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Thread: Well, that's a deal breaker

  1. #1
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Well, that's a deal breaker

    Said my wife to me.

    Just some background information. Mt relationship with my wife is DADT, but the pot boiled over today.

    I've been teleworking for over 8 months now, and I get almost no girl time. My wife is retired and always home. My adult daughter is living in the basement. She's off the past week and the next week because someone at thee pre-school she works at tested positive for COVID, and the school closed this week.

    Without much to do, I was growing out my nails. They were the longest that I've ever grown them, and all 10 were in really good shape. My wife started asking me to trim my nails a few weeks ago, and over the last few days, she keeps asking more often.

    We had made plans to go out together today, and just as I'm getting out of bed, she asks, "Did you trim your nails last night like we talked about?" My response was, "No." That's when she said, "Well, that's a deal breaker." I asked her, "What' the problem?" She said, "You look like a girl."

    Somehow, I think that if I don't mind looking like a girl, it shouldn't bother her, but it bothers her tremendously.
    So, I took a couple of pics on my iPhone and cut them back 8 weeks.

    I will post the pics if I can figure out how to transfer them from mu iPhone to my PC.

    Just a rant.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  2. #2
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Sheffield,

    Sorry to hear your wife reacted as she did. I guess sometimes it's the little things that matter.

    As for transferring the pictures, email them to yourself.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    That is pretty close to what happened to me earlier this year. I went to a lot of trouble to keep from doing things to damage my nails in addition to all the buffing and shaping. She made some comment about about the length twice. Things were still good until I got caught with the nail polish on that I posted a pic of in Crissys nail picture post. That was it. I had to file them down. I have to admit it is kind of discouraging, but I understand why she did not like it. Still , I used a pretty neutral color. I think the only reason she spotted it was because she handed me something in the kitchen under a very bright light. Oh well. Anyhow I understand the rant as I felt the same way but did not want to rock the boat too much, so I let it go.

    Sandi

  4. #4
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I'm also deep in the closet and for a while my wife would tell me how to stand and sit.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    Interesting. My wife knows I dress and she is supportive. She only asks that I use some discretion so neighbors and family do not see me; which I consider reasonable. Anyway she has often commented on the length of my nails. I love growing them out; in deference to her I clip them when they grow to a length that bothers her. Sometime it is the little things; but we all have to compromise.

  6. #6
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    This sounds like the way my wife would express her displeasure with some aspect of my personal grooming. She tried that with my shaving and I just kept on doing it and ignored here strong girl tactics. Eventually she stopped complaining and accepted it. Every relationship has different dynamics so do not handle it the way I did. I don?t recommend that approach unless you are confident that she will react in a positive way.

  7. #7
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    It all boils down to her fear of public embarrassment. It ranks high on things that people fear the most.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  8. #8
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    It sounds like a very typical thing with women. With my wife your situation wouldn't have been about the nails, the nails repersent an order. It's almost like there making an effort to deal with us and we should make an effort to please them. My wife could be mad at me for something else and will automatically take it on the dressing.
    My father said it to me perfectly,(God rest his soul) "A women will do anything for there family, but don't cross them because the horns come out fast and make your life a living hell".

  9. #9
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    I've said numerous times on this forum that I avoid any "body modifications" that may "push" cross dressing into my wife's face. No taunting the bull. I have a problem breaking or having gouges into my nails. However, when all is great with the nails I never let them get too long. Most women I see never let the nail get over the tips of the fingers. Sometimes I see cashiers with nails so long it impedes the ability to work effectively. I often wonder why an employer does not counsel a woman for excessively long nails which reduces productivity.
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 11-28-2020 at 11:39 PM. Reason: spelling

