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Thread: Do you think it can be risky?

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    Do you think it can be risky?

    Hey y'all!

    Yep, I had another random thought. LOL Well, this one comes with a story..... Several times now while out and about dressed, I have been hit on by guys. Some asked for my phone number, others asked if I had a boyfriend, etc. So the other night while I was out dressed and at Walmart, I had already purchased everything and was out at my car, loading my purchases into it. A few parking lots over to my left and no cars between mine and the vehicle I'm referring to, there was a man who seemed to have locked himself out of his van, (he had been driving a big, white Ford van) and he was attempting to unlock the doors to his vehicle. He looked over at me and asked me if I had a boyfriend. I looked at him and said, "I'm married", which of course isn't true, but I do almost always wear a fake wedding and engagement to ring to hopefully throw off anyone who may try to hit on me, only I forgot to put on rings this time before I left home. LOL..... Anyway, he just kinda kept on and on, asked me if he could fix my windshield and I said, "No, thanks". I couldn't hardly hear everything that the man was saying, he was a few parking spots away from me and I am a little hard of hearing as it is. LOL But he was disappointed that I wouldn't give him the time of day..... Oh well, I expect he got over it. LOL

    Anyway, the man did have what appeared to be a crowbar in his hand, trying to get his vehicle opened, (no, I don't believe he was trying to steal a vehicle, I had seen him there when I first arrived at Walmart and someone else was attempting to jump off his van). But that guy having a crowbar and sounding almost forceful, although he never did approach me, (thank goodness), made me a little nervous and intimidated. Although I do carry an item in my purse for protection while I'm out dressed especially with all of the civil unrest going on, I never want to have to utilize said item, but I will if I feel I have no other choice.

    So with that said, I think it can be risky to be going out cross-dressed, although I'm not gonna stop anytime soon. What do y'all think? Do you think it's risky sometimes?
    Last edited by Di; 10-06-2020 at 11:26 AM. Reason: Why add race to it? Not appropriate
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  2. #2
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    I was just taking about a similar situation the other day. A GG was telling a bunch of CD/TG how we don't know anything about being a woman. For instance going out alone alone after dark and putting our selves in situations GG's are basically raised to avoid.

    It's only as risky as you allow it to be.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 10-06-2020 at 09:36 PM.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Kimberly,
    Up until a few days ago I would have agreed with Roberta until last week when I was approached by a dog walker with his wife . I walk my dog in open fields behind my home , my labrador is 12+ years old and struggles with arthritis , the wife of the guy had two aggressive dogs pulling on leads , as I walked by he asked why my dog wasn't on a lead , I told she didn't need to be on one so then persisted that what would happen if my dog attacked his dogs , I laughed at that and pointed at my dog saying she's hardly likely to attack anyone . At the same time his dogs were getting more aggressive and pulling harder on their leads , so I told him his dogs had more of a problem , at that he gave me a few explicit remarks and stepped towards me with a clenched fist , so I told him with to go walk his dogs elsewhere , his wife by this time was screaming at him to leave it and walk away , which eventually he did .

    I have to admit even for my age and and appearing as Teresa I did feel that guy might become physical without his wife restraining him along with his dogs .
    The real me ,no going back.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    I’m not sure being cross dressed was the risk factor in these situations. There is always a risk when dealing with strangers, particularly an oddball holding a tire wrench in a walmart parking lot. That one sounds creepy.

    The other observation I’d make is that daylight is our friend. Cross dressers often seem to prefer the night and isolation. those are two preconditions increasing the likelihood of being preyed upon. The real fun of being out is the pleasure of being active in the real world and interacting with real people.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  5. #5
    Member LydiaL's Avatar
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    One might assume that a person carrying a crowbar or pry bar in a parking lot is up to no good. Best to get away from such a situation as quickly as possible. And about "fixing" your windshield? Strange! But alert the lot security patrol, if spotted, as you drive away.

    Too bad that Teresa was threatened by the nasty man, plus his nasty dogs. Holster in plain site a big ole can of pepper spray as a deterrent?

  6. #6
    Member KymG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Kimberly,
    Up until a few days ago I would have agreed with Roberta until last week when I was approached by a dog walker with his wife . I walk my dog in open fields behind my home , my labrador is 12+ years old and struggles with arthritis , the wife of the guy had two aggressive dogs pulling on leads , as I walked by he asked why my dog wasn't on a lead , I told she didn't need to be on one so then persisted that what would happen if my dog attacked his dogs , I laughed at that and pointed at my dog saying she's hardly likely to attack anyone . At the same time his dogs were getting more aggressive and pulling harder on their leads , so I told him his dogs had more of a problem , at that he gave me a few explicit remarks and stepped towards me with a clenched fist , so I told him with to go walk his dogs elsewhere , his wife by this time was screaming at him to leave it and walk away , which eventually he did .

