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Thread: Purging then Returning

  1. #51
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    Davina,
    When I first joined back in 2013 , reading other member's threads was like they were living on another planet , it would NEVER happen for me !! Some may say I was brave some have thought I was thoughtless, selfish and stupid , it was a painful and very gradual process to find what made me tick , I hope I've found the answer now . I owe some of that to the forum and it's members , I feel I'm now paying my dues and hopefully helping others . One thing I've have learned is NEVER say NEVER ! Consider the alternatives try and be truthful to yourself , once you've managed that then you can start to believe in you and gradually others will start to understand your needs .

    Being brave means not backing off otherwise people will continue to control you .

  2. #52
    Member rhonda's Avatar
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    I certainly know what you're going thru , been there done that , problem I'm still doing it , and right now all I can think about is getting into fem cloths that pink fog is pulling me in so deep I'll never find my way out

  3. #53
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    My plan is to be fully out before getting into another relationship.
    This hopefully will eliminate the need to purge.

    Marion

  4. #54
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Marion said,
    "My plan is to be fully out before getting into another relationship.
    This hopefully will eliminate the need to purge".

    That sounds like a very good idea.
    Last edited by Leslie Mary S; 04-03-2021 at 04:10 PM.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    The PINK FOG may seem, at times, to go away, but in fact it just ebbs and flows but does not go away._
    _________________________

  5. #55
    Member erin8042's Avatar
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    If you have to purge, you have to purge. But I still regret throwing out those perfect forms, that perfect jean skirt. Just know I feel for you and I know what you are going through.

  6. #56
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    Over the years i've purged a number of times, mainly because I don't live alone. I'm 45 now, the thing I regret now is I wished I would've accepted myself a long time ago and experienced the club and TS scene, it would've been fun to go out dressed up fully but I feel that I missed that opportunity. Also, I regret not making some CD friends over the years.

  7. #57
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Sue,
    once a cross-dresser, always a crossdresser.
    purging just don't work,
    luv J

  8. #58
    Time to step out! Erin77's Avatar
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    I can't count the number of times I have purged. Huge waste of money and lots of regret. Thanks to my sister Z im getting bolder and more comfortable with myself! No more purges, just striving to be better at this!!

  9. #59
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    I purged once, many years ago. Never making the mistake again. I haven't even felt the need to post and interact on here for a long time.
    But like this place, it is important to me to have my feminine wardrobe to fall back on, when the need arises.
    I am how I am and no matter how long I stop, it will always be a part of me.

  10. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Star01 View Post
    My question still stands. Is this an opinion or fact verified by professionals? I have asked my therapist this question several times and have not gotten a simple yes or no backed by the science.
    IMHO purging is nothing more than a manifestation of trying to deal with an underlying problem. I am a child of the 1950's and 1960's. Back then any man who wore women's clothing was deemed to be a homosexual by society. Of course, there were great conflicts. How could I lust after movie starlets and neighborhood/school girls and be a homosexual when I had zero sexual desires for boys or men? So, as a young adult I am carrying baggage around, trying to fit in. Back then there was no internet. The closest thing to resource material was the Kinsey Report which was sequestered behind the librarian's desk. The only other exposure to cross dressing was movie and television comedies.

    In the early 1980's I was too chicken to seek counseling, although I called a woman counselor one night; picked out of the telephone book. I was in a profession that called for a lot of investigation and reasoning. That laid the framework for my self analysis. What the hell was I doing wrong? All those manly things I did were expected of me. Perhaps I was overcompensating for my self loathing or lack of self worth? I don't think so because the framework for who I was had been established long before the cross dressing desires arouse. Yes, there is a sexual component to it; especially for boys entering sexual awareness. Yes, boys and the majority of men masturbate whether it is women clothing as an aid or soft/hardcore porn.

    I've came to the conclusion I was born and wired in a way that conflicted with society's expectations. A counselor I see for combat related PTSD issues is of the opinion (not scientifically proven) that each man and woman has some degree of the opposite sex in his or her dna. In some it is greater than others. It makes sense to me as it does cover the entire spectrum of sexual identity.

