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Thread: Going out dressed with your wife (or SO)

  1. #26
    Member cindylouho's Avatar
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    Go somewhere where nobody knows your name, you can be you, and she can relax about being seen.
    Be the best you, be the true you.
    That said, I love faceapp so much I change my avatar daily

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  2. #27
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Misty,
    To some people the fear of running into people you know is a problem with a wife /partner , they may not know you but they will obviously know your wife .

    Bumping into old friends alone usually means having to spell it out to them , it's happened so many times now to me .
    The real me , no going back.

  3. #28
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    My wife went with me a few times to a private CD support group meeting where wives were welcome. She soon became comfortable that the other CDs weren't monsters and stopped attending. Why? There was nothing in it her. I agreed with her thinking and was fine with it. These days, the once or twice a year I go out, I go solo. My choice. I'm not out locally and don't want to be outed by association.

  4. #29
    Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    My wife knew before we were married. But I presented it to her explaining it being a part of who I am. I stressed to her there is not a gay or Bi part of me. Then she was curious and wanted to see my wardrobe and could obviously see I needed help in the area of fashion!

    I love it when things work out

  5. #30
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Have any of your SOs levels of acceptance evolved from DADT to willingly (as opposed to grudgingly) going out with you?
    That is almost exactly what happened to me. One day she suggested going for a coffee! I asked if she was worried about bumping into people she knew (her previous fear) and she said she was no longer worried about it. From that point things just got even better.

  6. #31
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Misty,
    To some people the fear of running into people you know is a problem with a wife /partner , they may not know you but they will obviously know your wife .
    .
    This is the real risk of going out in public with your wife or girl friend. While you may not be recognizable in your wig, boobs and big butt, your wife will not be so "disguised". Best case, she will introduce you as a friend or relative, you will nod and both be on your way. More likely, there will have to be a conversation and your cover will be blown. The person who knows your wife or the both of you will now know that your wife is married to a crossdresser or that you are a crossdresser. Your "secret" is now out of the bag.

    Personally, I would so love to go out in public with my wife as friends. It would have to be away from home where the chance of running into someone she or we know is slim. Still, there's always that chance.

    Sadly, I don't think it's going to happen for me.

    BTW: It's best to remember that it's not going to be the thrill for her that it would be for you.
    Krisi

  7. #32
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Krisi,
    I wouldn't expect anyone to accompany me in the family if it was for the thrill of it , I would want them to be comfortable and relaxed with me and that's what I love about my daughter . I've also been out with my daughter's mother in law when we've taken the granddaughter to a special riding center for autistic children , she just refers to me as Terri when she introduces me to anyone , I find it lovely to chat to other parents .
    The real me , no going back.

  8. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelaYVR View Post
    That is almost exactly what happened to me. One day she suggested going for a coffee! I asked if she was worried about bumping into people she knew (her previous fear) and she said she was no longer worried about it. From that point things just got even better.
    Follow up question, Angela: That is a stunning and wonderful development. Any insights into how and why your wife’s attitude evolved so favorably?

  9. #34
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
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    My wife slowly warmed up to the idea of going out with me dressed enfemme. The first few times we attended a few local Tri Ess meetings, but it wasn't our thing. Later we made plans to attend a local Unity banquet, since I had nothing to wear (who knew) we went shopping and purchased a formal gown, a cute clutch and a gorgeous pair of 4" sandals, I even had a pedicure and had my toes done French. At the last minute she had second thoughts and we didn't go, later she had regret, it was too late to go to the fancy banquet, so she had me dress in a cute skirt, top and flip flops. With me carrying a borrowed purse she took me out for a quick shopping trip. We drove a little north and stopped a Payless Shoes, there was a mother with 2 teenage daughters in addition to myself and my wife in the small store, to say I was nervous was an understatement. We finally left Payless and walked a few doors down to a Target, being a larger store and not so crowded I relaxed a little and started to look at some jewelry until I looked up and couldn't see my wife. I had a mini panic attacked until I found her 20 feet away. We walked thru the store with her coaching me to walk slower and enjoy shopping which I attempted to do, we picked up a few household items and looked around a bit. We went to check out and I tried to inconspicuously look at a tabloid magazine while my wife paid for everything. The experience of being out in public dressed was both frightening and liberating at the same time. Once we got in the car to drive home, I told my wife that although scary I was not ready for the night to end so she pulled off the interstate and drove to a Kohl's. I had never been in a Kohl's before but relaxed a little when I realized it was less crowded than either the Payless or Target. We walked around browsing the selection of lady’s clothes (every time I passed a mirror, I quickly checked my appearance and smiled). We didn’t find much but I did follow my wife into the dressing room to try on a pair of Capri pants. They fit us both, so we checked out and went home to relax with a glass of wine on the patio in the afterglow of our first real public trip outside of the with me dressed.

