Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 53

Thread: If asked outright, would you lie to your family?

  1. #1
    Member CharlotteCD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    323

    If asked outright, would you lie to your family?

    I ask this having seen a few posts about being asked, and still lying.

    As mentioned I have been put in this position twice in the past 18 months, and both times I have answered every question truthfully. The first time I clearly didn't say enough, as my wife seemed to think it was a phase I was going through, and that it's not really a constant part of me. The second time I was sure to clear that up.

    I think there are four categories here:

    1) She asked, I lied, she found out later anyway.

    2) She asked, I was honest about it.

    3) She hasn't asked, but I would lie.

    4) She hasn't asked, and I would be honest.



    Which category are you?

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Michigan USA
    Posts
    6,091
    I told her and my adult children

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    22,998
    5). Or 2A). She did not ask but found out by accident and I was honest and told her when she did asked.

    BUT in her mind because I didn?t tell her and hid it, I lied to her.. she still feels that way after 15 years.
    Last edited by Karren Hutton; 03-08-2021 at 09:20 AM.

  4. #4
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,659
    6) I initiated the conversation.

  5. #5
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    7,930
    My wife knows and tolerates my little "hobby".

    As for others, I would admit to it only if caught.
    Krisi

  6. #6
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,115
    Interesting question, Charlotte, and an important one. For me, it would depend on who is asking. If they are not very compassionate I would probably lie because of a risk they would go south and be critical and maybe think I had lost my marbles. But others who are more sensitive to diversity and more accepting I would likely tell the truth. In my extended family there are some that I would not tell anything personal, especially about something as non-tradiitional as gender variance, but others I have told and received a lot of understanding. To me the important things is not ask them to keep it a secret. That puts a burden on them. If they are really supportive then they will likely be considerate about who else they tell. It is the other ones you need to watch out for.

    All that said, sometimes in family get togethers I am teased about my "feminine inclinations." Sure doesn't feel good. They think it is cute; to me it is prejudicial and discriminatory and cruel. No matter how much they think they understand they really don't and perhaps can't fully - they are cisgender.

  7. #7
    Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    457
    If my wife confronted me with this, I would be truthful about dressing and offer no additional information. Anyone else? I would deny it to the death unless they had irrefutable proof.

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    56
    I?m surprised any of you ladies ever have the time to dress..
    Always on this bloomin website 😂
    It?s overuse of internet counselling that?s needed 🤣

    Think I?d only be honest if they really suspected or were caught and I was trying to explain it

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    East Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    695
    hello Charlotte,
    I don't lie, but I don't always volunteer the information
    luv J

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirsty2907 View Post
    I?m surprised any of you ladies ever have the time to dress..
    Always on this bloomin website ��
    Where else would we go during Covid Lockdown?
    Get dressed and head to Crossdressers.com !
    stay healthy!
    luv J

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    624
    I approach it as a used car salesman would. I tell the truth when cornered but do not volunteer any information that I am not specifically asked.

    When women corner their crossdressing partner and demand that they never want to see us dressed or know that we are dressing are they encouraging us to be truthful or stealth?

  11. #11
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,089
    Chalotte,
    It's very sad we are forced into this situation but sadly at time inevitable . I have asked this question in context of filling in the 2021 UK census form so there's a possibility the lying could extend outside the family .

    Setting aside your list I found even after I separated the lying didn't end , the problem was other people had been placed in this situation . The first meeting with my daughter forced her into not telling my wife my sister in law met me for coffee again choosing not to reveal it to my wife inititally .

    Also referring to a thread asking if it's genetic , which I belive it is , we shouldn't have to lie about something inherent in us , we can't change what we are so lying about it can be metally quite destructive .

    Personally I'm not convinced DADT really works , at most it's a short term compromise until the truth can be dealt with .

    One final point which I know has upset members in the past but our wives/partners aren't innocent in this situation my wife chose not to tell me things before we married .

    I don't like being placed in any category to avoid lying but I'm afraid it's part of the human makeup , at times we have to accept self preservation and consider the pros and cons of retaining some of the truth for the welfare of others .

