Purging then Returning

[Mackem Sue]

So here I am again. I'm sitting here fully dressed up, black dress, satin slip, padded bra (giving the appearance of breasts under the dress), panties, heels, stockings, suspenders, wig (red hair with glasses is actually quite fetching), etc. after a year out of the game.

Before the purge, I'd accepted it was part of me and it was nice to dress up when no-one was around. I'd tried to stop, but it always came back and once I accepted it I began to really enjoy it. However, a family tragedy made me think I had to get my act together and I purged. Everything I had hidden away ended up in charity boxes.

Your mind can work ten to the dozen during lockdown, which I'm under again. For a while the grief seemed to keep the urge at bay, but slowly it came back. The last few weeks, the urge became overwhelming and in one fell swoop, I bought two entire outfits via Amazon plus a red haired wig. All that gear arrived today.

The plan was to go for a jog then change into girl mode once I got back. A mate rang just as I was ready to get dressed, delaying me for an hour when, being honest with myself, I was really looking forward to it.

So finally the phone call finished. After laddering one stocking I finally got dressed up. I've thoroughly enjoyed it and it's clear it's with me for keeps. I live alone at the moment, so it's clear more often than not than I'm going to dress up on an evening when I get home for a girly few hours and I guess the slips double as night dresses.

I don't know how I got the idea of the two padded bras giving a breast effect but they works quite well without needing breast-forms, which I'm not keen on. And I've chosen well with the two dresses, especially a black one where the fabric is quite soft.

My one mistake is the high heels I bought are a size too small. However, I reckon I can probably slightly stretch these to fit better and I've seen advice elsewhere on the forum. Next payday, I might obtain a larger pair. I guess a couple of skirt / top combos might come too.

So here I am again. Purging doesn't work, end of.

All of a sudden, lock-down evenings are a much more pleasant prospect.


Sue.

[Karren H]

Welcome back! I know women who wear multiple bras to enhance their breast appearance. Lol.

[Wen4cd]

Purging is one thing I've never experienced in 40 years of dressing. I recently dug out the first blouse I ever tried on in the attic when I began, and have begun using it as a night shirt.

[Samm]

I've purged before... twice. Both times thinking I didn't need it anymore. But it always comes back.
I realized, way back then, that we can purge the clothes, but we can never purge that which is a part of us. It's who we are.
Now when I purge, it's to make room for new things. I only have so much closet space....

[candykowal]

Being disappointed about purging your feminine items and learning purging doesn't work is always a tough and costly lesson.
I think we all have done it. You are not alone. Might not be the last time you purge either.
We get to a point where we balance both sides and learn how to store those things for the future.
Enjoy your femme time, it's a great way to de-stress and unplug from all the issues your male self tackles everyday!

[Valerie Louise]

Yup. Purged several times before it hit me ... this is a stupid, costly thing to do, even if it does allow me to update a wardrobe.

[Beverley Sims]

Don't purge and get used to bras with silicone inserted in the cups. :-)

[Natalie5004]

I like forms. Some bra's I have allow nipples to show through clothes. Very good look for me. I have not purchased a full pull over forms that some use here. I would like to see major cleavage on me. Made later.
I need a wig first, I need long hair again.

Never purge!!!!! Pack away and store it if needed. The urge will not go away forever. Especially if you go full out like I do. I can fully dress at least 2x a week at home.

[lynn.crossdresser]

Maybe I should have purged a few times but I have never felt the need too.

Unlike my male side my fem side is a bit of a hoarder and having just moved house its worst than I thought. I thought that moving house would be a good time to sort through all my feminine stuff and scale it down a bit, 36 skirts kept and 2 for the charity box lol, well at least I tried.

So here I am again. I'm sitting here fully dressed up, black dress, satin slip, padded bra (giving the appearance of breasts under the dress), panties, heels, stockings, suspenders, wig (red hair with glasses is actually quite fetching), etc. after a year out of the game.

Before the purge, I'd accepted it was part of me and it was nice to dress up when no-one was around. I'd tried to stop, but it always came back and once I accepted it I began to really enjoy it. However, a family tragedy made me think I had to get my act together and I purged. Everything I had hidden away ended up in charity boxes.

Your mind can work ten to the dozen during lockdown, which I'm under again. For a while the grief seemed to keep the urge at bay, but slowly it came back. The last few weeks, the urge became overwhelming and in one fell swoop, I bought two entire outfits via Amazon plus a red haired wig. All that gear arrived today.

