Judy,
I too wake up thinking about dressing up all the time. Drives me a little buggy. I want to not think about dressing up so much but no luck. I can dress up almost every day, so I do even if it is only 30 minutes before breakfast. At 61 I would have thought that I would have gotten over it but is stronger today than 30 years ago.
It never, ever, ever goes away. I am sure many gave you various reasons for it, but in it's simplest form, it makes us happy. And if you could strip away societal norms, it would make many more happy. It may be the purest form of joy you can have. And I speak as a 50+ year tortured soul and now six years of bliss. Who knew?
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
I suspect the urge never goes away because that urge is a fundamental part of who we are. It seems to be a fundamental part of who I am at least. And I must admit I am very happy to have the urge be a part of me, at least since I accepted it my mental health has never been better.
Thankyou for all your replies
As another poster said---It Makes us HAPPY. Apparently I need an ocasional "Escape" or "Vacation from myself" to unwind and totally "relax" (I am an "escapist' CD) And Cross-dressing is the ONLY thing that works like that, effectively making me a different person and being able to dissociate myself from both my own worries and concerns and even the pressures of my "maleness". Feeling pretty also makes me feel good too.
-------But, since Cross-dressing is done for various reasons, by different people the reasons for one person may not be the same for another. Apparently there is SOMETHING in our individual Psyches that Cross-Dressing addresses. Be it escape, sexual stimulation, sexual identity, fetish or plain FUN. It is something we NEED, that cross dressing satisfies.
I am not wanting the urge, to go away but to own it....Rather "IT" owning me.Why does the urge never go away?
Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.
I believe that the reason the crossdressing urge doesn't go away is that it is part of my sexuality. It may have been there from the beginning, or it may have come from my spending hours looking at lingerie photos in the Sears catalog as a teen because I didn't have access to Playboy pictures. However it came about, it is so much a part of me that when I came out to a therapist in my 40s, even feeling completely ashamed as I did, I recoiled when he offered to help cure me. (He is gay, and how he could believe that I could be "cured" is as unfathomable to me as how he might be "cured" himself.) While he was able to start me on the road to accepting myself, I left his office that day certain that I didn't want to be "cured". This was before the cure for prostate cancer left me impotent and before my wife lost most interest in sex because of menopause and/or an anti-anxiety medication. (Cures so often come with a cost -- as is seen in countless fairy tales.) Crossdressing is something I have left, and it is a gift. Accepting that this is part of me and that it's OK to be me -- as evidenced by my having been a good husband, a good father, and a contributor to the life of my community -- has been critical. So has my wife's reluctant acceptance that this is something I do, and her knowledge that it's me, not her.
In my work with my current therapist, I have come to the belief that the urge to dress up in female attire is akin to the urge to consume alcohol. I carefully regulate my enjoyment of alcohol because alcoholism is in my family history, and I try to do the same with crossdressing. When I feel compelled by the urge, it's usually because life is feeling dull and unsatisfying. When I am really engaged in things I enjoy -- bicycling, traveling, etc. -- my femme clothes hang unused in the closet. The challenge, then, is for me to figure out what I need. At present, one of those things is finding space for being Nancy, which is hard when my wife and I are together 24x7. (This is a DADT relationship, unfortunately.)
Don't let the dog wag the tail. Figure out what's really driving you.
Nancy
"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life that you love, you have to find the courage to live it." -- John Irving
maybe it's like we all have a light gender dysphoria and we all need to do it every so often to feel good in ourselves. i reckon it's just that it gives us a feeling that makes us all feel content and happy when one has reached that selfacceptance. but i rarely think about tbh it's just part of me i suppose.
Its what they call stimming. Read neurotribes and it will explain why we do what we do.
How many crossdressers also like trains?
No Heel is Too High.... When it's Pointed at the Ceiling
My personal belief is that this is actually genetic in nature.
I tried many times over my life to walk away, purge, deny this part of myself only to return.
I don't think I could change this any more than I could change my eye color.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I'll have to remember that phraseology. My PTSD counselor is of the opinion each man or woman has some dna of the opposite sex in his or her genetic makeup. In some it is more than others. I find, as Cheryl does, that makes the most sense of all this:Originally Posted by XemmaX
"gender dysphoria light"
Catchy like a beer commercial!
I had gender dysphoria when dysphoria wasn't cool...Honestly I wonder if that's why people in my age group and older have a harder time with this. Gender Dysphoria wasn't even a diagnosis when I was young and experiencing my feelings. Everything was so black and white. You were either a "transsexual" and were going to physically transition or you were some kind of pervert. (Interestingly the "pervert" seemed more socially acceptable?) That lead me to lots of "grasping at straws" for a reason why, everything from "panty fetish" to AGP, I tried them all. Some of them served me well for several years but deep inside I still knew what I knew when I was 12.
Last edited by Robertacd; 12-21-2020 at 01:06 PM.
I cycle back and forth... no rhyme or reason to when and how much... only thing that is consistent is, if I don't dress when I need to, my stress levels go thru the roof. Dressing is calming and soothing for me.
I can certainly relate and agree. I often wonder how much I could have accomplished in other aspects of my life if I hadn't been so preoccupied with CDing.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Fran
It's worth something just being around to Fuss!
I've been struggling with the desire to dress for more than 70 years. When I was a teenager, I satisfied my need my wearing my mom's clothes as often as a could. The desire remained after I married, but the opportunity became less likely. I fought the desire for the next 30 years, but it resurfaced in the 1980's. This time, I went all the way. I started building a wardrobe and added wigs, makeup and anything that made me feel as if I were truly a woman. Of course, I went through several periods of remorse and purged so many times that I can't remember the number. Since last year, I've come to believe that I will never be free of the desire and that I must accept it as being with me for the rest of my life.
well i mean it in the an idea that we could be having it at all different levels as a possible theory of why it doesnt seem to ever really go away.I had gender dysphoria when dysphoria wasn't cool...
The experience given by sweetdreams could easily have been written about me with the only exception being that I still have to dress in private. I haven?t had that breakthrough moment with my wife but I check off the rest of the same boxes. Four kids, empty nest, retired, discovered dressing at thirteen and it kept coming back. Purged in 2005, it came back in 2012 and I am thinking about it 24/7. In my case it has all come full circle where I need to do more.
This is an encouraging discussion because I can see that I am not alone. Many have started out cross dressing and had to revisit and some revised their understanding and f themselves later in life. This all resonates with me and I enjoy visiting this section of the forum.
That is pretty much what I have been trying to say.
I believe that except for maybe "Fetish Dressers" (and we all know that someone who says they are "into forced fem" does not really need to be forced) we all suffer Gender Dysphoria to some extent.
That is what creates the urge to begin with, and the inability to accept that is why it never goes away.
And it won't go away until you accept this about yourself and address it one way or another.
I have tried to limit itb because business, personal things etc. But a question. Do, I want to stop. No, if, I can get away with it. Yes if it interfers with my life.
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Im getting to the point this is getting in the way of other things and, I feel like it is an addiction.
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