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Thread: New gurl looking for advice

  1. #1
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    New gurl looking for advice

    Please forgive my story. I?m not here looking for a date or anything just need to get this in the open and need some advice. I?ve been secretly crossdressing for about 15yrs and went from just panties, to a bra, to wearing panties, bra, nighty, to full blown lingerie, Halloween wig, woman?s jeans and top. I absolutely love it. I can?t explain the way it makes me feel. Probably 5-6yrs I got the urge to try and meet men. Well I met a guy and fully explained that I was new to this and masculine. I?m 6.6ft and 290lbs. I met him for drinks as a dude and went back to his place I wore my jacked up Walmart wig and some lingerie, socks shoved in the bra, horrible makeup job and I absolutely loved it. He did make comments about me being big and manly. We met one more time and after that he pretty much said not interested and don?t bother him again. I tried meeting other guys and once dressed up they said I didn?t look good. I quit for about 3-4yrs because of it.

    Recently I decided I wanted to give this another try. I do date woman but I prefer men and prefer to be dressed up. I met a guy last month and he said that other than my hairy areas I wasn?t bad. I can?t shave due to dating woman so looking for advice on covering that up. My current setup is a body shaper, thigh highs, garter belt, bob wig almost to my shoulders, but I want to experiment with breast forms, nice lingerie, bra, panties, and a dress.

    Ive been looking at the single forms on Amazon and figured I could put them in a bra and they would work fine or should I spring for the chest plate type? What size do you recommend? I feel like with my large chest anything c or larger will look weird. With panties what are you wearing that your are not hanging out? I want something natural looking.

    I struggle with wigs because they are all so cheap and get tangled and look horrible. I also can?t do makeup that looks good. I prefer dark eyes but I think it looks horrible.

    Anyone else have a large build and dress? I would really like to go to a gay bar or something and hang out but I don?t even feel comfortable meeting a guy because I look bad

    Any tips on wigs, makeup, lingerie, hiding hair on your back, buttocks, Etc. is greatly appreciated. I do shave my face.

    One thing that bothers me and I can?t seem to shake is I will get in this mood where I want to fully dress so I get all done up and just hang out around the house and I feel great but when I take it off or get done meeting a guy I kind of feel ashamed. Last month when I got done meeting the guy I said to myself this isn?t who I am and threw everything away. I?ve done this twice before but I always seem to come back to crossdressing and the urge to dress as sexy as possible, act feminine and meet a guy. I?ve even been to the point where I talk to someone online, dress up to show them and when they say let?s meet I back out. Is it just my nerves of not looking good?
    Last edited by Di; 12-09-2020 at 07:19 PM. Reason: A little tmi/ read the rules please

  2. #2
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I really can't help u with your dating because I don't date males, so have no experience, Kimmy. But, I CAN tell u this!

    A picture is worth 1000 words. So, if u really want help with your looks here? Post some pics and you'll get A LOT of helpful advice.

    Also, after u have 10 posts u can visit many other forums here. Including the Members Photos section!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
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    Hi Kimmy.

    I'm strictly hetero so I can't speak to the gay aspect of your post, but I do have some experience with makeup, wigs, and clothing. I recently wrote about some of my experiences here:

    https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...77#post4489777


    As far as feeling ashamed, yes I think we have all gone through that. Shame, guilt, not being normal. None of this is true. Most of us here have gotten to the point where we accept this as part of who we are. Don't know why we do this but it's in our psychological makeup. It never seems to go away. It's who we are. Welcome to the club. The sooner you accept this and become comfortable with it, the better. We are not freaks or abnormal. We are fine just the way we are.
    Last edited by sweetdreams; 12-09-2020 at 06:48 PM.
    Why fit in when you were born to stand out? - Dr. Suess

  4. #4
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    A breast plate will at least hide chest hair, not much can be done for the rest of the body if you are not willing to shave. I trim my body hair. I use a clipper with the thinnest comb attachment and trim it all, except I shave my legs, nobody has said anything about no hair on my legs. This day I don't think anyone would say much if you did shave all over, many straight guys do. if anyone asks, just tell them you like no hair.

