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Thread: Christmas Day Dilemma .

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Christmas Day Dilemma .

    I'm sure Christmas this year is to many a little complicated , who are we allowed to spend it with during the Covid-19 restrictions ?

    I live alone now and would be happy to spend Xmas day alone if I had to to stay safe so I could look forward to a better 2021 when the vaccine is widely available .

    My ex-wife is cooking the meal for my my daughter and family , initially she told me I wasn't invited as Teresa or otherwise . My mother never knows how many will turn up on the day but she has invited me to join her and my sister and her family , obviously still trying to stick to the rules .

    Now my dilemma , my ex-wife has changed her mind so I can join them but only in male mode , my mother has gone out of her way to tell everyone she has invited me as Teresa ( or Terri to her ) and gone as far as telling my sister she doesn't want any awkwardness !

    My gut feeling is I should bite the bullet and join my family with my ex-wife but my mother deserves my support for going out on a limb with her acceptance and support for me .

    I have kindly thanked my mother for her offer and made it clear I'm not going to break the lockdown rules when we are so close to getting the vaccine , she totally agreed . She also admmitted she is very concerned about Christmas and the virus situation this years which is understandable at 91 . So she will understand if I don't accept her offer but then I'm not sure if I want to spend the day with my ex-wife .
    Last edited by Teresa; 12-16-2020 at 11:22 AM.
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  2. #2
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    If I were you, I would just stay home and visit everyone later.

  3. #3
    Total Dork GwenHerself's Avatar
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    That is a tricky situation. Do you get to see your daughter often? What about your sister and mother? Does your sister not approve of Terri?

  4. #4
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    First choice, stay home. Second choice go see your mom. If your wife will not invite Theresa, don't go, period.

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Char,
    It did cross my mind but in what guise ?

    Gwen,
    I have met my mother three times now including today , I' ve been out many times with my daughter . My sister hasn't met me yet and simply says she doesn't understand but she is tricky to deal with at times .

    Pumped ,
    I get that but then it also means I won't see my daughter and family over Xmas .

    It looks like I'll be drawing staws out of a hat .
    The real me , no going back.

  6. #6
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    Almost jumped pass this thread but, I had just mentioned to my email group that when wife and I moved to Las Vegas, we decided to start our own traditions.
    We get a dozen tamales for xmas eve, we don't exchange expensive gifts and we shy away from the standard turkey thing. It's wonderful, special and unique to us.
    So Teresa, this is a different time with all the overbearing restrictions but, other than that, maybe think of new traditions just for the new you. I know that family is paramount but,
    maybe drastic change would be better suited when the world get the ?demic out of it's system.
    As far as your current dilemma IMHO, Ex and kids go crossdressed as a male.
    Always honour your mother. She the first woman in your life.
    At 91 there's a special respect which transcends anything else in your life.
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  7. #7
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Maybe it is not as bad there ( covid) as here . But seriously they have no business having an Xmas dinner with people that do not live in the house.
    I would say thanks but no thanks there is a world wide pandemic. Visit, have Xmas over zoom.

    And if she still will not accept who you are...why bother. You are doing the sensible thing with your mom and she accepts you .
    Stay home, visit over zoom
    Last edited by Di; 12-16-2020 at 11:46 AM.
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  8. #8
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Di,
    It's a tough call , some people think our lockdowns are OTT , the situation is a little inconsistent .
    On the 23rd , I will have to job of picking up cured hams from a village butcher , I then spend the day taking them to my family , which gives me the opportunity to see my son and grandsons and give them their Xmas gifts . I'm beating myself over the rights and wrongs of this trip , on the one hand I will be accused of not caring about the family and the other am I being stupid to ignore the rules ? Bearing in mind they vary from one county to the next.

    As for the size of the party , it hasn't been finalised yet , if it's over 6 the rules at the moment say we can't go over that number but it could be more or possibly less depending on the infection rate nearer the time .

    Carla,
    I love tradition , I got a huge kick out of cooking the Xmas meal for my daughter and her family the first year i moved into my new home .
    Last edited by Teresa; 12-16-2020 at 12:05 PM.
    The real me , no going back.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Debra Russell's Avatar
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    Teresa, just be your self ..... go as Teresa do what you feel is right with your soul - they will all see and know who you really are.....................Debra

  10. #10
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Teresa, no offense but after reading your replies it appears you've already made up your mind!

    In your situation I would stay home. But, if it were me? I have no problems presenting as Robert!

    Whatever u do? Happy Xmas!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 12-16-2020 at 07:19 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

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  11. #11
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    I can only tell you what I would do and have many times at Christmas. I stay home or meet a friend for lunch. This year we are dealing with Covid regulations, so if you met a friend follow guidelines. That way neither family will become upset with your presents.

    To bring up an old saying: They are not called an ex for nothing. Make arrangements to meet your children at another time to exchange presents.

  12. #12
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Teresa, can you not dress androgynistically?
    Underdress, jeans, t-shirt, Christmas jumper, trainers ... skip the wig and the make-up.
    I think it is important to join the family at your ex-wife's place.
    It's her home, so you should respect her rules, but you can certainly bend them!
    Hope, Peace, Joy, Love ...
    Quality family time.

