Page 1 of 4 123 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 87

Thread: Bad Experiences in Public?

  1. #1
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Location
    Boone, NC
    Posts
    120

    Bad Experiences in Public?

    Hello ladies,

    I am still new to everything and have never been out in public as Gwen. Some of you have given me encouragement through your words and experiences, and I am so grateful for that support. I have to wonder though, have any of you had bad experiences out and about while dressed? Any advice on how to avoid bad situations?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Princess29's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Queensland, Australia.
    Posts
    1,153
    Hi Gwen

    Ultimately, there is just no way of knowing how someone is going to react when they see you but that is the case for any situation. If the thought of what might happen (outside of anything to do with the covid situation) is stopping you going out, then yes, you won't have to worry about being hassled but you also might miss out on something wonderful happening too. Most people are caught up in their own little worlds to notice (or care) what someone else is doing

  3. #3
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Central Coast, CA
    Posts
    1,715
    What is your goal?

    If you are looking to get to a point that your comfortable in public now is a pretty good time. With the masks and distancing, it works to your advance.

    Simply go and do something that you always do in the middle of the day. Like go pick up a few groceries. Sounds simple enough, and it is.

    Basically , start small and build from there. Being safe is about being smart.

  4. #4
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    4,293
    Over 20 years of going out, about 8 years ago (or 400 outings ago), 1 guy about 40 yards away got lippy. I was hoping in my car at the time so I just ignored him, and drove away.

    There is a slight difference, as I'm very happy to go into self defense mode if some approaches in an aggressive manor.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  5. #5
    Member cindylouho's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    332
    I cant speak from experience, but when to go out depends entirely on you and your circumstances. More than likely nothing bad will happen, (Unless you happen to live somewhere decidedly un-liberal) there may even be a better chance that something empowering happens, but each individual has to figure it out weighing their pros and cons. Unfortunately if someone doesn't know your full story they cant give you the best advice. I have suffered from depression as long as I can remember, I have to balance out the possibility of a depressive tailspin I could be sent into vs an empowering experience that could enrich my life. Good luck figuring it out Gwen, i'll wish myself some luck as well
    Be the best you, be the true you.
    That said, I love faceapp so much I change my avatar daily

    https://giphy.com/gifs/l0MYEWpv7Ue0RFVaE/html5

  6. #6
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    6,091
    One of the things talked about regularly here are those pesky little gremlins that sit on your shoulder whispering things like the mob is waiting for you if you open the door.

    It would be wrong to say there's not risk involved but like most things risk can be managed. I've said in the past that even with a squad of fully armed SAS with me there are places I wouldn't go in drab let alone dressed. The trick is to know what's safe and what isn't.

    So firstly to answer your question, the worst thing that's happened to me is having a shop owner repeatedly call me "Buddy" and a petrol station SA pointedly say "Thanks mate" having served me.

    Most CD's start by going out for a walk at night on deserted streets or parks. Wrong! Ask you wife if she'd feel safe doing that and the answer will be no. Shopping in a supermarket, yes.

    The same rules apply to us. It's counter-intuitive but being out in a busy shopping mall in broad daylight is about the safest thing you can do.

    Also, trust your spidi senses. If it feels wrong then it often is. I went to eat in a Chinese restaurant I'd used before. Looking though the window I could see a table of about 10 teen aged boys and girls. Boys like to show off so I opted to avoid any possible confrontation and eat elsewhere. Simple common sense.

    So OK ways to test the water. Get dressed and go for a drive. You'll feel nervous but how often when out driving do you really look at other drivers? Most are doing 30mph in the opposite direction so if at all it's a glance.

    Drive though fast food. You'll be served by a teenager more interested in talking to other staff members and if they do clock you, who cares you'll never see them again. Cash from an ATM. Supermarkets are the safest. Park 30m or more from a postbox, get out and post a letter to yourself and that way you get a momento of the occasion.

    The flip side of this is while out dressed i've spent time while travelling on buses and trains chatting to fellow passengers. Bored SA's and I have talked about all sorts of things. People are generally nice and if you're confident folks will engage with you.

