Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 74

Thread: Bad Experiences in Public?

  1. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    11,704
    I looked at your introduction and a posting of your picture. Without knowing your height and weight your facial features look "soft" unlike mine which look obvious masculine. You also indicated you have a supportive wife. I have been out for evening drives which are relatively "tame" unless you dwell on the possibility of a car accident or being pulled over by a police officer. I am six foot tall and 200 pounds. As a male that height and weight is great. Not so much for flying under the radar. Many years ago I decided to take strolls in my neighborhood in the late evening. On my second trip out the door I was walking down the street which with hindsight was a mistake. I heard a young woman who lived several houses down the street talk loudly to someone else that she had called the police to report a man was walking around in a dress. That made me very uncomfortable. First because my wife would not have liked my cross dressing to become know in the neighborhood, and secondly, she just does not approve. Hence forth I now go to a residential area in my small city that has grocery stores and restaurants that are open into the late night (pre-covid). On several Halloweens I did make an effort to go into grocery stores and a donuts shop totally en femme; heels, hosiery, dress, makeup, wig, the entire deal. Of course Halloween is a cross dressers dream. I would recommend, if your wife is on board with your cross dressing, have her accompany you on a stroll. It gets dark relatively early now, so a stroll at 5 PM or 6 PM is not like a stroll at midnight. I think she'd be sort of like a security blanket and two women walking together really attracts less attention than a lone women out and about. I think there is less chance of an undesirable trying to pick you up. I found after awhile being out for a stroll becomes rather boring. All it did for me is to fulfill the desire to feel the cool air playing with the skirt of my dress and slip. I get the urge out of my system. If I had an accepting wife I'd much rather stay at home.

  2. #27
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    3,617
    I haven't been out an awful lot and when I do go out it's nearly always with one or more other CDs. I was expecting other CDs to be at a venue my first time dressing in public. When I walked into the place it turned out that I was the only CD there! Not a terrible experience, but it was a distressing surprise.

    Years later I went to a LGBT event and the same thing happened. I got there before my CD friends and when I walked in it felt like everyone was staring at me. I felt out of place, didn't know where to sit as I waited for friends to show up. I sat at a table with a few lesbians that didn't make me feel welcome at all. So I ended up standing around for the next half hour until my friends started arriving.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  3. #28
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Midwest U.S.
    Posts
    7,235
    Cindy. Things both nice and not so nice happen in liberal places, too. I all depends on individuals.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member josie_S's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Northeast somewhere
    Posts
    503
    such great advice here. Way back when I first joined this site, I had similar questions but never thought to ask them (duh), so I'm glad you did. Back then I heard that you should check your car before you go: check tail lights, tire pressure, etc and to also have a bag of drab clothes with you, including make up remover, in case you break down (or worse). I got pulled over once because I had a busted tail light, and while the cop was very professional (and even sweet), I was terrified. After that, it's very standard stuff: very handsy men, bring your lipstick, keep your drink with you at all times, and try not to go alone. I went alone to a few bars (with other cds there) and still had fun, but it was also lonely at times.

  5. #30
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    21,799

    Smile If u pass and dress to blend, you'll have little or no problems!

    I don't/can't do either but I've been out a lot. Mostly to T friendly clubs, bars, events, etc.

    I can't tell u the number of unpleasant experiences I've suffered thru at vanilla venues.

    But then again, I like to look attractive when I'm out. So, I don't dress like a little old lady and I'm an obvious MAID!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #31
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Location
    Boone, NC
    Posts
    119
    I can't express how grateful I am for the wealth of information and advice you all have shared with me. I've belonged to several forums for other interests, but this is the first time I have ever felt like I truly am accepted and belong. You all are the best. I hope I can pay this forward <3