    I have never purged. First, my wardrobe during my questioning period was limited; nightgowns and slips. A large gift box that was in my armoire. My wife knew it was there. She and I came to an understanding during our "The Talk" period. One has to examine why "the Purge." Is it unresolved inner conflict? Is it external because a wife hates it and has given explicit negativity? I have come to understand I am what I am. I no longer view it as my inner problem. Others have a problem in recognizing a person's wiring. Hate cross dressers? Hate gays and lesbians? Why? Who told you I am defective? What Book have you read?

    If you need counseling it is because of two things. First, resolve your inner conflicts. Then, seeking counseling on how to handle the negativity around you. Yes, one may spend too much money on high heels or panties. That may lead to conflict with a wife in the same way engaging in any activity.

    Don't purge! Do some self reflection, if not seeking counseling.
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 04-18-2021 at 10:13 AM. Reason: No religion

  11. #61
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
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    I purged three times. Twice during ny early and mid teens, when I was still operating in "shame mode." Of course, the urge always came back. Then a third time when I got into my first "serious" relationship. I thought "What if we get married? How can I go on dressing then? Shouldn't this relationship 'cure' me?" Needless to say, it didn't. That's the purge I regret the most, because I'd built up a fair collection by then, and I discarded some dresses and skirts I wish I still had today--even if I can't quite get into them right now. Including a dress I made myself. Still, three was the magic number, and after that I learned my lesson. Never purge again. The urge will always return.

  12. #62
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Is it really Purging if you just get rid of a % of what you have?
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    The PINK FOG may seem, at times, to go away, but in fact it just ebbs and flows but does not go away._
    _________________________

  13. #63
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Mary S View Post
    Is it really Purging if you just get rid of a % of what you have?
    Purging is the action of get rid of your femenine stuff for some rejection, regrets, feelings of shame of guilty.

    Many here express those feelings. Not all the time that people is a religious so I wander why these negative feelings come to our mind, fear to be catch? Guilty of cheating and lying your loved ones? I don't know? But get rid of some clothes just for space or change in mood, mind or fashion is not purging.

    To purge is like to clean, unfortunately, most of us don't have success on it and the need always come back.

    I discovered that it wasn't about dressing but living your real one.

    Now I clean more open just to get more....
    Like any woman....

  14. #64
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I regret the very few items I have purged!
    This has not gone away for me! I have Gender Dysphoria and it can be a B----! I stopped for 34years and 5 months while married! I wore panties a total of 5 times when married! My wife was totally non-accepting! She passed away and after a period of mourning, the pink fog came in like a tidal wave! No I don't think it will ever go away! So now as to labels, I am a 24/7/365 pre-op transwoman! I am out to all and sundry and live in NC! I am no one special and if I can do it any one can! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  15. #65
    Aspiring Member DanielleDubois's Avatar
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    I am thankful I never succumbed to the temptation to purge the few times I became depressed and felt guilty about my crossdressing. In the last several years because of some personal events I have realised my crossdressing is not such a big deal and do not have any thoughts whatsoever of purging. I did have to to do an involuntary purge when we moved to Australia seven years ago as there was only space in our suitcases to pack a few precious Danielle items. Didn't take long to start filling up again Danielle's side of the closet and it has now reached the point my wife has commented I have too much Danielle stuff. So I do occasionally thin out my Danielle stuff but only to make room for new stuff
    Last edited by DanielleDubois; 04-18-2021 at 10:16 PM.

  16. #66
    Junior Member Mackem Sue's Avatar
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    An update into my dressing habits and I seem to have made a decision that whenever I'm home and no-one is expected, I going to dress up. And I actually feel happier for it, actually preferring to dress in ladies clothing when I can.

    Let's just say "Sue" is fining her stockinged feet as regards clothing and appearance. A few errors when the purge period ended seem to be sorted. These include shoe size (I'm setting in a 9 to 9.5 UK) and wigs, possibly the hardest for any CDer to get right to begin with. I can't get away with more than a 3 inch heel though a sligh platfrom on the toe area may allow slightly higher. There's three pairs of shoes, a black patent pair with a 1.5 inch heel, a suede pair at 2.5 inches and a black nubuck pair at 3 inches and slight platform on the toes. I prefer the two higher pairs heels, finding them actually more comfortable.

