Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 27

Thread: Should I ?

  1. #1
    Member Rosemary+'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Country coastal Queensland
    Posts
    283

    Should I ?

    Hello ladies,
    Today I ran into a old school friend who I haven?t seen for a number of years. This friend and I are part of a group of 8 of us who were very close. Though over the last couple years we have slowly drifted apart due families , moving away and the usual other reasons.
    Any way this friend that I ran into has started to transition to female. We decided then and there to go for lunch. At lunch she told all about her transition. She has been transitioning for about 18 months, and it is all going well.
    My dilemma is this, I am well inside the closet, I?m that far in I can?t even see the bedroom light, though I would like to share this part of me with some one. I?m thinking this friend would be the ideal person. My main worry is that I don?t want to trouble her with my fears and anxiety while she is going through her transition.
    Ladies your thoughts on this will be appreciated.
    On a side note out of the 8 of us I do know of another cross dresser. I have never mentioned my dressing to him at all.
    Thanks Rosie

  2. #2
    Silver Member Frannie7's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    SW Ontario
    Posts
    3,256
    Rosie, I think I would take a chance and share with your friend. It's obvious she wanted to talk with you and trusted you enough to share her feelings. If she is feeling good about it I don't think you would create any great stress for her. When I told a friend there was a sense of relief that someone else I trusted knew. I think you will find your fears and anxiety will lessen somewhat.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Pumped's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    2,544
    Remember, once you are out, you are out. Can you absolutely trust this person to keep quiet about your dressing? Are you willing to let everyone know? If this person has loose lips and is a bit of a gossip, others will know.

  4. #4
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,843
    Just remember, u can never put tooth paste back in the tube. And, a secret is never completely safe if u tell just one person!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  5. #5
    Junior Member AngelaSmith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    27
    As a fellow crossdresser that is so deep in the closet that I'm probably right next to you, I definitely would! I know it's easier said than done but this is a perfect opportunity for you and with the circumstances you should be able to trust their being discreet.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member KymG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Basingstoke, Uk
    Posts
    590
    Based on what you have told us i would probably say yes, if you feel comfortable.

    However, i will caution you, as others have, that if you tell one then its out.

    I only told one person a few years ago and i understand about 6 people now know! Possibly 8, and it still bugs me whenever i think about it.

    Be sure you are ready.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    43,781
    Hi Rosemary , See line #4 in my signature, >Orchid**OO**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  8. #8
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Location
    Central Fla.
    Posts
    1,171
    I'd say that if you'd like someone to confide in, there's probably nobody better suited to the job -beyond the pros (counsellors) that is.

    I don't think that your 'secret' would be in that much jeopardy since she will likely be more sympathetic to your difficulties than most.

    BUT - be prepared for her jumping on the bandwagon and encouraging / pushing you to do more!
    I can see her suggesting GNO's, makeup tips, outfit suggestions, shopping trips, and even donations of hand-me-downs.

    Oh the HORRORS!

  9. #9
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,522
    As others have said, be certain your friend can keep it confidential. Someone who is transitioning is already 'out' and may or may not appreciate your desire for discretion. I would definitely keep in contact and be sure of where they are coming from before letting the genie out of the bottle.

  10. #10
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Posts
    10,444
    I would definitely tell my friend in that circumstance.
    If you were close before then I would believe that she would be accepting and perhaps helpful.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  11. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,303
    I see on your bio page you're 65, retired and single again. That may limit the amount of negative consequences of 'outing' yourself. If you do 'out' yourself to your friend what are your expectations after the reveal? What will she get out of it? You may feel great doing the reveal, but her?

  12. #12
    Member Rosemary+'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Country coastal Queensland
    Posts
    283
    Thanks ladies for your advice and input.
    Thinking about it over night I have decided not to share my little secret just yet.
    My friend called me last night and thanked me for a wonderful lunch and afternoon. She and I are going to now make it a regular lunch date. So i can see in the near future that I will confide in her my little secret
    I also suggested we invite our other friend who dresses to these lunches as well.
    Last edited by Rosemary+; 01-09-2021 at 06:02 PM.

  13. #13
    Senior Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Posts
    1,764
    I joined the St. Louis Gender Foundation about 2 1/2 years ago and our membership is a mixture of crossdressers and those who have transitioned or are in the process of transitioning (most were members prior to transitioning). I find their stories very interesting.

    With that as a background, I would say that in your shoes I would disclose about my dressing in a New York minute. Your friend is making one of the biggest decisions of her life, and I'm sure she would greatly appreciate knowing that you would be supportive.

    It's the right decision for your friend, and more importantly, it will make you feel good about yourself, because despite any personal risk (and I would suggest these days those are pretty small), because you did the right thing.

