Busted ! I guess I should have learned more about my new iPhone.

[nicole01r]

My wife just saw the pictures I posted here a few week ago. See I just got a new iPhone, well a hand me down from my daughter. I don?t think I have ever had a new phone but get all the old ones when my wife or daughters get n the new ones. Anyways I have been using this phone for about 4 months and took the pictures and then posted and thought that I had deleted them off of the iPhone only to learn that there is also a RECENTLY DELETED FOLDER that keeps them for so many days and then counts down the days until it permanently deletes them for good but you can also go into the folder and delete them right away . So I bought a new iPad to replace an old tablet for my wife and went to activate it and the screen says use your iPhone to activate it. So I did not knowing that it will basically transfer all my data to the iPad including that recently deleted file. So I finish and hand it over to my wife and about ten minutes later she hands it back and says you need to delete some pictures right away. I looked and that?s when I found out about that stupid file. Oh well guess I should have learned more about iPhones. About an hr passed and that?s when it started, the I thought you had stopped years ago and now you are out in the daylight, where do you go. I tried to research about this years ago and again now but she refuses to talk right now saying go sleep in another room don?t touch me, are you trying to confuse me, and have not talked or acknowledged me for the last 2 days. Up until the kids were born she even bought me stuff. Let?s see what happens now! Nicole

[Rachelakld]

Sorry to hear about your situation and hope things get back to normal soon.

[DianeT]

Nicole are you going out without your wife knowing? Just asking. In a very old post you mentioned you had an arrangement as long as your wife didn't get involved. I am afraid the arrangement is off if you are hiding things.

[char GG]

Sorry for your situation.

It sounds like she thought you stopped CDing?

[Di]

My 2 cents when she does talk just be honest .
Good luck to you both.

[Helen_Highwater]

Nicole,

Yep it's that old new problem, technology that insists on being helpful and doing things for you that you don't want it to do.

How you deal with it only you can truly know as you're best positioned to assess the situation. The only advice I'd give is give it time and see what unfolds but use that time to know in your own mind what you want to say.. Unfortunately this usually means having to anticipate one of several scenarios so having a plan for each.

One other piece of advice, get an Android phone.

[DianeT]

One other piece of advice, get an Android phone.

An Android phone will make absolutely no difference.
Talking to the wife, on the other hand...

Quoting a recent post from Nicole:

All I have to do now it remember to change back to my male name before I use the apps with my wife or throw away a cup with Nicole on it. Imagine ordering and then look over and see Nicole on the screen with my wife next to me!! Nicole.

Sounds to me like playing with fire.
I see so many crossdressers playing games like this, I wonder if they like the thrill or secretly want to get caught. Either way, it would probably drive them nuts if their wife played half the same games against them.

[Miel GG]

Yep it's that old new problem, technology that insists on being helpful and doing things for you that you don't want it to do.

Or : Yep, it's just that old new problem, CD insist on being dishonest and doing things that the wife doesn't agree to.

Nicole : Your wife said she thought you stopped ! You need to have a discussion.

[Dutchess]

You know its been YEARS , almost 20 , since I caught my ex husband and I read this and got up to do something and had a terrible panic attack . Goodness , I had to lay down and breathe . BAD fight or flight situation. Finding out suddenly whether the first time or again later really badly freaks us out . I got an adrenaline surge like a burglar was in the house with me its so intense the feeling that suddenly you dont know who this is standing there in front of you .

Yes please be honest and if I can add , I know you are pretty worried about this but don't deny anything anymore . Her feelings , what she saw , what you do etc .. That makes it worse. My ex husband would gaslight the heck out of me hoping he could make it all go away .

[Crissy 107]

Nicole, Well you have already gotten a bunch of info from our GG’s so not much to add other then to think what you need to say and then bite the bullet. Do it soon so you can hopefully put it behind you.

