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Thread: Chocolate

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Chocolate

    (Ciphered transcription begins)

    So you love chocolate. A bit too much. One day, you decide it's time to quit chocolate. So you throw away every tablet you hid in secret drawers. But soon enough you feel the urge of trying chocolate again and buy new tablets, and indulge once more. At some point you realize that the taste for chocolate is a part of your life, it is a defining trait of your personality and you will never really get away from it.

    My question is for members who purged their tablets: why did you do it?
    Was it because you felt guilty or ashamed of your taste for sweets?
    Or because it made your life too complicated?
    Because you thought that hiding the tablets would make the desire go away?


    -- EDIT --
    (Deciphered transcriptions follows)

    My question is for members who purged their clothes: why did you do it?
    Was it because you felt guilty or ashamed of your dressing?
    Or because it made your life too complicated?
    Because you thought that getting rid of the clothes would make the desire go away?
    Last edited by DianeT; 02-13-2021 at 11:05 AM. Reason: Precisions

  2. #2
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Diane,

    Just to clarify:

    I'm going to assume this an analogy between the parallels of a CDer purging clothes or anyone purging chocolate.

  3. #3
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    I love this DianeT
    And cannot wait to read everyone’s take as to why they purged .
    Over the years reading here those were exactly the reasons given for purging. Shame, makes your life complicated or will make the desire go away.
    There might even be other reasons.
    Please do not purge.
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  4. #4
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    Replace chocolate with crack, meth, cigarettes, whiskey etc. and I wonder if the answers would be the same.

    But what If you are diabetic or 600 lbs? Chocolate may be part of your personality, but its probably not wise to continue indulging.

    Some people want to stop dressing for whatever reason. Why cant some people on this board accept and support that decision?

    When I first joined this site and explained my reasons for crossdressing I was told I was wrong and that I will end up transitioning. Right, and I am going to tell my wife about this site?

    We are not all the same here.

  5. #5
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    I am the rare individual who dislikes chocolate. So I could give up chocolate, but not crossdressing, in an instant.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  6. #6
    Silver Member Maria 60's Avatar
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    I believe it would be like a "out of sight out of mind" theory. If you don't see the chocolate maybe you don't want it. In my experience I purged once before marriage and slowly one piece of chocolate at a time I was back. The other time was a day before I got married thinking I'm never going to put on another pair of pantyhose again in my life. That lasted for two weeks into my marriage when there was a pair of my wife's pantyhose on the floor and I put them on. That was the most dramatic moment of my life, when I finished the dirty deed with those pantyhose at that moment I realized the reality of this and it's seriousness. I refused to live the rest of my life in hiding and being a fugitive and told my wife that same night and almost leaving her with she had to except it in some form because it's not going to go away. That was 35 years ago and still married.
    I regret my purges because as I stated on another post I lost some beautiful vintage slips that I can't replace.
    You can run but you can't hide, it's in our blood.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by char GG View Post
    I'm going to assume this an analogy between the parallels of a CDer purging clothes or anyone purging chocolate.
    Hi Char, busted. Absolutely.

    -- EDIT --
    Or not, given Micki's response below, I probably didn't get your sentence right. Chocolate was a code for dressing. No parallels.
    Last edited by DianeT; 02-13-2021 at 01:40 PM.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Terrible analogy. No one dehumanizes you for liking chocolate.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
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    Hi Diane

    I see your point, but for me a food item or even something like cigarette smoking would not compare. The difference is that nothing else compares because nothing else has the sexuality connotations in my mind. It has always been complicated for me and there is not a single driving factor an example: some say it calms them. That is wonderful. It is just not me.

    I did a massive purge over 3 decades ago and only dabbled with the occasional clothing item for 30 years, until it came back full swing in 2017. Why did I purge back then? All because of stress. Unlike some, when I dress, I want to go out and be seen. I did not feel there was any place I could go and be accepted back then, so I put everything in garbage bags and into a dumpster one night at a hotel while traveling for work. It was a hard thing to do. As I recall, I was practically in tears doing it. In the end, none of the items I had at the time were irreplaceable, but it WAS more than throwing away money. On some level, it was an acknowledgement that I should not be dressing. More recently, once I accepted the fact that it really is ok, then purging becomes less likely - unless my stash is found in which case my wife will undoubtedly require it go in the trash.

