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Thread: A lonely burden

  1. #1
    Happy in Heels xNicolex's Avatar
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    A lonely burden

    Hi girls,

    Frist of all I'm so sorry if this sounds like drama rama. I don't mean it to sound anything like that. I'm just find myself lonely in my dressing. I have my GF who I am so grateful for, but I long for a friend I can chill with, have a beer with and then go put some make up on with and have a girls night, basically another like minded individual that enjoys the same things I enjoy. I've got mates that I can hang out with but a night out in dress isn't their thing lol again I'm not moaning I'm just feeling a little low. I feel I need to vent a little. I just feel so suffocated sometimes not being able to express my feelings sometimes. Anyone else ever feel that longing for comradeship?
    Last edited by xNicolex; 11-07-2020 at 04:57 PM.
    My Instagram xnicolex1988

  2. #2
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    I've knwen a few trans and cds in my life. They always ended up blowing me off in the end. At this point. I really no longer care if I meet people like me.

    Here is what is funny. My hairdresser, wax lady, and nail lady. All treat me as im a woman. We typically enjoy a nice chat. Last week when I saw my waxing lady. We talked mostly about clothes. So that was my girl fix.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    xNicolex, doesn't your girlfriend like to play along with your dressing? Get together with her and have a girls night.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    xNicolex, you don't say but does your GF actually know about your dressing? could this be the real reason for your feeling of being lonely?
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  5. #5
    Senior Member Princess29's Avatar
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    after 12 years of living where I do and going out many times and meeting an assortment of people over the years, I have a grand total of zero people now in my social circle from that walk of life. A few people I have really hit it off with over the years but they end up never being heard from again too and that (and a few other things) affects my desire to go out dressed.

    The only positive to come out of this year is that I met a nice lady and we have had our ups and downs but we are going along quite nicely again. While I haven't been able to bring up the topic of my dressing, she has seen enough clues to suspect something but I feel less inclined to do it anyway lately and if it comes to having to choose between happiness with her or risking losing it all for something that has been a real mixed bag of emotions over the years and there doesn't seem to be much of a future in it, I will choose her.
    If I can bring it up with her and it can be incorporated into our lives, all the better but if not, I reckon I can live with out dressing up

    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result
    Last edited by Princess29; 11-08-2020 at 07:27 AM.

  6. #6
    Happy in Heels xNicolex's Avatar
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    She knows but I guess she's so used to it it's become the norn
    My Instagram xnicolex1988

  7. #7
    Junior Member Val_Blackbird's Avatar
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    A thousand times, yes. I'm right there with you.

    Outside of work, I have no friends, and I don't have any family at all, realistically. My closest work friend is an e-Marine, so . . . yeah . . . I'm not suicidal. Plus, he has a kid, so . . . .

    Anyway, I just you to know I feel for you. It's lonely having what amounts to a whole second life and no one to join you in it. Like you, I wish I had someone I could call upon on Friday nights, get all dolled up, and go to the spot for a drag show, etc. Or even just to hang out for a while and have some decent conversation and fun.

    Sometimes, I feel like I'm in one of those Vampire Diaries prison worlds . . . .

    But, anyway, just know that you're not alone. ***HUG***
    💜💜💜 twitter.com/val_blackbird 💜💜💜

    Are we in space?
    Do we we belong someplace where no one calls it wrong?
    And like the stars we burn away the miles . . . .

  8. #8
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    In my guy world, I don't really have any close friends. If my wife kicked me out of the house, I don't even have anyone to call to put me up (or put up with me) for even a night. But, Steffi has a lot of like-minded friends.

    I belong to a CD/TG group in the local area. Before COVID, I used to meet up with them (out and about) every 6 weeks or so. The've started going out again. About 25 girls showed up to the annual Halloween party (at a local motel that we frequent) and they have already scheduled the annual Christmas Gala Ball. I love the Gala Ball because almost everyone wears formal evening gowns or cocktail dresses.

    In was to afraid of COVID to attend Halloween and probably won't attend the Christmas ball for the same reason.

    Plus, I've grown a COVID (full) beard, and won't look so comely in a dress until I decide to shave it off.

    Maybe you can find a CD group.

