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Thread: Where You Fall on the Spectrum

  1. #26
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    This turned out to be a good question because I like that there are posts from some long time members that haven't posted much.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  2. #27
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    It is a good and very fair question with a lot of great responses that seems to span a good deal of the spectrum. I don't identify as male or female in terms of gender. Pure non-binary. But also could be called gender fluid. I am comfortable most everywhere on the spectrum, also a non-binary characteristic.

    How does that work? Probably my neural networks associated with gender behavior may be an even blend of both male-like and female-like forms that also shift around a bit as a result of brain plasticity. Why does that happen? I have no idea, but it seems that I am configured that way which really isn't an answer to the why question. Been that way since forever.

  3. #28
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Do you just want to wear feminine clothes? There seems to be more to it than that

    Do you want to have a feminine body shape? Yes, but the desire isn't strong enough to pursue modifications.

    Feminine walk? I worked on this a few years ago without much success. I just try to walk less like a man when dressing in public.

    Act like a woman? I don't wanna put on an act. Fem attributes and behavior may manifest without conscious effort.

    Would you be satisfied wearing male clothes with traditionally feminine patterns and fabrics? No
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  4. #29
    Member VivianNewkirk's Avatar
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    "Gender-fluid" is a good description for me. At work or out-and-about I'm usually in mostly male mode, but I underdress and wear jewelry regularly, including studs in my pierced ears. Once I'm home, and frequently while out shopping, I'm usually a woman. Vivian has completely taken over one of my two clothes closets and shows no signs of slowing that down!

  5. #30
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    Hi Gwen , I am just a strait Male who totally enjoys dressing
    to look and act as feminine and lovely as I can,, >Orchid **OO**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  6. #31
    Reality Check
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    I use silicone and foam to achieve aa "feminine shape". I wear a feminine wig and feminine clothing. I'm not sure I can act like a woman but I try. Same for the walk.

    Bottom line; When I am dressed as a woman, I try to present as a woman to the best of my ability. It's like acting in a play or movie.
    Krisi

  7. #32
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    I am in my mid 50’s and have been dressing since I was about 11 years old, but I do think the desire has always been there. For me, I love dressing as a woman. Have no desire to become a woman, but I do absolutely love how I feel when it all comes together. It does need to be 100% and by this I mean heels, stockings, clothes, breastforms, makeup, nails and a wig. If I get to paint my toes...all the better. It has at least, in part, always been a sexual thing for me. However I do find that as I have aged I just want to spend more time dressed. I don’t need to do it every day, but it is always in my thoughts. I have come to the realization that this is who I am, and I am finally comfortable with that.

    I hope that everyone here finds their happy place with this. Most people don’t understand this desire, including me at times.

  8. #33
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I fall as non-binary on the spectrum. I like to pick and choose the aspects I like from both sides. Clothes wise this is female (skirts, dresses, cardigans, jewelry booties, like heels but impractical so don't wear often) and male (flip-flops, t-shirts, hoodies, boxers, socks, sneakers). Body wise I don't do fake boobs or shave my legs or makeup, but I did grow my hair out to shoulder length. I don't change the way I sit, talk, walk, etc as that feels fake for me. I don't want to be a female, but I don't really like masculinity.

  9. #34
    Member susanmichelle's Avatar
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    As of late me being 68 now and
    Have been looking more and more feminine the older I get I?m leaning more towards transgender than anything now most of my friends know of my dressing and accept me fully and a few prefer me this way more than the male side. I?m single now and have been since 94 and don?t want to remarry especially after 3 divorces none due to the dressing though.

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member
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    Masculine hetero miad who rarely wears a dress

  11. #36
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Krisi, That is a lot like me. But, as a lifetime single, and starved for seeing GGs around my age dressed classy, starved for female touch, and beauty. I put on classy dresses, hose, heels, pearls, broach, earrings, wig, perfume, and kind of become the tall, classy lady of my dreams. But, after several hours, am exhausted, and glad to to back to my guy mode.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 11-24-2020 at 12:39 PM.

  12. #37
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    Just an old guy that like to dress in finer women's clothes.
    No desire at all for the full makeup or passing in public

    Just enjoy being me
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  13. #38
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Yes, it is different for everyone. Past threads have discussed what was the first piece of female clothes that one tried on that flipped the switch. The answers were all over the spectrum...panties, hose, scarves, blouses, and the list goes on. With many, like me, my dressing was progressive, starting with hose. I?m a hetro male with a supportive wife. I have, so far, had no ?itch? to do anything else, but dress...sometimes only underneath, sometimes partially, sometimes completely.

  14. #39
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    I've been crossdressing for over 40 years. In my earliest times I always wished I would just go to sleep and wake up as a girl. In later years I used to consider myself "just a crossdresser". The desire would wax and wane over the years. When it came back about 5 years ago it came back with a vengeance. At one point when I really gave it some thought I realized that it wasn't just how the clothes felt or looked. It was about wanting to present as and be perceived as a woman to the best of my ability. I consider myself to be trans and if my situation were different I might consider transition but that is off the table for the foreseeable future.