    I have to admit even for my age and and appearing as Teresa I did feel that guy might become physical without his wife restraining him along with his dogs .
    Sorry to hear you had to put up with that Teresa. I hate those sort of people, and i would imagine they would begin a fight regardless of how one is dressed or presenting.

  7. #7
    Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Bracing oneself in a brassiere...
    Kim your story seems to confirm that anyone dressed as a female, whatever gender they are, are a potential prey for men. I don't go out so not concerned, but frankly it would drive me mad. That male dark side revealed.
    Last edited by DianeT; 10-06-2020 at 03:37 PM.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Hey Kimberly

    I have been out dressed at night many times and never had any really serious problems that I could not handle; however, I will say this. If you have ever been on the receiving end of violence, it will change your outlook and make you much more keenly aware of your surroundings. When I was in college I was attacked for no reason by 4 individuals who proceeded to kick me in the head until I blacked out. I did not dress up back then. Anyhow, I really had a hard time going out by myself at night for a long time. I am now much more wary of surroundings and will leave if an environment seems risky.

    Sandi

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member KimberlyJean's Avatar
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    A couple of months ago I was grocery shopping at the local Walmart marketplace, as I was walking down the main aisle this guy just pushes his cart/buggy in front of me blocking my way. He was looking directly at me with look like what was I going to do about his power over me. So I turned left and went down the aisle that was there and left him standing there. I was wondering how many times he has done that to other people and what kind of reaction he was expecting.

  10. #10
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Kimberly,

    A guy with a crowbar (and a van) is very scary. Especially when it's after dark. I'm glad everything turned out ok.

    I live in a small area that is considered pretty safe. However, I never go to malls, Walmart, or other stores alone after dark. If I can't go during the day, I don't go. I've occasionally been approached for hand-outs for during the day, but it's easier just to get in my car and leave.

    A few years back, there were some opportunists in our area who would hide under the larger, high vehicles in parking lots to rob people who were coming back to their cars after getting groceries. After dark, it was almost impossible to notice them. It's so much easier to scan your surroundings during the day to hopefully avoid problems.
    Last edited by char GG; 10-06-2020 at 09:13 PM.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    A guy with a white van and a crowbar in a Walmart parking lot trying to pick up a woman. What could go wrong?
    I think that alarm bells should have been going off in your head. If you were a GG, your mother would have warned you about situations like that.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Welcome to womanhood.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    For you yes.

    Step back and ask yourself what a woman would do?

    Yes all women are different, but answering some idiot yelling at you is not something most would do. Most walk around with blinders on.

    Than I know women that will tear a guy a new one for whistling at them.

    Men are pigs. I start here and see is they prove me wrong.

    I met my current boyfriend at walmart. He asked for my number.

    I feel I should add I have lots of guy friends. Mostly SOs of friends and guys I play pool with. I have only had one of these guys ask for my number, yes the answer was no, he is a pig as he was the SO of a close friend.

    A guy asking for your number is looking for one thing.
    Last edited by Jean 103; 10-07-2020 at 01:17 AM.

  14. #14
    Member Brandi Christine's Avatar
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    In my ongoing discussions with my wife about my crossdressing one of the things she wants me to give up is my walks, I only dress when away for work, and some of that travel is one of Arizona's national parks. One of the things I really look forward to is walking outside dressed up at night, she is afraid for my safety, I have never felt at risk but maybe a little apprehensive, it is different as a female.
    ...Damsel in distress.
    Not exactly natural, Stunning none the less...

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  15. #15
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    I am a 250 lb certified self defense instructor and black belt. There are situations I walk away from. Situational awareness and preparedness is key whether you are a CD, gg or male.

    How many beat downs or worse have we seen lately bc of confrontations over wearing a mask by both men and women? You tube is full.of videos of men and women behaving bad.

    I still warn my wife and she can handle herself better than most people.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    I agree fully with others that it was likely an unsafe situation you were in. It is good you said you are married, but with some nuts that doesn't matter. Good you left. Maybe it was actually safe; maybe not. Don't push your luck.

    In a support group I was in years ago for newbies to the trans world (i.e. those who had recently come out) we were taught by those who had transitioned that the best policy is to learn what women do (read Char's post) and then double it. GG's usually don't need to be very wary of possible "tranny chasers." We do. Night time alone is dangerous most everywhere for a female or someone emulating a female. Size and strength doesn't really matter that much. Never go dressed to a place a woman would not go to. Etc. Crossdressing can be a dangerous life style if you try to apply male criteria of safety when dressed as a woman.

