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Thread: Double life

  1. #26
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    I was sure I had weighed in on this double life stuff, but it seems not. I totally understand the incongruence of presenting as a woman after presenting as a male for hours, days or more. At least from the perspective of an SO.

    For my part, gradually (over years) the male presentation increasingly became a facade and I was at first eager, then one might almost say desperate to escape it and back into my female presence.

    I played the male part out of convenience and necessity. Is that hypocrisy...perhaps. Frankly, I don’t care. There are lots of personal things that might have raised the eyebrows of people I know. I don’t feel obligated to share anything, even if it leaves a somewhat misleading impression of who I am.

    That being said, I have started coming out to former colleagues and other people, but I still am not fully out, full-time and may never be. Hypocritical. OK, fine. I’m just trying to get along. I can’t seem to reject this part of myself, and I as yet fear rejecting my old male self.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 10-14-2020 at 05:56 PM.

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  2. #27
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    To me, male clothing is a uniform that I wear to perform certain duties. It’s the same as a policeman or a soldier wearing a uniform when on duty. I don’t lead a double life.

  3. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by shellybme View Post
    I completely agree. I can switch from rough and tumble to pretty in pink in a flash. I like to think it as a super power lol.
    Like a super hero?s alter ego. The dynamics and extremes are the spice of life. This post made me smile. Thanks for sharing.

  4. #29
    Member DanielleCD's Avatar
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    My wife can't wrap it around her head that I can do the same thing. Spend a day wrenching on cars... and spend the next day dressed to the nines.

  5. #30
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    This does not fit the definition of hypocrisy. From dictionary.com, hypocrisy is defined as
    -a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.
    -a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.
    I can only speak as a heterosexual cross dresser because that is what I am. Maria and several others, by their comments here, likewise fit that description. I leave it to others who identify otherwise to comment otherwise. The heterosexual cross dresser makes no pretense of being a guy doing things that fit a stereotype of being a guy. We actually are guys doing things that fit that stereotype for all to see. Our hearts are actually, honestly into being a guy. That we have this compartment of our lives is unusual (most estimates are less than 10%) and, perhaps to our SOs, it is undesirable, but it does not fit the definition of hypocrisy.

    A high degree of mental compartmentalization, far from putting the lie to our fitting a male stereotype, actually confirms it. Compartmentalization is such a male trait that there are comediennes who make a living making fun of it. One such sketch shows a comedienne describing a guy going into a room filled with labeled boxes, opening one box, working or playing with the contents for a while, then putting everything back, and closing the box. She then describes him opening another box and going through the same behaviors with no indication shown that the first box, or any other box, even exists. She points out that men in her culture behave this way while women seldom do. Carrying the description to an extreme gets laughs. As with any stereotype, there is a kernel of truth within. A compartmentalizing behavior does not reveal hypocrisy on the issue of being male. On the contrary, it further confirms maleness within our comedienne?s culture.

  6. #31
    Junior Member JennyMay's Avatar
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    I don’t think there is any hypocrisy in swapping our presentation of ourselves from one context to another. It is what human beings do. During the Second World War Queen Elizabeth served in the ATS and worked as a driver and mechanic. She didn’t do that dressed in state robes but in overalls. She wore what was appropriate for the context.

  7. #32
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    A crossdresser who (in drab) condemns another person for crossdressing would be a hypocrite.
    If asked, DENYING it could be considered to be a tad hypocritical - but perhaps necessary depending on who/how/when/etc.
    Simply doing other things and not bring it up because it's irrelevant? Not at all.

    At work I didn't discuss my religious/philosophical beliefs, my sex life, my political views, OR how I dressed at home.
    I didn't feel like a hypocrite.
    Those topics simply had nothing to do with what I was doing at the time.

    Now, I understand that Devi is trans, rather than CD and that colors her views. To her, I suspect that presenting as male always feels hypocritical.
    That's just not true for others though, and calling someone a hypocrite for not sharing the same beliefs seems harsh to me.

  8. #33
    Junior Member Sandra_Dodds's Avatar
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    Devi you display a sad lack of tolerance for the lives others choose for themselves and there is absolutely nothing hypocritical about the duality of presenting differently at times.

    As much as I enjoy presenting a professional corporate image in suit and tie, cuff links and polished shoes; I?m a completely different person at home, far more casually attired. I will rarely wear a collared shirt and most of the time it?s a souvenir black t-shirt from some concert I?ve been to. Two very different presentations that I?m equally comfortable with.

    That many crossdressers remain in the closet says more about the double standard in society where people wouldn?t bat an eyelash if my wife rocked up to the office in a shirt and tie but would snigger and gossip if I turned up in my skirt and tights.
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  9. #34
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    I'd generalize and say that many of us have multiple 'lives'- sequential and simultaneous. We have options, we wonder, we dream, we try things, we assert things, we give up things, we share one slice of life with friends that exist in and for that slice of life, etc.

    Even the idea of a binary option that we have to choose between, or are allowed to switch between, is fundamentally flawed. The meaning of 'manly' and 'womanly' are actually broad overlapping clusters of characters, and only loosely defined and situational and personal and ... two people won't even agree on a fixed definition.
    We are all beautiful...!

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member Barbara Joanne74's Avatar
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    I had to laugh listening to your transformation....I too do something similar. I am in the closet with my family, so I have to occasionally take time off of work to have a Barbara day. But I usually have to go back and work the second half of my 24 hour shift. So, off comes the nail polish, makeup and cute outfits, and on goes the uniform and back to the station I go.....and I promise, even though we have some women that work here, its not feminine at all.

    Thanks for sharing

    Barbara

  11. #36
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
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    Hi Maria, this post caught my attention. 1st, the post is very similar to what I think when I go to work and then dress for my GG.

    2nd, your wife has given a super compliment....Great fun day!
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

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