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  1. #1
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    Christmas Day Dilemma .

    I'm sure Christmas this year is to many a little complicated , who are we allowed to spend it with during the Covid-19 restrictions ?

    I live alone now and would be happy to spend Xmas day alone if I had to to stay safe so I could look forward to a better 2021 when the vaccine is widely available .

    My ex-wife is cooking the meal for my my daughter and family , initially she told me I wasn't invited as Teresa or otherwise . My mother never knows how many will turn up on the day but she has invited me to join her and my sister and her family , obviously still trying to stick to the rules .

    Now my dilemma , my ex-wife has changed her mind so I can join them but only in male mode , my mother has gone out of her way to tell everyone she has invited me as Teresa ( or Terri to her ) and gone as far as telling my sister she doesn't want any awkwardness !

    My gut feeling is I should bite the bullet and join my family with my ex-wife but my mother deserves my support for going out on a limb with her acceptance and support for me .

    I have kindly thanked my mother for her offer and made it clear I'm not going to break the lockdown rules when we are so close to getting the vaccine , she totally agreed . She also admmitted she is very concerned about Christmas and the virus situation this years which is understandable at 91 . So she will understand if I don't accept her offer but then I'm not sure if I want to spend the day with my ex-wife .
    Last edited by Teresa; 12-16-2020 at 11:22 AM.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    If I were you, I would just stay home and visit everyone later.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    First choice, stay home. Second choice go see your mom. If your wife will not invite Theresa, don't go, period.

  4. #4
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Almost jumped pass this thread but, I had just mentioned to my email group that when wife and I moved to Las Vegas, we decided to start our own traditions.
    We get a dozen tamales for xmas eve, we don't exchange expensive gifts and we shy away from the standard turkey thing. It's wonderful, special and unique to us.
    So Teresa, this is a different time with all the overbearing restrictions but, other than that, maybe think of new traditions just for the new you. I know that family is paramount but,
    maybe drastic change would be better suited when the world get the ?demic out of it's system.
    As far as your current dilemma IMHO, Ex and kids go crossdressed as a male.
    Always honour your mother. She the first woman in your life.
    At 91 there's a special respect which transcends anything else in your life.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  5. #5
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    Char,
    It did cross my mind but in what guise ?

    Gwen,
    I have met my mother three times now including today , I' ve been out many times with my daughter . My sister hasn't met me yet and simply says she doesn't understand but she is tricky to deal with at times .

    Pumped ,
    I get that but then it also means I won't see my daughter and family over Xmas .

    It looks like I'll be drawing staws out of a hat .

  6. #6
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Maybe it is not as bad there ( covid) as here . But seriously they have no business having an Xmas dinner with people that do not live in the house.
    I would say thanks but no thanks there is a world wide pandemic. Visit, have Xmas over zoom.

    And if she still will not accept who you are...why bother. You are doing the sensible thing with your mom and she accepts you .
    Stay home, visit over zoom
    Last edited by Di; 12-16-2020 at 11:46 AM.
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  7. #7
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    Di,
    It's a tough call , some people think our lockdowns are OTT , the situation is a little inconsistent .
    On the 23rd , I will have to job of picking up cured hams from a village butcher , I then spend the day taking them to my family , which gives me the opportunity to see my son and grandsons and give them their Xmas gifts . I'm beating myself over the rights and wrongs of this trip , on the one hand I will be accused of not caring about the family and the other am I being stupid to ignore the rules ? Bearing in mind they vary from one county to the next.

    As for the size of the party , it hasn't been finalised yet , if it's over 6 the rules at the moment say we can't go over that number but it could be more or possibly less depending on the infection rate nearer the time .

    Carla,
    I love tradition , I got a huge kick out of cooking the Xmas meal for my daughter and her family the first year i moved into my new home .
    Last edited by Teresa; 12-16-2020 at 12:05 PM.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    Teresa, just be your self ..... go as Teresa do what you feel is right with your soul - they will all see and know who you really are.....................Debra

  9. #9
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Pumped ,
    I get that but then it also means I won't see my daughter and family over Xmas .

    Do you get to see your daughter other times?

    If you do, then what difference does it make?

    Does you daughter know about Teresa?

    If she does, tell her that your ex doesn't want to see Teresa, and that is a deal breaker for you.

    Get with your daughter another day.

    IMO, your mom has a short time left here on the earth. If neither of you have issues with COVID then go she her and be with with people that accept you.

    I will not be seeing either of my parents this holiday season. We talked, and figured everyone's safety came first. We can get together after this COVID crap blows over.

  10. #10
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    Spend time with your Mother if you are going to do anything, she is accepting you for who you are. It sounds like your ex wife is still trying to control the situation to what she wants.