    I have been wig shopping too and you need to shop a real wig shop and not the Halloween Store, or some other party costume place. There are wigs sold all over the internet, but you take a chance of not getting the color right, or they might not be styled like they show in pictures. Make sure you shop where they will take returns. also you need to measure your head to get the correct size. I suspect a your height you will need at least a large, unless you have a tiny head!


    We all have the same nervous feelings, whether we are meeting a guy, or just dressing and going out with friends. It just comes down to worrying about rejection and ridicule. It will continue, but diminish some over time, but I don't think it ever goes away.

    You might try lose some weight, but at 6"6' you probably will never fool anyone.

    As for guilt? What have you done to fell guilty about. Dressing up? No issue here, one night stands with strangers might not be considered a good idea to many, but it is your life. live it the way you ant as long as you are not hurting anyone else.
    Last edited by Pumped; 12-09-2020 at 06:51 PM.

  5. #5
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    Thanks for the reply. I was 255lbs when I was meeting the other guys and they said I was a big girl and not passable. I tried shaving my buttocks and legs and my ex started asking questions. For the legs I figured the nylons would hide it. I won?t ever go in public but I?d like to meet a guy and dress up in private and have him at least think I was good enough for some fun. I?ll try and post some pictures.

  6. #6
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Work on yourself if you feel that way.
    Lose weight, watch utube make up videos, buy a decent wig very important , check out a Breast plate that Pumped suggested. You can improve and feel confident

    But this bothered me and I want to address it....you said

    -tried shaving my buttocks and legs and my ex started asking questions. -


    Maybe figure yourself out first who do you want to be in a relationship with?
    Not being fair to anyone So be honest with yourself and a partner.
    Do not use being a cder as an excuse....it is not.
    Playing games can get everyone hurt.
    Maybe you do not want a relationship but hook ups with men but please do not go into a relationship with a GG then.......just so NOT COOL.


    Guess she is lucky to be an ex till you sort your self out.
    Last edited by Di; 12-10-2020 at 11:30 AM.
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  7. #7
    Member FrannGurl's Avatar
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    Most of us are not passable.

    Many, like myself, will never be completely passable no matter what we do. You will find that everyone has a different reason for
    dressing/presenting as a woman here.... You'll also find that it's VERY common that many of us don't have a clear reason why we do it either!

    As for your height, you can't do much about that, and that's ok. Losing weight helps, but I know for many it's a challenge.
    Shaving your legs and body is a good start if it's something you want to do . It took me a long time in the beginning to do it without nicking myself at least once or twice

    Makeup takes practice and there are many videos on YouTube that can help, or you can Google "Basic Makeup Techniques" I'm
    in my 50's and I still learn new tricks with it now and then., and from a few of my female friends. Nothing wrong with being a beginner, and we all started there, many of us before the internet even existed, so you have an big advantage that many of us didnt! I had to get my makeup tips in the late 70's and early 80's, from watching my mother or girlfriends do it, as well as swiping issues of Cosmo, and other womens magazines!

    As far as wigs, my best advice is this....A cheap wig looks cheap, no matter what you do with it. Depending on how often you decide to dress, I would suggest Paula Young. I have bought several wigs from them and have always been very satisfied with the cost and quality. They start from around 35 to 40 dollars to several hundred, for a real human hair wig. I've bought both the cheaper ones and the more expensive , and even the cheaper ones from them are not too bad.

    As far as dating men, the subject comes up here now and then. I date men exclusively, and enjoy it very much. My advice is to be honest with what you're looking for and present yourself well. Spend time chatting with them first, and dont give out very personal information. Pay attention to how they engage in a conversation with you. If all you want is sex, there are many that will be interested, but,If you want a man who appreciates you for a friend, treats you as a lady, and wants more be selective and take your time...I usually spend time messaging...If all goes well then talking on the phone after a time, and making plans to meet....I almost always let him ask me , so I don't appear too forward, no matter how much I find him attractive..... Sorry for the long post, but hope it helps!

