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Thread: Fellow members in strict DADT, how are you dealing with second lockdown

  1. #1
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Fellow members in strict DADT, how are you dealing with second lockdown

    A question for others navigating strict DADT. I?m referring to those of you who were able to get away with a little planning before lockdown. You can?t order things and have them delivered, don?t have an opportunity to leave the home. You can?t dress fully, you can?t shop online and Covid is rampant in your area and you are retired. The days feel endless and all you can see ahead are likely another six months of the same.

    I love my wife and am not looking to upset her or destroy our marriage. Parading publicly around my rural non accepting community in a dress code will not make things better. Basically I am appealing to a silent minority that I know are following along but not commenting. This won?t win me any fans but are there others who?s resolve is to resist the urge to dress openly so as to preserve the marriage? I?d like to hear from you.

  2. #2
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Not everyone needs or wants to dress "openly" in public. If u do? Why not jump in your car and drive to a different community where they don't know u?

    U don't have to mix with people there. Covid or not covid. Walk in a park, by a river, lake, or ocean! Being DADT is NOT the end of the world.

    Girls that want to, need to, dress, will!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
    Silver Member JenniferR771's Avatar
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    2020 has been a tough year for me in my DADT relationship. No shopping. UGH!
    My other-half never leaves the house--well sometimes for brief shopping trips or to get her hair done.
    I have had to look pretty and wear a dress silently and so quickly.
    And I have been wearing old dresses from my storage. Sigh--not good.
    I need to go shopping.
    I need support group meetings. We could meet as a group before the Covid epidemic happened.

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member Christie ann's Avatar
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    Star, you nailed exactly what I am feeling. Personally I am throwing myself into a few activities that keep my mind busy and being content with women’s jeans. That was at least until my birthday when my wife bought me men’s jeans. No message could be clearer.
    She has never liked my wearing girl clothes and now that we spend all day, every day together ...

  5. #5
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    I commented on my DADT situation in another post the other day. I have managed to buy things online, but need to dress upstairs in the evenings while my wife watches TV, sows or whatever. I have only ever been out once (for a drive) and like to have the use of the house when she goes out shopping/class/sport etc. Its very limiting at present but I should be glad she is to some extent tolerant of my CDing.
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  6. #6
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    I am in a more than dadt relationship. She knows, just not the extent. I have not been fully dressed with full makeup for two years since my last business trip that was conducive to a nice night in the hotel. I am relegated to quick glimpses of my other self when she is out of the house for an hour or few when I can dash into a quick outfit sans makeup. I wish I could be out... Me.. it?s too cold out to jog, maybe I?ll borrow your leggings for under my sweatpants. Her.. oh no you will not. Me.. just kidding... her.. sure you were.
    Last edited by gwencd158; 11-20-2020 at 01:33 PM.

  7. #7
    Member Territx's Avatar
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    Star -- I am "in the same boat" so to speak. I just do what I can using this and other websites and hope for the end of this craziness. I did take a chance and ordered some yoga pants primarily to use as "long johns" under running/walking pants for those few cold mornings when we are out doing our daily "2+ mile" walk. They do not have any labels that identify them as being female yoga pants and I did explain that an article/review had said (men's?) yoga pants served the same purpose. It is all I can do under the circumstances. Good luck.
    I am what I am and also what I am not!

  8. #8
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    I only have a few items of clothing and nothing fit for upper Midwest winters. I have one pair of high heels that would kill me trying to walk on snow and ice, no bras, no dresses, a couple pair of leggings, a summer top, panties, a dozen pair of panties (because that makes sense for stealth dressers). I couldn't go out in public if I wanted and if I could there isn't anywhere I'd feel safe going up here. We have the right to go anywhere we please but that doesn't mean it's always a wise decision. Personally I wouldn't want to find myself cornered in a compromising position and get the stuffing kicked out of me. If I ever did venture out it would be under the safety in numbers principle. To take it a step further, my old beater that I use for hauling and outdoor projects isn't something a proper lady would want to ride in much less drive. No the rusty old thing is giving me fits so I have my eye open for a deal on a pickup truck. Again not exactly the vehicle I'd want to go clubbing in which brings up another brick wall, I don't drink and have no desire to go anywhere near a club. Then there is the matter of where does one go all dressed up in a one horse town, the feed mill or the local redneck bar? Your location in Orange County docrobbysherry tells me that you probably can't even relate to my world. Assuming that's orange county California small town living in the upper Midwest might as well be on a different planet.

