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Thread: Now what??

  1. #1
    Brandi Brandie.n's Avatar
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    Jan 2014

    Now what??

    Last week on my birthday I came out to my friends and family and they all accepted me. I was later had a long conversation with my parents and assured them that this isnt a gay thing. I was told to keep it in my basement apt the reason for that is to ease everyone into the idea. If I showed up as Brandie one day it would shock ppl so i get it. Now that I am out free to dress no more hiding no more secrets no more dressing at night no more secret stash. With it all out in the open now I am kinda lost I dont know what to do I spent so long clandestine dressing. I dont know what the next step is so now what??
    Walk a mile in my..heels

  2. #2
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Feb 2005
    SouthEastern Ontario
    It is not a race but your own personal journey. So now what THAT is up to you. Does not even have to be anything more .
    Sometimes when you just feel free ........there is just that....... your feeling free to be and nothing more is needed .
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    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Brandie , Ok you are out there now , Just go slow and easy , >Orchid .oooo.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    The ball is very much in your court now , it's up to you to decide where you go from here , time to look at your own needs and where you want to go with it .

    Is it an enjoyable hobby or do you feel you have dysphoria ? If it is just a hobby then what is your reason to share it with other people , if you have dysphoria how much would you like to be accpepted as a woman , some of the time or fulltime ? Don't forget people knowing and the reality of seeing you is two different things , are you ready and comfortable to openly show them the reality ? I will also ask can you sustain it ? Going from hiding in the closet to full time is miles apart , as others have said you take it at your own pace , I sense you do want more , like the majority of us always do .
    Last edited by Teresa; 10-11-2020 at 05:26 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  5. #5
    Member Miel GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Savour the moment fully ! The people who are important to you have shown their love for you.
    Maybe you just have to realise that living as a clandestine wasn't as mandatory as you assumed ?

  6. #6
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Almost the Great White North...
    What do you want the next step to be? You were in the closet for a long time. Are you hoping to go beyond the confines of the basement, or is that satisfactory? Either way is fine. Its your choice.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    May 2013
    Central Coast, CA
    It's simple, Life, or maybe not so much.

    As they say the sky is the limit. Take some time to answer the question, how do you want to spend the rest of your life?

    This should give give you some direction.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Take it slow and easy - use the baby steps so many of us use. Be patient and respectful and responsive to the feelings of others. Essentially, be yourself and follow your own star with a slow progression to allow time for others to adjust to this major change. It will take time, but it will likely have a wonderful outcome. And stay connected here on this forum - we are here to support and help you.

  9. #9
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Southern Illinois
    Congratulations for your courage and honesty...two very important items. I believe in the long run, you will be happier. I suggest moving forward slowly as there are still adjustments that will have to be made by all. I experienced the same things you?re going through when I told my wife. The gay/bi issue came up immediately, but with problem. It took some time on both our parts to reach a comfort zone. This happened years ago and it?s all worked out. She?s been my support, teacher..I?ve learned a lot as has she taught me a lot. Neither of us understand the pink fog, but it?s clearly here. We keep a great sense of humor. She will never understand my love of hose, underwires, heels, etc. and she used to do some fashion modeling. It?s a sign of the times, I guess.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    There are several ways to go from here. Perhaps you can develop a personal style. You may want to study up on what colors and styles make you look good.

    Another way to go is to look into breast forms and hip padding. Breast forms can be purchased inexpensively and discreetly via Amazon, or through specialty shops that can offer expert advice on what you should get.

    Or maybe you should just take some time out and let it all sink in. And give the others around you time to adapt. The biggest mistake is getting too wrapped up in yourself and forgetting about those around you.

    Last edited by Maid_Marion; 10-11-2020 at 09:12 AM.

  11. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Quote Originally Posted by Brandie.n View Post
    I dont know what the next step is so now what??
    Well the next step is living your life without the fear of being caught, silly.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    Southern California
    That’s a question for you. Can you really not think of anything you want to do? If not, maybe it was the sneaking around that you enjoyed more than the dressing.

  13. #13
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Midlands UK

    Am I right in thinking you're living with your parents but in a basement apartment? If that's the case then I can understand to a point their comments about no reveals but it seems to me that one of the options open to you is spending (more?) time in the wider world.

    Perhaps one of the first things you need to do is agree to at least let them see you dressed at least once just in case it occurs by accident and creates that awkward moment were no-one knows how to react.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  14. #14
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Northern California
    How brave of you to come out to family and friends with whom you're close. You're asking an important question and it seems Micki has distilled things quite simply.

    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    That?s a question for you. Can you really not think of anything you want to do? If not, maybe it was the sneaking around that you enjoyed more than the dressing.
    I'm certainly not alone in feeling the rush of excitement that comes simply from doing something in secret with the fear of exposure never far away. I know for me, telling a few friends about what I'm doing was significant. Dressing as I do without the fear of discovery changes my relationship with the behavior quite dramatically. I'm exploring the feelings inside more. Perhaps you'll continue as you have in the past but with a fresh sense of self-discovery. From there the question of what comes next may become clear for you. As Di says, this is a process rather than an end state. This is your life unfolding. The best to you on your journey.
    We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time...
    T.S. Eliot Four Quartets

  15. #15
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Orange County, California
    Brandi, you said, "....keep it in my basement apt the reason for that is to ease everyone into the idea." How do all or any of you plan to do that? Any agreement with your parents? Don't let the easing go on forever, if you truly want to be more free to be your femme self.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    Open a bottle of wine in the evening, don a pretty dress and just plain relax.

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