I'm sorry but what do I call her ?

[SaraLin]

I found my self in an ongoing business situation with such a person. Not only did this person have a "non gender specific" hair cut, and a "non gender specific" body (no visible hips or breasts), she wore no makeup and wore work clothes. And for a name, she went by a single letter of the alphabet.

I'm remembering the "Pat" skits on Saturday Night Live.

[Alexis00]

I'm remembering the "Pat" skits on Saturday Night Live.

[Krisi]

I would say to default to the gender they are presenting.

If they object then politely apologize and use their preferred pronouns.

But if you want to be safe use "They, Them" pronouns and ask them what they prefer.

But some people go to great trouble to present as "non-specific" gender. What then?

And the "they" or "them" thing often doesn't work. "They" and "Them" are plural.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
That's why I glad the conversation with my neighbour didn't touch on that subject .

Michelle/Geena ,
Thanks for your comments . If a member of the general public does get the terminology wrong the majority won't do it out of malice . Many have nver come across this situation before and if they have they may not be aware of what drives our needs , if someone has never expereinced GD we can't expect them to understand so they have difficulty in using the right label , at least he did say " Sorry " at the start of his qusetion .

Angela,
The more I think about this situation the less clear it becomes to society , maybe I should start another thread to debate the whole question .

[Lydianne]

The "they" in the singular is not difficult in English. People do it all the time. They just don't realise it:

When talking about a person of unknown gender ( due to unacquaintance rather than non-binary gender ID ) in that person's absence, most people use the singular "they":


- "OK, the new trainee will be here shortly."
- "Great! After they've signed themself in at reception, send them straight up."

Very few will say:

- "Great! After he or she has signed himself or herself in at reception, send him or her up."


It's just that humanity has got so used to assigning gender on sight that the pronouns that felt perfectly natural 5 minutes earlier in the person's absence, feels unworkable in their presence.


It'll take time. ( And willingess. But we know about willingness. Even from within ).

- L.