    My situation is pretty much hopeless as far as dressing likely for the next six months or more. I need my mobility and the opportunity to make short car trips under the guise of attending sporting events out of town. That was my go-to alibi and with everything shut down and a vacant shared family lake home being bought out by one of the part owners I have nowhere to go to dress.

  9. #9
    Member Petra1's Avatar
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    Both my wife and I have been working from home since August. As much as I would like to do so more often, I have only dressed once. The main reason I don't dress more often is because, while accepting, I believe my wife would prefer I didn't dress although, she has said she's okay with it as long as I stay in the house. So, if I do any dressing, it's panties only under male clothes.

  10. #10
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    My wife of nearly fifty years and I are in a DADT marriage. She does not know the extent of my wardrobe. If she wanted to have a conversation about my cross dressing then I would fully disclose my wardrobe. But, since she wishes not to be engaged on any level, then why would I tell her about my purchases. The last time I had the opportunity to be en femme was New Year's Eve when she babysat our grandchild at my daughter's apartment. We are retired. She does not drive due to a visual/depth perception problems.

    I do not need to buy anymore dresses or undergarments; bras, slips and panties....and hosiery. I have 162 dresses. Plenty to wear but zero opportunity. I have taken up "collecting" panties; colors and prints of my favorite panties. It keeps my head in the game. Due to medical issues my wife and I sleep apart. I sleep in a nylon gown and panty every night. She always sleeps late in the morning. I am usually up 7:30 AM. I wake her up for "The View" at 9:45 AM. Wearing a robe I usually keep the nightgown and panty on until I have to rustled her out of bed.

    When COVID is over I am sure she will babysit our grandchild on occasion. Hopefully that will be sooner than later. If she were to walk in on me for some reason while I was asleep I doubt she would blow a fuse. On occasion she has found an article of clothing I had failed to put away. No tirades. Just a short sentence to let me know where she put it.

    Frankly, what is keeping me sane is the insanity of this election cycle and the seemingly idiocy surrounding COVID. I got plenty of toilet paper, but, probably not enough wine.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I am in a DADT relationship. My wife knows but does not want to see. But, she hasn't yet gone on a search and destroy mission.

    I've navigated the shopping and dressing in secret for years now.

    I still shop online and have the purchases sent to my PO Box. I'm not in full lockdown, so I can still make pickups at the PO Box. You can also ship to UPS stores or Amazon lockers. I buy gift cards with cash and pay online using gift cards. I still can get out of the house alone to go shopping at a brick and mortar store.

    I used to have a CD friend in a consensual CDing relationship with his wife. I used to go there, sometimes just to dress, but usually to dress and go out to dinner, shopping and/or some other event )like the Renaissance Festival). But she moved to Reno. Now I shop and/or change at a local resale shop. I've gotten to know the owner and everyone that works there, so they let me change in one of their dressing rooms

    At least partly due to my crossdressing, my wife has decided she is more comfortable sleeping in another bedroom. That give me the opportunity to under-sleep, wearing a bra and forms under my boy pajamas. However, I can't go much further than that, because we still share the bathroom off the master bedroom where I sleep.

    My social group has set up monthly zoom calls, but I only attended one because the only safe place for me was in the car in the garage. The also had a small Halloween party out, but I was worried about getting COVID, The had a Christmas party scheduled, but I think that might need to cancel due to the COVID resurgence.