  8. #8
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    If you're into it for the sex, more power to you, but the fact is that most males, gay or straight, are not into CD's. Those that are often... confused. If you're to "manly", it breaks the illusion they're looking for.
    That said, you've received some good advice on your presentation already. How far you're willing to go is up to you.

  9. #9
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Hi ,
    As a straight woman I can only help so much but I will say that its a deal breaker for me if a guy has alot of hair . Lots of women like me prefer no body hair so don't let dating women stop you from shaving .
    FB : https://www.facebook.com/lderuijsscher
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  10. #10
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    I have to respectfully disagree with you on this Aunt Kelly. I used to be a member of a notorious dating site here in the UK and all the guys who I met offline were married straight men. Not one identified as a gay man.

    However, I do agree that the vast majority of straight men don not want to meet men that are masculine, and unfortunately OP, that means the facial hair will have to go at some point. I struggled hard with this as my beard was one of my defining traits of my masculinity. There comes a point when you have to let go and do what feels right. That does not mean I am clean shaven 100% of the time but it is important that I am for dates as one of the most common questions I get before meeting guys is ?are you clean shaven? or ?do you have any facial hair?.

    Hope your journey goes well for you!

    Sam x

    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly View Post
    If you're into it for the sex, more power to you, but the fact is that most males, gay or straight, are not into CD's. Those that are often... confused. If you're to "manly", it breaks the illusion they're looking for.
    That said, you've received some good advice on your presentation already. How far you're willing to go is up to you.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    If you’re going to be sleeping with someone, there’s no way to hide body hair. There are women out there who appreciate little to no body hair, so why not just shave? You say yourself that you prefer men anyway...

  12. #12
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    If you are just looking to hook up with men as a cd, you can?t expect them to respect you as a person. They are after the thrill of having sex with a cd, fantasy of being with someone easy, or illusion that they are sleeping with a woman. In my opinion, this is why you feel ashamed afterward because it makes you feel cheap and not respected as a person. It sounds like you are starting on a journey of self discovery. You need to examine who you want to be and work toward that. It might change as time goes on but you need to start. Once you are more comfortable with yourself, then you can look for men who want a relationship not just sex. The urge to be with someone can be powerful. But if you respect yourself then looking for others that respect you will be easier.

  13. #13
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Yes, there are men that are into CDs but they often have the image of a TG model in mind. I don't mind hair on men unless it's like a forest, but when presenting as a female there's a need to do as much as possible to pass as one.

    Shave or use another method to become smooth. Learn more about applying makeup and practice at it. Pay more for a decent wig, find a way to lose weight. Etc. etc. etc.

    Or maybe just be a man in panties during your sexcapades...
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  14. #14
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by samuktv View Post
    I have to respectfully disagree with you on this Aunt Kelly. I used to be a member of a notorious dating site here in the UK and all the guys who I met offline were married straight men. Not one identified as a gay man.
    That's what I'm saying. That group is seeking out sex with men who present as female. I can't speak to their rationale or desires, but there is very clearly a not-quite-straight component to their behavior.
    "Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it will always get you the right ones."
    -- John Lennon

    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

  15. #15
    Member SometimesDiana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimmynewcd View Post
    I can?t shave due to dating woman so looking for advice on covering that up.
    My last girlfriend would actually get angry with me for NOT shaving. She felt that snuggling was much better when we were both smooth. A lot of men shave, and very few people care whether you have body hair or not. I'd go ahead and do what you want with your body. If a woman actually does have an issue with it, then she's certainly not a good match for you. Good luck!

  16. #16
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    It's as if we hadn't noticed, it's coming up to Christmas and there will be lots of ads on the TV for men's grooming products. If you look at those from the big named brands, those selling male perfume that feature a film star, usually shirtless and they will all be as clean shaven body hair wise as a billiard ball. Not a follicle of chest or back hair in sight.

