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Thread: Purging then Returning

  1. #26
    Silver Member NancyTO's Avatar
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    I purged once and fortunately it was at the beginning of buying my own female wardrobe, so I didn't lose much. Never again. Now I have enough dresses and other female outfits and accessories to stock a small shop.
    If your not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room.

  2. #27
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    As I was going through my entire stash this week organizing things, it dawned on me why it would be difficult to part with all of it. When purging , it is like throwing away memories- like photos from a family album and it can hurt. Consumables like lipstick are no big deal, but when I look at a dress and think - gee I remember when I went out wearing this in Denver or that in Vegas. That is why the items can be painful to lose.

    Sandi
    Last edited by Sandi Beech; 03-21-2021 at 11:07 AM.

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    I have a question. A common theme on this forum is that purging and giving up crossdressing does not work. Is this an established fact or simply preaching to the choir the things they want to hear. I have posted about the seemingly impossible obstacles to my dressing so much so that the difficulty of stopping and putting it all behind me is on the surface much easier.

    I understand that it is difficult to stop but as a personal example I only had one relapse while a member of a strict R for twenty five years. Not that I want to go back to that but it is an example of abstaining for a long period of time.

    So, is not being able to stop an accepted fact among mental health professionals or is it simply a common theme and opinion? I am not denying that transgender is a legitimate condition but how far does that understanding extend to crossdressing? My understanding is that we can be crossdressers without being transgender.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    PS, Alice_Torn, I concur. It sounds like you have taken this much further than I ever will but we have come to the same crossroad. Age adds an extra layer of difficulty and causes one to wonder if all this hassle is worth it.

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member kellyanne's Avatar
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    Get yourself some breast forms - you will love them - different people like different brands - I prefer Classic Super Softs.

  5. #30
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    Hi Sue , Crossdressing is like the Mafia, You just can't quit, >Orchid**!!**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

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  6. #31
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    There is a truism that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. Corollaries to that would be the fact that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The latter two points are particularly relevant to the crossdressing "purgers" out there.

    I would add that the urge to crossdress will not be "cured" by getting married or by entering into a similar type of committed relationship either. This has been confirmed countless times on this Forum by those who thought that they were stronger than that and could beat the odds. The "House" always wins at the end of the day, and while the urge to crossdress may lay dormant from time to time, it always comes roaring back eventually. It is who we are and the way we are wired. It is a life sentence with no parole or time off for good behavior. The sooner we come to realize this and come to terms with it, the sooner we become at peace with ourselves and the world as a whole.

  7. #32
    Senior Member christine55's Avatar
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    And that awful feeling (for me) of having to buy all that stuff while in drab. So embarrassing.

  8. #33
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    My question still stands. Is this an opinion or fact verified by professionals? I have asked my therapist this question several times and have not gotten a simple yes or no backed by the science.

  9. #34
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    Star01 I am a member of a Heterosexual Cross Dresser group. I have had an urge to Purge to the bare walls, but I haven't done it yet.
    Sometimes I will settle down as the male me. Then the next thing I know I am in and out of the closest and back in front of the studio camera.
    I have come to the conclusion that I am stuck to crossdressing. I have 4 sets of forms and two pull over form tops.
    As of yet I do NOT do the butt/hip padding thing. Just last week I tried to work up a Hippo in a tutu photo. I will have to work on the Tutu more.
    So I say "Don't Purge, it is a waste of money to purge"
    Last edited by Leslie Mary S; 03-24-2021 at 09:03 PM.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  10. #35
    Senior Member Davina2833's Avatar
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    Leslie,

    You hit the nail on the head. Absolutely 100% true.

    Davina

  11. #36
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    As and when, the blue mist descends, I would prefer to put away my items.

    Think I?d prefer to put the in loft or something, i say to myself if I can go a year with no activity with everything available to me (then and only then) would I consider purge.

    I have recently spent quite a bit of money or clothes and such like, and do enjoy it immensely. For this reason i am now trying to accept it all.

    Think it?s about managing the mist be it pink or blue....

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Star01, This topic comes up all the time here and the absolute consensus is it will never leave, now that may be a result of asking Crossdressers that are active on the forum. There is no hard core answers a therapist could have as if some Crossdressers that may have quit would be hard to find and ask.
    I tried for years to stop, like some others here, but it is inevitable that the urge will be back.
    Crissy

  13. #38
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    To add to this, I regularly donate clothing to charity, it goes in a plastic bag that I revisit now and then.

    This bag usually sits around for about three months and I retrieve items from it and also add to it.

    THEN THE BAG GOES!
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  14. #39
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    Welcome home!

    I did the splurge and purge cycle many times, but I never found true happiness in life until I accepted that I preferred female clothing and nothing was going to change that.

  15. #40
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    Well, it looks like I am in it for the long haul but the resulting dilemma is back to square one. How to navigate a DADT that does not allow any wiggle room.

  16. #41
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    MacKen, Sue?

    Can I ask, why did you purge? I know you mention a big event, I don't know, but why to feel guilty or ashamed?

    I think those should be the real questions discussed here.