  7. #32
    Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    481
    Cheryl T, I can relate to your concerns about hitting a deer while out driving around en femme. My son lives an hour from me out in farmland and I had to go over there a few nights ago after dark. It was fine while I was on the two lane highways but half of the drive was down a country road. I had just turned onto the county road and someone pulling a trailer with a pickup truck was right on my rear bumper so that the glare from the headlights was affecting my ability to scan the ditches out of the corner of my eye. A huge buck jumped across the road, they are amazing animals and can jump over a two lane highway without their hoofs touching the road. He couldn't have been more than fifteen feet in front of me and if he had run into the drivers side door he would have taken the window and the side of my head out. I slowed down after that and about a city block later there was a doe standing in the middle of the road looking in the opposite direction. I crept up to her until she heard my motor and took off running. I was not dressed en femme but that kind of remote location where a person can drive ten miles and maybe not see another vehicle and deer are jumping out of nowhere is what it's like in my world. Deer crossing the road brings that point home better than anything I could have thought of. I share your experiences when it comes to driving through deer country. I have come across whole herds of deer standing in the road on some drives.

  8. #33
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    1,769
    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    I have to wonder though, have any of you had bad experiences out and about while dressed?
    Yes. But most of those were a long time ago. Perhaps times have changed a bit, maybe not as harsh, as often?

    Nowadays in public, I'm typically just a guy wearing leggings. I may get a bit of varied attention, but nothing all that bad, relatively speaking.


    Quote Originally Posted by GwenHerself View Post
    Any advice on how to avoid bad situations?
    Take the advice already given here.

    However, sometimes bad situations are simply unavoidable. People will be people. Human nature. Some don't like or agree or appreciate what we do... Which is fine, their right. I get it.

    Just deal with it, learn & grow, and move on. Then be sure to enjoy some positive, interesting & perhaps even mundane experiences!

  9. #34
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Posts
    21,037
    Lots of good replies reflecting a broad range of experiences. In my case, I began stepping outside my home back in 2010. I have done pretty much everything that one can do appropriately in public, from the mundane tasks of shopping for groceries, dropping off dry cleaning, and going to the bank, to slightly more adventurous acts like bringing my car in for servicing and warranty work...all with no issues whatsoever. I have also shopped for clothing, had makeovers at MAC, coffee at Starbucks and numerous evenings for dinners and drinks with friends. All with no issues whatssoever.

    I have also traveled cross country, from my former home in Texas to visit family in Minnesota, making the trip by car frequently over a decade, stopping for fuel and meals in small towns, even getting a mechanical problem fixed at a GM dealer in a small town some miles north of Muskogee. No problems whatsoever.

    Those were all varied situations, and arguably, many occurred in places that might be considered socially conservative. And yet, everyone treated me with respect.

    The one thing I would suggest, for safety purposes, is to enjoy going to busy public places during in daylight hours. Risks of all kinds go up at night time, and ever more so in dark, solitary locations.

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Posts
    880
    I've been going out regularly for a little over 4 years, probably 200 times at least. My most frequent destination are stores/malls, but I've also been to restaurants, bars, and two concerts (including a U2 concert with about 15,000 others).

    Here is my story about the U2 concert. https://kandis328772669.wordpress.co...22/rock-chick/

    I've never had a bad experience. To the contrary, I have received multiple (unsoliticed) compliments on my dresses and my legs, and made several GG friends, which I definitely did NOT expect before I started going out.

    I've written about my first time out in the pictures forum. https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...ing&highlight=

    I would echo some of the other posters. The safest place is somewhere with lots of people. People are so tied up with their own lives they generally don't notice. Plus, with masks these days, it is harder to discern that one is a CD.

    There are no torches and pitchforks waiting when you step out the door is you are sensible.

  11. #36
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    717
    Other than the odd mis-gendering, no bad experiences. A few empowering "ma'am". I find what works best is simply doing mundane things that you'd normally do, dressed as a woman would normally dress to do them: e.g. if you're going to the hardware store on a Saturday, dress casual, jeans, etc. If you want to dress up a bit more, go to the grocery store at 5 or 6 pm and dress like you're coming home from work, i.e. clothes like you would wear at work: tasteful dress or skirt/top, pantyhose, nice shoes (flats or heels that aren't too high), basically conservative. You won't stick out like a sore thumb.

    Admittedly masks have made it easier! Where I live they're mandatory indoors in a public spaces, retail outlets, etc. Restaurants are closed except for take-out.