  11. #11
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Great advice here...
    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lynn3 View Post
    ....To bring up an old saying: They are not called an ex for nothing. Make arrangements to meet your children at another time to exchange presents.
    Yup! I would NEVER allow my ex (if I had one) to dictate ANY rules to my life, ever again!
    That means your mother in law is a EX too... got to let them go even if the Mother likes to stir the pot! MOVE ON!
    Make your own traditions with your daughter.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  12. #12
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Stay home . Don't even think about what your ex or sister have to say about it . Its just another day .. you'll see everyone again .
    IG : Knightress Oxide

  13. #13
    New Member from Scotland paulinescotlandcd's Avatar
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    It is a tough old call but I would stay home and stay safe. Let's be honest Christmas will be over in a flash and when it is you can at least look back and say you did the right thing.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Teresa, It matters not the reasons for ones break ups but where an ex is concerned over time it always goes belly up, after my divorce i kept in touch with my ex until it came to the point of it being a waste of time and we talk no more. You should not allow your ex to dictate how you should dress are who to see or whatever. Dress and be you, see your mum and your daughter if you can. In a way it is time IMO, to move on with your life, live it as you want to and how it makes you feel best.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Joni T's Avatar
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    Your ex is an ex for a reason. You live alone. Your ex should have no bearing on your current life. It's at your Mom's place. Her place, her rules. Go as Teri. If your ex doesn't like it, I'm sure she'll be free to leave.
    Just for the record, I collect ex's. I have 2.

  16. #16
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
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    That is a tricky situation. Do you get to see your daughter often? What about your sister and mother? Does your sister not approve of Terri?

  17. #17
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Char,
    It did cross my mind but in what guise ?
    Under the guise of Covid.

    Same as what Di said; the Covid situation in our state is too high to risk meeting anyone person.

    We have son that lives alone and is Type I diabetic. We are going to meet him a parking lot to exchange gifts. There is no way I would want to expose him to Covid, he already is exposed enough at his job.

    We will meet with our daughter and her family maybe in another month or so, usually we meet at a zoo (again outside). It's not the way I want it, it's sad, but hopefully next year will be better.

    Anyway, you call the shots. Choose what is best for you. You were invited to two places, so it's up to you. But that's what happens in any situation where the people live in separate homes.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-16-2020 at 03:39 PM.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Teresa

    I understand your dilemma.

    I will say one thing if you choose to go in male mode.

    Your ex wife will expect that every year you have to visit her house at Christmas.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member KymG's Avatar
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    I appreciate the situation, but personally i think you should bin the ex wifes invite, why should she stipulate what you can or cant wear?
    Just to point how silly it is, How would she feel if you invited her over and she had to wear male clothes only?
    Put yourself first Teresa.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Teresa, think about the meaning of Christmas. It's a celebration of life, and acceptance.

    Now that everyone knows, or at least anyone who needs to. Don't you think in the spirit of the season and the fact that the whole world is going through this trying time. Wouldn't you think they would drop their objections to you being you ?

    Frankly if they can't, all they deserve is a lump of coal.

    Yes your mom is great, the last to know, and it sounds like your strongest supporter.

    Teresa you know and understand my my Christmas party dilemma. As with me, for you it is time.

    If they can not accept you that they do not have the spirit of Christmas in their heart and do not deserve to be graced by you presence.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I would think your ex wife would be out of the question (I like how someone called if a half-hearted invite). And if you see your mother it is a covid gamble. Plenty of people are doing, and I am not here to tell you what to do in that regard.

  22. #22
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    Sounds like an opportunity for some time to rest and do something you enjoy alone. Use THE VIRUS as a reason if you must. As for me, I have similar issues but they solved themselves. THE VIRUS has come to my house and just in time for Christmas. Our Christmas will be on several dates with small groups from our THE VIRUS jail release date, expected December 25, to January 18.

  23. #23
    Junior Member Janet Devon's Avatar
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    Abby,
    I hope you come through Covid-19 as good as I did or better. I was stuck at home for the month of November. No Thanksgiving family get together. You know what? We still all chatted via video conferencing and had a great time. No passing viruses and food but everything else wss there.

    Teresa,
    You have had lots of suggestions, I would say if you are Teresa the rest of the time, stay Teresa. You will see your daughters another time but I personally would not stay alone for Christmas. I love seeing family and would clean extra well and see mom.

    PS.
    In our state Covid-19 is rampant and yesterday I went to a wedding (as a male with my wife) and celebrated with 200 other unmasked friends and family. Someone will get sick, we all understand the risks. I bet your mother does too. She chose to invite Teresa.

  24. #24
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    Janet ,
    I'm not sure what the maximum number of guests allowed at weddings are in the UK but it's not anywhere near 200 , I have to agree with Helen the risks are far too great especially not even wearing masks for some of the time .

    I love seeing my family too but not to risk them or me , anyway the point is now academic as some areas have moved into a higher tier level and no movement at all is allowed outside those areas , I will personally be happier staying alone at home than worrying about who might infect who .

  25. #25
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    My gut feeling is I should bite the bullet and join my family with my ex-wife but my mother deserves my support for going out on a limb with her acceptance and support for me.
    I.
    Go with your gut feeling!
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

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