Am I allowed to float an idea of creating a DADT section? What do other DADT think?

[Star01]

I'm wondering how many others are in a DADT situation, go out in public very little or not at all and would participate more if they didn't feel so intimidated? Love you all but as someone in a DADT living in a more rural setting I can't wrap my mind around crossdressers who feel compelled to dress and present publicly full time. In my mind a crossdresser ought to be able to turn it off long enough to go run errands or run to the hardware store in the middle of a project without stopping to get fully dressed. This forum has been a great place and I have learned a lot but I'm thinking there has be be many who for whatever reason, DADT, or whatever are limited in how often they can dress and have to remain under the radar for family, career or what have you. To be honest about it before I found this forum I thought the vast majority of crossdressers operated in stealth and their default presentation would be drab.

What do others think who are DADT, restricted in what they are able to do or have to refrain from dressing as often as they'd like? As someone who lives under a DADT arrangement I'd feel a lot less intimidated and inadequate here if I saw more who share my circumstances. It seems to me that the crossdresser section is dominated by those who push the line between crossdresser and something more. No offense intended to anyone, I just wish sometimes that I could engage in a discussion with others in similar circumstances who understand and can relate to each other. Seems half the time I'll comment and I get chastised by someone who lives 24/7 en femme for not walking out of a fifty year marriage just so I can sit in the recliner in a dress instead of drab. Seems like there have to be others in a similar predicament on here.

[Paulie Birmingham]

Great idea

[docrobbysherry]

I sympathize, Star. But, u seem to be pigeon holing your CD's!

CD's who dress in private, "closet dressers", don't all have partners who reject their dressing. Many r single and just don't need or want to waltz around town as a man in a dress! I'm one of those.

DADT r CD's whose partners don't approve, or simply don't want to see their male partner in female clothes. Some of those r closet dressers. But, some go out with their T friends to T friendly venues. Their partners don't mind if they don't see them dressed. Until my adult daughter moved out early this year, that was me, too!

I'm sorry u feel chastised here. Please don't feel intimidated by a few negative posts! I believe their r plenty of others here that dress and live under conditions quite similar to yours. Simply start a thread on a subject of interest and you'll receive a number of sympathetic replies!

[cindylouho]

In my mind a crossdresser ought to be able to turn it off long enough to go run errands or run to the hardware store in the middle of a project without stopping to get fully dressed.

I understand the way you feel, but that statement is going to upset people here.

[Teresa]

Star,
Please don't forget many of us started well under the radar and buried in the closet , please don't feel intimidated we all have to find our comfort level . The ones with more severe dysphoria need to keep pushing until they hopefully find the answers . I retell my stories not to intimidate but to hopefully give members courage should they need it to take the next step along the road .

Restrictions aren't always self inflicted so people can't always see their way through them without the experiences of others .

The bottom line is whatever makes you happy is fine , to some the closet is a very safe haven , to me it was like living in solitary confinement , with no where to turn and no one to talk to , the shame and guilty was tearing me apart until I found the forum .

[Helen_Highwater]

Star,

I would have to say no and for the following reason. There is a wide range of experiences talked about here and having members in a DADT situation can be informative to others as to how individuals handle the situation. For those like me in the closet it gives an insight into what could happen if I "have the talk" and as such gives me and others I'm sure food for thought. Add to that those who may have been in a DADT situation but have managed to move things forward to a more accepting place provide other DADT folks with possible ways forward for them.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Star


This forum is for the support of everyone whatever their circumstances.

There are lots of people in a DADT relationship. The nature of those may differ as some others have said.

We should all value each other no matter our situation.

[SophyV]

I do agree with those who say the broad range of experiences here help give a diverse view on subjects. At the same time, there are times when those of us in the closet or in DADT need constructive advice from those in our situation without being chastised by some members for not being able to be as out or expressive.

[rhonda]

I dont see why not , why would a Mustang enthusiast care what a Corvette enthusiast thinks , does that mean they cant talk cars ,

[SophyV]

Of course not. That is what this forum is for. But when you have a Mustang specific issue a Corvette enthusiast saying that is why you should drive a Corvette does not help.

