Sitting here today, I thought to myself "how silly is all of this?"

I don't mean by that my desire to dress, underdress, much less anyone's desire to pass, not pass, or express themselves however they see fit.

No, I'm talking about how silly it is that somehow, sometime, society developed all these stupid rules about about fashion and who "can" wear what.

For instance, why does society make me feel such anxiety because I like the way a certain shirt is cut, the patterns it features, or the details it is laden with. And most of all, why do I have to "take a risk" when I wear a shirt with buttons sewn on the opposite side of where they are "supposed to be"?

It's infuriating at times, frankly.

I'm not hurting anyone by doing that. And even if I'm wearing clothing designed for a "woman's body" - like say a bra or a top that's cut for someone with breasts - what's the harm? Why do people think it's okay to say "I'm weird" or even that "I'm brave" for doing so? I'm not any of those things - I'm just wearing something I think is pretty and I like the way it feels or makes me feel.

And if it doesn't quite fit, so what? God knows I wear plenty of men's clothing on a regular basis that doesn't quite fit my body right. Does that give anyone the right to snicker behind my back or say "You shouldn't buy that much less wear it, it's not for you?!"

No, of course not.

Please know I'm not saying this in response to anyone's comments here. It's more me looking back on my life and saying "why the eff have I suffered so much anxiety, anguish, depression, and so on over the years for this passion, these goals of mine? Why? Isn't that all wasted time?"

I'm really beginning to think so.

I'm not looking to be a martyr, a leader, or an advocate based on my desire to dress in a way that makes me happy. I'm just saying I'm beginning to realize how all of my agita through the years has been based on meaningless, hypocritical, and arbitrary standards that have stuck around for no good reason.

Just venting, I guess.