[Stephanie47]

If you had a discussion and reached some negotiated boundaries with your wife you're on thin ice. There are two choices here. One, you indicated to your wife you ceased cross dressing. Or, two, you were very good at hiding everything and she assumed you stopped. I'd say it is one thing for a wife to find out you're dressing in-home when she is not around, and, it's another when she finds out you've been out driving around in dresses.

PS: I do like the prints on some of your dresses.

[Teresa]

Nicole,
Technology will out you no matter how careful you think you've been . I wonder how many divorces started over a similar situation ? " Delete "should be retitled " Hide me ! " Most stuff can be found in the right hands .

So how do you deal with it ? Obvioulsy it's not a new issue with your wife , she thought you had stopped because she told you to , guilt and shame again because you didn't . It's time for a talk because we all know this feeling doesn't go away , it's also time to think about where you want to go with this if you had the acceptance so you can work out some boundaries . It's really no use her burying her head in the sand as my wife did , it just puts off the inevitable . Most of us aren't basically dishonest people we are forced into this dilemma , we are aware of it's something a man isn't suppose to do , we're bound to lie about it . Counselling maybe the only way out if this issue can't be resolved , you can't live with suppression and deceit long term , it's mentally destructive .

I don't agree with Rachel because the damage is done now , things don't return to how they were .

[kimdl93]

Obviously, that is a difficult situation. Tech issues aside, I think your only option is to come out cleanly and completely....rip off the bandaid. Be honest and at the same time, don?t diminish yourself by being overly contrite. Apologize for hiding but do not apologize for being true to yourself.

[Jenn A116]

Not trying to attack on this one but the title of the thread is wrong. The situation is not about learning more about the technology. The situation is about being honest in your marriage.

[Maria 60]

Technology,technology,technology. My wife always asked me why I still use that old camera for Marias pictures and that I have many old I phones I could just use as a camera and take much better quality pictures. My kids favourite line is " delete doesn't always mean delete". I once posted something here a while ago and a few months later I was cleaning out some old files and "pow" there is was the picture of me fully dressed. I must have not deleted it and for some reason my I Pad is everyone's favourite to use, I guess because maybe they don't want me to find out what there hidding in there closet. When my kids phones break they go rummaging threw the old ones until there phone is up for a upgrade. That's why I don't take my wife's advice, I'm already hidding enough stuff and then to even worry about a phone.
I don't trust technology and we all know people can never get enough information they want more, just no privacy anymore.
I hope your wife comes around to at least talk to you so you can defend yourself and explain and hopefully you can be totally honest with her so she could trust again, in which I believe is why your in this position now. Good Luck and hope all goes well.

[nicole01r]

I think I need to clarify a few things in that my wife was aware of the fact that this might go never go away and even encouraged me by letting me go out at night and buying me items before kids. Now after kids everything was hidden by me but there was never any more talk, she never demanded or asked to stop or I never said this would end and in the end it should have been addressed but over the years she still knew after occasionally finding items left out by me and commenting that I need to be more careful. So in hindsight yes we both mostly ignored this part of our lives but the 30+ years of marriage have been very well and let’s see what’s next!

[josie_S]

I hope it gets sorted out for you and thanks for the update! But what you originally posted is my nightmare....I am overly cautious about that stuff! I think it comes from being raised and needing to hide...very detrimental as an adult trying to live my own life, but helpful in situations like you described. Good luck!

[docrobbysherry]

Hide, Cheat, and Lie will only wok for so long. Eventually, you'll likely be found out!

Remember, many spouses r more upset at being deceived than the actual act of crossdressing itself!

