Wife opened up

[Maria 60]

Last night after dinner we decided to go for a walk and we ended up at a coffee shop sitting on a bench enjoying the unseasonal weather. There was a commercial plaza across the street and a car pulled in and when the door opened I automatically caught the view of the lace of black stockings. We were both starring and curious of what was going to come out of the car. Once the person got out it was definitely a sister and my wife asked to look it's one of my friends and dressed very poorly. This person was wearing a very short black skirt and see threw top and stockings fully exsposed and very high heels. There was nobody in that parking lot and the person was looking around to see if anybody was around and I guess there was a dash cam because she was posing in front of the car and my wife believes this person was lifting the skirt exsposing themselves but I couldn't see from my angle and this person would run back into the car every time a car would come close. From where we were sitting I guess we were out of site because it was dark and we were only getting the view from one plaza light. My wife turned to me and told me that she never asked what I do when I go for a drive to respect my privacy. She stressed with great aggression that she hopes I'm not doing what this persons is doing and hopefully I'm acting respectful and decent when in public. She stressed that when I go out that I shouldn't have to hide like that person was doing, she found it very creepy and told me to act respectful and even though I'm not a women but act like a respectful crossdresser. She said she knows I leave the car because her car is washed and full of gas when I go for a drive and that my heels are usally very dirty. She doesn't want to know what I do but hopes that whatever I'm doing that I'm acting respectful. I never really heard my wife talk to me about my outings but she was very upset about that persons actions and stressed that she hopes I'm not hiding like that and rather in public acting normal and have everyone see a respectful crossdresser then a creepy crossdresser. It was great to hear my wife talking about her preference of how she wants me to present myself when in public, and in our situation it's always great to just talk openly. Communication is key.

[susanmichelle]

That?s wonderful that you were both there to see the poor show the other cross dresser was promoting. Also congratulations on the two of you being able to communicate with each other. I hope you reassured her you would never act that way.

[Teresa]

Maria,
When I attended my first social group outing I'm sure that was one of my wife's fears , you may look good and possibly very tarty so who are you trying to attract . OK this person didn't want to be confronted but that was this time so what happens next time ? I feel your wife is right it can appear creepy as she assumes you go out wanting to be accepted as a woman and not a hooker .

This person has every right to do what he/she did but she was living dangerously but what exactly your wife meant by disrespectful I'm not sure .

I hope it doesn't mean the end of your drives but you may find your wife will take more note of what you choose to wear next time .

[Shelly Preston]

Maria,
Telling your wife what you wear and what you do will probably be the best solution.


I think we all know that not everyone is the same.

The vast majority of those who go out in public do not intend to upset anyone.

However some will cross the line particularly if they think they are not being watched.

Yes you will get the odd specialist event where things can get a bit more wild.

I think most wives would hope that their partner dressed and behaved in the best way for the occasion.

Some will say I want to look sexy. While that is understandable it does not always mean a short mini skirt for example.

[Maria 60]

My point to my wife was that at times we don't realize things could happen that even if we don't want to think it looks a curtain way, we could be looked at as my wife thought that guy was creepy. Trust me I'm not one who loves to show off private parts especially my rear end, I'm not going to lie also I do love showing off some extra leg when driving but my privates are hidden away. just like Cathreen said we don't want to see that and especially in public. I have no defence for that guy in the plaza, I agree a person can dress anyway they want but we must act presentable in public.
My wife stressed to me again all she said was for me not to go walking around factories or dead end streets in dark areas and hidding like im doing something wrong. When I'm out to act normal and not hidding and look creepy.

[Dutchess]

Let me make it clear: being in a public space showing off your underwear is illegal. It's called indecent exposure and you will be arrested.

This is the second time this ^^^ has been stated in this thread besides mine and its a shame the only two saying /thinking /UNDERSTANDING this are GG's. The above statement is real - think about it.

Maria, am I right in remembering posts of yours that mentioned you flashing your legs and the tops of your thigh highs to passing trucks while driving?

Yes and at restaurant somebody touched her legs WITH the wife there so I don't know what is what . Well I think I know what ...but still ....

[KimberC]

Keep the conversation going....talk to her about what you are doing, include her in the experience, or at least share it with her....

[Terrihoney]

I certainly can't speak for all, a wife's biggest fear is that her CD husband will do something embarrassing to her or in the community. Or, as a woman, are you flirting with men.

Maria, since your wife knows and accepts you dressing feminine, this conversation is a golden opportunity to become more presentable in public with her help. Few women would do random panty photo shoots on a public street. To keep your wife's trust, neither should you.