    Since then, we have gone out a few times since, to several malls shopping, eating in the food court or at times at an upscale bistro. My wife is my biggest supporter and understands my need to dress and yes to go out in public.
    Jill

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  10. #35
    Sunshine Gal AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Follow up question, Angela: That is a stunning and wonderful development. Any insights into how and why your wife’s attitude evolved so favorably?
    There were several factors involved. I believe the initial motivating factor was actually us bumping into one of my GG friends while out [in drab] one day together. My wife had always turned down the invitation to meet the friends I had made when out dressed. In a nutshell, my wife got jealous. This started the ball rolling.

    From that point she confronted her own issues with regard to my dressing. First off, she was missing out on an important part of my life (there was no issue with her seeing me dressed at home, just the going out part). Secondly, she could finally admit out loud that she was attracted to me while dressed and clearing that hurdle smoothed out everything else.

    Unfortunately no magic formula, just a confluence of events that made things work out!

  11. #36
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    Good luck finding a support group that also has spouses. Those are few and far between.

    In fact at my TG support group spouses often complain that there is nothing for them.

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Roberta,
    Two of my groups have a regular attendance of about 25% wives/partners , we find activities that everyone enjoys , some couples make a weekend of it because the hotel gives them a special deal .
    The real me , no going back.

  13. #38
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    A weekend of it? I thought we were talking about support groups, not social clubs.

    I know a couple social clubs for CD/TG and spouses are always welcome at their meetings and events, but they are not support groups.

    A weekly support group just for spouses of CD/TG is hard to find.

    Allowing spouses to attend a CD/TG support group is just not the same thing. At least that's what I have heard said by actual spouses.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 11-19-2020 at 04:22 PM.

  14. #39
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    A weekend of it? I thought we were talking about support groups, not social clubs.
    .
    first off the OP just asked about going out.

    Second
    I think Teresa is talking about a support
    group( they also have social events) I know of two such groups in Canada and friends of mine also stay over as it a few hrs away and a time away together .
    Most of these groups are in bigger cities and would be a good option to look into after things open back up.
    Last edited by Di; 11-19-2020 at 05:44 PM.
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  15. #40
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    I know, I was replying to Teresa

    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Roberta,
    Two of my groups have a regular attendance of about 25% wives/partners , we find activities that everyone enjoys , some couples make a weekend of it because the hotel gives them a special deal .
    This is why I like to quote who I am replying to, but if I had done that I would have been scolded for quoting the post right before mine.

    When I don't it leads to confusion like being scolding me for being off topic (I think?)

    I can't win.


    But back on topic, maybe the definition of a support group is in order.

    To me a support group is basically a group therapy session with or without a mental health professional leading it.

    Not just a group of like minded people getting together to chat and have fun.

    In fact my TG support group even says it is not as dating service and NOT to talk to or even acknowledge other members of the group outside of the group because they may not be out.

    The CD/TG Social Club I belong to has "We are not a support group" all over their website

    So to me these are two distinctly different things.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 11-19-2020 at 08:17 PM.

  16. #41
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
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    Your support group definition is different than mine. The group I attended for four years used the Tri-Ess meeting template (education, social, support). We had many speakers, but never had a "mental health professional" lead any discussion.