The plan was to go for a jog then change into girl mode once I got back. A mate rang just as I was ready to get dressed, delaying me for an hour when, being honest with myself, I was really looking forward to it.

So finally the phone call finished. After laddering one stocking I finally got dressed up. I've thoroughly enjoyed it and it's clear it's with me for keeps. I live alone at the moment, so it's clear more often than not than I'm going to dress up on an evening when I get home for a girly few hours and I guess the slips double as night dresses.

I don't know how I got the idea of the two padded bras giving a breast effect but they works quite well without needing breast-forms, which I'm not keen on. And I've chosen well with the two dresses, especially a black one where the fabric is quite soft.

My one mistake is the high heels I bought are a size too small. However, I reckon I can probably slightly stretch these to fit better and I've seen advice elsewhere on the forum. Next payday, I might obtain a larger pair. I guess a couple of skirt / top combos might come too.

So here I am again. Purging doesn't work, end of.

All of a sudden, lock-down evenings are a much more pleasant prospect.


Sue.

[Shiny]

Over the years I have purged several times. I never had much stuff at first and purging was basically getting rid of old lingerie---torn straps, runs in stockings, worn out garter belts etc... But, my most prominent purge came after finishing college. I had a lock-box and my own apartment and when I graduated and had to move I didn't want the hassle of hauling all my stuff with me. The lawn bag was huge but ended up out on the boulevard with the other trash waiting for the ride to the dump. Only a few hundred bucks loss. But now I face the "final purge!"

I am at the age where mentally, I am still the same but arthritis is creeping up. Can't move that well and high heels are gathering dust as I can't do the full 6 inch heel stilettos now. This is my big collection too. All the fancy dresses, blouses and skirts and lingerie and heels searched the world over and all my favorite vintage stuff and hard to find stockings too. I shuddered to calculate what I have spent to fill my spare closets over the years. Thousands of dollars, thousands! And a lot of the stuff I bought that didn't fit at being too small, etc... even with practice you make mistakes when ordering only by mail and how they fudge on women's sizes nowadays.

But there's tons of stuff I will soon have to get rid of! Nobody lives forever and you can't take your stuff to the last round up you know. My final purge, when it comes will be a careful plan to rid myself of all my feminine accoutrimants either with a large "Goodwill" dump or a one by one item purge into the weekly garbage bag. Either way the plan is to rid myself of all my "hobby" stuff so when I ain't around anymore, nobody will be the wiser. Hopefully!

[Cheryl T]

I've purged, to my great regret.
So many lovely things just thrown away in some attempt to deny who I truly am.
There are many things I wish I still had. One in particular is a chocolate cowl neck dress with long sleeves. I felt so good in that dress.
Funny too how that is the dress I wore in a picture I had taken. The picture the wife found and began my journey from the closet.

[Claire M]

When I first started fully dressing I would purge pretty regularly. I would dress then go through the emotional cycle of joy followed by fear of being caught, shame, disgust at myself then resolve that I didn't need to do this and would never do it again. Of course sometimes I would be out buying a new dress 2 weeks later!

I went to a counselor who told me it was how I was wired and I should accept it. Being pre-internet days I was sure of 2 things ... the counselor was a quack, and I could definitely stop crossdressing on my own any time I wanted. Silly girl!!!

I later came to accept and embrace this part of my life. Recently we moved cross country. Moving costs were very expensive so we downsized most of our belongings, including about 95% of my wardrobe and accessories. Guess it's time to start rebuilding???

[MonicaPVD]

I purge once or twice a year and have come to accept it as part of what makes me tick. The only problem is that breast plates, nice shoes and wigs are expensive. Other than that, I don't mind renewing my wardrobe every 6-12 months. Thank goodness for fast fashion and thrift stores.

[josie_S]

Oh the purge...Like snoqueen, I purged often when I first started, convinced I could be "cured" and would never need all that frilly stuff once I got a gf/started working out/got a new job/joined the army/moved to a new state...I was always looking for a reason to "quit" and purging was the logical result of "quitting." But I came to understand that I can't purge who I am, and like Monica said: wigs/forms/shoes are expensive! So I stopped. But I think about this beautiful A line skirt I got rid of all the time, among many other tops, dresses, shoes and so on that I wish I still had. Good luck to you and welcome back! But you're likely to find you never really left.

Oh, and I'm sorry for your loss...

[Crissy 107]

Every once in a while we have a thread on purging and it seems close to unanimous that it is a mistake to purge. There are different reasons but shame, disgust and feeling we can dump this part of our life are some. I have done it several times and was sure it was over. I suppressed it for many years but it just comes back and usually stronger then before.