    My hairdresser advertises as a male grooming parlour and while getting my hair cut there's usually one or more guys going in to get waxed.

    So if as you say your preference is for male company then it seems the sensible thing to do to optimise your presentation accordingly. Not wishing to sound critical but we're all guilty at times of putting barriers in place to stop us doing something we really want to do because we feel what we're trying to achieve is in some way wrong. Societal guilt has plagued many of us over the years and is a powerful force to overcome. Take time and decide on what you really what to do with your life and then take the steps to make that happen.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dutchess View Post
    Hi ,
    As a straight woman I can only help so much but I will say that its a deal breaker for me if a guy has alot of hair . Lots of women like me prefer no body hair so don't let dating women stop you from shaving .
    Unfortunately, my wife is exactly opposite. She hates when I shave anything other than my face. Lol

  18. #18
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    Lots of different preferences for women. My wife helps me shave. Most of my friends are shaven. Their wives must like it.

    As far as dating goes, our local.dating sites have more CDs looking for males than their are ads of women looking for men or men looking for men. Must be a lot of people into that sort of thing. Not my cup of tea, but when I saw those ads I thought most cds like men.

  19. #19
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    Shaveing is about all you can do with body hair. There is no way to hide it once the clothes come off. So many men shave their bodies now it isnt even weird to most women. And most guys looking for a fem man want no hair. Look on the bright side you seem to have better luck with the guys then I do. So maybe I should get advice from you. Yes I date men and women as well but not having much luck with either recently.

  20. #20
    Member Julie Slowinski's Avatar
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    To your statement here, ?when I take it off or get done meeting a guy I kind of feel ashamed. Last month when I got done meeting the guy I said to myself this isn?t who I am and threw everything away. I?ve done this twice before but I always seem to come back to crossdressing and the urge to dress as sexy as possible, act feminine and meet a guy. I?ve even been to the point where I talk to someone online, dress up to show them and when they say let?s meet I back out. Is it just my nerves of not looking good??

    It?s not your nerves. It?s internalized transphobia. Your subconscious has been taught by society that everything you are doing is wrong. Society tells us that guys should be masculine and tough and sexually conquer women. What your doing is the complete opposite of that and your brain is totally confused, and manifests this confusion as guilt and shame. This is something we all struggle with at some level, even those of us who think we have overcome it. The only way I know of to reduce the level of guilt and shame is to find more self acceptance - to reason out in your conscious brain that there is nothing wrong with being a CD and/or gay. You need to believe this intensely in your heart, mind and soul, before it to be able to fight and push back on what society has ingrained in your brain since you were a wee lad. It takes effort and practice, because even if you think you have this thing licked it stills pops once in a while because out subconscious is really persistent. Hope this helps.
    Oh! you Pretty Things ... Don't you know you're driving your Mamas and Papas insane ... Let me make it plain ... You gotta make way for the Homo Superior - David Bowie, 1971

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  21. #21
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
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    My advice? Keep reading the posts on this group. You can learn about wigs, shaving and makeup. There are good videos on makeup as well.

    Dating or picking up men is something I can't really help you with. You might do better in a "gay" group for that advice.
    Krisi

  22. #22
    Heather loves heels Heather2die4's Avatar
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    In short, you need to choose a venue that is commensurate with your commitment. If you sing a song for your mother, you need not have a polished performance but if you play Carnegie Hall, you had better nail every note. Likewise, if you can't be bothered to shave everything, keep your dressing at home. If you want to date men, that requires the highest level of commitment so, in addition to shaving, you will need to confront your weight and general demeanor or risk being laughed at.

  23. #23
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    The fact you have sex with men will be a far, far greater issue for women than shaving your body. Not that shaving might not be an issue, but the former is a much bigger concern.

    Most women I know say they prefer men with leg hair and hairy underarms (I have no idea why women find this attractive.)

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