    Noting other's comments on here, I invested in two better, broader suspender belts with three hooks at the back and adjustable for waist size. Larger, metal fasteners have eliminated stockings escaping the clasp and that issue is virtually eliminated. I can't get away with tights (clammy in the groin area) or hold-ups (they dig into my thighs). The two orignial suspender belts are still there though being less comfortable and the clasps not holding the stockings as well, at the moment out of use.

    I'm up to three wigs, one red haired wig that wasn't good quality, a black bobbed wig that can be turned round and turned into a mid-shoulder length hair wig and also another black wig with a permed look. I'm up to seven dresses, five of which a jumper-style, midi-length and really comfortatble to wear (my two favourites being a brown and also black leopard-print-style - the others are plain navy blue, brandy - another favourite and, well, you've got to have a little black dress). There's a looser, slightly longer length black dress and also a dark, flowery (small flower design) shoulderless dress. Add to that two top / skirt combos, a red top and plain black pencil skirt, and a leopard-print top with faux leather skirt. I'm wearing the latter combo now.

    There's four padded bras (two are plain black, the other two red and black), plus four slips. Two of the slips are black, the others being purple and red. Wearing the slips makes the clothes feel softer, enhancing the dressing experience.

    You do certianly feel the compulsion to dress the longer you're not dressed, this feeling enhanced by how enjoyable it feels to be dressed. My female wardrobe is slowly increasing for sure.

    I'm in an area where the support groups seem remote or non-existence, though I'll keep looking at that.

    Rather than buying individual pairs of stockings, I've hit upon buying a pack of twelve, black, 15 dernier pairs of stockings, which should last me some time. That said, some of the individual pairs marketed and luxury hoisery have been sheer pleasure to wear (excuse the pun).


    Sue
    Last edited by Mackem Sue; 05-30-2021 at 02:14 PM.

  17. #67
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Mackem, never ever met a therapist for your dressing "compulsion"
    Instagram @devisanm, Facebook Devi San Martin
    HRT 04302018 Full time 03/2019
    Electrolysis on face started 08/2019, down there for SRS 06/2021
    Orchiectomy 06/03/2020
    Legal name and gender marker changed 10/26/2020

  18. #68
    Junior Member Mackem Sue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Devi SM View Post
    Mackem, never ever meet a therapist for your dressing "compulsion"
    I'm just describing my situation and trying to make sense of myself. 🤔

    There's plenty on here with far more female clothing than me. 🙂

    Sue

  19. #69
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Star, Many Cds have left the scene here, since i first got on here many yrs ago. Many! Some said they were leaving it behind for various reasons. Some just vanished, or may have died off. I believe it is possible to stop completely, just like people quit smoking or drinking or drugs for good. We humans are very adaptable creatures. Look at men in prisons, or prisoners of war, and other adverse situations. And people who used to sleep around , and then get married and stay faithful to one mate, I am sure the person will still be tempted to cheat, but find the soul searching with tears strength to resist the urge to cheat. I have not dressed fully in months other than panties once and pantyhose once. The thoughts of dressing never leave totally though. I used to love playing basketball and baseball, and ice and roller skating, but have no chance to do them for years, other than shooting baskets alone once in a while. Now, with my recent shoulder tear, i cannot do much, but i dream of playing sports often at night, and also crossdressing in some dreams. I still may dress up once in a great while, when I feel too overwhelmed by loneliness and feel like finding a woman i cannot have. Itis better for me to dress up, than go out and do something wrong . But, with me, dressing has been both a creative art form, and an addiction which takes over my whole life, which is detrimental socially, mentally and emotionally and spiritually to me, and i cannot let it cause me to not function. I need to tend to my health issues both physical and mental/emotional, and my CDing became highly harmful personally and socially. I am going to try replacing it with guitar playing and song writing, but it is a real part of me, as a complex highly sensitive person, with both masculine and a little feminine traits. I think acting out Cding can be stopped, but the desire and thoughts of it dont go totally away.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 07-04-2021 at 05:28 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

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