    I found this

    https://www.transunite.co.uk/find-a-...ob_type%5B%5D=

    And this

    https://www.teni.ie/
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-30-2020 at 10:01 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    One of the reasons I joined this site is because I had no one I could talk to about my outings. Some were fantastic, and others problematic. Without someone to share adventures with, it can be quite lonely for us. Very true.

    Sandi

  10. #10
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I know what you are talking about! I had to fly to Houston, Texas from NC to go to a GNO! (There is of course more to the story!!!) I share with my adult daughter but it is not the same as being with another trans person! Maybe someone else on the forum from Ireland would go out with you! Best wishes with this! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  11. #11
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    If I was 18,400kms closer, and a glass of Jamesons was on the bar, but I know what you mean.
    I found a local CD and while we used to have regular coffee outings, garden walks etc, as she moves closer to full time, she hasn't needed me for confidence.
    My wife is a non-participant (it's not her thing)
    So yes, it can be lonely, especially if we're not into the "scene"
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  12. #12
    Member VS Fan's Avatar
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    100% with you on this one.
    Kelly a.k.a. VS Fan

  13. #13
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
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    Finding some one you can depend upon all the time, who shares our interests is often like finding a unicorn. I have some friends, but they all have their own circumstances, which all factors into that. I realized very early on once I finally went out that I had to develop a life in the mainstream, which I had prior to COVID. This, unfortunately, is the life we've chosen to paraphrase The Godfather. That said, keep looking, I know I have and won't stop. It will bring you some successes along the way.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!

    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  14. #14
    Member Liz Jones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sometimes Steffi View Post
    In my guy world, I don't really have any close friends. If my wife kicked me out of the house, I don't even have anyone to call to put me up (or put up with me) for even a night. But, Steffi has a lot of like-minded friends.

    I belong to a CD/G group in the local area. Before COVID, I used to meet up with them (out and about) every 6 weeks or so. The've started going out again. About 25 girls showed up to the annual Halloween party (at a local motel that we frequent) and they have already scheduled the annual Christmas Gala Ball. I love the Gala Ball because almost everyone wears formal evening gowns or cocktail dresses.

    In was to afraid of COVID to attend Halloween and probably won't attend the Christmas ball for the same reason.

    Plus, I've grown a COVID (full) beard, and won't look so comely in a dress until I decide to shave it off.

    Maybe you can find a CD group.

    I found this

    https://www.transunite.co.uk/find-a-...ob_type%5B%5D=

    And this

    https://www.teni.ie/
    Hi,
    Do wonder as Nicolex says Ireland She is in the Republic of Ireland not Northern Ireland. Do understand poassable mix up--i have the same problem with abreviations of U/S states!
    Liz

  15. #15
    Member Cassiek's Avatar
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    Next time I?m in Ireland (can?t wait to go over). I?ll let you know!!

  16. #16
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    I've been out living as Jean for sometime now. I have lots of friends that I do things with.

    I don't have one that is like me. That's not to say that there are not other transgender people around, I'm just not friends with them.

    Friends are people that I have a relationship with. That relationship differs with the friend. Naturally how I am most of my friends are women.

    When I first started going out I had this feeling that I needed to be with others like me. I didn't let it stop me and went out and made friends . So they are not TG, I don't see why they need to be.

    there is a TG group Im part of, I hardly go, of course they are not meeting now.

  17. #17
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    It is difficult, indeed. And the pandemic makes it even more so. Around here support groups ended months ago. And maintaining a strong personal friendship with someone else like us seems to be strangely difficult. I have no idea why. That said, communicating with others you meet here can be a great substitute and it is safe. I have found a friend here and we communicate almost daily, but not so much about our gender variance. It is mostly about normal things people share. And there are others. Perhaps you can reach out to people you meet here using the PM function here and then switch to regular email and texting later if you find a lot in common. Unlikely any of us will ever meet as we are scattered far and wide, but a friendship is a friendship. Better in person, but almost as good through the magic of the internet.

  18. #18
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Good thread. It's had me thinking and evaluating. Other than the entire public of complete strangers when I go out, only two people have seen me transformed and in person. My ex, who did me up fabulously to get that special picture for her divorce. And Amy at Just You during my one and only professional makeover. I've made brief email contact with other Las Vegas girls that I met here but, none in person. I correspond with a fabulous small group by email on practically a daily basis. Some in the group I've known for probably 15 or more years and they are truly valued friends. Our emails include everything fem and CD but also include our whole life situations. It's a special support group that has been awesomely supportive and caring.

