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Thread: Where is the Line?

  1. #26
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Aug 2018
    I would add that some of us who are unable to dress deal with some serious dysphoria at times. Judging by my personal experience and how I feel I think it's possible to be some level of transgender but still able to restrain ourselves. I went into therapy in February thinking I would have all the answers by now but I found out that answers still take time to work through. My oldest of three adult daughters spent four years in therapy before realizing/accepting that she was gay so these things can take time.

    I liken it to someone who becomes a heavy drinker at a young age. A common theme is that the drinking delays their maturity and they continue to make childish decisions. Likewise a crossdresser under restrictive situations beyond their control is not free to find their comfortable place and consequently do not mature in their understanding of their place in the gender spectrum. This is simply a conclusion I came to based on personal experience so I could be guilty of faulty reasoning.

    I have read experiences by those who know they are transgender but are unable to transition fully or partially. There are some saying they know but can't transition for a variety of reasons. The way I see it those individuals who were in situations that allowed them to go further are able to sort all of this out freely which hastens their progress. Say for example someone realizes they are transgender but looks at the price tag of something as basic as beard removal which is step one for many. What is that, a $20k or $30k procedure from start to finish and that is just the first of many procedures. I would imagine that in addition to health issues preventing some from HRT that many simply can't afford to transition.

    I am still learning so please correct me if this is a flawed observation.
    Last edited by Star01; 12-01-2020 at 12:34 PM.

  2. #27
    Silver Member LilSissyStevie's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    In the total animal soup of time
    I think it's like asking where the line is between someone that likes to dress up and pretend to be a pirate vs someone who believes they are a pirate on the inside or in spirit vs someone who was born into and raised in the pirate life. I don't know that "lines" even apply.

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member josie_S's Avatar
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    Aug 2008
    Northeast somewhere
    Quote Originally Posted by Brandi Christine View Post
    Like Cassie Said


    There are definitely times I can see me doing the same things I enjoy as a man, as a woman...

    Circumstances keep me where I am, as a man, but were the choice mine... I guess that means I have crossed that line, maybe just a little.
    I like this reply and I have thought about this a lot recently: most of who I am as "a man" could easily be lived and enjoyed as a a woman. I suppose the perks of being a man would be hard to give up, but then again there a re perks to being a woman too. But none of that is what I care about as much as I care that I'm learning to be less macho and more empathic, and less stereotypical male and more myself. I could see myself, then, living full time as a woman without changing much else of who I am already. Which probably means I've crossed that line too.

  4. #29
    Member CD Rachel's Avatar
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    Mar 2017
    North Eastern Pennsylvania
    I cant add much to what has already been said in this thread other then for me my reality is on one side of the line and my heart is on the other side. I do not know if I can ever be more then a cross dresser, but I long to be a woman.


  5. #30
    New Member
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    Nov 2020
    For me, its wearing Women's clothes just when I feel like it, male in all other aspects of my work and family life. Suzih

  6. #31
    New Member
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    Jul 2020
    West London
    I just love womens clothes!

    can't wait for the day i can wear fishets and a skirt with stubble.

    make up is fun to look pretty

  7. #32
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Jan 2013
    New Zealand
    For me...... I'm not interested in being full time female, so I keep away from the transgender label
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at

  8. #33
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
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    Aug 2016
    I'll take this from a different angle...

    How do *others* possibly see you/relate to you?

    Do they view/treat you as just "one of the guys"?

    Or, as gay and/or femmy? (I have personally run into this pretty much my entire life, probably for a myriad of reasons, for better or worse. )

    Regardless of how you may be presenting at the time, of course.

    I'm talking about more of a vibe/personality thing, than anything.

    GG's are more apt to relate to "regular" guys in a much different way, when compared to those of the TG persuasion.

    For the latter, many may naturally tend to view you more as one of their own. Perhaps not totally, as they would with another GG -- but more as an "honorary sister," at the very least. Those who have experienced this will know what I'm talking about.

    And to take it one step further?

    Looking at it as honestly & objectively as possible... How do *you* relate to men, versus GG's?

    Is there a legit comradery between you & the men -- or you & the GG's? Who do you feel more comfortable with? Whose company do you enjoy more? Who do you feel more at home with?

    Personally, I can do both. I like both... Yet at the same time, I realize that there's negative & ugly aspects unique to *both* camps that I really don't care for & want no part of.

    I do, however, typically tend to value & enjoy platonic relationships with cool GG's who are somewhat older than me. I feel a sense of them being an older sister or cousin... Or for those with a larger age-gap? Possibly a young aunt. All kinda showing me the ropes, with their vast insights & experience with the GG way of life.

    They totally rock!

    But bringing this back to the OP?

    How you answer from this angle, may help determine where that line for you may be.

  9. #34
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    So much of your reply resonates with me , You appear to have reached that point as I have where life is comfortable , people both male and female are OK with how I appear so I've slotted back into life as Teresa , what label they chose to use is up to them . We could question what line are we talking about ?
    The real me , no going back.