    So the part where you mentioned the realization that it is part of me does apply to me. That realization makes purging a lot less likely now. I just can not compare it to anything else.

    Have a nice day.

    Sandi

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Some do it because they fear getting caught or assume they can break the habit.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  11. #11
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    I?ve never purged. In fact today I?m wearing a long skirt I?d forgotten about. As far as chocolate, like us, there are so many different kinds..sweet, dark, semi-sweet, tart, etc. I don?t care for sweet chocolate, but love semi-sweet dark chocolate. To each her own.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Diane,
    Eating chocolate ( which I love ) or not doesn't solve my dysphoria no more than purging clothes would , so I can't see the point of giving up either . Saying that means too much chocolate will mean a new wardrobe if I eat too much .

    The only sad part of this question is suggesting being TG can be solved by not wearing certain clothes , our need goes away if we don't wear something a woman would wear .
    If you were looking for a possible cure if it was a simple as this I wouldn't be living the lifestyle I am .

    The basic question that needs asking is how can I get acceptance for the way I feel , not see it as something that is so wrong .
    The real me , no going back.

  13. #13
    Member susanmichelle's Avatar
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    Guess this is the end for me. I just yesterday went to Walmart and purchased the largest Dove chocolate hearts bag I could find. Oh well I?ll just have to diet a bit harder in the next month or so. I?m going to enjoy my chocolate fix just like my cross dressing fix daily.

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Ok I think I was misunderstood by some (and understood by others). I'm talking about purging clothes. The chocolate analogy was an attempt to de-dramatize a subject that is not easy, not an attempt to compare two things. But if it ends up offending some members, then that wasn't the purpose, so let's forget the analogy.

    So, yes, we are talking about purging as in a CDer purging clothes!

    Apologies to those who answered thinking I was really talking about chocolate!

    Rephrasing the original post in light of this:

    My question is for members who purged their clothes: why did you do it?
    Was it because you felt guilty or ashamed of your dressing?
    Or because it made your life too complicated?
    Because you thought that getting rid of the clothes would make the desire go away?

    Updated OP accordingly.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    And since I didn't answer my own thread I will do now: I used to borrow a couple of pieces of my wife's clothes (not good, don't do that) since I was dressing once a year or so and didn't really "plan" my dressing ahead, it was more an impulse when an opportunity would present itself. I only started buying my own stuff a couple of years ago, came out to my wife at the end of the same year and therefore never really had reasons to purge. For this reason I was surprised to read so many testimonies about it in these forums, I didn't even know what purging meant before being here. But I didn't see a lot of members explaining why they did it.
    Last edited by DianeT; 02-13-2021 at 11:06 AM.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    I could give up crossdressing easier than I could give up chocolate! And I have never purged either... so far. Downsized... cut back.. gone on a diet.. but not purged.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    The difference being that my wife has never told me that she doesn't want to see or know if I eat any chocolate and would likely ask for some herself.

  17. #17
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I'm with, Micki. Chocolate and CDing r as similar as apples and tequila. Next time just say what u mean, Diane!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paulie Birmingham View Post
    Some people want to stop dressing for whatever reason. Why cant some people on this board accept and support that decision?

    When I first joined this site and explained my reasons for crossdressing I was told I was wrong and that I will end up transitioning. Right, and I am going to tell my wife about this site?

    We are not all the same here.
    Paulie, I will second your last sentence. I have come to consider that, even narrowly looking at the dressing alone, everyone on this board is absolutely unique, and unique in so many ways. I feel a connection with the experience of a lot of members, whether it's when they started dressing or how they dress, some of their feelings about it, couple issues they have. But I have yet to find anyone that dresses for the same reasons and with the same experience. And I guess many of you feel the same. Similar from a distance, but so different when looking up close. So we should respect difference. Not everyone will transition. Not everyone wants to be out and about. Not everyone wants to take it to the bedroom or include one's SO in it. Not everyone is thrilled to have a girlfriend wanting to dress you in sexy outfits and role play.
    I think that people telling you you will never stop and do not purge are saying this from experience (maybe for transitioning also, I don't have any numbers after all). It's done with good intentions, at least most of the time.
    I'm sorry that you felt not supported when trying to stop. I guess some people were convinced that you wouldn't succeed and tried to spare you the trouble and frustration. I think there are exceptions to all rules, and if you are keen on stopping, we should support you even if we warned you. One aspect, though, is that if the chances of success are known to be small, some persons will be worried that you may hide it to a SO and commit to a relationship only to find out later that the urge comes back and puts you and your SO in a difficult situation (lying, hiding, coming out, possibly breaking up). People who know this will feel a duty to warn you.

