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Thread: If asked outright, would you lie to your family?

  1. #26
    Aspiring Member jenna116's Avatar
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    Sep 2012
    lower right part of US
    My response is #5 - She didn't ask, I told her. Did that once I realized just how serious this relationship had become and that it was likely that the next step was getting married. I told her a couple of months before proposing. She say yes!
    Jenn A --- nothing fancy, just me.

  2. #27
    Silver Member Rogina B's Avatar
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    Mar 2007
    Ft Lauderdale Fl
    I am confused...Are you people answering about crossdressing [a unique harmless hobby] or about having a transgender mindset ? It is a huge difference !
    It SURE is my hair ! I have the receipt and the box it came in !

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member Geena75's Avatar
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    Mar 2013
    She hasn't asked, but I would be truthful. However, I have developed the atrocious habit of "truthful as far as it goes." I would tell her anything she wants to know, but I wouldn't bare my soul to her and tell every detail. I have rarely, if ever, told her an outright lie; but I have not always told everything I could have.

  4. #29
    Member HelpMe,Rhonda's Avatar
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    Jun 2019
    I was bothered by the lying I ended up doing as my need to come out of the closet grew..somehow the lying by omission didn't bother me as much as lying to do things that I couldn't do without cover stories.

    Then I heard that the "deceit" was worse than what I was hiding, but then for a while it turned out that wasn't really true.

  5. #30
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Aug 2018
    Maryland, USA
    My thought is that if they ask they already know the answer so why lie. Everyone is in a different situation and has different reasons for what they do, so to each their own.
    I did not tell my wife before we were married, I really believed I could stop forever, I guess we know how that worked out.

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Jun 2017
    Central Fla.
    You could add 1.5 "she asked. I lied. As far as I know, she still doesn't know" I suspect there are a few folks that would pick that one.

    As for me, I told her up front (while were in the early dating phase). She decided to keep me anyway - with some ground rules that I agreed to.

    The REAL friends, my sister, my mom (while she was still alive), and various others know, though only a few have actually seen me in all my finery (see wife's ground rules...)

    If asked outright, I'm past denial - but I'm not shouting it from the rooftops either.

  7. #32
    Silver Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    4 for me.

    I'd like to add...

    She never ask or find anything so technically, for me, to hide it for years wasn't be honest with the person I love more in the world so it was cheating or lying so finally I told her.


    We still happily married living together but now I'm the honest person in the world (Trump always says I have nothing to hide , I'm a transexual legally living as a woman working now to meet the surgeon for GRS.
    Instagram @devisanm
    HRT 04302018 Full time 032019
    Electrolysis started 082019
    Orchiectomy 06032020
    Legal name and gender marker changed 10262020

  8. #33
    Banned Read only
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    Dec 2013
    Not so much for a wife /partner it isn't as they don't know where the road ends .

  9. #34
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    May 2016
    Portland, Oregon
    She hasn't asked, and I would be honest.

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member Territx's Avatar
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    Oct 2016
    Houston, TX
    I brought the subject up twice and received decidedly less than positive responses each time. So, there was no real "discussion" and I have lived with that for many years because I love her more than dressing. Also, I have always said I would give it up if I could not present the image I want! So, like Judy, I will most likely give it up and retreat from this aspect of my life before ever being asked and if I am asked in the (relatively) short time I will continue forward, I would say the default would be to deny BUT it would depend upon the circumstances and the "temperature of the room".

    As to anyone else, I would probably deny it as I have some very religiously conservative relatives would would likely disown or try to "save" me. The world may have changed for some of you - but, as to this topic, my world still looks pretty "flat".
    Last edited by Territx; 03-09-2021 at 05:48 PM.
    I am what I am and also what I am not!

  11. #36
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Dec 2011
    Washington, DC
    I told her before we moved in together. So 5.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  12. #37
    Banned Read only
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    Dec 2013
    My point is the wife /partner doesn't know that , what are the first questions they ask , are you gay and/or do you want to be a woman , at that stage they don't really differentiate between labels .

  13. #38
    Member Gilly68's Avatar
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    Mar 2021
    I live alone, only my Dad and brother and his family to worry about.

    But I'm not sure....

    It would be somewhere between 3 and 4 I feel, if any of them ever did ask.

    Logically, I think I would / should deny it, but, I can't help thinking, if I was straight out asked, The relief at being able to talk about would mean I would just confess and admit to it. Being able to talk about it to my family would be pretty terrifying, but pretty freeing too.