  12. #12
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    22,164
    No, I didn't. That's how my ex and daughters found out!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  13. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    257
    I was a late bloomer, my mid-fifties, I initiated the conversation fairly early and she's been aware of the progression all along. She has been shopping with me for the great majority of my purchases, even choosing items I might like as she browses.

    My feeling is that approval that dependent upon ignorance or lack of proof, isn't approval. I personally WANT my wife to have a chance to disapprove. It makes the approval much sweeter if it's voluntary.

    So far, my wife is the only one who knows. I have reason to believe that my adult daughter might have suspicions, but hasn't asked any questions. If she asked, I'd answer her truthfully but judiciously. In many ways, I'd appreciate the conversation. But, I don't want to do anything that would complicate my relationship with my grandsons.
    Last edited by Bea_; 03-08-2021 at 12:43 PM.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    12,080
    The closest answer would be 2) she asked, I was honest about it.

    There's the flip side to this question which I believe may have already asked of the GG's who are on this site. Basically, when she had "The Talk" with you did she say "If I had known I would have walked away from you."? The lying by omission always crops up in these discussions.

    If the question were to be asked by son or daughter I'd ask "Why do you want to know if I am or not?" It's really none of their business.

  15. #15
    Junior Member Jacke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    66
    I am curious about why it would come up at all. If there has been nothing left out to find or if not caught outright. Gretchen mentioned feminine inclinations. What qualifies as feminine inclinations? I am asking in order to know what not to do to cause the questions.

  16. #16
    Fun Member Natalie5004's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2020
    Location
    Central California
    Posts
    670
    Only my wife knows. Yes, I told her more info before she asked. Now she tells me I have bad taste in womens clothes for me. I asked for her help, Forget it. was the reply.
    So, never lie. Always be truthful. In the long run that is the best advice. Wife will or should certainly figure it out at some point. Kids, who knows, Don't ask me.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    France
    Posts
    546
    Hi Charlotte, since you're in DADT and therefore your wife knows about your crossdressing, even if she doesn't necessarily know when you do dress and how, it is unclear to me what you are asking:
    - Wife doesn't know and asks if you are a crossdresser? (obviously doesn't apply to you)
    - Or wife knows, comes back from a trip/errand/evening/whatever and asks if you dressed while she was away?

    Since I came out to my wife I am only faced with the second. But since I always tell her if I intend to dress when she's out for enough time to have a session, she doesn't have to ask, she already knows. However she may have a question or two about my session and I will simply answer them honestly. This said, the case presents itself very rarely. I mostly dress during a full afternoon, splitting the flat in two, and these sessions are planned months in advance. This middle ground we found helps reduce her stress about it.

  18. #18
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    2,093
    I was honest when asked. Her only concern was that I be safe.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  19. #19
    Princess Candice candykowal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Arlington Heights, Illinois
    Posts
    886
    Quote Originally Posted by CharlotteCD View Post
    ....I think there are four categories here:
    1) She asked, I lied, she found out later anyway.
    2) She asked, I was honest about it.
    3) She hasn't asked, but I would lie.
    4) She hasn't asked, and I would be honest.

    Which category are you?
    I think I would lie to my brothers and sister in laws, cousins etc.
    My wife is.....
    #4 I know she knows some things I do are of a feminine nature. She has even said, "Some things you do, I do not want to know."
    Clearly she is not stupid, is accepting and tolerant of what I current do to feel pampered, silky, and luxurious while presenting as her husband.
    Cheating my presentation by underdressing, epulating and moisturizing, growing my nails and hair long, curbs the drive to totally be feminine all the time.
    I also have a wife who is independent enough to go off on her own for a weekend, allowing me a few bachelorette weekends.
    Last edited by candykowal; 03-08-2021 at 03:02 PM.
    Candice Coleen Kowal ....all my friends call me Candy!

  20. #20
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,089
    Charlotte,
    After reading other replies trying to live with the situation in a marriage not an easy one . We chose not to tell the wife or anyone and live with the stress of being caught out . So we take the decision to come clean and reveal your CDing/TG needs , which either goes badly and that's possibly the end of the marriage or we enter a series of compromises depending how much we've revealed . I found it then puts the wife/partner in a situation where they feel they need to give you time to dress but the problem was my wife became more conerned about setting foot inside her own front door .

