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Thread: It's like the universe just slapped me

  1. #26
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Teresa , it was my choice not to transition at work. Yes consistency is everything. I only do guy mode at work. I avoid going some places while in this mode. It is like the reverse.

    I am in full make-up in my driver's license picture. I have to use this ID at work. Noone has ever shown any reaction at all.

    I just am feeling to be changing the rules at this time is in bad taste.

    It is the timing and location. Think about it as if it were a family. I would be the crazy relative spoiling everything.

    Again I could be totally wrong and they may be ok with it.

    Absolutely noone will disrespectful me even if I said nothing and showed up in a dress.

    It is not like I don't have any other place to be.

    Teresa I'm sure you know by now that you build trust as you go. At first some people are a little hesitant, I find after a few minutes with me in public that all goes away.

    I don't need to be there, but I should be to show support. I stay at this company out of loyalty, I could go to work for my friends company and not have any of these problems.

    Than it could be all it my head, like when I was coming out to this same friend. He so totally didn't care.

  2. #27
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    I would think that if you can go to work as a male, you can go to the party as a male. Just set your mind to it and do it. Don't cry over it.
    Krisi

  3. #28
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Krisi,
    You really don't understand the point Jean is making , she is out as a woman apart from her work situation at the moment , she knows she needs to make that final decision and is wondering how she can deal with it without upsetting anyone .

    Switching from female to male gender roles becomes harder and harder . You have to appreciate she has dysphoria as I do and it's hard but necessary to convince others that gender is an important issue and not a game .
    The real me , no going back.

  4. #29
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    Jean said it all "Absolutely noone will disrespectful me even if I said nothing and showed up in a dress." If this is true just go as yourself -ease your fears - have a good time. Have fun and keep us all up tp date .................................Debra

  5. #30
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Thank you all for your responses.

    I decided to basically do as Sherry said.

    Long sleeve knit top, black leggings, ankle boots. It's a holiday outfit that I have worn before.

    I'll put up some pictures.

  6. #31
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Krisi,
    You really don't understand the point Jean is making , she is out as a woman apart from her work situation at the moment , she knows she needs to make that final decision and is wondering how she can deal with it without upsetting anyone .

    Switching from female to male gender roles becomes harder and harder . You have to appreciate she has dysphoria as I do and it's hard but necessary to convince others that gender is an important issue and not a game .
    I don't think you understand the point I am making. She can suck it up and go as the male she presents as at work if she wants to or needs to. These are the people who know her as a male. A company Christmas party is not the best time to introduce herself as a female.
    Krisi

  7. #32
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Krisi,
    I disagree a Xmas party is possibly one of the better times to break the ice , may I ask if you've ever tried it ? Every Xmas party I've been to have been amazing , mixing openly with other people from other parties , dancing the night away without anyone questioning your gender .
    Last edited by Teresa; 11-17-2020 at 01:17 PM.
    The real me , no going back.

  8. #33
    Member LeslieSD's Avatar
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    You both have a point.

    On one hand, if Jean has decided to come to work in male attire and have decided to remain that way, then it should not be a problem to attend the company holiday part in male attire. The male attire at work has been her choice and resolution, and no one is holding her back or saying anything on her dressing. So the decision is obvious and it is on her.

    On the other hand, I can absolutely understand the sad feeling of coming to a holiday part and seeing all the ladies made up in their pretty dresses. And this "I really want that" and "So sad that I can't do that" is probably what Jean is trying to say. Personally, I think the "I can't do that" part is a false assessment.

    Whichever way it goes, I wish everyone a safe and happy holiday season.
    Last edited by LeslieSD; 11-17-2020 at 01:52 PM. Reason: Typo
    Leslie's Advanture into the Unknown - http://lesliesd.weebly.com/

  9. #34
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jean 103 View Post
    Thank you all for your responses.

    I decided to basically do as Sherry said.

    Long sleeve knit top, black leggings, ankle boots. It's a holiday outfit that I have worn before.

