Like a bad penny.....

[Alexis00]

Two full years ago I registered here and my introduction noted the following:

Hi, I'm a single crossdresser living and working in or near Boston (moved locally a few times) since graduating college a few years ago. I majored in and have experience supporting internet marketing for manufacturing companies, which is kind of a niche but has allowed me some job security and advancement.

I haven't read many bios but I'm probably pretty typical. Started crossdressing pre teen, now in my mid 20's. Had some negative experiences growing up but the internet saved me!

So a “few” years out of college is actually more than 15 - my how time flies! Not sure what I was thinking with that! Can we call it the lost decade? I?m in my late 30?s. The funny thing about my job is that while manufacturing and sales are very male oriented, Marketing is two thirds women. So I?m right in the middle, which I find secretly amusing!

In my 20’s I was a bit reckless. But in the last decade, I settled down in my career, dated, married and divorced, dated more, got several promotions, live closer to Boston now. And played tennis, skied, sailed, cycled, skated etc.

Didn’t post for two full years! Didn?t go out at all in that time, in fact didn?t give crossdressing much thought. I threw away some of my clothes not as a purge but because I needed space so some things I hadn?t worn for a year got tossed, and one of my breast forms failed so I threw them away.

In December I felt ill one morning, took my temp and it was 100? and had an elevated pulse. Got tested as soon as I was able, positive for Covid. Spent two weeks in bed with fever, a few aches and pains, gastric distress, the usual. Fortunately a good time to be away from work and they definitely didn?t want to see me!

A few days after Christmas, woke up to find my temp back to normal and the cough receding. Started eating again, increased my activity levels and took some walks outdoors. Went back to work yesterday (and in a few minutes).

So there were a number changes in my life. First, I lost quite a bit of weight: all the extra weight that was bugging me!

Second, people in a Covid FaceBook group talk about ?Covid brain,? and it affects people in different ways. For some reason I certainly don?t know, came out of it in a very intense pink fog. Started ordering lingerie, exercise wear, makeup. Still shopping for lots more. As you can probably tell from all my posts this month, I?ve been a little obsessive but I have to get back under control and do my work!

Third, being post-Covid allowed me to reconnect with an old friend. Like others with elderly parents, social contacts were minimized. But suddenly with immunity I became ?the best social option.? Had a little visit Sunday evening and we?ll be getting together more often, which is good for both of us!

Fourth, in 2012 Massachusetts passed a Transgender Rights law and reaffirmed it in 2018 that is pretty comprehensive. It solved the #1 problem we all face - bathrooms - and pretty much everyplace has either unisex or family bathrooms or both.

Finally, rejoined a local TG support group, Tiffany Club of New England. Belonged years ago and even though I?m ?20? passable? at best, attended quite a few meetings and some of their workshops. For the time being all their activities are virtual but I need other crazy mtf girls to talk to!

The negative experiences I referred to were mostly related to my parents. They caught me dressed a number of times (from age 9-15) found my clothing stash a number of times, and even found my diary. My father was absolutely convinced boys crossdressed to attract other boys, and my mother went along with that. Even though I was a good student, athlete, and had gf?s, they treated me like their weird and damaged gay son. They made similar comments to my brothers, who were mean about it at times and we were never close. Only my younger sister was supportive at all, thank goodness. I was too young to figure out what was going on, let alone explain it to them and they never explored the topic in any way. Feel like they stole at least a decade of happiness, and a supportive family relationship. Had counseling which got me to a better place but remain sad because it could have been so much better!

So like everyone I have my ups and downs. But I?m excited to rejoin this community of such caring, kind and supportive women. Won?t be clubbing or partying anytime soon but looking forward to a more mature embrace of the feminine part of me that now seems stronger than ever!

P.S. Sorry I?m so long-winded. As a friend of mine said, ?You can turn a sentence into a paragraph, a paragraph into a chapter, and a chapter into a multi-volume collection.? It?s a thing, sorry!

[Natalie5004]

Nice story and yes you are very articulate. I bet we know the same people. I lived and worked in MA for years. I was a manufacturing engineer and sales person.

Natalie

[DanielleCD]

Welcome back... your story reflects on so many similar stories... I had the mean brothers, the understanding, supportive sister. Not understanding what we, ourselves were going thru. Quiet times, the pink fog, just wanting to be accepted.

[candykowal]

Alexis, we both just became friends a few days before you wrote this and now...."I know the rest of the story!"
Maybe a link to your profile bio to this thread would be in order as it is a big part of who you are today.
I too had a long break from my feminine side, marriage, work, and setting up family life does that to all of us.
Besides this weird Covid thing....I do believe when you reach a certain age, you look back and realize you are comfortable in what you have.
We have time for ourselves! And maybe why we see reasons to enjoy things we use to.
Very cool to get to know you a bit and can hope one of these days you share a image of you as your girly self!
Thanks for sharing my friend.

[josie_S]

I love this so much, Alexis. And I see myself a lot in your story. Oh the guilt and shame spirals are awful, while the highs and the pink fogs are equally demanding! But you seem like you're in a good place overall.

Thanks again for sharing!

[Stephanie47]

Thanks for sharing some of your personal experiences. Your are not alone when it comes to your experiences of your family's reaction to cross dressing. I think many boys experienced that sort of bigotry. Although I was never caught by my parents I am sure they were able to figure it out. Those family experiences do have life long consequences.

[Samm]

It's nice to have you back Alexis. Now, you need to stick around this time!

[Alexis00]

You seem to possess a healthy self awareness. Like many of us (self included) you have endured and prevailed despite the usual slings and arrows from family. Its funny how this thing about us can ebb and flow along with other circumstances in our lives, but even after a lengthy absence, seems to find its way back again.

What I’m taking from this recent experience is my femme side was a more important part of me. I need to strike a balance.

[Stevie Allyn]

I think we all take different amounts of time to figure out who we are, then another amount of time to work out the balance between who we are and how much of who we are can be comfortably shared with our nearest and dearest.

It's tricky, but if we can get to the point of a happy balance then we can have a far more fulfilling life.

(That reads a bit trite actually. Ho hum.)

[Kandi Robbins]

Welcome back my beautiful friend!

[udcd]

Thanks for sharing. That?s the most important thing... this way we can all see that we are indeed not alone in our feelings.

[Alexis00]

Thanks for sharing. That?s the most important thing... this way we can all see that we are indeed not alone in our feelings.

Like your blog! Brave!

Alexis, we both just became friends a few days before you wrote this and now...."I know the rest of the story!"
Maybe a link to your profile bio to this thread would be in order as it is a big part of who you are today.//// .

Great suggestion added it!

[Alexis00]

So one of the many lovely, caring women here read about my relationship with my parents and om?d me to ask, “Are you doing OK??

Yes, thank you! Had several years of counseling to work through all those feelings. My parents both passed away so we never discussed it, but I?ve worked through the pain, which it seems many of us share.

I was married less than five years and some others have asked if my crossdressing was a big reason. Not really: it was well down the list. She was fairly supportive until some health issues changed her outlook and her whole life turned negative. She moved back to FL almost six years ago and isn?t doing great, but she?s trying to find her best future and I?m hopeful that will happen for her.