[Stephanie47]

Nicole, thanks for the clarifications. I can readily understand your relationship. The only difference between your relationship and mine is my wife and I have been married almost fifty years. Yes, my wife and I dabbled before kids in nightgowns and hosiery for me. The first kid came and she asked me to not wear a nightie as much. Ok! Then the second kid. Then that side of me went onto the back burner. Our young daughter at the age of three opened the bottom draw of my armoire and yanked out the only bra I owned at the time. My stash was contained in a large gift box; one bra, some slips, hosiery and a nightgown or two. "The Talk" ensued. Kinky bedroom fetish for nylon was replaced by more than she could handle. The end result? DADT. I was left alone. She wanted nothing to do with it. I could live with that. I call it the ostrich effect; stick head in the ground and ignore it. On occasion I have left an article of clothing out. Yes, my wife found the panty or bra, folded it and placed it out of sight on top of the clothes dryer behind a door. She has found my browser open to this site, and, told me I needed to be more careful less a visitor were to see it open. No screaming. No yelling. No tearing the house apart looking for feminine clothes which she realizes must be somewhere.

I suspect the discussion is going to get around to Sherry's comment; "Hide, cheat and lie."

If a wife wants nothing to do with her husband's cross dressing what is the alternative for her husband? Does he rub it in her face by getting dolled up and openly sit around in front of her? Or, show her all his feminine purchases? How does one approach a wife who declares she wants nothing to do with it? Is it hiding when the husband would gladly at least talk about the issue, but, she refuses? Is it cheating when he is told to "do your thing" which he does? Is it shocking if he actually follows her declarations? Yes, here we go again with the "lie of omission." A wife wants to know nothing, so how does one approach the issue? Don't bring up the discussion with extraneous issues; family budget, etc. Yes, if a husband is buying $250 shoes it is no different than a wife blowing a hole in the family budget.

I would suggest Nicole and her wife revisit the issue of boundaries and Nicole's needs. It may a difficult discussion, but, isn't that what marriage is all about anyway. It isn't all "peaches and cream."

[Sandi Beech]

Kind of a tough situation to be in. It is difficult to talk to someone about dressing when the SO already is aware you like dressing and wants to have nothing at all to do with it. Over the years having items occasionally found makes it apparent that dressing is still going on. A number of us with disapproving spouses have this little unwritten arrangement where she calls or texts when heading home. It is a subtle way of not surprising anyone if you know what I mean. For some of us, that is as far as we will ever get with our spouse. It seems Stephanie47 is in about the same boat as me as well. My wife will never give in, and I can not stop. So sneaking around is the only recourse sometimes.

I would just try to lay low for a while, and let her vent some. Do not make promises that you can not keep.


Sandi

[darla_g]

those kind of lessons are difficult to learn some times. I remember borrowing my daughter's camera one time using it during one of my dressing sessions and then deleting them when i was done.

Or at least i thought i had deleted them. It turns out on the file system of the camera it just changes one character of the filename so they seem like they are gone from the camera. But what happened was my wife took the little memory card and was going to print at the kiosk at the local Target. Well all of a sudden these pictures that i thought were deleted show up on the kiosk screen. My wife quietly told me what happened but she wasn't happy that she couldn't print my daughter's pictures.

So live and learn and thanks for Sharing

[mbmeen12]

Hide, Cheat, and Lie will only wok for so long. Eventually, you'll likely be found out!

Thank God, the Docs in the house.....wrote I was thinking....I beg all who value their love ones, be honest. They deserve the truth and you will be set free.

[Sandi Beech]

I hate to say but for some of us hiding is better than being in the open about it. The last time I tried wearing pantyhose and shorts in front of my wife, she threw the yogurt she was eating across the room and all over the carpet. So yes I hide my dressing. I would hate to see her really mad. Being open about it may work great for some, but it is not good advice for all of us.

Sandi

[sugababe]

I am grateful for the fact that Well a least she did not go for the typical "are you gay","do you wanna be a woman" questions.

I don't always remember why people in general think that because you crossdress you want to be a woman are and you are Gay and or want to experience sex with men .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Nicole , Sounds like you got yourself stuck between a Rock and a Hard place,

That is why I love my little Flip Phone, I wouldn't touch facebook with a 10' pole, >Orchid oooooo