[Taylor186]

Interesting idea, but having been around here a while I know that DADT has no commonly accepted definition.

[Teresa]

Sophy,
What constructive advice do you feel you need , most of us started there sometime in our lives . Most threads in the past have been questions about coming out of the closet and how can wife /partner and family deal with it .

Star ,
There have always been members who only join to put down others no matter where they are on the TG spectrum .

[Dutchess]

Seems half the time I'll comment and I get chastised by someone who lives 24/7 en femme for not walking out of a fifty year marriage just so I can sit in the recliner in a dress instead of drab. Seems like there have to be others in a similar predicament on here.

Hi Star ,
I dont think you are alone in this .
I have had several folks actually discuss with me via PM the wish to have a sub forum for married peeps who wish to stay married so your request is not that far off . They wont say it out loud but the wish is there .
I mean if they are discussing with me of all people ....

[AngelaYVR]

If we can also have a separate section for the “tee hee I enjoy wearing panties” people then I am all for it.

[SophyV]

At the moment Teresa I am not in need of advice form that specific sub community. In the past, I have asked for advice and see others asking for advice where a significant amount of the input is to come out or be who you want to be. I have no doubt that this input is meant in the spirit of trying to help. At the same time, it made me feel like I was looking for advice in the wrong place and that unless I am in the same place they are I was doing something wrong. Sometimes we just need to hear I feel your pain because I have it to.

I have received really good advice from this board in both posts I originate and other discussions. So for that I thank you all.

[Robertacd]

I wish I could just turn it off and run to the store...

But I can't because I am TG.

Being a CD for 40+ years I was just living a lie. Being honest with myself most of all and accepting myself as TG has eliminated all the guilt and shame I carried around for most of my life.

[Pumped]

Seems half the time I'll comment and I get chastised by someone who lives 24/7 en femme for not walking out of a fifty year marriage just so I can sit in the recliner in a dress instead of drab. Seems like there have to be others in a similar predicament on here.

You need to let some of the comments just drift away in the wind.

I won't mention names, but there are a few, I like to call renegade CD'ers here that had a bad falling out with their wives and they think we all should just dump our wives and do what we like. I have to wonder if that mentality got them in the predicament to begin with. I can't help but believe some are narcissists and it was all about me to start with, then they wanted to CD and screw what the wife thinks. Then for some strange reason they are divorced. I have a wonderful wife and a great relationship. When she found out about my desire to dress it got a bit rough, but we survived it well and might even have a better relationship because of it. At the time I couldn't imagine dumping her because she did not approve of my dressing.

I don't think we need another section. If we want to break it up, maybe we need a section for CD'ers with accepting wives that don't leave the house? How about a section for CD'ers with accepting wives that go out in public with their wives? How about a MIAD section? Pretty soon we will have 25 different sections and just few people in each.

[JoanneNY]

Star, I agree with you that the DADT and closeted members of this forum have at times been intimidated by the "graduate members" of our community. The name of this
website IS crossdressers.com, Not Trans, Drag, Fettish, etc. and DADT.com. I look at it as a school that covers grades K thru 12 and beyond for our members of all stripes, and NOT an exclusive site for any one level of our rainbow clan. I wish we all can be civil and accepting, offering more advice and knowledge rather than snide remarks. JMHO...Sorry for the rant, Mods.

[Bobbi46]

Nobody should feel intimdated here, all of us here are searching fo answers and at other times able to give advice, I have every sympathy (if that is the right word, if not apologies) for all who are in DADT situation, it must at times be a very difficult lifestyle but in a way all seem to find a happy medium, rocky at times for some smooth for others.
I dont see that a seperate section is needed for those who are in DADT situations because all of the help they could possibly need is right here with the rest of us.

[Samm]

How about just directing a thread towards the people you're looking for advice from? I see it here often enough.
Like posting a dadt question to the dadt members etc...
Even in a sub forum, you're still likely to get responses from just about anyone, anyway.