    Keystone was cancelled last March and it is already cancelled for next March. The Maryland Renaissance Festival was cancelled. Pride was cancelled.

    It's mostly you girls who keep me sane.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-20-2020 at 11:28 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Hey Star,
    I assume you have seen some of my posts. Although I have been caught with dressing a bit over the years, I am not allowed to own a single female item so I have to be very careful to keep it all closeted. The constant anxiety and concern over the covid situation along with being cooped up at home almost all the time leaves very little time for dressing up, and it is all combining to take a mental toll for sure.

    I had been doing some risky activities. Like waking up in the middle of the night, getting dressed and going for a walk in the quiet neighborhood. I even went to an early am doctor appointment dressed up one day. I was headed toward getting caught, so I dug out one of my hobbies from 20 years ago to get my mind focused on something else. It has helped a bit to focus on other interests. Even so the fog can come back in and whack me sometimes.

    I was able to travel a lot for work pre covid, but now that is all but gone. It would be more difficult in a rural setting to find somewhere to go for sure. I used to go to bars and clubs, and I know you do not drink, but i will say if you have never been to a drag show while dressed, it can really be fun. Many times there are far more women to hang out with in the audience, and you do not have to drink alcohol. Anyhow even all that is gone for the time being. At least in my area of travels.

    I am almost at the point of giving up on dressing. I am not planning to purge, but it is really hard to find a time that I can dress. Probably a trip to the mall is about all I could do at best. It sounds like that is not an option for you. I understand completely. No options at all. Hopefully covid will be less of a risk in a number of months and that might open some new opportunities. Until then, we just have to endure.

    One thing I am able to do is shop online because I have a UPS mailbox at a UPS store. Seems like even that is not an option for you.

    Take care

    Sandi

  13. #13
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    I appreciate all the feedback. Just knowing that I am not alone is encouraging. My therapy sessions are where I discuss solutions and get practical advice about ways to cope. This is where I can find a sympathetic ear.

    A year ago I was well on my way to expanding my dressing, accumulating more clothes and had a CD friend I could visit and a vacant shared lake home. All of those things went away, the friend fell of the face of the earth and hasn?t replied to me or even used their social media accounts. I did find out from a mutual friend that he is still alive but no other details. We had been making plans for me to make online purchases and have them delivered there. The lake place was a convenient getaway and free to stay there. I could plan my maintenance trips when only I would be going and dress the whole time. My wife was using it to take breaks from each other due to Covid lockdown craziness as well. It was perfect, a built in free escape that didn?t raise any questions or having the house to myself while she was up there.

    The logistics of going into a big box store to purchase a gift card and to the post office to get a box during our spike in cases is not an option. My wife does not watch my every move but my van sits outside in the driveway in easy view of the picture window. It would be too easy for her to glance out and see me smuggling packages into the garage. We have an agreement not to go anywhere that would put the other at risk. She would likely get curious if I started making frequent trips when I haven?t been going anywhere since March.

    The mutual friend I mentioned lives an hour and a half away and I don?t trust my beater driving that far. Going there requires three hours round trip and an eight hour window to provide enough dressing time to make it worth while. It is way out in the country with half the trip on winding two lane highways so it is a very infrequent destination and would not work for deliveries.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Star,
    To follow up, sneaking things into the garage is not so much of a problem. I just wait until my wife is taking a shower, or taking the dog for a walk or sleeping. I just put stuff in a trash bag. If you get caught, you are just cleaning out the car. Put it in the trash and get it later. The problem is getting caught with the goods in your house. I have 3 dresses hanging in a guest bedroom closet behind a bunch of my old clothes. If she ever decided to clean that closet I am toast. It would be a little hard to explain why I have 200 dollar sequin miniskirt hanging in there along with a couple of other dresses. I just did not want them damaged from heat in my attic which hits 140F in hot weather.