    Again, I hope you find support here the next time you have to make a decision, that's what this board should be about. And this support should extend to the wives and SOs struggling with it and looking for answers, because they need our support too.

    P.S. About your wife: I told my wife about this site after coming out to her and the widespread theory around here that all CDers will transition eventually (or want to but fail to because too old etc.) seriously heightened her anxiety and worsened the situation while we were already struggling with all the rest, so I sympathize with your feelings.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maria 60 View Post
    In my experience I purged once before marriage and slowly one piece of chocolate at a time I was back.
    This is the kind of answer I expected with my "analogy"

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Sandi Beech View Post
    In the end, none of the items I had at the time were irreplaceable, but it WAS more than throwing away money.
    I think I see what you mean. There's a bit of ourselves, of our experiences and memories that leave us when we throw away personal objects. Also, you were saying goodbye to some meaningful part of your life. And since you did this during a travel and at night, it means you were hiding, from the crowd, maybe also from your SO, and I think a lot of use relate to the pain of knowing that what we do is frown upon or ridiculed, and will cause us to be rejected by many.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    I'm with, Micki. Chocolate and CDing r as similar as apples and tequila. Next time just say what u mean, Diane!
    As you probably guessed, I thought we could try something different for once. Lesson learned

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Terrible analogy. No one dehumanizes you for liking chocolate.
    Micki, reading back Char's sentence and seeing your reaction, I realize I probably didn't get it right. There is no analogy or parallels, actually, just a codename. I explained this in post #14 above. Apologies for the confusion, English isn't my mother tongue as you can tell. I corrected my response to Char.
    Last edited by DianeT; 02-13-2021 at 05:48 PM.

  19. #19
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Oh Diane, you were just making it fun.
    My last purge was about 27 years ago and to this day, I grieve over all the things I hold dear in those physical memories of my youth.
    I purged because it was going to complicate the relationship with a gorgeous new found younger lover....she was hot!
    (she became my wife!)
    I learned from "ALL" my previous relationships, girls would never accept me of being anything more than just a friend; two failed engagements proved that.
    I was 33 yrs old and very alone...afraid to be like my Aunt Jenny and die a Spinster.

    All the clothes I had from my teenage days, and the shoe box packed of pictures of me presenting as Candice at the school play, Halloween and parties, concerts, at work, at the beauty salon with Mom, buying my first car, at the roller dome with girl friends and classmates.
    Those pictures were all I had to show friends today how I looked and what I did for fun, in my youth.
    For clothes, I had a green Marsha Brady styled jumper and a Marlo Thomas "That Girl" style flounce blouse with tulip cuffs....Fredricks of Hollywood leopard print lingerie set, a apron my Grandmother gave me, chunky high heels dance shoes, and on and on...the clothes alone might be worth a pretty penny today.

    It is why I have never purged since and why my friends today giggle at me when I take a camera with me where ever I go.
    6 years ago, my old girlfriend found me on a social media site and she sent me a few pictures, she still had, of our little group.
    She got a few pictures out of the high school and college yearbook, but otherwise, purging those things continue to hurt today.
    You never really forget but those pictures and clothes (I love to reminisce) but having them items would make those memories even more precious.
    Last edited by candykowal; 02-13-2021 at 09:03 PM.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Candy, I am sorry for the loss of your memories. Photographs, audio recordings (in general, not specific to dressing) and handwritten letters are to me the most precious things in my belongings, whether film or digital. If I had a fire in the house, they are the only things I would rush to pack before leaving.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Geena75's Avatar
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    I have had two serious purges in the last eight years. The first one was a result of two factors: One was that I was ashamed of what I was doing and felt I had gone way too far. The other was a cross dresser who I was in regular contact with on this site chose to go the distance and transition completely, destroying a marriage and straining family relations. It grieved me to see someone's life go through that sort of turmoil, and frankly it scared me (I truly hope the individual found peace and happiness on this road). I ditched my dress, shoes and underwear, resolved to end it.