    So yes there are dangers but simple common sense can minimise those and the sheer enjoyment I've experienced over the years has been priceless to me.
    Last edited by Helen_Highwater; 11-24-2020 at 09:10 AM.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    27
    I've being going out dressed for the past two years. I have never had anything negative happen. Everyone has always been friendly. I live in the south where that sort of treatment is unexpected. Like Helen said, be conscientious of the places you go. I would not randomly stop at a house on a country road. I would not expect people living in that type of area to be supportive. They probably would not hurt me, but might say some unpleasant things. Going places you think that are normally safe in the city should not yield any problems. Once you get out that first time you'll be over the big hurdle and you'll find each time much easier. Let us know how your first time goes.

    Southerngirl

  8. #8
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    2,573
    Hi Gwen,

    Just remember, only do what you are comfortable doing. Don't go out just because others do. If you walk around like a scared cat, you will be noticed. Confidence seems to be the "key ingredient" in going out. Leaving the house CDed is not a requirement.

    If you have an overwhelming need to go out, do be aware of your surroundings and stick to public, preferably crowded areas. Going for walks in a downtown area or a grocery store with a mask is a great way to break the ice if you feel the need to be out in public.

  9. #9
    Administrator Di's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    SouthEastern Ontario
    Posts
    14,699
    Everyone is giving such great advice.
    I especially like Helen and Chars

    It is not a race if it is something you want to do great,for others they have no desire tov venture out.

    I recommend visualizing it before getting out of the car, walk confident, head held high, no constant looking around to see if people are looking as that will just make people look to see why you are doing that. Dress to fit in/ blend .
    If a short school girl skirt is your thing this is not the time lol ( whatever is your thing)
    So if you do decide hold your head high you are doing nothing wrong.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Nebraska
    Posts
    725
    i have only been out about a dozen times. I have never had a problem and only a couple of double takes. I am a day dweller, I like to shop, meet a couple of GG friends for lunch and thing like that. I think for a first outing a day trip would be best. The first couple of trips out I dressed at a friends, now I leave from home.
    Sara

  11. #11
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,085
    Gwen,
    When I moved to my new home town after separating from my wife I intended to go full time as Teresa , it was quite a step from being in the closet when I lived with my wife . The first week was a real learning curve , setting up a new home meant trips to banks , GP's surgeries , supermarkets , DIY stores and a car spare shop . I didn't have a single problem , no passing remarks or double takes , I was just allowed to get on with my business of living and taking care of myself .

    A lesson I learned early on is don't keep looking over your shoulder expecting a bad response , if you don't go looking for one you won't get one .

    The bottom line is be comfortable with yourself before venturing too far , the more you go out the easier it becomes , it's been almost three years now and I never give my situation a second thought .

    If you know some situations would be risky in male mode then it's a definite no when dressed .

  12. #12
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    8,291
    Great advise here! Dress appropriate for the venue! You do belong there!
    My worst experience was at the local J C Penney(now gone, sigh!)! I went in dressed and was window shopping! When I was leaving, a young clerk said, "Good evening, ...sir!" I just held my head up and walked out without missing a beat! She was out of work in less than a week as the store closed!
    I have had stares and various facial expressions but that clerk was the only one who ever said anything in a negative manner! I have also been "sir" ed by grocery clerks, but more as a they were not sure type thing! Now my "ma'am"s out number my "sir"s!!! I have even been called "miss"!
    If you are ready to go out, it can be a wonderful experience but be sure you are ready!
    Wishing you a great experience if you do! Best wishes on your journey!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  13. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    137
    About 15 years ago walking in a huge indoor mall, a guy started following me, wanting to show me a good time. I couldn't seem to shake him - I would duck into stores for women, and he waited in the main hallway until I came out. I was determined to keep going, but was planning to stop the first mall police that I found. Where ARE those people when you need them? I decided to give up and returned back in the direction to the mall entrance where I parked. Somewhere on that return trip he disappeared. While it seemed like my day was ruined, it didn't stop me from going out. I'm sure many women have had to deal with such creeps.

  14. #14
    Senior Member Angela1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    1,034
    I have been going out dressed for years. I did have an experience a few years ago. It wasn't really that bad but I overreacted and stopped dressing for a while. Eventually, like most of us, I came back. When I began dressing again I just took a deep breath and went back into the world. For me it's all about mindset and accepting who I am. Once I became more comfortable with myself it got easier. I'm not kidding myself though; i'm lucky I live in a fairly liberal area where going out in public presents less risks than other areas. But no area is completely safe. Time, patience, and confidence are your friends.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    694
    Quote Originally Posted by Stevann View Post
    About 15 years ago walking in a huge indoor mall, a guy started following me, wanting to show me a good time. I couldn't seem to shake him - I would duck into stores for women, and he waited in the main hallway until I came out.
    Not that it helps now, but I'm wondering if you could have asked the sales people in one of the stores to call mall security for you and tell them there was a man harassing you.


