Finding your femme identity

[Cheshire girl]

I started buying clothes that were a bit too dressed up. Regularly my wife would say that I looked great but like I was going to a wedding. Establishing a slightly more relaxed look was a big step forward. Now I buy smart clothes and save the mire formal attire for evening wear.

[Dutchess]

Getting un- offended would go a long ways in your favor . You cannot shame someone into liking this or give someone a hard time until they do , depending on how you are when you are dressed , getting all upset about this is a good way to make sure she never gets "there " etc .
I never cared one way or the other how someone dresses as long as they could still continue on with normal life , that was very important and that they didn't become someone else. However , because I am a straight female , I am probably never going to find this very attractive /sexy . Has nothing to do with how your clothes look OR the love I have for someone , I am just not into the female form . That does not mean I can't be supportive though , not at all .

[beccadeath]

Dutchess, that is absolutely fair! ...and thank you for calling me out and setting me straight.

I guess I just want her to want me regardless of how I'm dressed...and I'm certainly not willing to take any steps that would permanently change any of the physical features that she fell in love with.

This is sort of a sidebar topic though...I'm still navigating the whole of it now that I've opened up to her about it. Still finding my way and the "new normal" in our lives. I worry you may be reading too much into my statement regarding her "getting there"...It's for sure a team effort. Both of us learning the new boundaries. ...everything that was done in private is now more public, so I think it's just a matter of time before we are both comfortable.

[Dutchess]

Well I know that alot here see me as pretty grumpy but I just want everyone to have the best life possible - BETTER than mine . That's for sure . She will want you regardless as long as you stay you . Too many have these alt personalities( which I am actually not sure are present in real life ) that develop and we lose the person we knew and loved . My late companion was out totally , I just saw the dressing as decor really but he made that easy . I didnt have to change anything .

[beccadeath]

I really really appreciate your perspective here and I am also so very sorry for your loss.

I don't necessarily want to have an alternate personality maybe just an alternate gender...temporarily...occasionally. I really don't want to do anything that would risk losing the woman I've spent 20 years dedicating my life to. Honestly she and I have talked about it a bit...because she knows me better than anyone, and ultimately when I did a brief online shopping spree I opted for a more feminine version of what I usually wear. I think she and I are both freaking out over nothing and just adjusting to me being open with her. This all really came from me hitting a wall with the secrecy...she knew I liked to dress up, but I don't think she knew the frequency or exactly what lengths I was going to (ie. home-made breast forms, tucking)...so I think it just seems more sudden to her than it really has been and we're just dealing with that fallout.

Please don't let your perceived grumpiness get in the way of keeping it real with me! This is the kind of perspective I'm here for.