[DianeT]

Star, I am not in a DADT situation with my wife per se, but am a member of the club of CDs who'd like to keep their wife. I think this isn't a small club, even if its members aren't the most vocal here. My wife and I want to make this work. So you are not alone and have all my sympathy.
I understand your point about a dedicated section, but as a matter of fact the Loved Ones section is very well suited for your needs. The audience and spirit there is I think exactly what you are looking for. This is where my wife and I shared some problems and got good help. You will also find there some questions and experience sharing from wives struggling to keep their marriage in one piece which are of great interest and generally won't make it to the present section.

[Leslie Langford]

I've been a member of this Forum for over 10 years now, and it would seem to me from my observations that a significant proportion of the participants here are in DADT or similar relationships, or else variations on the theme (e.g. DADT with the added element of DWTSI..."Don't Want To See It" etc.). This encompasses the younger members here still living at home with parents and siblings who find their crossdressing needs being stifled because of their particular living arrangements, those living with "vanilla" roommates in shared accommodations but who are still in the closet, individuals in a committed relationship with an SO where this has the makings of the proverbial "elephant in the room" with the potential to eventually torpedo the relationship (if it hasn't already), as well as the ones (especially those of us among the older generations here) who married in good faith ages ago but didn't divulge this particular "quirk" to their prospective mates at the time in the sincere belief that this "crossdressing thing" was just a passing fancy and that marriage would "cure" us. Surprise, surprise!...it didn't, and in some cases it even accelerated that desire/need - hence DADT as an imperfect coping strategy.

The mere fact that this Forum and others like it even exist speaks to the fact that many of us need a "safe" place where there are kindred spirits, where we can openly discuss our anxieties, fears, and self-doubts, and where we can seek advice from others who have already gone down the same path before us...all without fear of judgement, being "outed", or being mocked by the civilian "muggles" in the wider world who have no clue what we are dealing with, nor can they even remotely relate to us on that level.

So yes, I agree that the "DADT" crowd here is a significant enough sub-set of the overall membership that it might well merit a section of its own where our particular issues can be focused on more directly. Since there is a FAB ("Female at Birth") section here with restricted membership whose specific mission statement includes the phrase "The FAB section exists to provide support for women who are in a relationship with a crossdresser or a transsexual...", then it would seem to me that a similar justification exists for the crossdressers here who are in troubled DADT relationships that can be equally soul-crushing from their own particular perspective.

[Connie D50]

Star your asking maybe for a section for DADT. Of course it is hard for any forum to have a section for all the different aspect of a topic. That might not stop someone from chiming in anyway. (in fact I could almost guarantee that would not stop it) We all have posted a question where we get input that in our minds have nothing to do with the question.

[Teresa]

Pumped,
I'm not sure if your comments are aimed at me , if they are then you have it all wrong . The majority of married members here would try very hard to remain in a marriage , I had no idea I would end up with separating and now divorce . Being married 45 years with children and grandchildren should have been utopia but GD just wouldn't go away . It was destroying me as a person , I was no longer functioning in any role , I tried counselling , eventually the outcome had to be a mutual separation . It wasn't a case of me dumping my wife or her dumping me , it was more to prevent both our lives and that of the children and grandchildren being affected and possibly ruined . In my case it's proved the correct thing to do , my wife is happier , I still have a great relationship with my children . No I don't advocate dumping wives/partners for the sake of wearing a dress , most of us know there is far more to it than that , my message has always been if it is the eventual outcome the World doesn't end . The forum continually preaches honesty , I was being honest with myself so I could be honest with the people round me , I now have more respect for doing that than continuing in a pretence .

[Di]

Star,
Reading back over posts you have said
I don't know where this will end up but I do know at this point that I can't sit still and never progress beyond my vague DADT and the feeling that I am trapped in an impossible situation.
Or jeolous of those that dance the night away.
Also said you are at peace with your life and that is what we all hope for.

I do not understand you feeling intimidated as all I have read is caring people trying to help you . Everyone comes from different POV a different life and are just trying to help with their experiences when you say things like you are trapped in an impossible situation.
About your frustration in another post , we get it it is hard but hope for more days you are at peace .

My advice is take what you need , and have your best life with your wife that is all that matters.
We are here for you to vent to and our answers come from our situation and we mean to help. I also think the exchange of ideas of what worked for others would be a help .
Remember it is not a race just be you and we are here to always listen.