Charlotte,
I think being honest with your wife was the best thing to do. Now you know she has been thinking about it, and likely worrying about possibilities you have now told her aren't going to happen.
Hopefully this is a step on the path to your wife becoming more understanding and even accepting.
I wish you both all the best.
Love and hugs to you both,
Stevie
You talked to her and she didn't freak out. There is a lesson there for you going forward. it sounds like you have a level headed and perceptive wife. It will pay you dividends to be honest with her in the future, in terms of your own health and the health of your relationship.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
First and foremost, you need to get your eating disorder addressed. Eating disorders have a high fatality rate, and if they don't kill they can leave you crippled and in pain for the rest of your life (my mother was anorexic and if I described what I saw happen to her to would make everyone reading it sick.) You have a child, you owe it to them to get it addressed and to save your life.
Your wife fully knows about your dressing and is struggling inside to be supportive, despite how she may feel about it (if she is like other wives, she isn't thrilled about it.) You will have to have a discussion about it eventually. Do it before having another child or creating other permanent entanglements in case things go bad.
Charlette, good for you and your wife that she is accepting.
My wife was far from accepting at first. It took months of talk before she figured she changed her mind, but like your wife she didn't want to see me dressed. I dressed when she was out, or when I was on the road over night. One day we talked and I told her if it was ok with her is she would "accidentally" see me dressed. In other wards, dress when I wanted, and not worry about her coming home. I also would dress for a short time after she went to bed. That was good for some time. She would come home and I would change back to guy stuff. Before long she got more relaxed and would tell me to stay dressed if I like and that has evolved into dressing when ever I like.
So there is hope that she will open up more. Keep talking to her, don't push it, but keep the subject open.
I think that we're all talked out at the moment. She didn't do much talking about the subject, but using the information on here (The SO's acceptance thread in particular) I think I probably covered pretty every element that she may have had questions about.
From my perspective, I think i've confirmed my commitment to the relationship, that ultimately she sets the boundaries and it's up to her to follow up with anything further.
We've still been physical today, with kissing and cuddling, i've asked a bunch of times if she's OK, she's done likewise, and I *think* things are OK.
Let's just see where things are once she's processed this.
EDIT: One thing she's not questioned yet is the cost of the clothing etc. Other than the wig, everything is sub ?10 and purchased in clearance sales. I'd like to think this won't be an issue if it's brought up.
Hi Charlotte, following up on this. Wish you the best of luck with your wife.
This dressing thing seems to be a conflict with wives no matter how accepting they want to be. It’s always going to be something that they don’t understand. As much as we try to explain in a honest way. I think that needs to be clear to both of you. Just continue as you are with mutual respect and honesty and it will guide you!
For me, being honest with myself is the hardest part
If I didn't know better Charlotte, I would swear you were reading my diary.Originally Posted by CharlotteCD
You are in the same position I was in April 2018, when after 20+ years of marriage and hiding my "secondary life", my wife finally wound an article of clothing that was hidden, looking back on it, I did not not hide it that well perhaps subconsciously hoping I would be found out.
The first couple of weeks were much discussion, tears from both of us, some yelling, but mostly honest communication. She was most angry with the fact that she did not know me as she thought she did, was angry with the deception and rightfully so. She also asked why I didn't mention before we got married, and honestly I thought it was the occasional fetish behavior and was not as prevalent as it was now. Also as you stated, I do not dislike my male side and did not want to lose not only my love and also my best friend. A short time later, she said she felt bad for me not telling her earlier for all the time I wasted.
At the beginning, she told me to get rid of everything, which I did without any hesitation due to my perceived betrayal, but a week a two later, she came to me and told me that she was wrong and told me to spend whatever was needed to rebuild my wardrobe. My female items are now in the same closet and my male items, in plain site - no more secrets.. it is so free and uplifting.
