Do you think it can be risky?

[Kimberly A.]

Hey y'all!

Yep, I had another random thought. LOL Well, this one comes with a story..... Several times now while out and about dressed, I have been hit on by guys. Some asked for my phone number, others asked if I had a boyfriend, etc. So the other night while I was out dressed and at Walmart, I had already purchased everything and was out at my car, loading my purchases into it. A few parking lots over to my left and no cars between mine and the vehicle I'm referring to, there was a man who seemed to have locked himself out of his van, (he had been driving a big, white Ford van) and he was attempting to unlock the doors to his vehicle. He looked over at me and asked me if I had a boyfriend. I looked at him and said, "I'm married", which of course isn't true, but I do almost always wear a fake wedding and engagement to ring to hopefully throw off anyone who may try to hit on me, only I forgot to put on rings this time before I left home. LOL..... Anyway, he just kinda kept on and on, asked me if he could fix my windshield and I said, "No, thanks". I couldn't hardly hear everything that the man was saying, he was a few parking spots away from me and I am a little hard of hearing as it is. LOL But he was disappointed that I wouldn't give him the time of day..... Oh well, I expect he got over it. LOL

Anyway, the man did have what appeared to be a crowbar in his hand, trying to get his vehicle opened, (no, I don't believe he was trying to steal a vehicle, I had seen him there when I first arrived at Walmart and someone else was attempting to jump off his van). But that guy having a crowbar and sounding almost forceful, although he never did approach me, (thank goodness), made me a little nervous and intimidated. Although I do carry an item in my purse for protection while I'm out dressed especially with all of the civil unrest going on, I never want to have to utilize said item, but I will if I feel I have no other choice.

So with that said, I think it can be risky to be going out cross-dressed, although I'm not gonna stop anytime soon. What do y'all think? Do you think it's risky sometimes?

[Robertacd]

I was just taking about a similar situation the other day. A GG was telling a bunch of CD/TG how we don't know anything about being a woman. For instance going out alone alone after dark and putting our selves in situations GG's are basically raised to avoid.

It's only as risky as you allow it to be.

[Teresa]

Kimberly,
Up until a few days ago I would have agreed with Roberta until last week when I was approached by a dog walker with his wife . I walk my dog in open fields behind my home , my labrador is 12+ years old and struggles with arthritis , the wife of the guy had two aggressive dogs pulling on leads , as I walked by he asked why my dog wasn't on a lead , I told she didn't need to be on one so then persisted that what would happen if my dog attacked his dogs , I laughed at that and pointed at my dog saying she's hardly likely to attack anyone . At the same time his dogs were getting more aggressive and pulling harder on their leads , so I told him his dogs had more of a problem , at that he gave me a few explicit remarks and stepped towards me with a clenched fist , so I told him with to go walk his dogs elsewhere , his wife by this time was screaming at him to leave it and walk away , which eventually he did .

I have to admit even for my age and and appearing as Teresa I did feel that guy might become physical without his wife restraining him along with his dogs .

[KymG]

Kimberly,
Up until a few days ago I would have agreed with Roberta until last week when I was approached by a dog walker with his wife . I walk my dog in open fields behind my home , my labrador is 12+ years old and struggles with arthritis , the wife of the guy had two aggressive dogs pulling on leads , as I walked by he asked why my dog wasn't on a lead , I told she didn't need to be on one so then persisted that what would happen if my dog attacked his dogs , I laughed at that and pointed at my dog saying she's hardly likely to attack anyone . At the same time his dogs were getting more aggressive and pulling harder on their leads , so I told him his dogs had more of a problem , at that he gave me a few explicit remarks and stepped towards me with a clenched fist , so I told him with to go walk his dogs elsewhere , his wife by this time was screaming at him to leave it and walk away , which eventually he did .

I have to admit even for my age and and appearing as Teresa I did feel that guy might become physical without his wife restraining him along with his dogs .

Sorry to hear you had to put up with that Teresa. I hate those sort of people, and i would imagine they would begin a fight regardless of how one is dressed or presenting.

[Stephanie47]

Going back to Teresa's comment (#3) I think the dog walker was raising an issue. Sorry, I suspect there is more to this story. Where I live the law explicitly states a dog must be on a leash/lead when not on your own property. There are enclosed dog parks for large and small dogs to mingle and run free. I walk my son's dog frequently. He has no interest in mingling with other dogs, but, does show too much interest in raccoons and squirrels. If your dog is not on a leash you basically cannot control what may happen. One of my former co-workers had a dog that was very territorial and killed any dog that came onto its property. It was trained to not go off its property, which did nothing for any dog wandering in innocently. What would you have been able to do if your dog had gone up to his dogs and unintentionally provoke an aggressive response. Basically, nothing.