  14. #14
    Member Rosemary+'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Country coastal Queensland
    Posts
    283
    Thanks for the Advice Hidden.
    I do think every thing you have written is correct. My original thinking was, if I confide in her about my crossdressing I was showing support. My mind then tossed it, into it being all about me. That is when I got confused
    By thinking about it overnight, I?m probably still not ready to open up. I feel though it is close, I do know one of our future lunch?s dates I will spill the beans.
    Thanks
    Rosie

  15. #15
    Senior Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    1,095
    I am five years older than you. When I was around your age, a little younger perhaps, I told my wife she could talk about my crossdressing with anyone she wanted to share it with. I have experienced no negative repercussions at all.

    If you are retired and single what are the risks?

    The benefit is you will have someone to talk about this stuff with, and you will have strengthened your bond with an old friend.
    Last edited by April Rose; 01-10-2021 at 01:40 PM.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    654
    Rosemary+, I could be mistaken but I have a feeling that your friend has a hunch about you and is giving you an opening to come out to her. Inviting another friend next time who also dresses tells me that they're reading something about you that you aren't seeing about yourself. Maybe they just have well developed crossdresser radar but whatever it is this seems like more than a coincidence.

  17. #17
    Member Rosemary+'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Country coastal Queensland
    Posts
    283
    Hello April,
    Yes it is true I don?t have any about worry work or family knowing If I do come out to her. I honestly don?t know what I?m worried about, I suppose I?m afraid of telling anyone about this life long secret, scared of the unknown???

    Hello Star,
    I really don?t think I have given any hints that I dress. There are no tell tale signs, That I can think of. When we were younger we were the closest out of our group of friends.
    I do know in the near future I will have that talk, and I feel she will be my rock.
    Thanks again
    Rosie

  18. #18
    Member NicoleRenee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    112
    I don't know what you are waiting for, you should have said something already. Don't know where in the process your friend is and if she has done everything correctly, but if you have any thought of taking your situation further, she would be a lot of help. You can always tell her everything and ask that it be kept between you 2. You may not realize this but you are probably under a lot more stress trying to keep this in he closet than being out about it all. I have been out for a little over a year, though just starting my transition. I feel so much better that people know. The support from my friends...amazing. I know all of us don't really know you but you came out and told us.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    3,089
    Sounds easy but the only problem is just like almost everyone said there's no going back. My wife has a co-worker who went home early on day to find her husband dressed up. She was so good about and even told family and friends but treated it as a kinky side to her husband. The husband started dressing more and more and she started getting worried and she had no one to turn to. My wife wanted to help her out and explain our situation but we thought it could really open a can of worms so we left it alone. We were good friends with them and I was even thinking it would have been great to have someone to talk to or just maybe help each other out. The ending was she shut herself down at work and now barely talks to my wife, we agreed we made the right decision to keep it safe in the closet.

  20. #20
    Member Rosemary+'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Country coastal Queensland
    Posts
    283
    Hi Nicole Renee and Maria,
    Thanks for replying. Some very good points in both your posts. True, one of my concerns where will this lead to, and how far it will go. I feel these are legitimate question I have to ask my self.
    By say the above I have made my mind up to come out to my friend the next time we have lunch. We spoke again last night, we ha made a lunch date for mid February.
    Now I have to work out what and how to broach the subject.

    Thanks everyone for your input in helping me make , what I feel is the right course for me and in a small way for my friend, in showing her some support

  21. #21
    Reality Check
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    8,842
    My advice is to never tell anybody who doesn't need to know. And that would include your friends.
    Krisi

  22. #22
    Member Rosemary+'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Country coastal Queensland
    Posts
    283
    Thanks Krisi,
    I do appreciate your input.
    I have decided to tell my friend, After thinking about over the last day or so I know I can trust her.
    I?m looking forward to having lunch with her next month
    Thanks
    Rosie

  23. #23
    Member nancy58's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Northern Virginia
    Posts
    386
    From time to time I go through a phase in which I want to come out to someone who doesn't know about this part of me. When I hit that, I remember a question that my therapist asked me when I told her I wanted to come out: "What purpose will it serve?" Thus far, the answer has always been that it is unlikely to be welcome information for the friend in question, and I've moved on beyond that phase. One difference I see with your situation is that your friend is at least enough like you that even though it's a blind-side, she can at least relate to your situation. The friends I've wanted to tell know a guy who is reasonably good at playing the role of a male. Good luck!
    Nancy
    "If you are lucky enough to find a way of life that you love, you have to find the courage to live it." -- John Irving

  24. #24
    Feminaut Julie MA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    733
    Rosemary,

    Sharing with the transitioning friend, who is obviously comfortable with the world knowing, may end in sharing with the group of 8. Ok with that? Ok with it spreading beyond the 8? Because it may. In the end, I think the transitioning friend would appreciate knowing and your friendship will grow into another, deeper, level that both of you have had to hide for most of your lives. I think the benefits outweigh the risks.

    I shared my dressing with a friend this week, the first non-spousal friend ever. She was very supportive but warned of how mean the world can be to those of us that embrace our unconventional nature.

    Julie
    Inside my heart is breaking
    My make-up may be flaking
    But my smile still stays on

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    East Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    922
    hello Rosie,
    if you accept your friend's transitioning as a perfectly natural thing to to why would your friend make a fuss of your dressing?
    luv J

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State