  10. #35
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Feb 2006
    I'm not saying I take steps back. I meant that there are days when I've crossed that line and feel so far on the TS side.
    Wear what makes you feel Confident !

  11. #36
    Junior Member Janet Devon's Avatar
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    Nov 2020
    Northern Indiana
    I don't know the costs but I agree that would be a logical reason why someone doesn't change when they want. I wonder too if most of us just don't want to lose what we already have? We have built up friendships, families and jobs we like and are fearful we could lose many if not all.

    I started cross dressing perhaps as a 12 year old in a costume competition. My mother and sister helped me. I looked so good that the boys were hitting on me. They didn't know untill I told them who I was. I made the news paper and they said I had offers of dates. Oh how I wish I could either not do that day or started following up sooner.

  12. #37
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    Aug 2018
    Good observation. I was around 13 when I got into a couple boxes of clothes in the attic around 1964 so it has been a life long thing always in the background. As you say, the place we are at in our lives weigh heavily on our decisions. I would say that there may be more than a couple ounces of fear of the unknown as well. I think for people like myself holding back from our hearts desire can be exhausting and sometimes makes life feel like a dead end.

    I think our individual levels of dysphoria come into play as well. I have a two page list of topics that relate to this thread that I am going to bring up in therapy tomorrow. That has been my goal, to identify where I fall in the spectrum of all this and to understand where it might lead me. It?s a fascinating topic and one of my goals is to find and understand where that line is.
    Last edited by Star01; 12-01-2020 at 12:28 PM.

  13. #38
    Junior Member adelinapa's Avatar
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    Jan 2019
    Philadelphia area
    The line, to me, is when you are unhappy inside with the gender you have been assigned. Not when you look in the mirror, but when you look inside yourself.

  14. #39
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Oct 2011
    Arlington Heights, Illinois
    It always amazes me on how many sub sections of TG is labeled and sectioned in something so common to us all.
    I was watching a Youtube snip-it about this person who liked to present as male some days and female other days.
    I thought to myself, that's what I kind of do too!
    This person called themselves "Gender Fluid" though in my mind that implies when presenting as a women, she would be attracted to a male.
    Since I am heterosexual that label doesn't fit....Cross Dresser seem to be my fate though when I was living as a girl, I was definately Transgendered awaiting money to fulfill my destiny! Those were the days!
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  15. #40
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    Jan 2014
    Puyallup, WA (USA)
    A great lady-friend of mine described me as gender-fluid, I suppose that could be considered transgender to an extent.
    I personally do not identify as female.
    Could be partially transgender, don't know.

    I do, however, use "transgender" as a hash-tag on my Twitter (as Alice).
    I figure others can find me by said hash-tag to identify with someone.

    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  16. #41
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
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    Oct 2009
    Quote Originally Posted by candykowal View Post
    This person called themselves "Gender Fluid" though in my mind that implies when presenting as a women, she would be attracted to a male.
    Gender and sexual preference are two different things.

  17. #42
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Feb 2008
    Cross dressing is a transgender tendency of mine. See, it's an adjective, but somehow there's an implication that being transgender means one is transitioning. In my mind, it doesn't have to mean that.

    And there are degrees of transitioning. I've seen different degrees of it with transgender friends and acquaintances. The desire to dress in public 24/7 is a step towards transitioning for some. Taking hormones is another step. SRS is pretty much going all the way.

    The line (if there is one) is different for everyone of us.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  18. #43
    Platinum Member
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    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    Quote Originally Posted by Robertacd View Post
    The line is within you, as it all comes down to why you crossdress.
    That I have not yet figured out! Lots of speculation but no definitive answer.

  19. #44
    Super Moderator Raychel's Avatar
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    Jul 2005
    Bangor Maine
    I personally think that line falls in your mind,
    If you feel that you should have been born with the opposite Gender.
    Or have other issues in your mind that make you feel you definitely fit in that group
    then that is where the line is.

    For me, that line is a long way away. I am truly just in the crossdresser group.
    I don't feel that I should have been a woman.

    I like the look of myself better dresser in women's clothes.
    Maybe a self esteem issue for me.
    my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress

    "Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"

  20. #45
    Loving my femme side tifftg's Avatar
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    May 2005
    Quote Originally Posted by Jean 103 View Post
    There is no line as they are one in the same , kinda, as a CD is a TG. I started a similar post a while back about, when did I lose my membership card.

    The question is there a point when you are no longer just a CD?

    The answer is acceptance and knowledge.
    15 years ago I went into therapy to examine how far the road I wanted to go and what trade offs I was willing to make (family, career, friendships) to perhaps be my true self. Part of what I discovered with my therapists help and I think it is still true. I am "just a crossdresser". It gives me great joy when I dress fully and that has become more complicated but is still a big part of my life. This forum is part of keeping me sane, thank you all.

  21. #46
    New Member
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    Feb 2018
    I think the line is the emotion, when I felt sad for going back to be a man, I knew that I'm transgender

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