  15. #40
    I can only be me Samm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    I have been struggling to answer this question for decades and the best I can come up with is that I am somewhere on the gender identity spectrum...if you view gender as two polar extremes...a bit to the female side. Saying that, its not a static sense...some days I can function comfortable as a male and wonder if all this gender angst is just a delusion. At other times I can totally accept being transgender. I am not sure what causes the shifts, but I notice that when my overall mood is positive, I also feel more comfortable with my female self. When I am depressed, then I shift a bit towards male and denial.
    Kim, you've pretty much described me!
    I don't think I could choose one over the other, but the shifting back and forth can be a bit difficult to keep up with, to say the least. Some days it's non existent, others I suddenly find myself on the verge of tears. It definitely gets tiring sometimes. Keeping somewhat of a balance seems to be key for me.
    So where am I on the spectrum? A little here.... a little there, but never in one place for too long.
    "Samm" Sammara Michaels

    I also speak fluent sarcasm

  16. #41
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    If I'm not wearing a dress or skirt, I look like an alpha male, and an intimidating one at that. No one who hasn't seen me dressed would ever guess that about me.

    That said, I am at my best, most complete, confident, and happy when I can put on a skirt and heels and get out in the world. I never try to fool people into thinking I'm a woman. There is no makeup, wig, breast forms or voice alteration. I am a man in a dress and confident about it because I have had the benefit of personal style training by some very knowledgeable drpass as a womeness sales ladies. So that is my best presentation. If I attempted to pass as a woman I believe the result would be a tragic joke..

    If you search the web for images of men in dresses, you will see a wide variety of presentations, good, bad and ugly. The best look amazingly comfortable and natural without makeup, wig or boobs and the comments they receive are overwhelmingly positive, as if they are crying out for more men to be so courageous. I think the world is ready to see men wearing dresses. Not as a joke, or a protest or some type of punishment or humiliation. But as a sincere statement that "This is me and I'm claiming my place in the world" And the world finally decides its Not A Big Deal.

    Sometimes I feel like the members of this forum are actually hindering the acceptance of crossdressing by setting a standard for themselves that few can attain. They think they can't go out in public unless they can actually pass as a woman, perhaps out of fear of being found out and humiliated for it, or worse. A much more attainable goal is presentability. Get clothes that fit your figure properly, coordinate them with suitable accessories and act the way normal women do and You Will Be Accepted. Not as a woman, of course, but as a human being with an interesting wardrobe, courage and good taste. There's less out there to fear than you think

  17. #42
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    This is the best thread I've read on the site so far! Thanks for sharing. everyone!

    It has taken me about 7 years to reach the point I'm at where I love being a straight man, and then occasionally get all pink-foggy and sieze an opportunity to go full-on Alana. It ends up being this like secret performance art project, with deep roots in who I've been all my life. At various points I really condemned my Alana self, and I thought 'if I heard someone saying the things I'm thinking about her, out loud, I'd be really pissed at that person. I'm getting pretty good at projecting the person she is, but I've never gone out as her.

  18. #43
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    (from the OP)

    What scratches your "itch"? Do you just want to wear feminine clothes? Do you want to have a feminine body shape? Feminine walk? Act like a woman? Would you be satisfied wearing male clothes with traditionally feminine patterns and fabrics?

    Ok, here goes...
    It's more of an ache than an itch. The more feminine I can feel, the less discomfort.
    Just feminine clothes? NO.
    Feminine body shape? I WISH!
    Feminine walk? SURE.
    Act like a woman? MORE LIKE BE A WOMAN.
    Male clothes with feminine patterns? WHY BOTHER?


    Where do I fall on the spectrum? I don't feel like I exactly "fall" on it. Instead, I feel like I'm in a tug of war and being scraped across it.
    At one end of the rope is the "inner" or "real" me, pulling me toward the GG end (or as close as possible)
    At the other end of the rope are social expectations, my SO, finances, physical reality (my born-into body), etc.
    It sometimes feels like I'm being torn in half, but I've managed to find a place somewhere in the middle where neither side feels the need to pull quite as hard. It's not exactly comfortable and it's not where I want to be. but at least I can breathe.

    Sorry - feeling a bit dramatic this morning, I guess.