  10. #10
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    No comment on 'deal breakers' here. We just simply have the line drawn at DADT. When I was laid off back in March, there was a learning curve to go through about my continuous presence in my wife's retired life. We fortunately have ample personal retreat space and no one else in the house. I still awake everyday at @4am and enjoy solitude until @9am when she awakes. But suddenly, everyday was Saturday. I had loads of free time that was normally consumed by the work experience. My wife and I have had to develop a new relationship perspective. It's been challenging but things are starting to fall in to place. As I've decided to just move in to retirement earlier than planned, it was vital that we have a rewarding life together. And the Carla experience is secondary to our life as a loving couple. BTW, she caught me a little off guard when she said it wouldn't bother her if I got my ears pierced.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  11. #11
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    My first thought to her response was “what deal?”. It seems to her, a deal is whatever she wants, without regard to your feelings. Compromise is one thing...being dictated to is quite another.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 11-22-2020 at 01:58 PM.

  12. #12
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    When I was very early into my relationship with my ex-wife; she drove all the way out to where I was working ( not my employer, a favor for a friend) to yell at me for buying a new dress. She was quite upset, but what really bothered her was, not that I bought myself a dress, but that I had not bought her a dress as well.

    I reminded her that she spent a couple of hundred dollars a month on clothes. Her response was "so?". To which I replied "when you buy yourself new jeans, do you buy me new jeans? When you buy yourself a skirt do you buy me a skirt?"....."Well no..."

    "So what is the problem?" I asked. She looked at me for a solid minute and gave me a strange little look and said "Ok, you win".

    Now I knew I was in serious trouble. When I got home she showed me that she had taken my clothes out of the suitcase and placed them on hangers in the closet. Then showed me that she had given me half the pantie and bra drawer in the dresser. i kept waiting for the show to drop but she was just nice as could be.

    At the time I was a regional loss prevention manager for Macy's. She was a department manager. I had a clothing allowance and she had a hefty discount.

    When I was visiting her store, the DM of the Lingerie department, whom I had known for years before meeting my wife, pulled me aside with a small chuckle.

    "Your wife was in shopping today, and she told us about your deal". "What deal was that?" I replied. "The deal that if she buys something for you, when she shops that you will get something of equal value when you get your next new suit. She said that you complained she never gets you anything when she shops so she is going out of her way to be fair" She said with a giggle.

    "Ok, so what is so funny?". "Well ,and she burst out laughing, she bought you two the cutest little matching bra and panty set; matching negligees, matching dresses and heels...the whole store was in on it..What? We think it's cute. You thought you had a way out of buying her an expensive new dress, and she called your bluff. Oh, just suck it up, everyone knows you are not actually going to wear those clothes. Just buy her the dress...."

  13. #13
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    You fooled them

  14. #14
    New Member from Scotland paulinescotlandcd's Avatar
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    If the pictures are on your iphone just send an email yourself (yes, your own email address) from your phone and attach the pictures. You then go into your PC and go into your email into sent items and the photographs are there - then download pictures on to your PC

  15. #15
    Member DianeT's Avatar
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    If you have installed iTunes on your PC, unlocking your iPhone and connecting it to your PC using its USB cable will make it pop up like it was a USB key, i.e. a new drive letter (e.g. D: ) will appear in the Windows File Explorer. Just open it and your photos will be there in some folder. Just copy them to your C: drive or any location you are used to.
    No need for emails, a direct cable saves considerable energy, and maybe a polar bear in the process (or a claw).

  16. #16
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    Hi Steffi , We have a very workable DA/DT, MyWife knows about everything,

    She just don't want to see me while I am dressed, But she did pierce my ears the first time

    When she orders things from the catalog she leaves me a line to order something too,

    When my nails get long and look nice,she will say your nails are starting to look like
    Ladies nails, I thank her and she says, "That was not a complement" , >Orchid **OO**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  17. #17
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    re: "I will post the pics if I can figure out how to transfer them from mu iPhone to my PC"

    You can email them to yourself and open them on the PC.
    Krisi

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member Traci H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarlaWestin View Post
    BTW, she caught me a little off guard when she said it wouldn't bother her if I got my ears pierced.
    Whoa, I would think I died and had gone to heaven if my wife ever uttered those words!
    I just want to be pretty once in a while