Hugs, Terrri

[jenabrooks]

This will help the Crossdressing community if we act like Proper ladies out in public and willing to blend in as a proper lady. That's wonderful, You are blessed with a wife who loves you for who you are.

[docrobbysherry]

Curious minds need to know! So, r u a "respectful" CD or a "creepy" one?

Judging by what your SO thinks is creepy? Since I'm clueless how a "respectful" CD acts? I probably fall on the creepy side!

[Beverley Sims]

Communication is good, but don't ask your wife's opinion about your appearance too often, she will let you know. :-)

[MonicaPVD]

There are all kinds of people doing all kinds of things. In my town there's a CD friend who loves to post pics of herself posing in lingerie in very public places (in front of well-known businesses, along busy roads, etc). I don't know about any of you, but I have seen just about everything a person can see in this world yet I have never ever seen a woman posing in lingerie outdoors in a public setting. Ever. Some people get a kick out of doing extreme things.

[Pumped]

I don't know about any of you, but I have seen just about everything a person can see in this world yet I have never ever seen a woman posing in lingerie outdoors in a public setting. Ever. Some people get a kick out of doing extreme things.

I have never seen a woman taking pictures of her scantily clad self, but there are plenty pictures all over the internet that proves many women do!

Just Google the word "exhibitionists" and you will get an eye full!

[Swottie]

It has to be said that cross dressers often do seemingly silly things that GG may only do at silly adolescent ages. All because a CD may just be catching up on the learning curve, learning how and what not to do after each mistake. It can be especially hard because we don't usually have the guidance and feedback from peers and older family members. This explains why we usually start by dressing completely inappropriately, because we just don't know any better and are still learning.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

That's an interesting thought, Swottie. I recall somebody saying (with sympathy) about transgendered people that "they never had a girlhood."

[mbmeen12]

To each his/her own as to someone making a movie....Your GG provided you with standards of conduct and good luck hun...

[Stephanie47]

I am envious that you and your wife can have a conversation about cross dressing. I think one of the fears a wife has about her husband's cross dressing is not knowing what he may be doing. I think many women would not find displays such as you described as reflective of most women.

[CharlotteCD]

Going out into public places and exposing yourself is creepy in my view, and it really doesn't do any favours to transgender people, instead just re-enforcing the perverted stereotype.

[char GG]

Stephanie,
In response to what mom's expected of/told their their teen daughters, I was very lucky. My daughter was a teen in the 90's; the style at school was jeans and oversized tee shirts. Although my daughter was tall, slim, and very pretty, she wore XL tee shirts as did all of her friends. She would never consider a bikini, only one piece bathing suits.

While shopping with her for a prom dress, it was almost impossible to find something that was acceptable to her. No bows, no sequins, no plunging necklines, no lace, no high slits in the side; ugh - many were very revealing which was not what she was looking for. (I thought I was going to have to get her a choir robe or something)

I know that all girls are different. However, it's my feeling that if a girl is confident in herself, she won't be prone to flashing her goodies around town. There are always exceptions but I feel very fortunate that she and her friends were in the "modest" category.

We live in a beach town and we've seen girls walking from the beach into town with their thong bikinis. Those girls just seems like to revert to attention seeking behavior and probably have poor self esteem.

So to answer your question, Stephanie, my job was easy. Her friends were all of a similar mindset so they policed themselves.

To carry this thought one step further, 14 year old my grand daughter and her friends are the same way. All are very confident young ladies and don't (so far) feel the need to flash the boys.

Backing up to my teen years, we were required to wear skirts to school when mini skirts were in fashion. The school policed the length of the skirts and sent girls home of their skirts didn't meet the standards set by the school policy. Probably some skirts showed too much when sitting.

In regards to skirts flying up in the wind, most GG's know wear straight or A-line shirts on windy days. No one wanted to have to hold their dresses down. Also, many people in the public eye (Princess Kate, Princes Di, the Queen), had weights sewed in the hems to keep the wind from causing their dresses to blow around in the wind.

My point is that no one has to have their dresses/skirts inadvertently flying up in the wind. My hubby has figured this out too.

