How to plant the seed to gauge openness?

[KimberC]

So, while I'm 100% certain if I fully opened up to my wife it would be the end.... guaranteed.... but i think if I eased her into it that she would be more open and who knows....

My question is, do you think there is a good way to see how she would likely react? Is there a good place to maybe start (like discussing wearing panties, or stockings under, something unseen?). I would be interested to hear what's worked and what hasn't, understanding that everyone is different and there is no easy way....

Thanks for your insights.
~ Kimber

[Micki_Finn]

Let me get this straight: you know your wife is 100% against something, but you think you can somehow manipulate her into being “ok” with it? Good luck with that.

[KimberC]

Let me get this straight: you know your wife is 100% against something, but you think you can somehow manipulate her into being ?ok? with it? Good luck with that.

No, I'm 100% sure that if I just dropped it on her out of nowhere she would shut down...

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

Karen, hehehehe not thinking that would be a good plan....
I'm not very brave, and definitely not brave enough for that, not to mention what it would mean to the family as a whole.

[lingerieLiz]

One thing not to do is show her female impersonators and have her comfortable with them and assume she will be comfortable with your cross dressing. Many women find female impersonators fun entertainment, but not for her husband doing it. She might let you wear something for Halloween but that is the end.

[HelpMe,Rhonda]

Yes, have found that you can't predict that someone who you'd think would be supportive will be, but probably not a good sign if you think they won't be supportive.

[Di]

That is what we GGs call the drip drip drip method.
What ends up happening many times we end up not to believe anything you say ....just a game to you it seems. First it’s pantys then this then that . Seriously we are not that stupid because When it comes out....and it will ....she will remember all the nonsense you said to gage her reaction.
Stop the games and be honest.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kimber , Quick look at line #4 in my Signature !

[Cass42]

With me,I was not being honest to the exes I dated in my life.It bit me in the butt and learned I had to be honest.My wife Dana whom is supportive,she was glad I opened up to her being a fulltime crossdresser when we first started dating

[Diane426]

There really is no perfect way to drop that on anyone. Best advice I have is to keep it to yourself. Most women just aren't ready to deal with this. Don't let the cat out untell you have to. Keep it special to yourself.
Diane 🎀

[Karren H]

I would get all dressed up... and jump out of the closet and surprise her! No sense to in beating around the corset...

[Stephanie47]

How does your wife react to issues related to the LGBT community? Pro rights? Anti rights? This is an indication she would receptive to a cross dressing husband, but, it would give you some indication if she is absolute against our community. My wife is supportive to LGBT rights, but, she married someone of her liking. As she told me, "If I wanted to be married to a woman, I would married a woman." Further, if a husband and wives are at odds against each other, then springing something else is usually not going to go well.

How would you go about asking if under dressing is alright? Just blurt it out at breakfast one day? Usually, there is some preliminary discussion.

If your wife wears sexy lingerie to bed, such as an ankle length nylon gown, maybe you could tell her you really like the feel of the fabric. Maybe she would drape part of the flowing gown over you body to get you aroused. Maybe, some mutual benefit may ensue. Of course, all that may happen is she drives you nuts.

When my wife and I were first married she did find me one night wearing her nightgown because I did find the nylon sensual, etc. We did end up buying me several nighties and hosiery. When it progressed further, the infamous "The Talk" happened. Then it became DADT which could become a viable solution in the end.

[KimberC]

I appreciate all the feedback gurls.... I'll let you all know how things progress this week....

[char GG]

I'm just wondering how you are going to explain the breast forms showing up (as mentioned in another thread). That's a big step from panties.

[Lori Ann Westlake]

That's a key point about the breast forms, Kimber. I mean, you can wear panties under male clothes. And pantyhose. You can wear women's jeans. You can wear a "pretty" top or T-shirt. Heck, you can even wear a skirt or a dress if you're bold enough, and still retain male identity. There are guys here who identify as a "MIAD"--a "Man In A Dress." (I'd pronounce that to rhyme with "Triad," but some say they pronounce it "Mee-ad.") Anyway there are men all over the world who wear "robes" of some kind for one reason or another, just as all of humanity did before somebody invented "trousers." They remain male in spite of it.

But once you go to a bra with breast forms, that's like crossing the Rubicon. (Or the Delaware, or something.) It's the crucial step that takes you unmistakably from "presenting as a male" to "presenting as a female." If your wife sees those breast forms, I sure hope she's ready for them!

[Teresa]

Char,
That was a biggy for me , what happens if or when my wife discovers I have breast forms with nipples , I couldn't get over being a step too far at the time . That is why I initially made my own using double layered water balloons , as it turns out I found they worked better in my circumstances than expensive silicon forms .