    May be other question to discuss would be, what about if is not just dressing? What about it's something else and to dress is just the pain killer to a bigger, hidden cause?

    I'd been there, I purge, may be 3 or 4 times, so I know the feelings, and the solution....

    Devi San Martin
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  17. #42
    Silver Member Leslie Mary S's Avatar
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    I would say it is OK to trim down some of your innovatory, but a total 100% purge is a BAD move.
    Leslie Mary Shy
    Remember this:
    You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
    _________________________

  18. #43
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    I was a late bloomer. And when I finally started dressing I promised myself if ever get the urge to purge, I would just close the drawer and put the lid on the box and walk away.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  19. #44
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Mackem Sue, Welcome back. There was a point in my life when I realized the need to dress would never go away.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  20. #45
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
    I would add that the urge to crossdress will not be "cured" by getting married or by entering into a similar type of committed relationship either.

    The "House" always wins at the end of the day, and while the urge to crossdress may lay dormant from time to time, it always comes roaring back eventually.

    It is who we are and the way we are wired. It is a life sentence with no parole or time off for good behavior.
    When I was in my mid-teens and resigned myself to having lost the fight against this, the first two things I had to reconcile myself with were 1) the end of my religious efforts, and 2) the end of my marriage prospects.

    When I arrived here and saw how many were married, I was astonished by the numbers 😲,... but the results were less surprising.

    - L.

  21. #46
    Lacy Lacyfem's Avatar
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    It's always nice to know we are not alone as I've purged so many times and have regretted it each time as it doesn't take long before I'm buying again. Lots of times when I dress I also take pictures as love seeing how i look and how I can improve my fem self and unfortunately I've purged those images too. Once I accepted like many of you I stopped this purge cycle and was able recoup many of the pictures I lost as I so love taking them and having a SO take them as they are lovely memories. Well I just need to move on being the gurl I am and love being.
    Lacyfem

  22. #47
    Aspiring Member kellyanne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
    There is a truism that the only things that are certain in life are death and taxes. Corollaries to that would be the fact that those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it, and that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. The latter two points are particularly relevant to the crossdressing "purgers" out there.

    I would add that the urge to crossdress will not be "cured" by getting married or by entering into a similar type of committed relationship either. This has been confirmed countless times on this Forum by those who thought that they were stronger than that and could beat the odds. The "House" always wins at the end of the day, and while the urge to crossdress may lay dormant from time to time, it always comes roaring back eventually. It is who we are and the way we are wired. It is a life sentence with no parole or time off for good behavior. The sooner we come to realize this and come to terms with it, the sooner we become at peace with ourselves and the world as a whole.
    Absolutely, agree 100 % - it's in the DNA and that's hard to get out. ;o)

  23. #48
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    Star,
    Your therapist should be helping you with this type of question . Incidently gender issues aren't a mental problem , the mental problems may arise when you can't deal with your gender issues

    OK we are not professionals but we are the ones that professionals come to for answers .

    To crossdress is simply wearing clothes of the opposite sex and it is the same as transvestite . The need is derived or triggered differently , so there's no single answer why we feel the need to do it . It may start as sexual in some people ( as it did with me ) some say it's an odd curiosity which for some reason they enjoyed . My feeling is most of us have levels of dysphoria , it comes and goes in some people and in others like me it's with me 24/7 . The clothes to me are like a window to the World of my inner feelings , I do have problems with my gender identity , my appearance helps me deal with it . I feel I've now reached the stage where to crossdress means wearing male clothes , I feel very uncomforatable when I do , so I feel I've now entered a stage of transition , I accept I'm transgender , technically some would still say I'm a crossdresser , my answer to that is I'm more female than male so I'm wearing clothes appropriate for my gender .

    I've been roasted a few times for my opinion on labels but now I'm full time the labels aren't important anymore , I'm not in a box with a label , I live my life as Teresa , that is the only label that's important to me . At the moment you are seeing labels as a box to feel safe in and I know at times you struggle to exist in that chosen box , so moving forward for you is proving difficult if not impossible at the moment .

    Some people also use " crossdresser " to appease the wife/partner , " I'm only a crossdresser ! " suggesting it's a transient state which you can stop at anytime , I can see from your comments now you are beginning to see that is no longer true .

    The bottom line is you need the freedom to find you , without that freedom all you do is tail chase , asking questions you can't find an answer to until you are free to experience how you truly feel inside . I admit it cost me my marriage to find Teresa but it hasn't cost me my family or my friends , my wife and I accepted she couldn't live with my gender situation and I couldn't live without , after so many years I was finally in a situation to be honest with myself .

  24. #49
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Sue, Thank you for bringing this up. Like most others here I have purged, I still regret purging a few items, and I end up with more than I started with. I will purge again, I will just be a lot more selective. I mean two wedding dresses, really!!! Brenda

  25. #50
    Senior Member Davina2833's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    Great reply, you are one in a million, what you did is nearly impossibly for the vast majority of us. You are truly brave for what you have done!

    Keep posting, for I know you have the good life you wanted and it helps us with our lives.

    Davina

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