Never really felt the need to come out to anyone, male or female. The only person I'm out to (accidentally) was my wife and that didn't fare too well... A few local TG folk in the area know but i don't know whether to count them as male or female? Any who... what was the question again?
I told several male friends back in the early seventies. They didn't really understand it, but they didn't give me a hard time about it. I've lost touch with a few of them, others are still my friends to this day. I spoke to two of them on the phone during the past month. I prefer to hang out with people,who are intelligent, sensitive and trustworthy. I won't waste my time on a Macho j@ck@ss.
If you tell your secret to a married woman, it is unreasonable to expect she won't share it with her husband.
I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.
There was a male friend that I didn't want to lose when I was coming out. I recruited his wife to help, as it turned out my fears were unfounded. We are still very good friends.
Basically women are about feelings and men aren't.
What women hear when you come out to them, is you want to join their team, so of course they're all yay.
While your wife picked someone from the other team as a partner, you see the difference.
Maybe I should point out that I'm out , live as Jean, and haven't lost any friends and have gained many.
My wife is another story.
I think most would agree, we act differently when presenting as female than when doing so as a male. Not everyone, but most.
That said, I would tell anyone with whom I am interacting with when dressed, male or female. As Kandi, I have made plenty of friends of both genders. But since I would never wish to interact with my male friends and our children when dressed, I see no need. Since I am not transitioning, I see no reason to tell someone about this part of me. Kandi gets her time out often enough that it's not a problem for me. While doing so may go well, it would change those existing relationship somehow, the downside risk too great as I don't really see any significant upside.
Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.
Like Roberta,I will say it is all about self acceptance.Accepting you are queer to many. You will gain strength by believing in yourself and realizing that you are an equal human to any you wish to reveal your secret to. But FIRST,figure out your narrative ! What are you "coming out" as ? How do you wish for your life to change by this reveal ? From my 15 years of being out and open I can tell you that you may get the cold shoulder from some people and this may initially bother you. Coming out is a test of them, not you ! But get your truth straight in order to make it a fair test !Originally Posted by Robertacd
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
I have come out to lots of women but have never ever admitted to a man that I'm a crossdresser. It's easier and more fun. You can talk about lipstick and shoes!
One of the things I have learned during my seven decades on this planet is people reveal exactly how they feel when you're perceived to NOT be in a group. If you want to really know how someone thinks about cross dressers, then listen to them when you're not perceived to be a cross dresser. Many people tend to be politically correct. Others will get in your face. I've heard women completely fillet a cross dresser, and, pity his wife for being married to him. Are women treating you as a curiosity? Or, are they asking you to come over for dinner in your prettiest dress? I think there is a lot of NIMBY. Women tend to be a little more hands on in their interactions; a hug or embrace. In our society men do not hug or touch each other with some sports related exceptions. I will agree the younger generations tend to be more accepting of diversity. But, does that translate to inclusion within a group? With the increasingly polarization in our society on many issues I think there are more people "coming out of the closet," and sometimes not in a very accepting way. When I look around I still see interactions fitting into "birds of a feather flock together."
If I cannot gain acceptance from my wife I really do not expect much acceptance by anyone else other than the "curiosity" stage.
I've come out to many men - that also cross dressbut it's kept a secret in a vault for the rest of them.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
An excepting spouse/SO is hard to find but don't judge the world by the actions of a single person.
I have only come out to three men. But to a number of women. I see no need to tell anymore people now. One person spread it to many many people who know me, and i have lost many friends over it.
Yes. Pretty much. I have a few close female friends that know about Bree. I wont even buy shoes from a male clerk in a shoe store.
No Heel is Too High.... When it's Pointed at the Ceiling
Women are more understanding, typically, than men. Men generally go into a situation with preconceved ideas, where women will listen first and then weigh in or give support. I can discuss personal things alot easier with women, than I can with a man.
The responses in this post show the big difference between revealing that you are a crossdresser versus stating that you are transgender. There is a difference.
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
I must know how to pick my friends because when I came out as transgendered, both my male friends and female friends have been supportive.
