Results 1 to 23 of 23

Thread: What to do in future.

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    State College, PA
    Posts
    114

    What to do in future.

    I am married for 20 yrs. I have been a CDerfor 40 plus. My wife seems somewhat tolerant as she does not mind my wearing panties, stockings, halter under garments and painted toes and nearly shoulder length hair. We have been in this stage for a while, but we do not discuss going any further. I would like to wear skirts and dresses around the house, for example. I feel she would slam on the brakes at that discussion. I am not passable in any way. Should I just be satisfied as it is now, or push the envelope further.
    We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Michigan USA
    Posts
    7,977
    Keep talking to her and tell her what you need - take time to find out what she needs as well

  3. #3
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    7,188
    Jannis,

    Do you have skirts and dresses of your own stashed away somewhere and does your SO know if you do?

    If you do but she doesn't know about them that might signal to her that you've been taking your dressing further and that could require further explanation.

    If she agrees to you expanding your dressing getting her to help chose new items might make her more comfortable with the situation.

    As often said in these situations, you know your SO best and it's ultimately down to your judgement of the situation.

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Jannis,
    If you have this need you must decide what is driving it and be honest with yourself before your discuss it with your wife . You need to give her a sensible explanation why you you have this need . Also what your needs will be in the future , just telling her I need or want to do it isn't enough .

    I can only say from my experience that it was a gradual process in finding ME .

    Perhaps you should also consider if she totally applies the brakes what you will do ? My wife did concede in letting me attend a social group but I'm afraid it still wasn't enough . Once on this road U turns become harder so think hard before pushing the envelope further .

  5. #5
    Silver Member Sandi Beech's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Location
    Southeast US
    Posts
    2,600
    Jannis,

    If I were in your shoes, I think I would start off by casually asking if your dressing has been making her uncomfortable or is she totally ok with what you have done so far.

    It might be better to have her open up to you before the other way around. Of course I will never be in that position because my wife will never allow any of if.

    Good luck.

    Sandi

  6. #6
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    12,771
    Jannis, I told my wife before we moved in together that I was a CD, that I was not going to change, and if she wanted out, now was the time. So she knew going n. That said, I have not dressed in a year because I have adult children in the house and I don't want them to know. But my wife is accepting, if not encouraging.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  7. #7
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Location
    Denver, Colorado
    Posts
    1,867
    I agree with Sandi. Make it a joint discussion to explore, a kind of collaboration. If you tell her it is a need she may take it as kind of a demand and that will more likely than not instantly polarize the issue. And it is likely to go downhill from there potentially with not so pleasant results. The point is to keep her engaged in your exploration and fully respect her thoughts and wishes. Sometimes what we think is a need really isn't. Pink fog (dysphoria) can sometimes make us do things that are not fair or even rational and in that emotional state we can tend to ignore the perspective of the ones who love us and is not in the pink fog.

  8. #8
    New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    Posts
    20
    I am in a similar situation. I told my wife about my cross dressing before we married. I paraded around in high heels and panties in front of her before we married. She is not really into it but also doesn't care so much. Like you I have painted toes and wear panties. I also wear women's short shorts and leggings around the house. I only do heels and skirts when she is not around since it doesn't do anything for her. My advice would be just to try it one day. Wear a skirt and see her response. If she doesn't mind the painted toes and panties I can't imaginine it will cause a huge uproar. Maybe the worst that can happen is that she tells you to lose the skirt.

  9. #9
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    I would like to make a point about your appearance even at home . Consider for a moment does your wife/partner go OTT at home , is she so bothered about perfect finger and toe nails , does she wear a skirt and heels ? So she's bound to wonder what you are trying to portray in doing so , sometimes I feel they may consider we are making fun or lampooning them .

    Maybe take it back to basics and consider what makes your wife/partner feminine , how little she needs to do to achieve it . Light makeup and a wig even when wearing Tshirts and jeans can give enough of an impression more than that could suggest it's more of a fetish problem .

  10. #10
    Silver Member Geena75's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    2,523
    Wouldn't a conversation starter like, "Would you mind if I tried wearing a skirt around the house when you're not around?" allow you to address your feelings? It is fairly non-confrontational, and includes her in the equation. It doesn't sound like you really show off feminine clothes around her now, so why push the issue.

  11. #11
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,843
    Why ask us? We can only guess.