[Mackem Sue]

Oh the purge...Like snoqueen, I purged often when I first started, convinced I could be "cured" and would never need all that frilly stuff once I got a gf/started working out/got a new job/joined the army/moved to a new state...I was always looking for a reason to "quit" and purging was the logical result of "quitting." But I came to understand that I can't purge who I am, and like Monica said: wigs/forms/shoes are expensive! So I stopped. But I think about this beautiful A line skirt I got rid of all the time, among many other tops, dresses, shoes and so on that I wish I still had. Good luck to you and welcome back! But you're likely to find you never really left.

Oh, and I'm sorry for your loss...

Thank you.

The last year has certainly been hard. And that's just it. Grief masked my issues, but once that faded, everything just came back and I knew I had to make a decision.

I never really did leave as its part of who I am. It's funny I can trace this back to trying on a pair of tights when I was 11 or 12, and it's evolved from there. I saw a meme somewhere that once you try it, there's no turning back.

The last two evenings I've gone girly once I knew everything essential was done. That's a pattern that was developing before.

The release in tension is palpable when I do and that I remember from before and I feel happier for it. I guess this is my new normal.

One screw up with my buying the two outfits a few days ago. The heels I bought are too small. So they'll have to go back, but a new pair of the right size (and slightly lower heel I can manage to wear) are on their way. I've big feet.

[Mackem Sue]

I've just bought a leopard-print midi length dress (wearing it tonight) and seem to be sorting out the wig issue.

So yes, I'm seemingly working out to be a bit more girly when I wish.

"Yummy" is the best word to describe the feeling when properly dressed, than being bar the bra and heels (if incorrectly selected) the fabric in women's clothing seems so much nicer and fun to wear.

Sue

[Kirsty2907]

Sue

All the best, i too have been down that road many times.

Am trying to come to the final conclusion that it is in me and I?m trying to accept it. As the one unarguable fact is I love being dressed.

Am trying to use this site and all those around to help me and share thoughts and experiences.

Every time I?ve purged has been a fail, so trying to accept it (as never tried that one before)
😃

[Diane426]

I purged one time and regretted it right after I did it. I don't know about any of you but I've learned that this clothing becomes a very important part of my life.

[Cheshire girl]

Diane I agree clothing is a big part of my life. Even when I can?t dress it?s nice to look at the wardrobes full of clothes. Throwing it all away would be unthinkable.

[MiniRock]

There are four things [physical] in my life that I miss when I don't have access to them. The first is a push bike. I don't use it that often but if I'm without one, for example it was stolen once, I just have to get another. The second is a leather jacket, which I've always been comfortable in since the first one I was bought by my mum in 1979. The next is my homebuilt aeroplane, which has been out of action for a couple of years now and is really starting to bug me. And finally I have a box of women's clothing under the bed. I don't put them on as often as some of you girls here - although there are no gf issues, shame issue or health issues to stop me. But I know they are there, enough that I can still put together a new combination and go out for a few hours when I get that irresistible urge. Not an enormous amount of money's worth but quite a bit I think, if I were to count up. And I know absolutely for sure that were I to get rid of them, I would immediately regret it and want to start replacing them. Which would take quite some time as most of the stuff is somehow mixable and matchable, it all fits well and has been collected over quite a lot of years now. So I won't do that. It can stay under the bed, rarely seen, where I always know it will be when I want it. As for my flying, I don't know if I'll ever manage to get that back.

[NancyTO]

I purged once and fortunately it was at the beginning of buying my own female wardrobe, so I didn't lose much. Never again. Now I have enough dresses and other female outfits and accessories to stock a small shop.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sue , Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit, >Orchid**!!**

[Leslie Langford]

There is a truism that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. Corollaries to that would be the fact that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The latter two points are particularly relevant to the crossdressing "purgers" out there.

I would add that the urge to crossdress will not be "cured" by getting married or by entering into a similar type of committed relationship either. This has been confirmed countless times on this Forum by those who thought that they were stronger than that and could beat the odds. The "House" always wins at the end of the day, and while the urge to crossdress may lay dormant from time to time, it always comes roaring back eventually. It is who we are and the way we are wired. It is a life sentence with no parole or time off for good behavior. The sooner we come to realize this and come to terms with it, the sooner we become at peace with ourselves and the world as a whole.

[BTWimRobin]

I was a late bloomer. And when I finally started dressing I promised myself if ever get the urge to purge, I would just close the drawer and put the lid on the box and walk away.