    I'm sure like most we find our needs evolve , we want more , I now see that as trying to find myself , obviously it depends how severe your GD is . Often entering counselling makes matters worse , I'm sure my wife like many others hoped it would mean a cure but the opposite happens . I didn't have to lie about my counselling because she just didn't want to talk about it , the situation gradually got worse as I was then going out socially so she then had a fresh problem of not wanting neighbours to see and if they did she would then have to make up some sort of story or basically lie to them .

    After 45 years of marriage and now a divorce I can now finally tell the truth !

  21. #21
    Junior Member Janet Devon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Location
    Northern Indiana
    Posts
    46
    I have been married twice. I volunteered both times before being asked. The first wife I told after many many years of marriage. I was unhappy in my marriage for many years. If things went well, maybe we could go forward. If thigs went badly, I had nothing to lose. It went no where. She just said, well go back in the closet.
    After a couple more years, I decided to leave her for other reasons.

    My second marriage, I spoke up early, but after we were married. I don't think I was right to hold it from her but honestly hoped that in a happy marriage, I might have changed my feelings/ needs. I was wrong. I had perged everything so I was starting from scratch. She was taken back but also supportive.

    Today, we have been married 13 years in a great relationship. I try to keep my dressing in the house. Unless I am out of town on business. In the house, I underdress a lot. I openly dress in the morning before work. A few days per month I get fully dressed with every from the top of my head to my shoes. She doesn't help much in the dressing but will spend time.

    As for others, my son came over once and was to fast for me to totally escape but I did not come out of the bedroom so he left.

    My granddaughter was looking in my drawers and saw something and said you are a Mrs. Doubtfire aren't you.? I said no and left it at that. She was pretty young but not stupid.

    I would not offer much to others so, lie or withhold I guess.

  22. #22
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    2,726
    Three years ago after my last child moved out the Pink Fog came back.
    Thats when I joined this site. I started to accept who I am and felt better about myself.

    So I told my wife, Well things did not go well.

    I ended up purging 90% of my stuff which included over 100 dresses.
    I lied and said I had a couple of dresses and threw them out.

    Now three years later I'll most likely lie if she asks if I'm still dressing.

    I'm thinking I'll quit dress soon because it's getting harder to look fem as I age.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  23. #23
    Member VS Fan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    434
    Told my wife ... have hid it from the kids for 12 years ... with a 20 year old and a 17 year old at this point I would love it if they knew so I wouldn’t have to hide painted toes etc but I doubt I would dress in front of them. As for parents, siblings, aunts, uncles etc - no way - I would deny it unless they caught me dressed.... and then I would just say - don’t like it? Too bad, cut me out of your life if you can’t deal with it or insist on teasing me etc.
    Kelly a.k.a. VS Fan

  24. #24
    What a great life
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Central US
    Posts
    83
    If someone asked if you are a crossdresser, there is something that?s giving them a reason to ask if you say no they know you are laying. They get smart with you hit them with your purse.

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member TheHiddenMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Metro East area near St. Louis, Missouri
    Posts
    956
    My wife of almost 29 years has known of my interest since almost when we first met in 1985 (she put makeup on me a couple of times and I put on her clothes another time within a month of our meeting). In 2000 I became a lot more open about wanting to dress. My girl clothes hang in our walk-in closet.

    She has also told me "lie to me". She doesn't want to know about my dressing. So I often sneak out dressed with a cover story that I'm doing something else (I've gotten good about changing in the car or other places). However, I do have times I specifically tell her I'm going out (for example, to our Gender Foundation monthly dinners), because I want to/need to make the point I don't really need her permission to dress, and my dressing is the "price of admission" (thanks Dan Savage) for being married to me, and all of the positive qualities I bring to our marriage.

    I have two adult sons (in their 20's). I haven't told them, but as both live with us, at least part time, they might know or suspect (why are there dresses/clothes in mom and dad's closet that mom never wears, and why does dad have panties sometimes on the clothes drying rack?).

    If they asked if I was a crossdresser, I would answer truthfully. I think they would be tolerant, I I'm not going to lie to my sons.

    Other family (a sister and a brother)? Not likely they would ask, but I'd answer truthfully.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State