I have been posting a lot about my journey with my wife. Mostly about me accepting myself and finding the courage to explore it with my wife.

Well, two nights ago I told her that I wanted to continue the conversation we had about a week prior. She said great. I told her about how I wanted her help to explore this side of me some more. I reassured her that I love her and want her support. Told her how I identify as gender queer or non binary. Told her that I struggle with why I want to do this. Told her that when I dress, I want to completely transition my appearance, and that just wearing a few pieces of clothing made didn?t make me feel good. She knows that it?s a turn on for me and she is ok with that, in fact she is encouraged that it may spice up our bedroom time. I?m usually more passive in that department, so to her, any think that gets my mojo going, she is all about it! Anyways, told her that I want her to help me find outfits, etc. together. She was totally ok with everything, and has really come to terms with this side of me since it came out a few years ago. She?s just waiting for me to be ok with it. So I?m very happy about all of this. I asked her is she had any questions or wanted to know more. Her response was no, as she has been waiting for me to say it for a long time. She just asked when can we start

Then she offered to do my makeup for me. I said yes! She is quite good and over the last few years has spent a lot of time watching tutorials and getting into it herself. She was a bit late to getting into makeup herself. She loves doing makeup for friends. I was absolutely amazed by how many layers of product went on. And how fast she did it all. She had a blast giving me a glam look. I think she enjoyed it more than myself! She was really proud of her work. BUT I felt horrible that looking at me with boy hair and a plain white tshirt on, I felt gross. I shared with her that I loved it and she did an amazing job that it felt uncomfortable for me to just have the makeup on without the rest of the ensemble. I don?t think she understands that fully, and I know she is uncomfortable with wigs. So I guess we?re figuring this all out.

Happy ending to the night with great bedroom time with my makeup on. It ended up being fun foreplay and really, I am very happy about the night. I shared that I was worried that she would find me repulsive and unattractive, and she reassured me that it wasn?t the case.

I feel very grateful that I have such an accepting SO and feel horrible for those people whose SOs are not accepting. It breaks my heart. It motivates me to explore this, and not take it for granted on account of my own dumb hesitations! Also feel a bit silly for not feeling good about the makeup that she did, but I can?t deny that feeling though.