  19. #44
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alice Torn View Post
    ............and kind of become the tall, classy lady of my dreams. But, after several hours, am exhausted, and glad to to back to my guy mode.
    Married DADT and IDW2SI. It started for me in my teens when I realised I could temporarily become the (buxom) woman of my dreams. Over the years, I've enjoyed every imaginable costume or character.
    My adventure also has a lot to do with pictures and videos. There is quite the creative expression. I love the experience and I love going back to guy mode. It's generally more comfortable
    and I'm good at it. As a sexy maid in heels or a uniformed housekeeper with proper foundation garments I can't get chores done as efficiently as I can in jeans and a t-shirt.
    Last edited by CarlaWestin; 11-25-2020 at 09:56 AM.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  20. #45
    Aspiring Member fun4metoo2004's Avatar
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    Wow, good question. I consider myself a 60 year old crossdresser. I like the look and feel when I dress, and the very few times that I have had makeup on I like what I see in the mirror. I have been celibate by choice since my divorce, so no significant other to confer with or fight with. I do wish I had someone I could confide in that I am close/intimate with.

    Sexuality wise, I consider myself bi-sexual. I have not had any encounters while dressed, and would prefer to dress more and perfect my makeup. Makeup for me is a slow and unforgiving thing for me. I seem to be all thumbs.

    Currently, I am not dressing at all. My home is up for sale, all my items are packed away and living in my RV (Caravan for the UK people), so going thru some withdrawals here.

    I am trying to lose some weight so that I can look better in the outfits I want to wear.

  21. #46
    Member Jacqueline Vivaldi's Avatar
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    After many years of dressing and trying to perfect my look, feelings, shape, and mind, I clearly fall on the rainbow spectrum on the female side in every way with all of the female benefits and pleasures. However, any kind of surgery or hormones is not part of my well thought out decision. It is what it is and I hope everyone on the spectrum is confident and joyous about their decision. I am glad that all of us are where we want to be or are at least working to get there.

  22. #47
    You Can Call Me Christy G
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    For most of my life I associated my desire to wear a woman's undergarments, specifically a brassiere, as evidence of my being a pervert. That meant, of course, that every time I indulged in such behavior, which happened intermittently over the decades, I felt shame and eventually purged my stash of lingerie. I indulged a few fantasies through porn but for the last 20 years I haven't engaged with crossdressing in any form... that was until Covid arrived and I entertained the possibility of engaging with my fantasies with the intention of accepting rather than rejecting those feelings. It was that decision that led me to this website and a few others focusing on men with a fascination with their own breasts and wearing brassieres. I appreciate from being with kindred spirits... that is men fascinated with the feminine, not with respect to the women in our lives but within ourselves, that this topic is very complex and we each have our own unique way of engaging with our fantasies. I see that on this thread, for example.

    I know I've never been a particularly masculine man. I've worked hard at times in my life to develop a more muscular, lean body, but it never happened. There has always been a bit of softness to my body. In retrospect I understand now that I developed gynecomastia in puberty that never resolved, as often happens when boys turn into men. I didn't have large breasts, but then I didn't have a flat chest either. I was a bit embarrassed by my body and tended to avoid situations in which it would be on display... like swimming, or spending time in gyms, locker rooms, shared showers.

    I've been aware the last year that my breasts have been growing, which makes sense given that my libido has been much diminished. I've read that while women's hormones diminish with age, for men testosterone diminishes but estrogen continues to be produced. Add that piece of information with the fact treating some health problems associated with aging, such as BPH, can disrupt hormones even more... leading to breast growth. At this time in my life, my fascination with brassieres is being met with growing breasts that actually look pretty fine in an underwire brassiere without padding.

    I know I'm a man and there is nothing in me that feels I need to transition, but then I'm definitely enjoying having breasts and occasionally wearing a brassiere. In fact, when I put on a brassiere I seem to slip into an altered state that fixes my attention on my breasts and nipples. I don't put on women's garments but I will put on a tight fitting tee shirt or turtleneck that shows off my very real bosom. I don't feel a need to pass, or for that matter to be seen with my breasts enhanced, but occasionally I will wear a brassiere when out and it invariably stirs my juices. In those moments I have a hard time keeping my hands off my breasts.

    I've no idea what any of this means... if it means anything at all. But I'm still working with acceptance and allowing myself to indulge when and how I wish. Since I live alone I don't need to negotiate this with anyone else. I have told three friends, one of whom is my former wife. She is remarkably supportive of my intention to end shame and find a healthier relationship with these desires. I'm glad there is a place like this where such matters can be discussed. These are important conversations. Having support for our exploration is much appreciated.
    We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time...
    T.S. Eliot Four Quartets

  23. #48
    New Member Kristyn_Lynne's Avatar
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    I need both halves of myself to be complete. They are almost separate personalities. I remember as a teen wishing somehow breasts could have zippers underneath so you could decide whether or not to slip in implants or leave it flat for being a man.

  24. #49
    Senior Member
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    In the past putting on a dress and maybe pantyhose was enough but now dressing completely with shoes, padding, wig, accessories and full makeup scratches my crossdressing itch.

  25. #50
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    I was always very content with cute panties and maybe a bra. But it seemed now instantly I needed stockings and garter. Then heels and skirts. Now dresses and full Make up

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