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Thread: Be careful....

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Barbara Joanne74's Avatar
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    Be careful....

    I have debated in my head whether to post this here or not, and finally decided too.
    I am not wanting sympathy by telling it, but I only want it to serve as a reminder that we have to be careful out in the real world. So with that said.....

    About 2 weeks ago I had a Dr's appointment at a large medical center a ways away from my home. I have never been to this clinic and decided the likelihood of running into someone I know was pretty low I decided to have Barbara go instead....

    I am a closeted women in that my wife does not approve so I have to keep my girl things in boxes in a friends garage and my fem self only gets to come out when she can. I got my boxes, got my makeup on and nails done and dressed and off to the appointment I went. I must have been stressed/nervous. As I was about to get out of my car i dropped my key between the seat and the center console. Thankfully my outfit included leggings as I was head down, butt up looking for the key under the seat as others were driving by me in the parking garage....o well. Finally I recovered the key, took some deep breaths, grabbed my purse/backpack and headed inside. Now I was running late. Got my COVID screening done and directions to the clinic and found out I parked on the wrong side of the campus(why did i decide to wear heals instead of flats today.....) off I go as fast as I can, get lost in the building again...finally get to the clinic and they graciously let me have my appointment even though I am late. I checked in under my boy name, and it was apparent the women at the counter was not amused and refereed to me as Sir at least twice. Finally the nurse came to get me, and I politely told her I go by Barbara, she said something like that goes with your look a lot better than ____,(my male name) and smiled. I needed that comment and smile. I also needed the restroom before the appointment, so she showed me where it was and told me what room to go to when I was finished. As I walked back to the exam room I noticed the white board outside had "Barbara" and a flower drawn on it. It made my heart feel so good that at least someone was trying to make me feel accepted. The Dr came in finally did the exam and we talked, she was super friendly and seemed accepting, even to the point of telling me she has similar personal problems and how she deals with them. After the appointment I went out and got some lunch at a local food truck court. Barbara has been there many times and had a great time. I get a few looks from the construction/redneck types but I feel safe and confident enough in myself that I go there without a thought.

    Now to the point of my story. I mentioned that Barbara has to live in boxes in a friends garage. I had been out quit a few times and it was well past time to do my laundry. About halfway between the medical center and my friends house is a small town that has a laundromat that I have been to many times before without a problem. I took my boxes in, sorted my cloths and started 2 of the three loads I needed too run. They have a private restroom there and realized I should wash the outfit i had worn to the Dr. appointment as well, so I grabbed some leggings, an over sized flannel shirt and went in to change. About half way through changing there is suddenly someone banging on the door, "Hey man, I need you to open up!" , I told them I was just about done and would be right out. Again there was banging on the door, "No man, you need to open up now! This is the manager!" I told him to give me a few more seconds, I was changing and would be right out. 5 seconds later again he was banging on the door. I was not sure what to do at this point. Do I stay locked in and call the police, have him call the police on me?.........I got myself together and picked up my dress and dirty leggings and opened up the door. I met face to face with a middle aged man. I could tell by the look on his face he was not expecting to see....me, and middle aged crossdresser. "Hey man, ummm I got a call that there was some weird stuff going on here, umm, are you ok?" Umm, yes actually I am fine, thanks for asking......"So your not the one that called are you?" Umm No, i just got here to do my laundry. He turns to a couple other customers and asks if they are ok and they tell him they are fine. "Hey man, ummmm yeah I saw you come in on the cameras and know your doing your laundry,....ummmm, your good to stay." And he walks out.

    I tried to put on a good show that I was not as scared to death as I was, and started my 3rd load of laundry and then sat in my car a while to try and calm down the insides to try and match the outside....


    So I tell you all this story to remind you that even in a progressive state like Oregon near Portland, there are still some very narrow minded people. Be aware of your surroundings. I never did find out if someone actually called him, or what. I did pick up that he had seen me on the security cameras, but i would have though he would have known who was in the restroom and that I had only been in there a minute. I probably will never go back there, and I doubt that he cares that he lost an occasional customer. I tried to look up the business online and I can find no phone number for it, or anything other than the hours. I would love to be able to find the owner and let them know how I was treated, but at this point I dont know how to, and they are probably as narrow minded as the manager.