  19. #19
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ressie View Post
    It all boils down to her fear of public embarrassment. It ranks high on things that people fear the most.
    ^this. It's one of the prime reasons why it's so hard to find a CD tolerant woman to date; they'd get embarrassed if anyone finds out that their male partner isn't 'all masculine'. We're not exactly considered a great catch by the general female population, so they aren't too cool on anyone knowing if they find us attractive.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  20. #20
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    Or it can be preferences. Very short "masculine" hairstyle on women is not my thing. I wouldn't be embarrassed if my wife did that, but I prefer she doesn't.

  21. #21
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    I'm in a "Don't Ask" situation, but in regard to nails, my Wife always complains about the condition of my nails, do to the nature of my job. She would most likly appreciate me getting a manicure and polish. Clear of course. Suzih

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    ^this. It's one of the prime reasons why it's so hard to find a CD tolerant woman to date; they'd get embarrassed if anyone finds out that their male partner isn't 'all masculine'. We're not exactly considered a great catch by the general female population, so they aren't too cool on anyone knowing if they find us attractive.
    I know my wife would be horrified if someone found out I was a cross dresser, although she may have told her female cousin. In the beginning she told me the hardest part of my cross dressing was not having anyone to talk to about it. I often wonder what the hell would she talk about. Surely, not the pretty underwear I bought. When my wife and I had "The Talk" one of the things she did bring up was the fact I did not tell her. I asked her if she remembered a conversation she had with that cousin about the cousin's coworker who lived down the block from us. Fortunately, a childless couple. The husband was a cross dresser. When the wife found out she divorced him a fast as humanly possible. I asked if you remember the pity pot of the poor woman being married to a cross dresser. Yikes! Fillet the guy like a fish. And, I was suppose to come clean and tell my wife I went from some kinky bedroom play (nightie and stockings) to more. And, my wife told me if had she known she would not have married me. And, if she had not told me some of her sordid secrets of the past (not all, but a few hints) she would have left me. But, since I took her with all her "imperfections" it would have been two-faced to just "dump" me. Lucky me!

    I know many of the GG's on this site encourage us to blissfully just scream from the roof tops "World! I am a cross dresser!" Well, it is easier for me to talk about killing people in warfare and seeing lives wasted around me than talking about wearing women's clothing. And, my wife and others look up to the warrior as long as he does not wear a dress. I have more style than Corporal Klinger.
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 11-29-2020 at 10:19 AM. Reason: spelling

  23. #23
    Member MiniRock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ressie View Post
    It all boils down to her fear of public embarrassment. It ranks high on things that people fear the most.
    I think you've hit the nail on the head Ressie. My children's mother destroyed our family over this (and some other things that were to do with her personality). But I'm quite sure she saw it as bringing somehow shame on her (and at that point, I'd done nothing more than try on a few items in the house). Maybe she was too young to realise there are more important things in life and a man putting on a frock isn't, truth be told, very high up the list in most people's sensibilities.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    ^this. It's one of the prime reasons why it's so hard to find a CD tolerant woman to date; they'd get embarrassed if anyone finds out that their male partner isn't 'all masculine'. We're not exactly considered a great catch by the general female population, so they aren't too cool on anyone knowing if they find us attractive.
    Personally, I rather feel that cross-dressing is a very masculine activity, almost ubermasculine. I'm certain that, at least for myself, I stack up to any man as a man and shine against most. And if I put on a frock, I don't feel any less of one, howsoever some women might see it. It's a pity really.
    Last edited by MiniRock; 11-29-2020 at 04:57 AM.

  24. #24
    Member Liz Jones's Avatar
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    Hi,
    In bedroom ,Wife putting away clothes ,picks up (her) bra. Me -what would you think if i wore a bra? Wife-wear what you like........
    Now looking for bunny girl outfit:-)
    Liz

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