    In your situation, be pleasant and empathetic, but leave as quickly as possible. He asked if you had a boyfriend which means he obviously did not consider you capable of helping him. That is misogynistic in its own right. You might have actually been an auto mechanic - some women are. So he immediately assumes you know nothing. That is the sign of a person who is likely up to no good.

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Kimberly,
    I can add another story of staying safe .

    I was in Boots buying my makeup , we were both wearing masks when a young couple breezed by not wearing masks and totally oblivious to other shoppers . I had the discussion with the SA about me respecting her by wearing one which she gave me the thumbs up to but then I added SAs aren't allowed to approach shoppers ignoring the rules . The SA then told me about a female SA friend in the store who did approach a couple to ask if they minded wearing masks , the guy turned and punched her in the face .

    It is a sad state of affairs when the woman should have been safe is treated like that in a busy store in broad daylight .
    The real me ,no going back.

  18. #18
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    I almost never go out at night. Virtually all my en femme excursions have been during the day. The rare exceptions have been to crowded places like casinos, popular restaurants and the Las Vegas strip. Daylight is your friend. Crowds are your friend.

    Even so, I’ve been pestered by quite a few obnoxious men. I pretend I don’t notice them, but I’ve had men block my path making them Impossible to ignore. I don’t feel that I handle obnoxious men very well, but it’s part of the price you have to pay for being a woman.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    The "thrill" that some crossdressers get from going out in the world is often, at least in part, the adrenaline rush from the possibility of being "caught". That rush can be heightened by other dangers, like darkness and solitude, or scary men with crowbars. Trust me, as a lifelong adrenaline junkie, I am intimately familiar with "the rush". I don't get it from being myself in public, but I completely understand the drive. There is a point, however, where personal safety has to be considered.

    Much is made here, of the accounts of violence against TG women. Compared to the numbers around violence against all women, those numbers fall to insignificance. Women are, sadly, commonly victimized. The advice that several have given, to view risk from a woman's perspective, can not be more apt.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
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  20. #20
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    If you mean can being out dressed as a woman be risky, than yes, of course it can be.
    It can be risky just being out in public these days if you watch the news. People being punched and hit with objects for no reason, for "fun". Life is risky.
    Presenting as a woman adds to that risk. Woman are seen as vulnerable by those who would do harm. In some cases being recognized as a CD causes additional risk from those that are homophobic as well.

    As women we must be aware of situations that place us at risk. Being alone in dark or secluded areas at night, being in unsafe areas at any time of day. There is safety in numbers, so even though we may prefer to avoid crowds that may expose our true nature they also provide some protection. We need to be Aware at all times, just as you should be when not dressed.
    We cannot go about our business oblivious to the world around us. Those days are gone forever. The world is a different place than it was 20 years ago.

    When we go out (in either mode) I always sit with a view of the front door, we sit away from the windows and I always watch everyone in the building. It's not that I'm paranoid, it's that I'm Aware.
    Don't walk to your car in the Walmart lot and watch your car, look around and watch everyone. I'm not saying stare, but scan. Things that are unusual will stand out if you are aware. It's simple things like these that reduce risk.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  21. #21
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    The risk to women is why in West Hartford CT, people were encouraged to take walks at West Farms mall before the stores open, where there is plenty of security in the form of cameras and police patrols.

  22. #22
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    Going back to Teresa's comment (#3) I think the dog walker was raising an issue. Sorry, I suspect there is more to this story. Where I live the law explicitly states a dog must be on a leash/lead when not on your own property. There are enclosed dog parks for large and small dogs to mingle and run free. I walk my son's dog frequently. He has no interest in mingling with other dogs, but, does show too much interest in raccoons and squirrels. If your dog is not on a leash you basically cannot control what may happen. One of my former co-workers had a dog that was very territorial and killed any dog that came onto its property. It was trained to not go off its property, which did nothing for any dog wandering in innocently. What would you have been able to do if your dog had gone up to his dogs and unintentionally provoke an aggressive response. Basically, nothing.

    To me, Teresa, your words may have elicited a threatening response which was out of proportion to the situation. Because you did not state it, so I don't know if his retort was about sexual identity issues or your attitude.

    Last year a family pit bull race out into a street right in front of my car. No chance at all to brake. Dead dog. And, the owner is responsible under the law for any damage to my car of which there was to some splash panels. Leashes are there for the unexpected.