    As for the OP's questions, yes I've had bad experiences. I've had stares, giggles, snarky comments, and people trying to take pictures through their car windows. I've even had one doctor refuse to admit me to hospital after a motorcycle accident because he wasn't admitting "one of them."

    No violent confrontations though.

  16. #16
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,944
    In general overly forward guys hitting on me. Touching too much. Not taking hint when I ignore them. Don't be afraid to be direct and say you are not interested. Ask a bouncer of you need further help.

  17. #17
    NEVER go bare-legged! Kimberly A.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Kosciusko, MS
    Posts
    930
    Hi Gwen. I go out dressed in public a lot and have had interesting experiences while dressed in public..... I've been hit on by a few guys who either wanted to introduce themselves to me, (one guy in particular extended his hand to shake mine inside Walmart, AFTER the Covid pandemic had started) and a couple of guys asked for my phone number, I told them "No". And one guy in a Walmart parking lot, as I was putting my groceries into my car asked if I had a bf, I told him that I'm married..... Of course I'm not married, but I do almost always wear a cheap women's wedding set to give that illusion in order to hopefully throw off anyone trying to hit on me. LOL

    But as far as bad experiences, not really. I just tell those guys "No" when they try to hit on me and that's about it. LOL
    I may be crazy, but I'm BURIED in your memory!

  18. #18
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    6,091
    Let me add one of my top tips should you decide to go out somewhere new for you. The first time I ventured out in Manchester's Gay village I'd done my research. I knew where the car parks were, even at what time the cheap evening parking rates started. Once I'd picked one I used Google Street View to check the area out. Hence when I got there it was all fairly familiar to me. I recognised which streets I needed to walk down, where the venue was I was heading to.

    Having that knowledge took away a deal of uncertainty and as such I felt more confident in myself which meant I was able to present better, walk taller if you will. I've done the same thing many times such as the first visit to a wig store. Knew where to park, and which way to go, not a stranger in a strange place.

    As for car parks, avoid multi-story car parks if it's likely you'll be there late in the evening. Deserted concrete shells like those can be a bit scary when all you hear is the sound of your heels. Street level offers more protection as you're visible to others passing by. It's just about being sensible and thinking like a woman.

    Oh, going back to your question, I think I once got insulted in Welsh by the guy in the serving hatch of a drive through Mac's but couldn't say for sure.
    Last edited by Helen_Highwater; 11-24-2020 at 09:14 AM.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  19. #19
    Davina Katherine Davina Katherine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    Youngstown Ohio
    Posts
    349
    My wife and I go out often, and I go out alone also. We have have gone shopping in towns that (I found out later) were very conservative, and I've never had any negative reactions directed at me. I've noticed men looking at me as I walk by, but have decide to assume its because they like what they see! (lemon aid from lemons). My worst experience was self-made, I locked my keys, purse and phone in my car at a gas stations! But had no problems while waiting inside for help.

    In addition to all the great advice, I'd add:
    Stand Up Straight and Hold Your Head High

    And Wear Clothes that are COMFORTABLE and Fit Well (If you're fighting with your clothing, you'll make yourself a nervous wreck and draw more attention)

  20. #20
    Member foxy bartender's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    Nashville, TN
    Posts
    191
    Lots of good advice here, Gwen. Jean said it right, the first thing to figure out, is your end goal. Once you know what it is you want, it’s easier to take steps towards that goal. You can start going out to run a few errands, in some androgynously feminine clothes, like basic jeans and a t-shirt and work your way up to dresses and other outfits. Once you feel confident and comfortable, it will be so much easier.
    I donated all of my male clothes to goodwill more than 3 years ago, and I’ve never been happier. For me, even though I wasn’t sure at first, transition has been my end goal, and now I just live my life as the woman I’ve always known I am. It definitely took some time to feel comfortable being out, especially with friends and family, but life is too short to be unhappy, so I came out to everyone!
    I haven’t ever had a bad experience out in the world, or with friends and family. I’ve absolutely had some sweet conversations with other girls randomly, about things like the shoes I’m wearing, or my lipstick color, and those conversations are life affirming. I’ve always wanted to just be accepted for my love of a pretty dress, or my makeup skills, and I finally do! If that’s what you’re looking for, I honestly hope you find it. You’re a beautiful girl, and you deserve to be happy and accepted.
    Listen to all the advice here, the girls here know what they are talking about!