[Dutchess]

I have a few things to say here ( as usual , I know )

But to Stephanie- we were all born and raised and continue to live at SOME sea . Born on the Gulf live on the Pacific and North Sea and we all are a big family of surfers . My youngest is still 19 and lives in West Hollywood and is a working actress so she sees everything . None of my girls or I nor my way out sister up in SF ever wore thongs . We see that as a sign of a tourist or someone wanting to show off something . I hear some say its comfortable but that would not be one of us . We all wear board shorts and a bikini top . OR board shorts and a rash guard . Even me .
We love T&C designs , O'neill , Hurley, Body Glove and the like . My gal in LA loves skater dresses but wears bike shorts or the like underneath , she calls them modesty shorts .
My other daughter is a funeral director in Corpus Christi so she wears pant suits and knee length dresses/ suits . On her off days she is more comfy in jeans or board shorts . I wear shifts or skater dresses also and if they are short enough I will have on bike shorts underneath .
We all love sequins or sparkle /glitter of some kind at this house but classic designs/lines . No excessive exposure, nothing more than a kick pleat . Even with strapless, nothing is plunging ,everything contained . No stilettos , in long evening dresses we all wear ballet (pink or black )slippers for safety . No one here wants to be thought of as "THAT " kind of girl . They self police .
Last October , I saw what appeared to be a Cd'er although could have been transwoman, late 50s to 60s in age , come into the grocery store wearing a one piece black PLUNGING halter top one piece bathing suit , no back , with shimmer panty hose and black heels on. I was actually afraid and stayed in the plant section until this person got in line to check out . No one wears things like that ever and there was alot showing and I was afraid . I didnt know if they thought they looked hotter than a rocket or if something were wrong . I just could not imagine what was going on in this persons mind .

@ Star , Oh they are aware , you know they know lol a few here will admit it. CL still has just tons of those listings , they just moved them to a different category . Thats how my ex finds his dates . I very recently even saw him advertising himself on FB in groups they have there now designed for just that also .

@Liberty Lori - The reason the GGs and others here caution against this behavior is because in reality that person actually has nothing on under that skirt or is hanging out of the underwear to varying degrees . Those types aren't going to be alone in the dark taking underwear pics . Come on .

[Lori Ann Westlake]

@Liberty Lori - The reason the GGs and others here caution against this behavior is because in reality that person actually has nothing on under that skirt or is hanging out of the underwear to varying degrees . Those types aren't going to be alone in the dark taking underwear pics . Come on .

Well, Dutchess, I confess it hadn't occurred to me that she might have left anything hanging out, since I'm not into "she-male" stuff myself. Come to that, most of us here must be keen to do the opposite. Why else is there a sticky titled The Art of Tucking? The whole point of crossdressing is to look feminine!

And "being alone in the dark taking underwear pics" was exactly what this person was doing at the time. But what you've suggested raises a nastier thought. I did wonder why she was doing this outdoors in the dark. When I wanted to take pictures of myself I'd mostly do it at home, in privacy. I was guessing she wasn't able to do that. That probably means a wife at home who doesn't know. Could be family or a roommate of course, but more likely a wife or partner. So go out in the evening in guy mode, change in the car, take pics, change back and drive home.

But what are the pictures for? When I take pictures they're mostly just for me, to see how I look. If this person is taking "that" kind of picture, that suggests a different purpose--"advertising for a partner." That means she's very likely cheating on her wife, and with other men, which is not nice at all. I just hope she's practicing "safe sex," otherwise her wife may get a nasty surprise one day.

Edited to add: I'm sorry, I gathered from your post that you may have had the same trouble with your ex. Not nice at all!

[Liz Jones]

Keep an open on youtube for new video's .........
Liz

[SaraLin]

I'm curious, Maria - what did you say? It sounds like you had a golden opportunity to talk things over with her - and possibly reassure her a little?

[GretchenM]

I'm with Charlotte. Fortunately, few people saw this performance of pretty raw sexuality. Those people exist, but if seen it simply reinforces ideas that crossdressing is a sexual thing. It is true that the person had a right to do that so long as not violating any laws involving indecent exposure. It also provided an opportunity for your wife to give you a warning shot across your bow about behaving that way yourself. And your wife has every right to be disgusted by the behavior of that person because that person's behavior clearly shows what they personally think about women. And it is definitely not flattering.

I think, on balance, it was a good experience between you and your wife as it got communication going and clearly set some boundaries as to what is acceptable and what is not in her mind. It is too bad though that your wife had to view such a display of disrespect for females this person exhibited. I suspect it made her very uncomfortable.

[Mila]

I found myself on a UK based forum last week and I immediately deleted my account. It was totally distasteful and borderline gross the pictures all over there. I was so shocked, It made me question myself, did I really want to aline myself to these people. But I'm new to CD and there are fringes in all types of people. Live and let live I guess but maybe some kind of warning would've been nice.