    As to the general subject all one has to do is ask the wives of their personal experiences. My wife has been accosted many times when she was younger. Many males think their uncouth behavior is a right. My wife yelled at a group of construction workers for accosting her with the question thrown in their faces; "How would you like it if your daughter or wife was treated in the manner you're treating women passing by?" We have had a neighbor accused on being a prostitute while waiting for her husband to pick her up outside a hair salon. Soaking wet hair and all.

    Frankly, it's a tough world being a woman.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Kimberly A.'s Avatar
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    Thank you all so much for the replies, comments and advice.

    Of course, even before I ever went out en femme, I had a good idea of the risks. I know that GG's as well as transgenders and cross-dressers are often harassed and attacked, a lot of times at night but of course, that can happen in broad daylight as well and it is very unfortunate for that to happen to anyone.

    A couple of other stories that I wanted to share..... If memory serves, the first time I was hit on while dressed, I was inside Walmart, looking at bras. A man approached me in the bra and panty section, asked my name, I said "Kimberly" and he asked for my phone number. I said, "Um, no", he said, "Are you sure?" and I just said, "Yes, I'm sure". All he said was, "A'ight then", then walked away and that was the end of that. On another occasion at the same Walmart right after I walked in, grabbed a cart and was wiping it down with sanitizing wipes, (this was after the Covid pandemic had started), a guy comes up to me and extended his hand to shake mine..... I looked at him like he was nuts, then I just femininly, (if that's even a word LOL) put my hands up and said, "Uh, no". Then, he walked away. THAT guy, I believe was only trying to be friendly, but I did think he was a bit nuts for trying to shake the hand of a stranger with Covid-19 running rampant. LOL Then on another occasion as I was about to get back into my car in a mall parking lot, (this was in broad daylight, mind you), a man was walking through the parking lot, saw me about to get into my car and asked for my phone number..... I said, "Hell no" and he just kept on walking.

    But yes, ladies, I do understand the risks of being out in public en femme, especially at night. That's why I park in well-lit areas and I always try to be aware of my surroundings. I served in the military, U.S. Air Force to be exact and I was taught to always be aware of my surroundings. The guy with the crowbar and van that I had a brief encounter with, maybe he had ill intentions, maybe he didn't. But I was, of course wary of the shady-looking character and that's why I didn't say much to him at all and also why I quickly got my purchases into my car, got into my car rather quickly, locked the doors as soon as I got in and drove off..... All the while, I was making sure that the guy wasn't approaching me.

    I'm also aware that sometimes, (although I've never seen it first-hand), people will hide underneath a person's car, wait for them to come back to their car, then they take a knife and slice their achilles tendon or otherwise somehow injure their foot or leg, then make off with their vehicle, wallet, purse, money, IDs, etc. Now granted, that's like a worst-case scenario, but still I hear that that happens sometimes. So therefore, I always try to remember to make a glance under my car as I approach it to make sure that no one is underneath it.

    Also of course, I know that it is a possibility that I could be attacked at any time, whether it be during the day, at night or in a well-lit area and that is why I carry a certain item in my purse for protection. I will not say what that item is, as I've read in the rules that it's illegal here to discuss such things, but I'm sure y'all have a good idea of what I'm referring to. LOL..... That's also why I said in my original post that I hope I never have to utilize said item.
    Last edited by Kimberly A.; 10-07-2020 at 11:15 AM.
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

  24. #24
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Stephanie,
    Sorry but you're way off the mark , these are open fields with no restrictions , the dog owner had apparently been intimidating other single dog walkers and one of his dogs is a banned breed in the UK . It must be some joke suggesting my language was threatening or intimidating , I actually saw his wife first and said good morning to her , he then appeared from his car and began the conversation . Anyone could have seen my dog was unlikely to attack man or beast , when I pointed out his dogs appeared to have a problem he then started his foul language , so I told him to go and walk his dogs elsewhere . At that he took some steps towards me with clenched fists and his wife started to scream at him to walk away . The man obvioulsy has a problem , aggressive people do appear to have aggressive dogs , I really felt sorry for his wife , I'm so glad she was there .

    I had to smile as they walked away because I heard him say to his wife , " Silly cow !" So he acknowledged me as female , worryingly he was still prepared to possibly attack me .
    Last edited by Teresa; 10-07-2020 at 11:47 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  25. #25
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    I once had to deal with some idiot tow truck driver mistaking me for someone else who “had cost him” and he refused to stop following and harassing me. Now this angry man was 8 inches shorter than me and I could have ended the whole altercation very swiftly but instead I took out my phone, snapped his photo and then told him I was calling the police. He scarpered very swiftly after that!

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