To me, Teresa, your words may have elicited a threatening response which was out of proportion to the situation. Because you did not state it, so I don't know if his retort was about sexual identity issues or your attitude.

Last year a family pit bull race out into a street right in front of my car. No chance at all to brake. Dead dog. And, the owner is responsible under the law for any damage to my car of which there was to some splash panels. Leashes are there for the unexpected.

As to the general subject all one has to do is ask the wives of their personal experiences. My wife has been accosted many times when she was younger. Many males think their uncouth behavior is a right. My wife yelled at a group of construction workers for accosting her with the question thrown in their faces; "How would you like it if your daughter or wife was treated in the manner you're treating women passing by?" We have had a neighbor accused on being a prostitute while waiting for her husband to pick her up outside a hair salon. Soaking wet hair and all.

Frankly, it's a tough world being a woman.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
Sorry but you're way off the mark , these are open fields with no restrictions , the dog owner had apparently been intimidating other single dog walkers and one of his dogs is a banned breed in the UK . It must be some joke suggesting my language was threatening or intimidating , I actually saw his wife first and said good morning to her , he then appeared from his car and began the conversation . Anyone could have seen my dog was unlikely to attack man or beast , when I pointed out his dogs appeared to have a problem he then started his foul language , so I told him to go and walk his dogs elsewhere . At that he took some steps towards me with clenched fists and his wife started to scream at him to walk away . The man obvioulsy has a problem , aggressive people do appear to have aggressive dogs , I really felt sorry for his wife , I'm so glad she was there .

I had to smile as they walked away because I heard him say to his wife , " Silly cow !" So he acknowledged me as female , worryingly he was still prepared to possibly attack me .

[AngelaYVR]

I once had to deal with some idiot tow truck driver mistaking me for someone else who “had cost him” and he refused to stop following and harassing me. Now this angry man was 8 inches shorter than me and I could have ended the whole altercation very swiftly but instead I took out my phone, snapped his photo and then told him I was calling the police. He scarpered very swiftly after that!

[wendy]

I would have to say yes it can be risky CDing and heading out.

One event that I will never forget : this was years ago when I just wore women's clothes, no make up, no hips/butt pads, no breastforms. Wig was only a costume wig.

On one evening in late fall, my wife was taking an evening course at the University so I thought this was a perfect time for Wendy to take an evening walk. Because it was late fall, it was dark early on, so I thought I would use the cover of night to hide my male features. So I got dressed up in my wife's sweater and pants (yes I wore a bra and pantys underneath, those were mine), put on my costume wig, and out I went for a walk up and down the block. There was no one else out so it was quiet and peaceful.

As I was headed home, I see this white 4 door Buick pass me by. I didn't think much of it, but noted it turned into the alley down by my house. I finish my walk and go home. As it came close to picking up my wife from University, I change back into drab mode. I go out, start my truck, and pull out of my garage.

What do I see parked close to our back fence ? That same white 4 door Buick that passed me early on. God knows what he was doing behind our fence. Since I was in a pickup, in theory I could look down to see who was in the vehicle, but unfortunately, our back door flood light was still on and blinded me so I couldn't see into the car.

I drive off and in my rear view mirror I could see him drive off too.

To me, that was scary, I would have to estimate that the buick drove past me at least an hour before, so he was probably staring into our house for that amount of time. I don't even want to think what he was doing in his car either (gross).

[suzanne]

There are places women don't go, ever. Places they go only in groups, and places they don't go while dfessed in a certain way. Maybe thats wrong, that people should be totally free to be themselves. But that's not the world we live in today. Maybe some day. But until then, observe where the women go or ddon't go, do or don't do, dress or don't dress, and go with that.

[Marianne S]

The SA then told me about a female SA friend in the store who did approach a couple to ask if they minded wearing masks , the guy turned and punched her in the face .

This is absolutely disgusting, Teresa. Did they catch this SOB? If they did, I would hope the magistrates socked him with the full six months in jail for such a vicious assault. Or is that too much to hope for these days?

Too bad that Teresa was threatened by the nasty man, plus his nasty dogs. Holster in plain site a big ole can of pepper spray as a deterrent?

Unfortunately Teresa lives in the UK, so when it comes to pepper spray, "Best of British luck!" as they say over there. Pepper spray has been completely illegal there since as long ago as 1968.

