I'm curious about where you are receiving negative vibes, because that's just not been my experience. My presentation is very similar to yours. I am a MIAD who makes no effort to pass as a woman. When I am out, I get the very real sense that women automatically accept me as I am. I've speculated a lot about why this could be. I've come up with a couple. They are my own unconfirmed musings and as such are wide open for debate.
First and foremost, I'm obviously not a regular man. Women can count on me not to mansplain, or try for a sexual encounter, or any kind of toxic masculinity BS. It is similar to the situation with gay men.
Second, clothes, shoes and accessories provide easy conversation starters. Once started, my first point is reinforced.
I believe that toxic masculinity is one of the great barriers to a healthy society. Most women are acutely aware of this while most men are unaware it exists. At present, a man in a dress is most likely to be sympathetic to women's concerns and as such can be part of the solution.
I thank everyone for the storms of protest. It helped me see how I developed my theory of assigned male and female powers and privileges, coupled with dreadful requirements and repressions, as a social bargain.
I was raised in the 50s, in the postwar baby boom, and my family was very structured around there being 'no rights', only duties, and everything nice was a privilege to be 'earned/(conferred)' or , if assigned, maintained by compliant behavior. my theory has held very well over time, but it is theoretical, and obviously most people here have other ways to think about the subject of privilege.
I was very aware of the intense suppression of the humanity of females in all ways except emotional range. I saw that many, if not most, women suffered more, and more obviously, than men. I was glad that as they grew up many fortunately found ways to adapt and expand and feel successful in the social and personal spaces left open for them. The brutal formality was also reflected in women's right to order men around in certain ways.
Then, with the onset of birth control and middle class wealth, and with the urging of Mad Men style advertising, women tried to make a go of being vixens or cute nice girls. I think I felt like so many girls that somehow I had to be like the magazine and TV idealizations. I knew on one level that beauty is only skin deep, and I would never be beautiful, but I could at least be carefree for ...a few moments?
As a male I had many more freedoms [privileges- in my lexicon] than females- that was obvious- and to keep them I just had to keep proving I was a man. Other men threatened violence on interloping women, while I identified with girls as freer human beings in the emotional realm. They had the privilege of being able to feel, to cry, to be compassionate and talk honestly with each other- ..which were more important to me than the moisturizing and giggling and twirling. I couldn't ask for help to save me life. A psychologist in college once told me I was so bottled up I coudn't say s**t if I had a mouthful."
I am only now gradually seeing and understanding all these things as just normal human activity that I was denied. Yes, I am still holding on to my lifeline of crossdressing. my way to jump in and claim space on the [ok imaginary, perhaps] women's team, in the privacy of my own little world. Until the day i don't need to anymore, if that day comes.
Women's liberation in the 70s started the long march for women to claim their full range of personal freedom. The glass ceiling is crumbling, very slowly. Few women are wearing dresses now- and seem to feel they may have to explain if they do. I feel my desire waning- ... if no one's wearing dresses any more then it has no meaning beyond the pure physicality.
I know I dress to communicate a healthy feminine sexiness, and that is real. My femininity is innate, but I accept that it may not be different from the average human range. I am gradually morphing into a more well rounded human being and the learned gap I learned to maintain, and the accompanying high tension between my 'man' self and 'woman' self is weakening.
The mysteriousness of the magic of crossdressing is waning. I feel more like I am a woman who is wondering if I want to bother sewing another new outfit, or whether the people I will be with will understand and appreciate my clothing choices, or if it will cause static.
That is a testimony to the fact that I no longer feel I am on the outside and have to have the outfit to be on the inside. Now I am on the inside of 'womanhood'- defined as those things I felt I was denied as a human being. That is all good news.
I started the thread to suggest that any of my fellow crossdressers who, like me, idealize 'the world of women', might find it useful to take another look at that world as a holistic experience. The responses from GGs have admirably helped in that.
Last edited by phili; 10-19-2020 at 11:04 PM.
We are all beautiful...!
