. Making changes to your body, even if only temporary, is a whole other level for her to wrap her head around. Slow down, friend. Don't ruin a good thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Genifer Teal View Post
    Maybe it's not the actual forms but the idea of changing the look of your body. Think of it this way. Women can get away with wearing men's clothes rather easily. It's just clothes. Now if they stuck a sock in their crotch, that would change your whole perspective of it just being about the clothes.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
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    Nov 2004
    I think Genifer Teal nailed it.

  10. #10
    Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Oct 2017
    Another vote for Genifer's P.O.V. It's the shape, not the material.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  11. #11
    New "old" girl Suzie Petersen's Avatar
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    Jan 2015
    I am lost, and I like it. Don't find me!

    I also think there is a good chance Genifer is right that it is likely the change of body shape that bothers your wife, not the actual forms. So using something else to add the shape will not solve the problem.

    You mention you now have a better idea of her limits now, but my question for you is this: Did you actually talk about specifically what bothers her about forms and hip pads?
    It might be helpful for both of you if she can put words on this, and it might also be helpful if you can put words on why you want to emulate the female body shape. Some wifes/girlfriends can to a degree accept or tolerate that their hubby enjoys the clothing and maybe the makeup and hair too, but they often really struggle with why he wants to make it look like he is actually a woman. Many only see one reason for that desire, and it does not fit with the "I just like the clothes" argument at all.

    Regardless, be very careful not to overstep a boundary like this! It is clearly important to your wife and if you break a promise to her you will struggle to recover from it.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    I had the same problem with what to use as boobs so I gave balloons a go . They worked OK until I put one inside the other then filled them with water , I found 7ozs worked with what I have naturally so I ended up with a 36c bust . I've tried expensive forms but I hated them compared , my homemade ones tick all the boxes for me and I'm out fulltime without any problems . Maybe don't knock them till you try them , mine are now into their third year , so I need to make some new ones soon , they even work in strapless bras and strapless dresses .

    Gennifer makes the point which I thought my wife would object to , forms with nipples is one step too far , I don't give them a second thought now , perhaps having all my own would be better .
    Last edited by Teresa; 09-25-2020 at 09:15 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  13. #13
    Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Feb 2017
    I won't try to understand why your wife went mad, I can see many reasons. But you seem to have made the typical mistake many crossdressers make (and even promote for some), which is considering that anything not discussed is permitted by default. If your wife is anything as mine is, for all things crossdressing, this is exactly the opposite. Anything that has not been discussed is off the table. If you want it on, discuss boundaries again. Boundaries must be expressed but it is as much (even more!) your responsibility as it his hers. I have read many crossdresser posts saying that they were not mind readers, using this as an excuse to do something that was not explicitly forbidden. Sadly, and your incident is proof of that, anything fuzzy doesn't play in your favor, it is just another time bomb for you and her, as she can always imagine the next thing you are going to do with the same excuse. Crossdressers aren't mind readers? Right, but then they must ask the question, not elude it and hide themselves behind their finger.
    Good luck Chloe. I'm sure it will get better if you do it right.
    Last edited by DianeT; 09-25-2020 at 09:41 AM.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    I’m glad that you and your wife have gotten past that hurdle, at least for the moment. I made similar mistakes - especially mistaking silence for tolerance/acceptance. I also missed numerous signs that she was struggling emotionally. That internal struggle, as much as my dressing, created a permanent rift between us, even when I went 18 months without dressing in her presence. Its exactly 5 years today since she asked me to leave.

    I hope you can negotiate these treacherous waters more effectively than I did. Obviously, theres a lot more conversations that are going to need to be had, and it may be that her limits are permanent. How would you feel about that?
    Last edited by kimdl93; 09-25-2020 at 09:40 AM.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  15. #15
    Silver Member darla_g's Avatar
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    Dec 2007
    terrapin station, you need to guess a little bit
    Chloe, to better understand the dynamic do you dress around your wife? Do you have kids and do you dress around them?

  16. #16
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Jun 2006
    Michigan USA
    Padded bra?

  17. #17
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    Why your wife became mad is rather obvious to me. She married a man. She married the man who was present before her. Not the man unseen, hiding in a closet. My wife said, "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would have married a woman!" I just describe an event on another thread which is suggestive of my wife's position. All was relatively alright wearing a nylon nightgown on occasion, but, adding a bra to my collection brought about "The Talk." It is also possible a woman may feel totally uncomfortable with a man presenting as a woman because there is an inference of a lesbian relationship which may go over like a lead balloon.