    While u and your wife have all the answers!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  12. #12
    Member susanmichelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Louisville, Ky area
    Posts
    402
    Quote Originally Posted by Geena75 View Post
    Wouldn't a conversation starter like, "Would you mind if I tried wearing a skirt around the house when you're not around?" allow you to address your feelings? It is fairly non-confrontational, and includes her in the equation. It doesn't sound like you really show off feminine clothes around her now, so why push the issue.
    I think that?s a great idea, the most she could really say is I?d prefer you didn?t but then again with her knowing you already underdress she might say it doesn?t matter so long as you do that when she?s not home she?d prefer not to see that aspect of it.

    One day at a time and keep the communication honest above all.

  13. #13
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Geena,
    I'm not sure how far you would get with that one, the problem being she may not want to see it but she also possibly fears children/family and neighbours seeing you .

    The bottom line is they're either OK with your dessing issue or they're not and most usually would prefer it didn't happen at all , we have to accept we do pose them with something of a problem and most don't have anyone to turn to for help .

  14. #14
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    654
    I must be the exception to the rule. When my wife said that she did not want to see me dressed or know about it she was serious and I got the message. No negotiation, no pushing back, respect her wishes and be happy that she is still around.

    Of course that is going to put a choice on me. Stop and purge, throw it back in her face and push my luck by trying to dress in front of her or go underground. Based on the admonition in other threads that makes me a liar. Seems to me that there isn?t any acceptable way among my forum peers to navigated this situation.

  15. #15
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Northeast Pa near NJ and NY
    Posts
    10,444
    Communication!
    If you don't keep open lines it will just make things worse. If she's against it, talk about why. Understand her trepidation, if it exists and let her know why it's important to you.
    Remember, it's not an argument, it's a discussion.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  16. #16
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Cheryl,
    It's only a discussion if both parties are in agreement otherwise it's probably a heated argument . If one side just won't talk then you can only ask once !

  17. #17
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    South Western PA
    Posts
    24,704
    Be satisfied with what you have. You push too hard or too fast she will do a 180 on you so fast you have to dig your fem clothing out of the trash can as the garbage truck is rolling up to your house.

  18. #18
    New Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    16
    I think patience is important, along with clear communication. Only a few years ago, my wife was very rigid with many of her approach to my CD. A huge part of that was my own not being able to clearly explain myself. Of course, you can choose to be happy with what you have, as long as you can actually be ok with that. Don’t suppress your wants or they will turn to resentment fast.

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    East Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    922
    hello Jannis,
    just keep communicating - you will reach a "happy place" together.
    How far do you want to "push the envelope" - do you know what your boundary is and can you explain that to your wife?
    I wear dresses around the house some evenings, but I would never want to embarrass my wife publicly.
    stay healthy,
    Luv J

  20. #20
    Member jessica33's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    127
    Maybe put a large shed in the backyard and called it second home . You can dress there as much as you want and at the same time keeps her happy in the main house .

  21. #21
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    Posts
    232
    Jannis, I agree with everyone that you need to talk with your wife about this. One point is that you can paint your nails and wear panties and stockings under male clothes, as well as having long hair, without seeming visibly much different from the man she married and may still prefer to see around. Many men have had long hair, from cavemen and barbarians onward through medieval kings and today's rock stars who are nevertheless indisputably male. But once you progress to skirts and dresses--and presumably a bra to exhibit "breasts" under a blouse or dress--the external image changes to female and the "man" she married disappears. Unlike panties, it's a major "watershed" between male and female appearance. If you need to, just broach the subject gently, telling her it's something you'd like to do, trying not to let her feel as though it's a huge big deal or any kind of "demand" on her. If she has a negative reaction, you can always back off.

  22. #22
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Lori Ann,
    I don't understand your comments about telling a wife " it's not a huge deal "or doesn't put "demands "on her , to most wives CDing and gender issues are difficult to play down , telling her as a husband it's no big deal that you wear women's clothes doen't wash with most wives .

  23. #23
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    Posts
    232
    Hi Teresa.

    Maybe I wasn't clear. I didn't mean to suggest that it "wasn't a big deal" to a wife. I thought that was implicit in what I said to start with: that it is a major step from "just wearing panties" hidden under male clothing to wearing skirts and blouses and appearing outwardly female. Rather, what I was suggesting was that Jannis should present her wishes "lightly," as if it wasn't a big deal to her either way. That gives her wife the feeling that there's "no pressure," it's not a "demand" Jannis is placing on her. It's just an idea she's being "sounded out" about, to which she's free to say Yes or No without conflict or lasting tension. If she says Yes, then that's great, but if she says No, she was going to say it (or think it) anyway. So why leave her feeling awkward for refusing something that seemed like a "big deal" to Jannis? That's all. I hope this makes sense.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State