Kim, I think u need to become familiar with 2 staples of this site: "The talk", and, "DADT"!
"The talk" is when u confess your need to dress.
"Don't ask, don't tell", is a possible compromise if "the talk" doesn't go well!
Kim, I think u need to become familiar with 2 staples of this site: "The talk", and, "DADT"!
"The talk" is when u confess your need to dress.
"Don't ask, don't tell", is a possible compromise if "the talk" doesn't go well!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
It's remarkable how most responses, including the OP's, blatantly ignore the advices and warnings of the two GGs who offered counseling here, and keep the discussion going like their posts never happened. Let's see where this goes...
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Kimber, actually, you don't know that. The countless stories you can find in these forums are a testimony to the fact that it's impossible to test the waters that way. Your wife may give you some slack first and then it may suddenly change. And that drip drip method is just another way to name manipulation, so it is very possible that it will be even less well received by your wife than a full reveal. But a full reveal requires a long preparation, you can't improvise it. My advice here would be to put yourself in your wife's shoes so to speak, and try to imagine how it would make you feel to be manipulated this way, supposing you find out what the whole story is about. And remembering that since you are already hiding something important from her, the day you decide to come out, she will need to forgive you for two things not one. The way I see it you are probably aggravating your case by playing these games, but the excitement clouds that from you. We'll see. BTW the links Char pointed you to are essential reads, don't overlook them.Originally Posted by KimberC
Last edited by DianeT; 03-15-2021 at 12:52 PM.
Unfortunately that happens alot here Diane or like me I end up killing a thread many times . Its like oh here is one of those I am trying to get over on , lets ignore her advice .
Yes DO listen to Di and Char REALLY read what they are saying . I also want to add to slow it down . Her playing around like this with you IS NOT the green light to go hog wild and do whatever .
Beverly is trying to say this as well as Diane .
"Planting a seed" ( shes not a Stepford wife ) , getting over on her , easing her into anything etc etc etc is going to cause major resentment , its is like you are trying to scam her . That IS how she will see that .
You really need to be honest , trying to think of a way to scam her won't end well .
Last edited by Dutchess; 03-15-2021 at 01:23 PM.
IG : Knightress Oxide
The best way to approach it is to say that you have always enjoyed wearing women's things, you don't like the idea of going behind her back, and ask her how she feels about that.
I don't know what you mean by "easing her into it", but it sounds like lies of omission and manipulation. Just be candid. If she objects, be honest about how that makes you feel. Hopefully there will be room for some sort of compromise.
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I just saw this. I suppose your wife is thinking "Whatever ... he likes tight briefs". There really isn't much difference between men's and women's bikini briefs. Just do a google image search and you will see. But to not tell her you like the briefs because they are women's is doing her a disservice. You are not being honest. As things progress and when she will find out, she will be angry that you have not been honest with her. And this will not help your cause.
Reine
Only you can gauge what she is willing to accept. You have taken the first step!
I appreciate all the feedback gurls.... I'll let you all know how things progress this week....
I'm just wondering how you are going to explain the breast forms showing up (as mentioned in another thread). That's a big step from panties.
I was one of those who perceived the whole thing as manipulation. Because it was. And he missed a trick there because I don't suffer such techniques kindly. His loss, I could have worked with him if he hadn't tried that drip drip and behind my back stuff. And couldn't trust a thing he said after the whole thing blew up, so we were dead in the water. Good luck to you, maybe your wife is not one to look under the surface. The whole thing and the result is completely depending on how you approach this, so you can tap yourself on your back if it goes well or deal with the concequences if it doesn't. You got the ball rolling now anyway
That's a key point about the breast forms, Kimber. I mean, you can wear panties under male clothes. And pantyhose. You can wear women's jeans. You can wear a "pretty" top or T-shirt. Heck, you can even wear a skirt or a dress if you're bold enough, and still retain male identity. There are guys here who identify as a "MIAD"--a "Man In A Dress." (I'd pronounce that to rhyme with "Triad," but some say they pronounce it "Mee-ad.") Anyway there are men all over the world who wear "robes" of some kind for one reason or another, just as all of humanity did before somebody invented "trousers." They remain male in spite of it.
But once you go to a bra with breast forms, that's like crossing the Rubicon. (Or the Delaware, or something.) It's the crucial step that takes you unmistakably from "presenting as a male" to "presenting as a female." If your wife sees those breast forms, I sure hope she's ready for them!
When I was at the undies only stage, my wife thought it was cute. It was no longer cute after adding tights. In the end it worked out really well but the intervening years were strained. I hope you do this better than I did.
Kimber,
It might be OK to try and sow that seed but sometimes it doesn't grow or if it does it will get nipped off in the bud .