    The second purge was the result of feeling that I simply was inadequate as a crossdresser -- I would never pass, nor go out in public, so what was the use. Dissatisfied with what I saw in the mirror or photos, I tossed dresses, two pair shoes, bras, panties.

    Now, I am actually pretty satisfied with my dressing, and can enjoy it at the level I am at -- reasonable caution, and content with my 'passability" or lack thereof.

  22. #22
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DianeT View Post
    My question is for members who purged their tablets: why did you do it?
    I twice intended to burn down the chocolate factory, and I wanted no evidence of chocolate production ever having been there when the authorities discovered the site remains. So I lit the match and left the vicinity. Unfortunately for me, during the night, the fire went out, and by morning, the factory still stood.

    The factory eventually reopened for business and went on to increase its volume of chocolate output.

    - L.

    ( I liked your analogy. For those that can write, it allows you to say something without actually saying something. Good job! ).

  23. #23
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    It has been a very long time since I had a real purge. But back when I did it involved the conflict between who I was and who I was expected to be. Shame, guilt and many other emotions did enter into it because a desire to adhere to a concept of "Normal" that is false. The purges occurred as a result of trying to get rid of the "girl" in me that, in my mind, made me do strange things and behave in strange ways that could lead to disasters. But no recognition that "the girl in me" was as much a part of me as "the boy in me." The "girl in me" is not a virus to be driven out but as much a part of me as my two legs, two arms, and everything else in me. The "girl in me" is just not a substance - it is a neurological concept of who I COMPLETELY am.

    It is also possible that wearing the clothes is a somewhat more superficial habitual need such as addiction to chocolate, Cheetos, or alcohol. You can overcome those. But you can't really purge who you are by purging that which you use to express the "who you are" part of you. Those who purge usually start again because the motivation is not addiction but the expression of your identity as established in the configuration of your brain. Interestingly, those who purge and the purge eliminates the need to dress don't usually come back and tell us that they were successful at purging.

    So, our sampling is pretty much confined to those who are unsuccessful at purging because the mind will not allow them to totally reconfigure their identity. That is also why gender therapy is not oriented toward remaking you into a "normal" person, but rather finding ways for you to embrace the reality and be comfortable with who you are. In fact, in Denver conversion therapy is illegal because it is snake oil and people who go through it are not changed and sometimes end up dead by suicide. It's a scam.

    In a weird sense purging and trying to rid yourself of the behavior is sort of healthy. It is definitely a way to determine with a bit more certainty whether your behavior is based in a superficial addiction or a fundamental identity. Unfortunately, it can also have undesirable outcomes such as trying to break an assumed habit of drinking water would have by not drinking water. You need water to survive and in a sense if your identity demands engaging in a specific expression you need that to be happy and comfortable irrespective of what others might think. Thus the question becomes whether your need to dress in women's clothes is identity centered or just a tough addiction to break. I don't recommend purging, but it will answer that question. Problem is you might get so dysphoric that you end up taking your own life while thinking that if I go a little further it will work. It is already known that doesn't work. So, the best course of action is to put all the clothes in storage and see if you can get by without getting them out. Try hard, but don't punish yourself if it doesn't work.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member AnnieMac's Avatar
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    Chocolate is women's beer

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Geena75 View Post
    Now, I am actually pretty satisfied with my dressing, and can enjoy it at the level I am at -- reasonable caution, and content with my 'passability" or lack thereof.
    Geena, I'm glad that you found some balance. I hope your wife and you had a chance to talk. I too would not pass (few of us would anyway) and do not care since I'm not going out. I like my female look because it resembles me, just a slightly alternate version.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Lydianne View Post
    So I lit the match and left the vicinity.
    Lydianne, that's one neat way to burn calories.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by GretchenM View Post
    So, the best course of action is to put all the clothes in storage and see if you can get by without getting them out. Try hard, but don't punish yourself if it doesn't work.
    Gretchen, good advice, and those of us who want to give a try to stopping will probably appreciate these friendly words of support. As for me, it's more an addiction than a case of identity, but it's deeply anchored in me nonetheless.

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