    "Balloon?" Perfect lead in to breast enhancement. Maybe I am just cheap, but, I do not have breast forms. I use water balloons....9 " party size. I have never had a failure. If there is a defect in the balloon it is obvious when it is being filled. I have found bags of 100 at Walmart in white, and, lesser quantities in various colors. If you're going to have a party you're ready with a supply.

    My first breast enhancement which I still have and use at night is a Nerf ball which I cut in half. No bounce to the ounce like a water balloon, but, wearable in a bra when sleeping. Cut in half there is a flat side and a rounded size. The flat size fits comfortably on the wall of the chest. The Nerf ball also came in handy when I under-dressed outside the home. In the fall and winter I would slip it in a bra when out driving. It is easy to remove when I go in a store. Re-insert when I wanted.

    I think one of the problems in a marriage is making assumptions about anything when there has been no discussion. It sounds as if, since a wife has not come out with an affirmative statement or list, it must be OK to do it. I'll go back to my vivid red bra incident with my wife described elsewhere. When I wore a nightgown because I truly loved the feel of nylon I presented a the male she fell in love with; six foot two, 175 pounds of lean military muscle, totally hairless due to my genetics. So, there really was no visual transformation from male to pseudo female. No makeup. No wig. No attempt to replicate a woman. Add the bra. Wham, "The Talk." A total different ball game. When I read threads on this site many times I read about "creeping cross dressing." "Go slow." Inch along. Then the guy gets upset when what started as a panty ends up with all the proper undergarments, hosiery, five inch heels, wig, makeup, breast, butt and hip enhancements, and, he wonders why his wife had a fit. My wife is a strong woman and she does not take crap from anyone from day one. It is nice to know the rules of the game before it is played rather than making them up as you go along. IMHO.
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 09-25-2020 at 07:36 PM.

  18. #18
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    U shouldn't be asking us anything at this point! If u don't discuss this completely with your wife you're only going to make things worse!

    Altho, after my separation, then divorce? What I wore and when was completely up to me!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    Nov 2019
    Kosciusko, MS
    Hi, Chloe.
    First of all, when a woman says, "Do whatever you want"..... DON'T, because she doesn't really mean that you can do whatever you want, (I have no clue why women say that LOL).
    Anyway, a good alternative to breast forms, (and this may've been posted already but I haven't read through the replies), is knee-high stockings stuffed with rice. That's what I did the first time I went out dressed before I ordered my breast forms and it seems to work well. I don't think it matters what kind of rice, but just make sure you get an equal amount in both stockings and you can add as much as you want to make them as big as you want. Here's a how-to YouTube vid tutorial on that:
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

  20. #20
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    Sep 2005
    Catskill, NY
    The real problem here, as I see it, is not 'what substitutes can I use?" as much as it is a communication issue between you and your spouse.

    "I thought my wife was..." "mistakenly assumed that meant..." "In the past she said..." "I thought that had changed..."

    What made you think that your wife's position had changed? What made you assume that she was comfortable with your desires? Why did you think things had changed?

    We managed to work past it and I have a better understanding of her limits now.

    I'm sure you listened to her, but did you HEAR what she said? If she is against breast forms, why do you think that rolled up socks stuffed in a bra will be received any differently?
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

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  21. #21
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
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    May 2016
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    I use padded bras. I have one Victoria Secret and two from Ambrielle from J.C. Penney (although I have just ordered but not received some breast forms).

  22. #22
    New Member
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    Sep 2020
    So you think your wife is ok with some OTHER form of breast forms? Maybe you should run the idea of "forms" past her.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Nov 2016
    Greater Houston
    I am with Maid_Marion. You were operating in a vacuum and crossed a line that you believed had moved. Talk more. Assume less.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

  24. #24
    Junior Member
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    Sep 2020
    Northern California
    I hope folks will indulge me. I found a wonderful article that is intended to guide therapists who work with male crossdressers and their partners when the issue is causing so much disturbance in the relationship that therapy is warranted. At the outset I'll say the paper accepts that crossdressing is not something that can be reversed or extinguished and that the issues all revolve around finding ways of respecting both partners' feelings and needs. It seem the perfect article for this conversation and touches on many things spoken of on this thread. Check it out folks... The title of the article is Male Cross-Dressers in Therapy:A Solution-Focused Perspective for Marriage and Family Therapists
    We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time...
    T.S. Eliot Four Quartets

  25. #25
    maxi midi closets's Avatar
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    Feb 2018
    so your wife was considering a cd cruise, which means being out in public with you dressed. And yet she is really mad about some breast forms? there's a lot that can go into a female presentation, and so I'm guessing she isn't fully aware or isn't as accepting as you thought.

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