The other important point was my wife wouldn't spend a fortune on clothes in fact she hated clothes shopping so I did promise my dressing wouldn't cost a fortune but then she didn't take lightly to me ventruing into charity shops . Lets face it wives/partners would prefer it not to exist at all if the truth is known sowing seeds wouldn't have to happen to dress .

[char GG]

You may want to start with this thread: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...O-s-acceptance

or this one: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...-a-GGs-POV-two

[KimberC]

HOLY CRAP......

So, my wife was talking that she needs new panties (hers are falling apart) and I suggested I pick them out. She responded that would not be a good idea (she knows I'd pick out something sexier) and she said "if I don't like them you'll get them for your birthday"... I laughed and said she can pick them out. We looked around Amazon and picked out some she likes and as she sat down in her chair I joked and said want to pick me out some too. She said sure, we can look at boxers, and then I turned the laptop around and said I like these (they were a pair of womens bikini panties)... She said "uh, ok.... go for it" and even helped me pick out a color (it's a purple-ish)....

So... I'm going to get the panties, and start to wear them and see what happens... the seed was planted...

Thank you all for being a sounding board.

[candykowal]

Nice! ...pretty cool to have the hindsight to grab the brass ring sort of speak, as it was there for the taking!
I am an older gal and I have been tinkering in the last 10 years with things that tend to come up as we grow old.
I kind of play up a dry skin condition and I am able to epulate my hair on my arms and legs, moisturize with pretty smelling creams and wear silky polyester unisex dago-T's that are camisole like.
Since we can't find satin mens boxers anymore, so they don't make me itch, she is okay buying me womens Barbra brand Full Coverage Satin Briefs from Walmart.
She buys them in a multicolor 6 pack and I have a few in pink.
I gotten her to buy me high waist panty shapers and 2 Rago open bottom girdles for a slight hernia condition.
She also has bought me gloss clear nail polish to break my habit of biting my nails. I can now grow then past my finger tips and keep them shiny!
She knows I wear pantyhose under my slacks for warmth in winter and has even bought me tights.
I have a lot of unisex satin shirts I wear all the time in summer. They are blouse like and pretty femme.
Wearing polyester slacks and hard sole dress shoes with those satin shirts, while underdressing in lingerie, I feel pretty feminine while still presenting as a snappy dressed man.
Next up, she sees my 38C breasts everyday bound in tight satin Dago-T's ... if I start having back pain, I might be able to talk her into buying me a few soft cup satin bras.
She did shoot down my ears getting pierced....Drat. I have to really sell the idea. Is there any medical reason to have pierced ears?
I believe if you can get your wife to accept buying you lingerie, it's a green light to be feminine.
Now I know she isn't stupid and I do believe she figures my CDing isn't hurting anyone.
As long as I am not in her face with my sissy ways, she can be okay with it all in our DADT relationship.
After all, I am fine with being husband first....so maybe slow and steady, pick your moments, as you just did, and you will be feminine 24/7 by the time your chest sags and your retiring! It is working , so far, for me.

[Sandi Beech]

That went great it would seem. Certainly a lot better than when I tried wearing some women?s boyshorts underwear. My wife literally threw her yogurt all over the carpet. She did not have to say anything since I got her point. You just never know how it will go until you try.

Sandi

[KimberC]

We will find out Wed, that's when the order arrives.....

Fingers Crossed

[char GG]

Please re-read what Di said.

but i think if I eased her into it that she would be more open and who knows....

Obviously, you know your relationship better than we do. However "easing her into it"? Really!? My thought is that it's time to have a real conversation. Don't insult her intelligence by playing games.

[Karren H]

We will find out Wed, that's when the order arrives.....

Fingers Crossed

Hopefully you have a fall back position! If her reaction is less than positive you can always blame it on Amazon screwing up your order!

Can not believe that the sent this instead of the new hunting outfit... mosquito repellent, cheese curds and bratwurst that I had ordered!! Lol.

[MysecretSummerlife]

Make sure to keep us posted. Hopefully all goes well and the seed grows into a beautiful fully dressed good time.

[Krisi]

I asked my wife once why she was wearing sack dresses around the house and she said "Because they are comfortable." I said "OK, I want on too." A couple days later she bought me one and I started wearing it. She was talking about buying some bras and I told her I could order them from eBay. She said "OK." When they came in she said "Are those my bras?" I said "No, they are my bras, they have my name on the package." I proceeded to take off my shirt and put the bra on.

I got to where I am now in small steps and at this point can walk around the house with my wig, boobs, hips and butt and any of my closet full of women's clothes.


There are different ways to deal with this situation and it all depends on the people and the relationship. What works for one couple may not work for another. And some women are not going to accept this regardless. You will have to figure this out yourself.

[KimberC]

Karen, no chance of the "wrong order" excuse... she picked them out. Now, she may not have actually thought I would order it but that is for Wed I suspect.
If she is resistant when it comes in I'll know to back off.... if she isn't, who knows... I may just take it to the next level right away.