    When I started to go out in public a couple of years ago, my first outing was to my therapist's. Not long after I went to Staples to buy some office supplies and the gal at the cash gave me a nice "thank you ma'am" after I paid up my purchases. I was in total and absolute shock. I floated out of the store...

    One of my best was when I started HRT (since stopped). I went dressed to the endo (no masks yet). I was expecting a script for blood work first, but the blood work from my GP was recent enough that he gave me the script for the hormones there and then. So I went to the nearest pharmacy of the chain I normally use and the lady pharmacist was just the nicest you could ask for, congratulating me on my big day and giving me detailed info on how to use the estradiol patches.

    I find that now, going out I feel totally at ease presenting female doing the things a normal woman would be doing. One just needs to use common sense!

  12. #37
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Southeast US
    Posts
    623
    Lots of good responses already so I will just add one thing. I have been to many bars and clubs in a number of cities and every time it was late at night. I am very uncomfortable heading out to a dark parking lot or garage at 2 am by myself. Even if I were not having something to drink, I always take Uber or Lyft so I can get dropped off and picked up right at the front door of the club. It is definitely safer. The drivers never care and I tip them well so they are appreciative. So don?t be fearful about being driven when your safety is more important.

    Of course that was pre covid so I have not gone out in months, but hopefully will again some day.

    Sandi

  13. #38
    Member Gizmo, Debbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Glenrothes, Fife, Scotland
    Posts
    452
    It is totally guaranteed that you “will” be “read”. That is to say that somebody will make you as being a guy in a dress.
    It’s guaranteed.
    I’m in the UK and a fairly laid back part of Scotland so attitudes here will most likely be different than those of you area.
    The less intelligent and less compassionate members of society “will” shout out comments and stuff with the intent to embarrass you, or scare you.
    Like most bullies though they do it because it makes them feel powerful. Picking on what they think to be an “easy target” to try and get a submissive “okay you win” type of reaction out of you.
    The best tool/weapon you can have against these idiots is confidence.
    It Will Be Hard to find that confidence the first few times you venture out the house but it does get easier over time.
    Ignore the idiots, don’t show any sort of response. Walk tall and walk straight and look the world right in the eye. Don’t try to engage them in conversation, most likely they are probing for a weakness to exploit.

    You, as Gwen, have as much right to be out and about just as much as you, as male you, does.

    The only bad experiences I had/have are those name calling morons just not as much as I used because I grew up and gained confidence.
    But those early days I’d run home and have a breakdown, curling up in a corner and crying my eyes out.
    But I wanted to be me. Living in a free society I had the right to be me. With each breakdown I got stronger.
    Now I know who I am and I’m not as easily intimidated as I once was.

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    SE PA
    Posts
    552
    Gwen,

    I very good question for sure. The responses cover a variety of situations to consider. I would like to just add: try to blend in and relax, take ownership of your presentation (i.e. keep your head up) and be cordial. Have a great time.

  15. #40
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    78
    So far I have only ventured out to the malls shopping and had no issues I did pass a middle aged couple walking into a target store he started laughing after passing me but I heard his wife tell him to be quiet that made me feel better.

  16. #41
    Member nancy58's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    180
    I've never had a bad experience, but I have only gone out less than a dozen times -- not counting the times when going out was from the house to the transgender group meeting and back. Usually I stuck to situations where I felt a solitary woman would be safe: getting coffee and reading at Barnes & Noble, shopping at a grocery on a Saturday evening, going for dinner at a diner -- always where there are people around. One of my best experiences was going to a production of I Am My Own Wife, where I felt that I had an absolute right to be en femme. The only time I believe anyone "clocked" me was when I was paying for clothes at J.C. Penney. When I spoke, the clerk's eyes widened a little, but she didn't show any hostility. I was in my late 40s or early 50s at the time, and while I was passable, I wasn't a "looker", so I didn't attract much notice from anyone.

    I feel like bars and nightclubs are the riskiest places for crossdressers. The attacks in the Washington, DC, area that I have read about have generally occurred near establishments frequented by LGBTQ people.