    In my personal situation, my wife is completely non-accepting to the point of not even wanting to discuss anything CD. This alone would make a time window for socialising with another gurl nearly impossible. I seriously doubt I'll ever get the chance for another makeover. And when I mentioned that I really didn't want to miss another Halloween, it only lit the fire of a heated string of hater comments. So, I don't know. I have a policy of total honesty and I don't keep anything hidden. I could probably get dressed and go to a support group if it were part of some kind of pseudo-legitimate psychotherapy or something. So far, the only group I've found here is at the LGBT centre. I wouldn't have a problem with it but I doubt she would be at all accepting.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  19. #19
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    What Gretchen said is exactly how my SO feels. He knows lots of CDers. Some have varied interests and life experiences outside of CDing. Those are the people that he has remained friends with. Others have become rather boring to him if they only want to talk about clothes (particularly underwear), shoes, or do lots of "tee hees".

    The people who are "well rounded" are friends that my SO enjoys spending time with, no matter how they are dressed. Finding common ground seems to help when developing new friendships.

  20. #20
    Senior Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    I feel the same way. Most of my friends now are work friends. There have been a few from here that have encouraged me to go out and/or meet up with them. Often times I will talk myself out of something faster than I talk myself into it. I could not tell any of my ?friends? about Joss. 5 hours out on motorcycles yesterday with a work friend and not a word about beard cover cover, shapers or wigs. For the majority of the time ,Joss stays in a box in my mind. It is what it is.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  21. #21
    Member cindylouho's Avatar
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    Socially speaking, my life hasn't changed too much during the pandemic, I've been early retired for several years now, and rarely go out. I haven't had any friends for over ten years, though I used to be a social butterfly. Much like yourself Nicole, I'm in a happy relationship, but you cant live on bread alone right? My point is that although I'm not alone, and have had more than a decade to get used to not having a buddy, that particular emptiness never disappears, So If it means that much to you Nicole, get out there and do everything you can to find that comradeship you long for.
    Be the best you, be the true you.
    That said, I love faceapp so much I change my avatar daily

    https://giphy.com/gifs/l0MYEWpv7Ue0RFVaE/html5

  22. #22
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xNicolex View Post
    She knows but I guess she's so used to it it's become the norn
    Try get her more involved. Ask for a monthly girls night. It seems to me that most women like to primp and try on clothes and jewelry. Pop the cork on a bottle of wine, turn on some soft music, and let the girls out! It works for my wife and me.

  23. #23
    Girl Power! CrossKimmy's Avatar
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    I hear you girl. I?ve had those lonely nights all dressed up. I actually called an LGBT number just to talk with someone as Kimberly and to hear my voice.

  24. #24
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    In my 73 years on this planet I have come to the conclusion if you're lucky you may find one really good friend who you can count on. Everyone else seems to be transitory; work, church, neighbors. I have to agree with Char (#19). I have not desire to sit around with another cross dresser and discuss clothing, panties, heels, etc. I do have interests, but why would I get totally dolled up, en femme, to attend a military modeling show? Although my wife is not willing to engage in my dressing she is my best friend. And, I am her best friend. I think covid has borne that out.

    Decades ago I searched for a support group which was at my wife's suggestion/urging. There was none. Perhaps, back then, it was a drive to be accepted by someone else other than myself. But, after finding peace of mind and eliminating inner conflicts, it has come down to the question of what else would I have in common?

  25. #25
    Oh my god, I'm a girl! jazmine's Avatar
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    XNicolex. Too bad we didn't live close. I'd love to hang out with you & just be girls. There's nothing better than getting dolled-up, pouring a favorite beer and heading down to my basement arcade to have some fun. It would be awesome to share that time with another gurl! Never in a million years when I played (as a kid) Donkey Kong, Space Invaders or whatever, ...that I would one day be doing it in a dress, heels & nylons, AND in my own basement! LOL. Life is strange, but definitely fun at times!
    So I like dressing like girl. BIG DEAL!

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