  13. #13
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Char,
    It did cross my mind but in what guise ?
    Under the guise of Covid.

    Same as what Di said; the Covid situation in our state is too high to risk meeting anyone person.

    We have son that lives alone and is Type I diabetic. We are going to meet him a parking lot to exchange gifts. There is no way I would want to expose him to Covid, he already is exposed enough at his job.

    We will meet with our daughter and her family maybe in another month or so, usually we meet at a zoo (again outside). It's not the way I want it, it's sad, but hopefully next year will be better.

    Anyway, you call the shots. Choose what is best for you. You were invited to two places, so it's up to you. But that's what happens in any situation where the people live in separate homes.
    Last edited by char GG; 12-16-2020 at 03:39 PM.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Teresa

    I understand your dilemma.

    I will say one thing if you choose to go in male mode.

    Your ex wife will expect that every year you have to visit her house at Christmas.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  15. #15
    Member KymG's Avatar
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    I appreciate the situation, but personally i think you should bin the ex wifes invite, why should she stipulate what you can or cant wear?
    Just to point how silly it is, How would she feel if you invited her over and she had to wear male clothes only?
    Put yourself first Teresa.

  16. #16
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    My gut feeling is I should bite the bullet and join my family with my ex-wife but my mother deserves my support for going out on a limb with her acceptance and support for me.
    I.
    Go with your gut feeling!
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  17. #17
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Gale,
    No my dressing is totally as Teresa besides it still wouldn't be right with my ex-wife , lets not forget when she invited herself to my home she tried to stipulate how I should dress .
    Char,
    I'm stuck with my ex-wife and sister who don't appear to appreciate Covid-19 rules , my ex would tell me to " Man up !" as she has with others !

    Shelly,
    I will always live with that expectation , underneath she's still going to try and win that battle .

    I do feel the advice is right to stay at home so no one is offended , they all know where I live so if they want to see me over Xmas they know where I am . That takes me out of the no win situation and out of breaking the Covid-19 rules .
    The real me , no going back.

  18. #18
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    Hi Teresa , Sounds like you are between a Rock and a Hard Place, >Orchid**OO**
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  19. #19
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    Stay at home. With your mother at the age she is and vulnerable to the virus. Should she get it over the Christmas period it will play on everyone's mind that they were the cause. I would also advise that your sister reconsiders going as I'm assuming she has school aged kids and according to what I heard on the news today the highest infection rates are in the age group 10-18.

    I have a daughter who is a teacher who is planning to visit us on the day but we have said that as we are in the support bubble for my wife's elderly mother, should the school have an outbreak in the last week of term then she should stay away.

    These are exceptional times and while we all crave those moments of normality people have to realise that those moments could cause someone's demise. Some might be able to say Oh well they had a good innings, it was their time but the sense of guilt could plague others. Let's not overlook that a death at Christmas resonates and over shadows Christmas's to come, so one spoilt holiday turns into many.

    Has that cheered everyone up?
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  20. #20
    Member cindylouho's Avatar
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    Having read many of your posts Teresa the choice to me is clear. I can certainly understand the Covid fear, and please excuse me for saying this but to hell with that half-hearted invite from your ex. Now as for your Mum its a toughie, but considering the recent visits you had with her and the fact that she's 91, I would go and be as sanitary as a surgeon during an operation.
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  21. #21
    Member Marguarite's Avatar
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    Hello Teresa, My Mom passed a few years ago, but I would not have missed an opportunity to spend Christmas with her. At 91, you don't know how many more there may be. I would call the Ex and explain that you had already accepted the invitation from your Mom. Follow Teresa's heart, and your decision will be true.

    Hope it all works out, HUGS Marguarite.

  22. #22
    Senior Member Pumped's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Pumped ,
    I get that but then it also means I won't see my daughter and family over Xmas .

    Do you get to see your daughter other times?

    If you do, then what difference does it make?

    Does you daughter know about Teresa?

    If she does, tell her that your ex doesn't want to see Teresa, and that is a deal breaker for you.

    Get with your daughter another day.

    IMO, your mom has a short time left here on the earth. If neither of you have issues with COVID then go she her and be with with people that accept you.

    I will not be seeing either of my parents this holiday season. We talked, and figured everyone's safety came first. We can get together after this COVID crap blows over.

  23. #23
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    Spend time with your Mother if you are going to do anything, she is accepting you for who you are. It sounds like your ex wife is still trying to control the situation to what she wants.

  24. #24
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Great advice here...
    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lynn3 View Post
    ....To bring up an old saying: They are not called an ex for nothing. Make arrangements to meet your children at another time to exchange presents.
    Yup! I would NEVER allow my ex (if I had one) to dictate ANY rules to my life, ever again!
    That means your mother in law is a EX too... got to let them go even if the Mother likes to stir the pot! MOVE ON!
    Make your own traditions with your daughter.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  25. #25
    GG Dutchess's Avatar
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    Stay home . Don't even think about what your ex or sister have to say about it . Its just another day .. you'll see everyone again .
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