    Besides avoiding risky situations, about the only other advice I have is that if you are driving, obey the speed laws, traffic signals, etc., and don't drive under the influence.
    Nancy
    "If you are lucky enough to find a way of life that you love, you have to find the courage to live it." -- John Irving

  17. #42
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Cincinnati
    Posts
    132
    Quote Originally Posted by SaraLin View Post
    Not that it helps now, but I'm wondering if you could have asked the sales people in one of the stores to call mall security for you and tell them there was a man harassing you.
    As an alternative, you could have asked the sales people to let you out the back door of the store, into the service corridor, so you could exit without being seen.

  18. #43
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    404
    From your photo you look quite convincing, which is a good start.

    Go out people watching. See what the majority of women wear and go for the same kind of thing. The key to avoiding confrontation is to blend in, because nobody will pay that much attention. If you wear something extreme, you'll attract attention.

    Watch how women walk. Try to use a similar gait, but don't overdo it.

    Wear comfortable shoes that you can walk in without having to try.

    Be subtle with makeup.

    I've followed these rules for years and never had any bad experiences.

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Posts
    880
    I will add one final thought.

    I ALWAYS assume people know that I'm a guy in a dress, but they don't know it's ME in the dress, and I just want to make sure it's a pretty dress.

  20. #45
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    339
    Quote Originally Posted by TheHiddenMe View Post
    I will add one final thought.

    I ALWAYS assume people know that I'm a guy in a dress, but they don't know it's ME in the dress, and I just want to make sure it's a pretty dress.
    This is the spirit. We aren't fooling anyone. Most people are too busy in their own little worlds to notice or care, but this is the attitude to have. Always.

    Furthermore, spend some time observing (from afar) how women act when traveling solo. Very different from what we are accustomed to. Also, don't be that CD creeping around alone after dark. No woman in the universe does this unless they urgently need to get somewhere and have no mode of transportation available to them at the moment.

    Finally, relax. The more uptight you are, the more you will disrupt the time space continuum and people will single you out. Remember that most people are fabulously self-absorbed and could really care less about you or the threads you are wearing. It's all about your attitude.

  21. #46
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Location
    Boone, NC
    Posts
    119
    Quote Originally Posted by MonicaPVD View Post
    The more uptight you are, the more you will disrupt the time space continuum
    My favorite quote ! Thanks for the advice.

  22. #47
    New Member Kristyn_Lynne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    6
    I've been laughed at and called ugly. I did a performance at a theatre and when I left, the walk to my car in heels, a miniskirt and a bustier (It was the show costume; I should have at least brought a T-shirt to cover up) made me feel very vulnerable. One guy was walking on the sidewalk toward me and I was nearly panicking to get into my car. (I kinda think all men should have to do that at least once to see how women feel when they get approached like that!)

  23. #48
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    13
    I would say the nr.1 thing you should do, is trying to be not self conscious of yourself as you can.
    If you get nervous while outside and keep thinking to yourself that you're a guy in woman's clothing, you'll start attracting unwanted attention to yourself.

    If you live in a big city, then probably not a lot of people would even notice you. Everyone is busy going somewhere or doing something.

    But of course you should be careful that you don't go to places where you can run into someone you know.

    I've never been out as a woman in public either, just underdressed.

    But when I do get to doing that, I would definitely go to another city in my first time.

    And yes, I know that's not an easy thing to do right now, but I was planning on going after this pandemic is over.

    Maybe you should consider doing the same. There is much less chance that you'll meet someone you know there. And you'll probably never see anyone you meet there again.

    If Clark Kent can use a pair of glasses and not get recognized, then you probably won't be either.

    And if all else fails and something bad happens, just walk away.

    That's all I can say really!

    I wish you the best of luck!

    Cheers!

  24. #49
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    near Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    4,158
    I've been out in public in "Leslie" mode more times than I can count over the last 10 years or so, and aside from the occasional (rare) mis-gendering incident have never had a bad experience - zip, zilch, nada. And even these were not malicious acts but rather honest cases of either confusion or uncertainty as to how to address me on the part of the other person.