You are so right in the feeling of calm, affirming , and being ones true self, that it makes you feel complete. The only downside is that my child is not at all accepting so for the sake of him, it is DADT, but my wife is totally accepting and has no issues seeing me dressed.
The only thing to add is to keep the communication open with your wife, so as to determine her boundaries and what her needs are to be ok with this, but it sounds like you are off to a great start. I don't know all of the answers but please free to reach out via PM as it appears we are somewhat of kindred spirits!
Gretchen
I feel where you are.
Here is a bigger question. Yes most of us are married and love our wives. Most of us are not trans but just straight men that do get some type of release dressing.
Why do our wives have some much sway with us? Why do we bend over backwards for some type of approval or acceptance? Can't we just say that we like it and we will dress at home if we want? Who wears the pants around here?
For me, I wouldn't do that because it's not what my wife signed up for.
When we met, she fell for and married a person who dressed in the clothes she found attractive. It was part of my appeal to her.
I fell for her in part because of her style. If she now decided that she wanted to shave her head a mohawk, get loads of piercings and face tattoos, I'd naturally be upset.
Charlotte, I think I understand your position very well. All I will say now is I have had a very good life with my wife and family and would not change it for any thing. There have been arguments about my crossdressing, but ultimately I choose my family and the career to support them, over the strong urge I had as a younger me to transition. My physical size was part of that. Good luck, ultimately only you and your family can decide how it goes.
Last edited by Jane G; 12-30-2020 at 06:54 AM.
Hi Jane - I think we're very similar here. I don't want to hurt my family, and it would be so damaging if I were to transition. It would also be as or more damaging for me to transition as somebody who is 6ft5 with size 12 feet - I'll always stand out, and my anxiety will tell me that people are making fun of me. I have so much respect for those that are able to take that step.
Or who wears the panties?
Respecting your wife's feelings isn't bending over backwards, it seems more like investing in your couple so it has a chance to last, like Charlotte obviously wants it to. It is sad that in another thread you expressed disappointment from having your wife home for the holidays because it got in the way of your dressing. You are prioritizing the dressing over your wife and we all know how this ends.
Sorry for sounding too flip about my response. At times I think I am funny but it does not come out that way. Again, I am sorry.
But the question is still there. Wives have a huge roll to play in our CD lifestyle. I really do wish mine would help me look passable. So, my previous comments are mostly about me and not anyone else.
Sorry Natalie.
How would you feel if your wife got a pink mohawk and pierced every part of her body that she could, then tattooed the parts she couldn't, after all, it is her body, her decision, really doesn't affect you.
Like others said, it is about respecting your spouse's feelings. You married her, you became part of the team. If one or both of you just goes and does something without considering the others feelings you are not a team any longer. I suspect that is what has happened to some of the more radical, divorced CD'ers here.
Some guys thing they are asking for permission when that have to "ask" their wife. I call it consideration. There are times I have just flat out told my wife I was going to do something, but it wasn't a life altering decision either, or it was the best thing to do at the time.
I worked with a guy for a few years and one day sold him something and dropped it off at his garage. He looked at me and asked if he could pay me the next day, then got a funny look on his face, looked and me and asked, "I can trust you, correct?" then opened a cabinet in the garage, dug out some stuff and pulled out a plastic coffee can. He opened it up, pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills and handed m a couple, and put everything back. I asked him how much money he had in there, about $5,000 he said, and his wife didn't know about it. He told me he would cash his paycheck, then deposit all but $100 every week and that was his mad money. If he sold something, or did some repairs for someone, it was cash, and it all went into the can. This been going on for years and went on for a few more years. He had a project car he was working on and sold it for $20,000. When I heard about it I mentioned the coffee can must be getting full and he said he had added a second one.
I could go on about him and his wife with other stories on both sides, but anyway, after all that, he got divorced last summer and can't figure out why. I know why, they were not a team. He did what he wanted, and she did what she wanted. I tried to explain that to him and he didn't get it.
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