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Thread: If asked outright, would you lie to your family?

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  1. #1
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    If asked outright, would you lie to your family?

    I ask this having seen a few posts about being asked, and still lying.

    As mentioned I have been put in this position twice in the past 18 months, and both times I have answered every question truthfully. The first time I clearly didn't say enough, as my wife seemed to think it was a phase I was going through, and that it's not really a constant part of me. The second time I was sure to clear that up.

    I think there are four categories here:

    1) She asked, I lied, she found out later anyway.

    2) She asked, I was honest about it.

    3) She hasn't asked, but I would lie.

    4) She hasn't asked, and I would be honest.



    Which category are you?

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    I told her and my adult children

  3. #3
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    5). Or 2A). She did not ask but found out by accident and I was honest and told her when she did asked.

    BUT in her mind because I didn?t tell her and hid it, I lied to her.. she still feels that way after 15 years.
    Last edited by Karren H; 03-08-2021 at 09:20 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    6) I initiated the conversation.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
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    She hasn't asked, but I would be truthful. However, I have developed the atrocious habit of "truthful as far as it goes." I would tell her anything she wants to know, but I wouldn't bare my soul to her and tell every detail. I have rarely, if ever, told her an outright lie; but I have not always told everything I could have.

  6. #6
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    I was bothered by the lying I ended up doing as my need to come out of the closet grew..somehow the lying by omission didn't bother me as much as lying to do things that I couldn't do without cover stories.

    Then I heard that the "deceit" was worse than what I was hiding, but then for a while it turned out that wasn't really true.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    My thought is that if they ask they already know the answer so why lie. Everyone is in a different situation and has different reasons for what they do, so to each their own.
    I did not tell my wife before we were married, I really believed I could stop forever, I guess we know how that worked out.
    Crissy

  8. #8
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    My wife knows and tolerates my little "hobby".

    As for others, I would admit to it only if caught.
    Krisi

  9. #9
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Interesting question, Charlotte, and an important one. For me, it would depend on who is asking. If they are not very compassionate I would probably lie because of a risk they would go south and be critical and maybe think I had lost my marbles. But others who are more sensitive to diversity and more accepting I would likely tell the truth. In my extended family there are some that I would not tell anything personal, especially about something as non-tradiitional as gender variance, but others I have told and received a lot of understanding. To me the important things is not ask them to keep it a secret. That puts a burden on them. If they are really supportive then they will likely be considerate about who else they tell. It is the other ones you need to watch out for.

    All that said, sometimes in family get togethers I am teased about my "feminine inclinations." Sure doesn't feel good. They think it is cute; to me it is prejudicial and discriminatory and cruel. No matter how much they think they understand they really don't and perhaps can't fully - they are cisgender.

  10. #10
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    If my wife confronted me with this, I would be truthful about dressing and offer no additional information. Anyone else? I would deny it to the death unless they had irrefutable proof.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    4 for me.

    I'd like to add...

    She never ask or find anything so technically, for me, to hide it for years wasn't be honest with the person I love more in the world so it was cheating or lying so finally I told her.

    Results?

    We still happily married living together but now I'm the honest person in the world (Trump always says that...lol) I have nothing to hide , I'm a transexual legally living as a woman working now to meet the surgeon for GRS.
    HRT 042018; Full time 032019
    Orchiectomy 062020; gender& name legal changed 102020
    Electrolysis face begins 082019, in genitals for GCS 062021
    Breast augmentation surgery 012022
    GCS 072022; BBL 022023; GCS revision 04203;END TRANSITION

  12. #12
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    I?m surprised any of you ladies ever have the time to dress..
    Always on this bloomin website 😂
    It?s overuse of internet counselling that?s needed 🤣

    Think I?d only be honest if they really suspected or were caught and I was trying to explain it

  13. #13
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    No, I didn't. That's how my ex and daughters found out!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Charlotte,
    I don't lie, but I don't always volunteer the information
    luv J

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirsty2907 View Post
    I?m surprised any of you ladies ever have the time to dress..
    Always on this bloomin website ��
    Where else would we go during Covid Lockdown?
    Get dressed and head to Crossdressers.com !
    stay healthy!
    luv J

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    I approach it as a used car salesman would. I tell the truth when cornered but do not volunteer any information that I am not specifically asked.

    When women corner their crossdressing partner and demand that they never want to see us dressed or know that we are dressing are they encouraging us to be truthful or stealth?

  16. #16
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    Chalotte,
    It's very sad we are forced into this situation but sadly at time inevitable . I have asked this question in context of filling in the 2021 UK census form so there's a possibility the lying could extend outside the family .