    Of course, the first couple of times out "en femme" were terrifying, and I fully expected hostile mobs bearing torches and pitchforks to chase me down after seeing that imaginary large neon "Crossdresser, Crossdresser!" sign flashing above my head everywhere I went. Oddly, that never happened, and if anything I have experienced nothing but positive and affirming reactions from everyone whom I have ever encountered as "Leslie". My wife is not a huge fan of my crossdressing - we are very much in DADT mode, and have been so for the nearly 50 years of our marriage - but every other GG whom I have had dealings with during my outings has been kind, thoughtful, supportive, encouraging, complimentary, and eager to help me be the best "Leslie" I could be. I might have "passed" in the eyes of some of them at first glance, but I'm sure that in most cases the usual "tell-tale" signs eventually gave me away, but that didn't seem to matter a bit. My guess is that these GG's typically appreciated the effort that I had gone to in order to present as authentically "female" as possible rather than come across as a cartoon-like drag queen caricature. That, along with a measure of genuinely good-natured curiosity, since for most "muggles", we crossdressers are like unicorns or yetis...rumoured to exist, but rarely encountered out in the wild. Women as a whole are more empathetic, intuitive, in touch with their feelings and respectful of those of others than the typical knuckle-dragging macho Neanderthal who is deeply immersed in "bro" culture. More times than not, I have been complimented for having had the courage to express who I truly am in the spirit of "You be you!" and "You go, girl!", with an implied welcome into the "sisterhood".

    The GG's whom I have mentioned above have run the full gamut in my case...SA's, consignment store owners, makeup artists, nail techs, wig sellers, and bra-fitters, as well as image consultants and stylists etc., etc....in other words, encounters that involved pretty much everything short of me doing a boudoir photo shoot or trying on wedding gowns in a bridal store (still on my "Bucket List", though... ). This assistance was never rendered in a grudging, awkward or uncomfortable manner on the part of these GG's. If anything, they seemed to see it as a challenge, a welcome departure from their usual mundane routines, and at times I've even had more than one SA fussing over me and vying for my attention. Some have even confided in me that the reason they were so pleased to assist me was that I was far more appreciative of their efforts and suggestions than the average female shopper who enters their store with a bad attitude due to having an already pre-existing negative body self-image, is frustrated when she doesn't achieve the desired look or fit with whatever she is trying on, and then takes her grumpiness out on the hapless SA.

    All that aside, my most memorable incident involving personal validation of my female presentation happened some years ago just before Christmas. I inadvertently stumbled into a police sobriety checkpoint late in the evening after a full day out "en femme", and I was trapped. The option of turning around and trying to avoid it would just have made matters worse, so I gritted my teeth expecting the worst, but still hoping for the best as I proceeded onwards. Looking back, I needn't have had to worry. The officer was exceedingly polite, asked me all the usual routine questions while sticking his head into the open car window within 6" of my face to see if he could small alcohol on my breath, and seemed satisfied with my answers. I don't know if he ever "read" me or not, but I do know that he smiled at me, "Ma'am-ed" me, and wished me a "Merry Christmas" before sending me on my way. Doesn't get much better than that...

  25. #50
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Nation's Capital
    Posts
    4,382
    Quote Originally Posted by josie_S View Post
    Back then I heard that you should check your car before you go: check tail lights, tire pressure, etc and to also have a bag of drab clothes with you, including make up remover, in case you break down (or worse). I got pulled over once because I had a busted tail light, and while the cop was very professional (and even sweet), I was terrified.
    A few years ago, I was driving home from the Keystone Conference, en femme. I got a little bit sleepy driving home, so I stopped in a parking lot to catch a few zzz's before driving the rest of the way home. I turned the car off, but left the keys in the ignition to make sure that I could find them again. I think that leaving the keys in the ignition left the running lights on, so when I woke up after about 20 minutes, I had run down the battery and the engine wouldn't turn over.

    I called AAA to get my battery jumped. I had one set of men's clothes with me, plus, I also had some women's jeans and some androgynous tops that I could have changed into. I decided to just be a big girl about it and stayed en femme. The AAA guy came and was very professional. He jumped my car and didn't make any comments about my dress.

    No problems at all.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State