    After i finished and folded my laundry, my spirit was beaten. Barbara had the _ _ _ _ scared out of her. I got back in my car, drove to the next city and changed from Barbara back to my boy self. Put my stuff back in storage and then went to work. It kinda put a downer on my day.

    Until next time be confident, pretty and, keep your head on a swivel and be aware of your surroundings.

    Barbara

  2. #2
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    I lived in that horrific state for a couple of years , sort of where you describe your location on your avatar and if you are out of Portland proper and alt like that you aren't safe . I know some here will disagree but me and mine lived/live out in the open ( no one is/was closeted in my life ) I lived it and I wont do it again . It affected me so badly that even if I go back to see my Seahawks I will fly over the state. I will also go no further north here in Cal than Sacramento from the experience I had up there . I am serious. Please be careful , its your life.
    Last edited by Dutchess; 10-27-2020 at 07:39 PM.
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  3. #3
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Glad you are safe

  4. #4
    Senior Member Princess29's Avatar
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    that sounds like a scary situation. While yes, things have certainly improved for members of our community, with the amount of mobile phones out there, anyone can take a photo of us (for any reason of course) and post the picture online and your secret could be halfway round the world in the blink of an eye.

  5. #5
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    You went through a scary experience, no doubt. Do you think the manager intentionally banged on the door because you're a crossdresser? It sounds like one of the patrons called him. Maybe you could have asked him to qualify "weird stuff" because that's so vague. I would have been in a panic since I don't dress in public very often!
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  6. #6
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    A very instructive post, Barbara. So happy nothing happened. In some areas we are so accepted that it makes us somewhat over confident. But not everywhere is that way. Colorado is a bit like Oregon in that the progressiveness is not everywhere. There are some places here that a trans person or a crossdresser can find themselves in real trouble. Denver tends to be very accepting in general, but there are some neighborhoods that are really dangerous for us. Your last line provides some great advice.

  7. #7
    Member Liz Jones's Avatar
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    Looking on YouTube i thought it was better over your side than here, A poster remarked they come over here for a makeover &to "go public", now this Hmm is nowhere safe.....
    Liz

  8. #8
    Banned Read only
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    Quote Originally Posted by Barbara Joanne74 View Post
    even in a progressive state like Oregon...
    Well Oregon like Washington might have a big liberal metropolis on it's west side, but once you get outside the city the rest of the state is very conservative.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 10-28-2020 at 08:40 AM.

  9. #9
    Gracious Colleague looking_good's Avatar
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    Same state here, and in the same situation I'd likely react in the same way...at best. Probably worse, all things considered. From the safe viewpoint of distance and time, what strikes me is that you were doing absolutely nothing whatsoever that was wrong or illegal. You were a paying customer, using their services in the manner intended. There are some things to think about from this...and countless other examples...and I shall be pondering them. (If you are a Pinky And The Brain fan - "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?").

    Thank you for sharing what had to be a difficult experience.
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  10. #10
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    On the other hand it's nice you got out and about. We are in close proximity, if you would like to share that location you can pm me. I haven't been out for a while but never had a pblm. that did not sound encouraging, keep a sharp eye - be careful ................................Debra

  11. #11
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    As the saying goes, "Don't get mad, get even".

    If your internet search didn't uncover a phone number or the name of the owner of that laundromat, I have found that a public shaming directed at them on Facebook (or similar social media) in such cases can be both effective and cathartic in getting your concerns out there. Of course, given your situation as a closeted crossdresser some discretion will be required in the way your present (massage?) the details so that you won't be "outed" in the process while still emptying (figuratively speaking, of course ) both barrels at the establishment for the unacceptable behavior of its manager. As they used to say in the old "Dragnet" television series..."The names have been changed to protect the innocent"...

