Feeling urge to tell mother

[Scarlett1975]

So my wife is the only one who knows about the real me. I'd like to tell my mother but I guess once something's said it can't be unsaid. I also feel it might upset my wife and make it more "real" so to speak. I'd really like to start my transition before I get too much older however there are certain realities I have to face and may be this is one of them? Maybe I should be happy that it's a secret my wife holds? What's everyone's thoughts on such a situation? I sent am email to a psychologist who deals with trans/cd's and am thinking that's a safer step ?

[bridget thronton]

Is it possible to talk about this decision with your wife?

[Scarlett1975]

Of course .. she says it's fine but is also concerned How the news will be received.

[Helen_Highwater]

Scarlets,

If you want to transition then it's a bullet that needs to be bitten. Not wishing to sound callous but the alternative you face is waiting for your mothers demise as HRT will sort of let the cat out of the bag albeit slowly.

[Teresa]

Scarlett,
The problem is we never know if we've made the right decision , telling people is part of our need for acceptance otherwise it's more difficult to move forward .

My counsellor tried to stop me going round in circles with my assumptions , at some point you have to stop that cycle and be honest with yourself and others around you .

I know some are going to ask what will you benifit from telling her and I can understand your wife being anxious , I found the question kept coming up , " What harm am I doing anyone in being honest with my needs ?". That is exactly what my mother said to me , " What harm am I doing anyone ?" She 's now happy to go out with when it's safe to do so .

The other issue was my daughter had given her photo album of of her family and I was included when I spent Xmas day with her , so my mother already knew what I looked like .

[Crissy 107]

Your wife may be concerned that after you tell your mother who else may know shortly after that. I can say that is my wifes number one concern.

[Jean 103]

If you are going to transition, than at some point everyone will know.

My two cents, get your ducks in a row.

The biggest question is will your wife support you and stay by your side?

So sure tell your Mother if you feel the time is right.

[jenabrooks]

Than again your mother may already know and have known for years that you like girl's stuff.

[Scarlett1975]

I was thinking the same actually , mothers intuition and all

[Angela Marie]

Unfortunately my mother passed away several years ago. She was very open minded and I think she would have been supportive.

[Stevie Allyn]

An interesting thought. Sadly my mum passed away four years before I realised I was CD. Looking back at some of the things I did which should have made me realise far earlier, like "borrowing" some of mum's clothes, I now wonder if she realised I was CD many years before I did.

[KymG]

I told my mother because i didnt want her finding my stuff if something happened to me and she ended up having to go through my apartment.
I showed her some pictures, but she wasnt keen to discuss it. Asked if i was gay and that was that.
She did say she didnt think any less of me for it.
Not sure if it was the right thing to do or not but at least it wont come as a shock.

[ronny0]

IMO:......
First, for me both of my parents have long since passed, think my dad guessed...
Wish I had the courage to have told him / them.....
Ya can't change yesterday, even seconds ago won't change.
You have to decide who / what you are comfortable with. ALSO what part of 'YOU' do you want them to remember.
I for one, wish I had accepted who / what I am and let the world see me as what I desire to be.
We all do a lot of things in life w/o thinking it through as to what the end result will be.
If you are sure this is who you are, then IMO you need to share with as many people as you can.
Each year society is adapting to new concepts of what is 'normal' and the old concepts are forever shifting.
Try to be who you are, and try to present yourself in a manor that your family will find accepting,
Although, your life is Yours to live, not your parents expectations, We only get one go at it.
(As far as I know we only get one go) Still, be who you want to be, don't hide from 'your' life.

[Scarlett1975]

My wife thinks some people are noticing my under dressing so if she's correct then maybe she knows already. Thanks girls for all the advice as usual very helpful .

[Maria 60]

I don't know why but a few years back I had this thing in me that I wanted to tell my mother. I'm more then sure my mother and sisters knew I went through there things, they were so neat and there's no way I could have put stuff back neatly.
When I told my wife my intention she told me to do whatever I wanted but felt that why put this on her now at her age. She was already having some medical problems and why should I put this on her even though I believe I wouldn't have shocked her anyway. I guess you just have to do what you feel but ask yourself if it has any meaning in the end.