  21. #21
    Life is more fun in heels Genifer Teal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    1,944
    Quote Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater View Post
    I used Google Street View to check the area out. Hence when I got there it was all fairly familiar to me.
    I do this all the time going someplace new so I end up at the right place. Especially private houses first time. Imagine knocking on the wrong door? I send them a screen shot of hose from street view. Is this it? They often laugh (I guess that I went to so much effort). Sometimes I've had the wrong house and they said no the one next door or across the street.

    Funny side Story, bringing a friend somewhere she had just been a few days ago. She gave me the address but I had not been there before. As we got close she was confused but I said no I recognize this corner we turn here. It was so funny that I was more familiar with the place yet had never been there. LOL

  22. #22
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    NEPA
    Posts
    9,192
    I've been going out for about 15 years and have yet to have a bad experience. Perhaps it like they say around here about hitting a deer, it's not If, it's When. So far so good in my book.
    On the other hand I have had a number of very positive experiences with others which is very encouraging.

    Advice?
    Same as any woman. Be aware of your surroundings and don't put yourself in any situation that could be dangerous. Use your head.
    Avoid children. If you want on honest assessment they will give it to you. If they notice something different they will say something.
    Most people will not even notice you if you look like everyone else. In other words, dress for where you are going. If you are in heels and a party dress at the mall you will be stared at and critiqued. If you have Blue hair or outrageous clothes you will be stared at. If you want to be noticed then this will be the way to accomplish that. Anyone that is "different" is scrutinized. Think about it. Do you notice the lady in jeans at the mall looking at skirts or the man in the wheelchair? Did you see the average guy looking at drones or the lady who was overweight? How about the girl who is 6' tall and rocking 4" heels? Of course you saw her because she was not the "norm".
    Humans are great at pattern recognition. What's that mean? It means that whatever is different is noticed. Everything that is the same becomes background. So do you want to be part of the background or the foreground?

    Carry yourself with confidence. Confidence, not arrogance. You belong there and you act that way. Don't be the deer in the headlights. Don't be watching everyone else to see who's looking at you, that draws attention. Be the only person in the room.
    And smile. Be happy and enjoy your outing. It should be fun. You're not trying to be a spy, you're one of the multitude.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    651
    One comment referred to a decidedly unliberal areas. That describes my location, a trip around the block across the road is over two miles. The nearest big city area is about an hour and a half round trip. Going out in public in my town consists of a choice between Walmart and a building supply chain store. Both places I could easily run into friends and relatives.

    I have made some after dark drives around that long block but I am a long ways from actually going out. My presentation needs a lot of work and I would need another experienced CD along for guidance and safety in numbers. This is not an area where I am very likely to find a friend willing to do that. I admit that I would like to experience going out in public. I would come across as a full figured mature woman so things like clubbing are not a good fit. Maybe I will get that kind of opportunity someday.

    Location is a sometimes overlooked thing but those of us in fly over country have to be aware of that.

  24. #24
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    2,573
    I'd like to add one more thing. Please resist the urge to go out to a deserted area late at night (like a park, cemetery, town with closed stores, paths). There have been posters here in the past that seemed to think they would draw less attention doing those activities - but you probably realize, that is asking for problems. If those areas are your only options, best to stay home.

    Lots of good advice here. Just do things at your own pace and have fun.
    Last edited by char GG; 11-24-2020 at 02:02 PM.

  25. #25
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,139
    Yes, don't do things or go places that a woman would not do or go. You are safest in a crowd in broad daylight.

    There are certainly degrees of "bad things" that can happen to a crossdresser in public. I think a lot depends on how well you pass and where you go. Personally, I try to avoid personal contact with anyone if possible so I don't go into bars, restaurants or stores where I will have to talk to others. I do go to malls and public parks and the tourist areas of a nearby city. If I have to talk it's "good morning" or something similar and keep walking.

    The worst thing I can think of happening to me when I was in public dressed as a woman was a dirty look by a woman walking by the other direction. Obviously, I hadn't passed in her eyes. This was a few years ago when I was less experienced than I am now.

    This hurt my feelings enough that I just walked back to the vehicle and drove home.

    Obviously, this experience pales in comparison to what might happen to a crossdresser in public.
    Krisi

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State