Which is silly really, when we consider that pepper spray is least a non-lethal form of defense, unlike some others. The following site states that owning pepper spray is illegal in most of Europe, though for the benefit of our European members, it lists countries where it is and isn't legal.

As a matter of interest, as that site also mentions, there was a public outcry in Denmark in 2016 when a teenage girl who used pepper spray to protect herself from a sexual assault was faced with a fine of 50 pounds. (The reason a U.S. site cited a Danish fine in pounds, rather than dollars or krone, is probably because they got this news from the British Daily Telegraph. However, in theory the fine could have been as much as 5,000 krone, around 600 pounds or $800. I don't know the final disposition of the case.) The Copenhagen Post reported at the time that increasing numbers of Danes were traveling to Germany to buy pepper spray, where it was legal.

Anyway, as one contributor to that site stated, pepper spray was made legal in Denmark in January 2019. That may well demonstrate the power of public opinion, in Denmark at least. What he didn't say is that their law is still a mess, because it only permits people to possess pepper spray for defense inside their own home--which of course is where they're least likely to be attacked. I have no doubt the law will be widely flouted, as laws are here in the U.S., by people carrying pepper spray outside the home. They'll think it's better to risk a fine than a serious assault. Moreover, possession is only legal for those 18 and over, so the girl in that earlier incident, who was only 17, would still risk a fine.

It has also been pointed out that if a woman, for instance, uses illegally carried pepper spray to fend off a sexual assault. she's less likely to report the attack to police and incur a fine, thus forfeiting the opportunity to catch the offender. Apparently Danish law provides for people considered "especially vulnerable" to apply to the police for permission to carry pepper spray outside the home--but then I imagine scads of people will do just that, and who's going to judge who's "vulnerable" and who isn't? I really don't know why they bother with all these restrictions and expensive bureaucracy. They ought to follow the "KISS principle." Just legalize it and done with it!

[Stephanie47]

Teresa, you misread my comment. My comment was your words may have elicited a threatening response, not that your comment was threatening. I will stand by my comment that having a dog on a leash/lead also offers control and safety of your dog. I've seen "family" dogs tear off chucks of a toddler face and by a breed with no negative history. And, while your dog may not be anything but friendly and inquisitive, it may be 'dead meat' to that man's dogs. Sometimes dogs do more than smell each other's butt.

[sugababe]

She said her dog struggles with Arthritis that's why she didn't put it on a leash.
The dog is in pain.





[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

I have been in more then a dozen different incidents because of dressing and just being in a place where gangs activity is peaking.

In Hollywood the gangs started robbing tourists.
I witnessed a guy with his girlfriend get robbed for his iPhone. He dropped it and I went around the corner and called the police from the phone booth.they sell these stolen items like watches and phones on 7th/ Avarado in downtown Los Angeles It's a Covid hot spot with the crowds of street vendors and people.
There where so many clubs but many have shut down.
The police finally got control of and identified the gangs that was robbing tourist and now it's back safe again.

Learn to Parry a punch will save you most of the time.to Parry a punch just slap it down and are away from you.
Can I tell you that testing your defense skills on the street gives me a rush but I rather not deal with a incident.
Earrings can tear your ear,high heels make balance more difficult, sandals do not give you a good foundation for self-defence,corsets restrictions stop you from putting maximum power in your punches/kicks.

[kimdl93]

I’m not sure being cross dressed was the risk factor in these situations. There is always a risk when dealing with strangers, particularly an oddball holding a tire wrench in a walmart parking lot. That one sounds creepy.

The other observation I’d make is that daylight is our friend. Cross dressers often seem to prefer the night and isolation. those are two preconditions increasing the likelihood of being preyed upon. The real fun of being out is the pleasure of being active in the real world and interacting with real people.

[LydiaL]

One might assume that a person carrying a crowbar or pry bar in a parking lot is up to no good. Best to get away from such a situation as quickly as possible. And about "fixing" your windshield? Strange! But alert the lot security patrol, if spotted, as you drive away.

Too bad that Teresa was threatened by the nasty man, plus his nasty dogs. Holster in plain site a big ole can of pepper spray as a deterrent?

[DianeT]

Bracing oneself in a brassiere...
Kim your story seems to confirm that anyone dressed as a female, whatever gender they are, are a potential prey for men. I don't go out so not concerned, but frankly it would drive me mad. That male dark side revealed.