You know your wife better than any of us , so it's for you to decide , I tried sowing seeds but very few grew with my CDing /TG issues .
Consider what diiference certain clothes will make to your wife , they are all items of women's clothing so will probably get the same question , WHY ? That is what you need to think about , why you have this need and how far will all this go , your wife isn't stupid , she knows once she relents on one item it will lead to more .
I was going to point out the way the GG's who posted advice on this thread were pretty much being ignored...but I see I was late to that party. As someone who is "out" to my wife, I would never think of trying the "drip" method, I just don't think it would end well. We had "the talk" and she knows I dress and is mostly supportive, although she isn't interested in participation. Out of respect to her I keep it to myself unless there is some purchase I would like to make that she will know about. As long as I keep it reasonable and don't give myself completely over to the "pink fog" it works for us. In the future I might consider upping my game a bit to go with makeup and wigs and such, when I do it will be after consulting with her.
Just my $.02 worth on this early Tuesday morning. I really should go to bed. lol
-Cheryllynn
Thanks both you and Diane T both pointed it out. There were 5 of us GGs trying to help the OP see how his wife would feel but as per usual we are ignored.
Down the line when we see the cders come back with their , my wife wants a divorce, my wife said quit or else., my wife caught me ect. We still try to help even though we might want to say gee really?
Thanks to those who stick up for us.
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With me,I was not being honest to the exes I dated in my life.It bit me in the butt and learned I had to be honest.My wife Dana whom is supportive,she was glad I opened up to her being a fulltime crossdresser when we first started dating
I bought VS PJs and wore them to bed that night. We had a talk. She was OK with panties and growing out my hair but if I wanted to start HRT, we needed to talk.
Marion
Char,
That was a biggy for me , what happens if or when my wife discovers I have breast forms with nipples , I couldn't get over being a step too far at the time . That is why I initially made my own using double layered water balloons , as it turns out I found they worked better in my circumstances than expensive silicon forms .
The other important point was my wife wouldn't spend a fortune on clothes in fact she hated clothes shopping so I did promise my dressing wouldn't cost a fortune but then she didn't take lightly to me ventruing into charity shops . Lets face it wives/partners would prefer it not to exist at all if the truth is known sowing seeds wouldn't have to happen to dress .
I have always been a tear the bandaid off quickly type person, so I'd just come out and tell her.
Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".
I dunno, Kimber. Its sort of like Di days. If you establish a pattern of crossdressing progression with her ... panties now, bras next week, etc ... then she has no logical reason to think that there is an end to it, and may think you want to fully transition.
She is going to ask you one day, "Do you want to be a woman fulltime?". For me, I was able to say, no, that's just not going to work, but I do like being Val occasionally. But I did put all my chips in, in one discussion, admittedly late in the marriage, and told her that I have dressed completely as a woman in the past many times, and want to continue to do it.
It was not fun, but the tradeoff was maintaining the lie to my best friend of my obsession, for admitting that I had lied to her through omission in the past.
Right now, it may be all joking for both of you, but one day it may dawn on her that this progression could go a long way, and its not a joke anymore.
I just know this ... trust, communication and putting her needs first, while both of us accepting that I had to let Val live, were key in getting to a place where she helps me, and we are good with each other, even when I'm dressed. She wishes it wasn't happening, but she lives with it because she knows Val is with me. Her remaining beef with me, that cannot be erased, is that I did not trust her earlier, and that I did not give her the choice at the time we got married. Guilty, no way out of it.
My post here is all about my wife and I, only because I don't know you and your wife. Only you know that, so maybe your call is right. Just be sure that the "rollout" is not one that is pink fog driven, but rather is the result of an ... analysis ... that you have done of the potential outcomes. If you ride only on "I hope it works", and don't make a plan, you may not get the outcome you want.
Please try to get to a place where she is able to accept Kimber, and try to do better than DADT. It is a wonderful feeling to have your friend tell you that she is amazed at how nice you look, make a comment on the gesture you use to manage your hair, and coach you at times. I'm not in nirvana, but it is way better than hiding.
Thanks for all the input everyone, lots to consider. For me I guess part of it is that I'm still very new to all of this and perhaps I'm not even sure what I want (part time, full time, transition) so it's hard for me to see what the outcome would be. For now I think I need to relax a little, and experiment on my own first and see if I can figure out the direction I want to go before I have "the talk". If circumstances present themselves perhaps I'll breach the subject more with her but for right now I think it's an inner secret.....
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Di, I wasn't ignoring anyone, I hope you don't feel I was... I was trying to take in everyone's ideas/suggestions and get a discussion around all of it so I could make better(?) decision(s) around this whirlwind of a life that's hit me suddenly....
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