I've had both men and women know I cross dress. I think a lot of men have trouble with being around one of us because they don't know how to handle being a friend and others finding out will cause people to assume they are gay.
No single guys. Two or three husbands of supportive friends. They kind of stay out of it.
When I came out at work I was more comfortable telling the women in our team first, though it was still heart stopping saying the words to the first few. They seemed happy for me. All the men were fine but it was more in "whatever makes you happy" category.
I got down to the last man, who I was dreading telling so kept putting it off. It reached a point where others would ask if I had told him yet each time I came back to the office. Turned out he was great about it.
The other big surprise was my boss, we didn't get on too well but he was brilliant both professionally & personally.
As people in transition,we TELL others. We do not ASK them to be cool with a "unique hobby". Big difference and I am not sure if many reponders realize that. You told them Helena...You didn't need their approval to be yourself. As far as others go,often we will encounter people whom you think are "cool" but really aren't..Hence the distancing afterwards. And conversely,[as Helena experienced] some that you don't expect become your best allies and ambassadors !
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
At this point I've "come out" to a fairly equal number of men and women. In every case, people have been supportive and understanding. Perhaps that's a self-selection bias, as i have been careful to only tell people I consider friends and have reasonable confidence that they will at the very least be outwardly supportive.
It's an interesting dynamic in my mind because the women I've told are not just supportive, but "proud of" or "happy for" me for being honest about who I am and what my identity is (to the extent I can explain it, which is difficult). They also enjoy that they can talk fashion with me, which is enjoyable because - duh - I have a sharp eye for women's fashion! I obviously skirt around the underdressing preferences (no pun intended) as I don't want them to assume that this is "only" a fetish, but I will make it clear - albeit in an "appropriate" manner, that underdressing is a core part of this for me.
Men's responses are fascinating in that the general response is "Really? Okay. Cool, whatever. Everyone has their thing." It probably makes a difference in my case that I'm not trying to pass, I just really enjoy certain aspects of women's fashion and the feminine parts of my identity that wearing it brings forward. Or not, it's hard to tell.
All I can tell you is that I have not yet had a bad experience confiding in people outside of my family unit.
Of course inside my family unit is a totally different situation. We are still coming to grips with it, which brings me to my main point - I think women are very comfortable with crossdressing/gender fluidity/trans-ness whatever you want to call when it isn't their spouse who is doing it. Or sometimes even their child. From what I've read here and what I have witnessed/experienced personally, women react VERY differently when they learn it is their husband. Considering all you see here about DADT marriages and the like, it seems like the support offered by women extends only so far. I don't necessarily mean that as a negative comment, I just have personally noticed that relatively bright line in terms of how far the support goes.
My two cents.
You are correct.
TG coming out: "This is who I am".
CD coming out: "This is a... um... uh... hobby?...".
I honestly have to say with the exception of spouses, I don't fully understand the CD's need to come out as much as TG people.
Last edited by Robertacd; 01-03-2021 at 01:33 PM.
The ability to understand things that are outside of your own immediate sphere of well-being is a hallmark of advanced emotional intelligence. Some people here seem to think that if something does not apply to them then it falls under the domain of the lesser beings.
Angela,Not really sure of your complaint. Can you explain???
It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !
Rogina, we are not allowed to quote the last post so I was just responding to the reply right before mine.
Oh, that was directed towards me...
Well honey since I personally have done both (came out as a CD >20 years ago and came out as TG 2 years ago) I think I am qualified to comment on both.
I tell you what, coming out as TG was a lot easier.
Last edited by Robertacd; 01-04-2021 at 11:22 AM.
Roberta darling, you are more than entitled to your opinion. It does not, however, automatically trump and nullify the experiences of others. I learned this over the last 48 years of living.
Want more? For many of people here, finally accepting yourself is a euphoric occasion. It is only natural (not always well advised but certainly understandable) to want to share it with others. I know I felt like I wanted to. And if you want separate cross dressing into a hobby (no elitism here!) then I have trouble understanding why you bother to still hang around and comment on nearly every single post in this forum. Honey.
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