Coming out to women, but not to men?

[Robertacd]

Um.. okay I was simply recounting how I felt trying to come out as a Crossdresser compared to coming out as Transgender.

I understand how hard it is to try to explain why you like dressing up like a woman when you swear you are not attracted to men and that you are not Transgender, without it sounding like a creepy fetish. (I am not sure if I even managed to accomplish that) And lets be honest, that is how most people see CD'ing.

Frankly I gained nothing out of telling anyone besides my wife. As the few GG's I came out to basically said "What you and your wife do in the bedroom is your business..." and one for sure just kind of stopped talking to me after that.

I have to add that coming out as Transgender was a lot easier mainly because people understand what being TG means.

[Rogina B]

I can play the "what's it to you?" role as easy as most.But,as a out transgender now of 15 years,I would never have shared my crossdressing intentionally. It is just a different thing....

[jenabrooks]

Robertacd, Was your CD for 20 years a stepping stone make it easer to Trans for the last 2 years?

[Robertacd]

Well it probably made it easier for my wife as she had 20 years of "My Husband wears my dresses" before I came to terms with being TG and came out to her. I suppose it made it easier for me too since I was not dropping such a huge bomb on my wife.

[ellbee]

What women hear when you come out to them, is you want to join their team, so of course they're all yay.

This is how I see & even experience it, as well.


Anyway, I pose this inverse (and perhaps rhetorical) question, to any & all...

If a *F2M* were to come out, who do you think would welcome them more -- GG's, or males?

[Teresa]

Ellbee,
I wonder if they get it tougher than we do ?The problem is to us wanting to be a man is possibly illogical but wanting to be a woman makes perfect sense , well at least to me it does .

On the whole women do have the greater choice of presention , a woman can be butch without being gay but to a M/F the usual question is are you gay ?

Consider the two conversations , a F/M , " I like wearing male clothes !" Reply , " I'm OK with that .
M/F , " I like wearing women's clothes !" , Reply , " What are you , some kind of weirdo or pervert !" Men still have that straightjacket to wear .

Roberta,
You make a good point about declaring you are TG being easier and possibly more plausible than telling people you are a CDer . Maybe it's the sexual connotation with CDing that TGs don't usually get .

[Jean 103]

GGs, but not the same.

From the few I know from group and one that came up to me in the bar, as well as a couple others I've met.

I will never forget the poor girl that came up to me in the bar. She had walked in with a few friends(GGs). When she saw me , she walked up and just started talking. She was very excited to see me. She told me her friends did not want her to transition. FTM. I could tell they did not want her talking to me. I simply just listened, as that was all she was asking for.

I used female pronouns as this is how the person was representing.

The ones I know in group are some of my most favorite people.

[WomanAtHeart4]

Charlotte, good thread. I realize I have never disclosed anything to a male - though I have 100% discussed me being a CD to women stranger and want to discuss with other women. Each woman I have approached has been gracious, helpful, understanding, and eager to help me understand "being a women". its surprising to see how quickly they go into "BFF" mode and give me advice about how to shave your legs, paint nails, shape figure, attire, breasts, feeling feminine, as well as sex with men, etc. I realize now I avoid contact with males in any form of CD mode. It could be my fragility as a CD- I just don't know how insightful/accepting/productive an engagement with a male friend would (unless the friend was really close) be but my experience approaching women has been a great accepting experience - one I now strategically seek. It would be a unique man who I approached. Love, Stephanie

[monika]

I am the same way!
Love telling and sharing it with women.
But never tell any male friends.
Even if some of them know now😊

[nancy58]

The first person I came out to was a male therapist whom I knew to be gay. I trusted him from prior marital counseling, and I was certain he wouldn't judge me. He didn't. Apart from him, the other people I've come out to (except in the TG support group I was a member of) have been women -- my wife and my regular therapist. The only heterosexual male I've been tempted to come out to is a very good friend going back 40 years. But I fear the judgment of males, perhaps because in my upbringing I learned that a man must be manly. I still wrestle with self judgment.

[Leelou]

This is a timely thread for me. I've recently "came out" to my friend at work. He came over unexpectedly and saw some of my women's clothes. He didn't say anything. If he would have said "What's up with the heels?", we would have had the talk. But he didn't.

Now our group of friends at work know, but it's DADT. I'll give bonus points to the first one that has the nerve to talk to me about it.

My first experience with this was when I came out to my first wife. I didn't try to swear her to secrecy, so her girlfriends knew. So our whole social group knew, but the guys just didn't want to talk about it. lol. The women loved me, because as someone alluded to, I was out about it with my wife.