  12. #12
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I don't believe a "public shaming directed at them on Facebook" does a bit of good and it makes the poster look like a whiney bitch. And it's unfair to the person or business because only one side of the story is being posted and in most cases, that side is being exaggerated.
    Krisi

  13. #13
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    I guess it depends on the owner.

    I'm guessing from what I picked up from your story is. The owner thought you were homeless person or a tweeker. This is why he wasn't expecting a CD.

    These people are a big problem were I live.

    When you engage in behavior that is out of the norm you attract attention, like changing clothes in places other than your home.

    It happened to me, before I came out I would change in my car. One time I was changing back, I was in a store parking close to were I live. A police officer rolled up on me. He rolled down his window , I already did so when I saw him approach. He ask and I told him I was changing clothes before going home. He simply told me that the reason he stopped is they have been having problems there and I should find another place.

    I think I'm right , if the owner was a homophobe, he would have been expecting you to be dressed or whatever. I believe he thought you were a tweeker, those people do all kinds of destructive behavior.

    I can understand not wanting to go there anymore because of your experience. I would cut the owner some slack in this case.

    Oh I have been in a bathroom with someone trying to break the door down, it happen twice in the same night at two different bars. Not a big deal, as I'm known at both places.

    It as on Halloween, the first one, I did my business and praid the door would hold. When I came out there was the manager, a close friend. She just looked at me turned and left. She had already spoken with the girls I found out latter.

    I was like this is to much. The costume contest was over, I went down the street to the bar were my roommate is the head bouncer. I'm known there because of that among other things. It happens again, someone trying to breakdown the door right after I close and lock it. This time I tell through the door , "go talk to roommate's name". This time when I come out me roommate is there, he apologized, he said he talked to the customer . This means that the person was corporative. Otherwise he would have thrown them out, sometimes it's literally. It's one of the things I liked about having a bouncer for a roommate, I didn't have to worry about security.
    Last edited by Jean 103; 10-29-2020 at 11:47 AM.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
    As the saying goes, "Don't get mad, get even".

    If your internet search didn't uncover a phone number or the name of the owner of that laundromat, I have found that a public shaming directed at them on Facebook (or similar social media) in such cases can be both effective and cathartic in getting your concerns out there. Of course, given your situation as a closeted crossdresser some discretion will be required in the way your present (massage?) the details so that you won't be "outed" in the process while still emptying (figuratively speaking, of course ) both barrels at the establishment for the unacceptable behavior of its manager. As they used to say in the old "Dragnet" television series..."The names have been changed to protect the innocent"...
    Who exactly is she supposed to shame? She said she never figured out if or who actually called to complain, and the employee was just doing their job handling a complaint. It’s not like he kicked her out. The misgendering is problematic, but if the employee only had a call about a “man in the bathroom” that’s all he knows. He didn’t see her until after she had changed. We don’t know the full story here so it’s not appropriate to “publicly shame” them.

  15. #15
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I'm guessing from what I picked up from your story is. The owner thought you were homeless person or a tweeker. This is why he wasn't expecting a CD.

    These people are a big problem were I live.
    This makes sense Jean yet we still don't know for sure what the ruckus was all about. I'm sure some people go into a public bathroom like this to shoot up etc.

    Long ago my father worked in a laundromat and one late night got robbed (hit over the head) by junkies. That incident changed his whole life.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  16. #16
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Nice story. One thing to keep in mind is that we are living in a society where substance abuse is rampant. There's a reason why so many businesses won't let people use their restrooms. When you go into a restroom, close the door and spend more than five minutes inside, you will attract attention from the employee or manager. That has nothing to do with how you are dressed or how you present. Pro tip: don't use business restrooms as changing rooms unless you are OK with having an employee bang on the door demanding to know what is going on inside.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Barbara Joanne74's Avatar
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    I am not sure who called. I dont think it was one of the other patrons. There were 2 Latino women that barely spoke English and they did not seem to care a bit about me and we exchanged brief greetings when I came in. I think he saw me on the surveillance camera system.

    Barb

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