    I'll put up some pictures.
    Your outfit sounds great, Jean. Have fun at the party.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-18-2020 at 07:09 AM.

  10. #35
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Jean I have come into this late I admit, but I have read all of the threads, what you are trying to do is a very difficult thing to do especially at the time of year that you are talking about.
    Its all very well for people to say well you dress all of the rest of the time so why not go dressed now and to hell with the consequences, easily said and hard to pick oneself up when it all goes pear shaped. Something like that I would never embark on.
    Your proposed outfit absolutely nails it and I would do exactly the same as you suggest. If as I think I understand you want the whole of your works people to know about your dressing and the possibilty of going full time, then carry some photographs with you, and as time goers by and word spreads explain and show the "new you". Softly and slowly I say.
    My coming out took great courage and took a long to achieve, also I lost some friends along the way, but have made some new ones as well.
    lastly all I can say is good luck, be yourself and enjoy!
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  11. #36
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    We humans and animals have the gift of being able to adapt to almost everthing, and more than we realize. I know i have had so many mega changes in my life, and adverstities, and starting over many times, and moving 52 times. You will find the power and strength within to go in guy mode. After all, it is only for an hour or so. I do not celebrate Christmas, and i just refused to take part in the only party a company i worked at had. I look back, and realize i was being a block head, now, and should have been there, just to eat, and I did not need to take it as a religious thing.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 11-17-2020 at 11:28 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  12. #37
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Thank you Char. As most women don't wear dresses, so I'll be dressed like most of them.

    I am out. Everyone in the main office may not know, but I bet they do. One guy in our office actually met me first as Jean. He was accompanying a guy I work with , who this borrowing a tool.

    My guy mode is pretty girly as I am wearing all women's clothing including a sports bar. I dress the same as I would if I would be representing female. I use my last name , a common girls name.

    I have had customers refer to me as a female.

    I'm a service tech and most of the time I work alone. I am non stop at work, I don't take breaks. My goal everyday is to finish as soon as I can, so I can go back to my life.

    I do enjoy the customers,

    Don't get hung up on the word party. It's more of a family gathering. And there is only one person that I'm worried about, the owner. He is like one year older than me, I lived across the street from his family. The middle brother, we were in the same class. My boss is the youngest brother. In my mind he is still 5 years old, I know a funny imagine for your boss.

    I could wear a tutu and nothing would happen to me.

    Teresa gets it. I have been this way so long now that it is all backwards.

    I tried doing guy mode in a social setting a few years ago for my boyfriend at the time I was living with, where I was the lady of the house. I couldn't handle it, I had like a panic attack . I completely shut down it was all I could do. It would be better if I missed the event then to have this happen again.

  13. #38
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Jean,
    Yes I do get it . Not everyone understands what it means to find the right identity and the efforts needed to retain it . The expectations some people have that it can be turned on and off like a tap just to suit them . If I injure or break an arm I would wear a sling , I wear the clothes I choose to because I'm putting right something inside . As I said to my mother and sister I don't do this to upset or annoy people , I have got better things to do with my life .
    The real me , no going back.

  14. #39
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Thank you again Teresa,

    But the party is off now with the new rules. they said that they will stand through the holidays. At any rate the party is off.

    I took these pictures of the outfits I was considering.

    I wore the Maxi dress today to run a couple errands.
    maxy dress.jpgknee length.jpgChristmas top.jpg
    Last edited by Jean 103; 11-21-2020 at 11:10 PM.

  15. #40
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Hi Jean, I love all three outfits but especially the long maroon/ blue dress. I think you look beautiful and could have gone with anyone of them.
    Crissy

  16. #41
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
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    Sorry the party is off after all the struggles over it. I find myself in a similar situation. Still present male at work. Many know. Basically DADT but I am out to a few. I appreciated hearing your views on your situation and how they relate to mine. It is difficult to not be Gen in social settings. Maybe not as strong as your feelings but I understand your issues. The long dress is the only outfit that woul work for me. The leggings are a bad option. Too middle of the road and they don't work either way. Not a good look regardless.

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