    Setting aside your list I found even after I separated the lying didn't end , the problem was other people had been placed in this situation . The first meeting with my daughter forced her into not telling my wife my sister in law met me for coffee again choosing not to reveal it to my wife inititally .

    Also referring to a thread asking if it's genetic , which I belive it is , we shouldn't have to lie about something inherent in us , we can't change what we are so lying about it can be metally quite destructive .

    Personally I'm not convinced DADT really works , at most it's a short term compromise until the truth can be dealt with .

    One final point which I know has upset members in the past but our wives/partners aren't innocent in this situation my wife chose not to tell me things before we married .

    I don't like being placed in any category to avoid lying but I'm afraid it's part of the human makeup , at times we have to accept self preservation and consider the pros and cons of retaining some of the truth for the welfare of others .

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    I was a late bloomer, my mid-fifties, I initiated the conversation fairly early and she's been aware of the progression all along. She has been shopping with me for the great majority of my purchases, even choosing items I might like as she browses.

    My feeling is that approval that dependent upon ignorance or lack of proof, isn't approval. I personally WANT my wife to have a chance to disapprove. It makes the approval much sweeter if it's voluntary.

    So far, my wife is the only one who knows. I have reason to believe that my adult daughter might have suspicions, but hasn't asked any questions. If she asked, I'd answer her truthfully but judiciously. In many ways, I'd appreciate the conversation. But, I don't want to do anything that would complicate my relationship with my grandsons.
    Last edited by Bea_; 03-08-2021 at 12:43 PM.

  18. #18
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    The closest answer would be 2) she asked, I was honest about it.

    There's the flip side to this question which I believe may have already asked of the GG's who are on this site. Basically, when she had "The Talk" with you did she say "If I had known I would have walked away from you."? The lying by omission always crops up in these discussions.

    If the question were to be asked by son or daughter I'd ask "Why do you want to know if I am or not?" It's really none of their business.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Angela Marie's Avatar
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    I told my wife, 2nd iteration, on our third or fourth date. She has been supportive and went out with me a few times in the beginning but thats not really her thing. As for my children, no I would not volunteer. But if asked I think I would have to be honest.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Karen RHT's Avatar
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    She didn't have to ask, I told her before we married. She doesn't want to discuss.


    Karen

  21. #21
    Junior Member Jacke's Avatar
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    I am curious about why it would come up at all. If there has been nothing left out to find or if not caught outright. Gretchen mentioned feminine inclinations. What qualifies as feminine inclinations? I am asking in order to know what not to do to cause the questions.

  22. #22
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CharlotteCD View Post
    ....I think there are four categories here:
    1) She asked, I lied, she found out later anyway.
    2) She asked, I was honest about it.
    3) She hasn't asked, but I would lie.
    4) She hasn't asked, and I would be honest.

    Which category are you?
    I think I would lie to my brothers and sister in laws, cousins etc.
    My wife is.....
    #4 I know she knows some things I do are of a feminine nature. She has even said, "Some things you do, I do not want to know."
    Clearly she is not stupid, is accepting and tolerant of what I current do to feel pampered, silky, and luxurious while presenting as her husband.
    Cheating my presentation by underdressing, epulating and moisturizing, growing my nails and hair long, curbs the drive to totally be feminine all the time.
    I also have a wife who is independent enough to go off on her own for a weekend, allowing me a few bachelorette weekends.
    Last edited by candykowal; 03-08-2021 at 03:02 PM.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  23. #23
    Silver Member Natalie5004's Avatar
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    Only my wife knows. Yes, I told her more info before she asked. Now she tells me I have bad taste in womens clothes for me. I asked for her help, Forget it. was the reply.
    So, never lie. Always be truthful. In the long run that is the best advice. Wife will or should certainly figure it out at some point. Kids, who knows, Don't ask me.

  24. #24
    Senior Member DianeT's Avatar
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    Hi Charlotte, since you're in DADT and therefore your wife knows about your crossdressing, even if she doesn't necessarily know when you do dress and how, it is unclear to me what you are asking:
    - Wife doesn't know and asks if you are a crossdresser? (obviously doesn't apply to you)
    - Or wife knows, comes back from a trip/errand/evening/whatever and asks if you dressed while she was away?

    Since I came out to my wife I am only faced with the second. But since I always tell her if I intend to dress when she's out for enough time to have a session, she doesn't have to ask, she already knows. However she may have a question or two about my session and I will simply answer them honestly. This said, the case presents itself very rarely. I mostly dress during a full afternoon, splitting the flat in two, and these sessions are planned months in advance. This middle ground we found helps reduce her stress about it.

  25. #25
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    I was honest when asked. Her only concern was that I be safe.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

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