  14. #39
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    Feb 2015
    I told my wife, 2nd iteration, on our third or fourth date. She has been supportive and went out with me a few times in the beginning but thats not really her thing. As for my children, no I would not volunteer. But if asked I think I would have to be honest.

  15. #40
    Senior Member Karen RHT's Avatar
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    May 2015
    Niagara Region, Ontario, Canada.
    She didn't have to ask, I told her before we married. She doesn't want to discuss.


  16. #41
    Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    Jun 2018
    North Texas
    If asked, I'll answer honestly. From there, the extent of revelation would depend on the reactions/ responses coming back to me.

  17. #42
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
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    Aug 2018
    My wife knows but does not want to see or know that I am dressing. If she asks that means that she would have violated the conditions that she established. At that point would I be obligated to tell her or would her breaking the agreement invalidate my obligation to uphold my end?

  18. #43
    Silver Member Meghan4now's Avatar
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    Feb 2015
    Quote Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing View Post

    I'm thinking I'll quit dress soon because it's getting harder to look fem as I age.
    Now THAT'S a lie!

    Lying is a tough one. There is the telling of a falsehood, leaving out information, and soft soaping the answer. My wife went on a tirade one day, asking several questions. But they weren't really questions, they were arrows.

    When this happens, it's easy to become defensive and not answer in the most forthright manner

    "Do you plan to go to work like that?". Ah the answer is "No". Technically, it's no because there is no plan. If the question was "Do you Want to....", The answer could be yes, or maybe, or I think about it sometimes. But because the question doesn't seem like a question, any elaboration is shot down.

    Is that a lie? To some degree yes.
    Put on a Happy Face.

  19. #44
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    The state of flux, U.S.A.
    She asked, I was honest about it, and she divorced me and blackmailed me for all our assets, as well as take on all our collective debt. She threatened to tell everyone about me, and pass out pics of me dressed up, to my friends, work and family to prove it. When I tried to head her off by pre-emptively telling my mother and sister, and got absolutely terrible responses, I just gave her everything that she wanted, and hoped she would keep her end of the deal. AFAIK, she did. I wound up deep in debt, with virtually nothing to my name other than an old car. Took eight years to get out of debt.

    I don't think I'll ever tell the truth about it, again.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  20. #45
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Oct 2017
    I told my wife before we married and my son before he asked, but it turned out he already knew. I have had a lifetime habit of being discrete, though I have told a few friends that I thought could handle it. None of them has ever brought it up, unless I did.

    If a neighbor asked I would tell them.

    During the Proposition 3 election I had a transgender rights sign on my lawn for months, so I think that if they were going to, they would have by now.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  21. #46
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Las Vegas Nevada
    Or she didn't ask and didn't find out I just told. Well thay is pretty much everyone for me any ways. I have not come out as transgender to some yet but I'm working on that. So to answer the question I wouldn't lie. I'm terrible at hiding and just say what I am.

  22. #47
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Jun 2008
    I am a two timer #2. First time she found my pictures on our computer so there was no lying about it. This time ended in DADT for many years. Later my wife confronted me again because she know I dressed when she was away but had no clue what I did and why I wanted to dress. The second big talk resulted in more honest answers (least as honest as I could be be, but why I had this desire was an answer I did not have). Since the second talk and being more open and honest, showing her this site and continuing to be open and have talks things between my wife and I are so much better. I wish I we had the second talk the first time. Live and learn. The end result is I feel so very very lucky to have my wife be as accepting as she is.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  23. #48
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    MyTolerates it and we have a very workable DA/DT,
    She knows about everything, Bud don't want to see me while dressed.

    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  24. #49
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    May 2005
    Live in Cornwall UK, born in Lancashire
    My CD is DADT, however every one I care about knows who I am. It is quite a sad reflection on my upbringing that my female cousins, aunties and others, knew of my dressing long before my wife ever did. It's good that society is clearly different now. Still a long way to go though.

  25. #50
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Central California
    My wife knows about my clothes and dressing. Not thrilled about it. She has tried on a pair of my shoes to see if they fit. Too big.
    So, DO I lie? Yes.

    Why? She worries about me and the community. She asked if I leave the house? No, that was a lie. Today I went to the store then drove to picked up my laundry at the dry cleaners. Women's dresses, mine.

    I found a old stash of her purses in a closet so I can use any of those when out.

    She has not found my wigs yet. I am sure she does not want to see that.

    I hate the lying but I am protecting her.


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