[Sandi Beech]

Hey Kimberly

I have been out dressed at night many times and never had any really serious problems that I could not handle; however, I will say this. If you have ever been on the receiving end of violence, it will change your outlook and make you much more keenly aware of your surroundings. When I was in college I was attacked for no reason by 4 individuals who proceeded to kick me in the head until I blacked out. I did not dress up back then. Anyhow, I really had a hard time going out by myself at night for a long time. I am now much more wary of surroundings and will leave if an environment seems risky.

Sandi

[KimberlyJean]

A couple of months ago I was grocery shopping at the local Walmart marketplace, as I was walking down the main aisle this guy just pushes his cart/buggy in front of me blocking my way. He was looking directly at me with look like what was I going to do about his power over me. So I turned left and went down the aisle that was there and left him standing there. I was wondering how many times he has done that to other people and what kind of reaction he was expecting.

[char GG]

Kimberly,

A guy with a crowbar (and a van) is very scary. Especially when it's after dark. I'm glad everything turned out ok.

I live in a small area that is considered pretty safe. However, I never go to malls, Walmart, or other stores alone after dark. If I can't go during the day, I don't go. I've occasionally been approached for hand-outs for during the day, but it's easier just to get in my car and leave.

A few years back, there were some opportunists in our area who would hide under the larger, high vehicles in parking lots to rob people who were coming back to their cars after getting groceries. After dark, it was almost impossible to notice them. It's so much easier to scan your surroundings during the day to hopefully avoid problems.

[GracieRose]

A guy with a white van and a crowbar in a Walmart parking lot trying to pick up a woman. What could go wrong?
I think that alarm bells should have been going off in your head. If you were a GG, your mother would have warned you about situations like that.

[Micki_Finn]

Welcome to womanhood.

[Jean 103]

For you yes.

Step back and ask yourself what a woman would do?

Yes all women are different, but answering some idiot yelling at you is not something most would do. Most walk around with blinders on.

Than I know women that will tear a guy a new one for whistling at them.

Men are pigs. I start here and see is they prove me wrong.

I met my current boyfriend at walmart. He asked for my number.

I feel I should add I have lots of guy friends. Mostly SOs of friends and guys I play pool with. I have only had one of these guys ask for my number, yes the answer was no, he is a pig as he was the SO of a close friend.

A guy asking for your number is looking for one thing.

[Brandi Christine]

In my ongoing discussions with my wife about my crossdressing one of the things she wants me to give up is my walks, I only dress when away for work, and some of that travel is one of Arizona's national parks. One of the things I really look forward to is walking outside dressed up at night, she is afraid for my safety, I have never felt at risk but maybe a little apprehensive, it is different as a female.

[Cheryl T]

In my ongoing discussions with my wife about my crossdressing one of the things she wants me to give up is my walks, I only dress when away for work, and some of that travel is one of Arizona's national parks. One of the things I really look forward to is walking outside dressed up at night, she is afraid for my safety, I have never felt at risk but maybe a little apprehensive, it is different as a female.

Your comment reminded me of what my wife said when we began going out and going to support group meetings.
She said she wanted to be with me when I went out dressed. As she put it "even if it's just to call 9 1 1". She had the thought that there could be risk involved and that someone might take offense to me being dressed as a woman.
I had to remind her that I was the only one with a cell phone at the time and that it was in My purse. We laughed at that but she still felt better if she was with me, which was just fine with me.

[Paulie Birmingham]

I am a 250 lb certified self defense instructor and black belt. There are situations I walk away from. Situational awareness and preparedness is key whether you are a CD, gg or male.

How many beat downs or worse have we seen lately bc of confrontations over wearing a mask by both men and women? You tube is full.of videos of men and women behaving bad.

I still warn my wife and she can handle herself better than most people.

[GretchenM]

I agree fully with others that it was likely an unsafe situation you were in. It is good you said you are married, but with some nuts that doesn't matter. Good you left. Maybe it was actually safe; maybe not. Don't push your luck.

In a support group I was in years ago for newbies to the trans world (i.e. those who had recently come out) we were taught by those who had transitioned that the best policy is to learn what women do (read Char's post) and then double it. GG's usually don't need to be very wary of possible "tranny chasers." We do. Night time alone is dangerous most everywhere for a female or someone emulating a female. Size and strength doesn't really matter that much. Never go dressed to a place a woman would not go to. Etc. Crossdressing can be a dangerous life style if you try to apply male criteria of safety when dressed as a woman.

In your situation, be pleasant and empathetic, but leave as quickly as possible. He asked if you had a boyfriend which means he obviously did not consider you capable of helping him. That is misogynistic in its own right. You might have actually been an auto mechanic - some women are. So he immediately assumes you know nothing. That is the sign of a person who is likely up to no good.