    Anyhow, I know it can be difficult. I have actually started to lose some interest. I stopped shaving since there is no where I can go really. Not to mention, I am getting older and I am wishing I could have my youth back. So yea , it is kind of hard to deal with, but I am lucky that covid has not hit any of my family members yet. The statistics are quite alarming now so I do worry a lot, and that never helps with the mental health.

    Stay safe

    Sandi

  15. #15
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    That is what I would do normally is to smuggle things into the house but our current situation adds another layer of complexity. In a normal year she would be going places, baby sitting grandkids at their homes and pretty much busy all the time. Unfortunately this isn?t a normal year and it has stifled my privacy. I am looking ahead to a time when I don?t feel so cramped.

  16. #16
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sandi Beech View Post
    Hey Star,
    I assume you have seen some of my posts. Although I have been caught with dressing a bit over the years, I am not allowed to own a single female item so I have to be very careful to keep it all closeted. The constant anxiety and concern over the covid situation along with being cooped up at home almost all the time leaves very little time for dressing up, and it is all combining to take a mental toll for sure.
    Sandi
    Sandi

    I totally understand getting caught. I got caught a couple of times in the past 2 months.

    Fortunately, it only raises the temperature a little bit now. She used to go ballistic. I have a 5x5' storage locker where I keep a lot of my things. At home I keep my things in my office. It's so full now, I can't even walk into it. My wife is into downsizing and she wants me to downsize my office. The problem is how to downsize without exposing the extent of my wardrobe.

    On a sillier note, since you can't "own" any clothing, can you "rent"?
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-22-2020 at 09:53 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  17. #17
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Absolutely, Sometimes Steffi! A member of my SO's social group rented dresses all the time because she didn't shop at thrift stores but never wanted to wear the same dress twice. At the time, I believe it was something like $10 per dress to rent - unless they wanted to buy and keep the dress. I'm sure someone here knows the clothes rental websites because I have forgotten.

    It would eliminate the need for more storage space but the new dress boxes would come often!
    Last edited by char GG; 11-22-2020 at 12:33 PM.

  18. #18
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Lockdown Shmockdown. Wearing a mask has reduced the need for makeup when I go to the store.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  19. #19
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Char GG

    I've rented a number of times from Rent The Runway. I usually got a evening gown or a cocktail dress for some big event. One time when I returned the dress to UPS to ship back, the woman right in front of me was returning her dress also.

    Now, there's a lot of companies renting multiple outfits at a time. If I was a GG and a real fashionista, I might get in on one of those.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 11-23-2020 at 09:53 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member Traci H's Avatar
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    First, retirement kind of changed things for our DADT relationship, but at least there were times where we were apart from each other. Shopping trips, club retreats, etc. Then Covid hit and we really have locked ourselves down by choice. I'm content to wait for a vaccine and don't want to be in a hospital for any time. However, that has virtually halted my dressing activities. I enjoy my panties every day and an occasionally bra now that the weather is colder. But my makeup is aging away, and my dresses remain in storage in the garage. I order things from Amazon on occasion and we get many packages from them and we each leave them for the proper person to open. Once in a while, my wife has made a comment about me wearing women's jeans, which I do almost all the time. Hell, I have gotten so use to their lighter weight that I find men's rather frumpy.

    I long for the pandemic to end so I can indulge a bit with my fem side a bit more, but I can wait. I value my life and my wife too much.
    I just want to be pretty once in a while

  21. #21
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Same thing here, any progress I was making to get more in touch with my feminine side was stopped in its tracks by the pandemic. My wife and I have a commitment to ride this thing out so everything is on hold until we can get vaccinated.

    We have agreed to separate mini vacations so we don?t have to board our cats. We have different interests so that is the plan when things open up again. I need to upgrade to a more road worthy vehicle, another thing I put off due to the pandemic. No sense making payments on something that is going to sit in the driveway. I don?t want to complain because my problems are not that big of a deal. At least there is some light at the end of the tunnel.

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