    "Tri-Ess is an educational, social and support group for heterosexual crossdressers, their partners, the spouses of married crossdressers and their families." https://www.tri-ess.org/docs/whatis.html
    Last edited by Taylor186; 11-20-2020 at 12:46 PM. Reason: clarity

  17. #42
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    But what about the reluctant or outright non-supportive spouse? Where's their support group?

    That's the hard question.

    Also there is not even a Tri-Ess chapter in my state, so again spousal support groups are few and far between

  18. #43
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AngelaYVR View Post
    There were several factors involved. I believe the initial motivating factor was actually us bumping into one of my GG friends while out [in drab] one day together. My wife had always turned down the invitation to meet the friends I had made when out dressed. In a nutshell, my wife got jealous. This started the ball rolling.

    From that point she confronted her own issues with regard to my dressing. First off, she was missing out on an important part of my life (there was no issue with her seeing me dressed at home, just the going out part). Secondly, she could finally admit out loud that she was attracted to me while dressed and clearing that hurdle smoothed out everything else.

    Unfortunately no magic formula, just a confluence of events that made things work out!
    I would love to go out with my wife as girlfriends, but I don't expect it to happen.

    But I will remember how it worked for you, and see if I can duplicate. I'll also play MegaBucks that day and see if I can win two at one time. LOL

    My social group in DC has no problem with spouses coming. The just on't want admirers.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  19. #44
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Right here, actually, Roberta.

    It's a section of this Forum called F.A.B. (Female at Birth), and its Mission Statement is "The F.A.B. section exists to provide support for women who are in a relationship with a crossdresser or a transsexual. This forum is invite only for real F.A.B. members (Female at Birth). Non members or CD members cannot view any part of this additional forum."

  20. #45
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    When we first joined our support group one piece of advice was that if you wish to go out, do so in a town at least 20 miles from yours.
    That minimizes the chance that someone you know will be there and see either of you. Of course make sure none of your friends live there.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  21. #46
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    Actually Leslie, I recommended the FAB section here and this was the ONLY place a dozen Transwomen and two spouses on Zoom could come up with for a spouse to find any support.

    Two months later that marriage ended.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 11-20-2020 at 02:51 PM.

  22. #47
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Misty,
    I have been out for walks dressed in public and to bars with my wife and I don't think she realised that I was totally crossdressed (wearing a bra, women's jeans, tights, hoody, scarf, jewelry - though not very femme). Who am I kidding? She must have realised, but did not say anything or object. Not exactly a MIAD in public, but probably the next best thing. I can even wear makeup now under my Covid face mask!
    stay healthy,
    luv J

  23. #48
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    My wife's biggest issue was fear of what others thought of her. It took baby steps such as wearing a jean skirt with hoodie and dress shirt and kilt, and time of seeing it most days at home. Now it isn't an issue if I am wearing something simple like a t-shirt and skirt. If I am wearing a dress I usually will change into a skirt before going out with her.

  24. #49
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    My wife is totally supportive of my dressing, with the exception of going out....small nosy town, police, accidents, etc. Several years ago, she reluctantly agree to go out with me. I was ecstatic. We drove 20 miles to a mall for dinner and a movie. All went well until we saw a couple we knew...small world. We both freaked out. We weren?t seen, but that experience eliminated any future outings. My DADT is going out. I?ve ventured out occasionally, but am not comfortable. Someday, maybe.

  25. #50
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheryl T View Post
    When we first joined our support group one piece of advice was that if you wish to go out, do so in a town at least 20 miles from yours.
    That minimizes the chance that someone you know will be there and see either of you. Of course make sure none of your friends live there.
    20 miles is nothing these days. Many folks drive further than that to work and back (at least in the USA). I would suggest 100 miles away or at least a two hour drive. Even that is no guarantee.

    For me, and I suspect most folks, the hard part is just getting out of the house and neighborhood. You never know who might be looking out their window when you walk out of the house all doled up to get into the car. Worse yet is when you return home.
    Krisi

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