@phili
Why don't you list what you believe to be female 'privileges', that might make discussion a bit easier. And please state whether you believe that women need to 'earn' these so-called privileges'
Before you can love another, you must first like yourself
I Aim To Misbehave
Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!
Maybe this is how you saw it at the time. But it is a generalization based on a crossdresser POV. The pill was a victory of feminists (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katharine_McCormick). I doubt that women at large saw the next step in female evolution as becoming vixens and cuties. Actually for some, the next step was more of a crossdresser nightmare:
https://www.bbc.com/news/amp/world-45303069
Last edited by char GG; 10-20-2020 at 07:09 AM. Reason: Added "K" to the name so the link would come up
Jodie, I don't consider anything to be 'privileges' any more for the purposes of public discussion of gender behaviors! As I said, for me, every freedom is a privilege, under threat of revocation by some authority- and that this is derived from childhood experience, magnified into a social theory, and it has limited value as a generalization, so I'm dropping it!
I should have said in the OP only that we could benefit from considering more fully the experience of females, and in so doing might find that our view of desirable clothes, actions, behaviors, etc would not coincide well with much of what we found females were feeling and experiencing. On a more subtle point, I'd say we share the ache to be free- and in particular to be able to express the full range of our feelings and explore the full range of our capacities.
Diane T- I was generalizing here- guaranteed to be wrong on something that has much more nuance. We routinely oversimplify the lives of others, and even ourselves!
We are all beautiful...!
Female 'privilege' is basically the option to either become a mother / wife / career person, two of the three, or go for all of the above. Men have one option, and only one. While there are a few stay at home dads, it, just like being a crossdresser, is generally frowned upon, and unless he's rich, is often considered just a leech by many. Even John Lennon was considered a slacker for just quitting the music biz to spend more time with his family, instead of holding up the 'always be more ambitious' role that every man is supposed to.
Women don't have to, and are not expected to, always try for more pay and a higher position at work. Another 'privilege'.
I am an example of what men are expected to do; I had found a job I liked, and made good money, but was frequently questioned by both women and men, as to why I didn't try for a management position; and when it was offered, and I refused, people thought it odd that 'a man' would turn down 'a promotion'. They couldn't accept that I would prefer to keep a job I liked, rather than make more money and do something I didn't like. Men are just assumed to want to seek the most money and powerful positions possible, even if the job is awful to do; we're just expected to do it.
Women are also the ones to decide whether to accept a proposal of marriage, or refuse.
With the onset of widespread availability of birth control to women, they can also choose whether to be sexually active, or not, as well as whether to bear children, or not.
And the option to marry, have children, and sue for divorce and alimony when tired of their mate, is still generally reserved for women; men who do so, are generally ridiculed for doing that, as well.
Now I'm not saying that women have it easy in life by any means, just that there are advantages and disadvantages to existing as either sex.
Oh, and a 1990's Wall Street Journal article quoted labor stats, which showed that single, college educated women were making a mean of 101% of what college educated men were making, establishing that women who were serious about their careers, were indeed able to make the same money as men do. The women who made less? Those who choose other things outside of their career to focus on; ANYTHING that takes away focus on the career will inevitably wind up decreasing income.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Well they obviously weren't serious enough, because this recent article from the same journal says the exact opposite:
https://www.wsj.com/amp/articles/wom...ys-11570179600
Could you share a link to your 1990 study?
Actually there are facts that show that the wages for a job category tend to vary based on the proportion of men or women occupying the positions. So I am not sure the job women select have a lot to do with it. The day they select a more "serious" job to a point where they will be a majority of women there, the wages will probably reduce. But this is another discussion.
Last edited by DianeT; 10-22-2020 at 06:42 AM.
@jeanine38
Please give us a list of these 'female privileges', if you would be so kind.
Before you can love another, you must first like yourself
I Aim To Misbehave
Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!
Why so serious?....I love that line from the movie and I am reading and reading the posts lol....
No not in my relationship...Does anyone else see these same dynamics?
She accepts me and enjoys and appreciates the effort in how I transform myself in the beauty of who women are....How has it played out in your SOs acceptance or lack of acceptance?
Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.