Hello,

I want to share my theory/experience about stoppin CDing. I say theory/experience because I stopped only for a month and a half which is not too long and I don't want to rush into any conclusions yet but since I never stopped for more then a week since I started CDing, it's a pretty long period already for me.

The reason I'm posting this is it seems to me that there is a general agreement in CD communities that we cannot stop it without the urge coming back or without dealing with massive anxiety. And although I do believe that this is ineed the case with many crossdressers I don't think it's a universal truth.

I think the misconception here is that for many the idea of "stopping" means a package deal of never dressing again and never having the urge again. It's obviously never gonna happen since the many years of possitive reinforcement hardwired many things into our brains. But I do belive that it is possible to have a healthy stressfree life without CDing even if the urge is always there from time to time.

To back up my theory I share my story in short. I started CDing 4 years ago when I was 27. It started with bra fetish and escalated into full dressing at home not just to setisfy sexual needs. About a year ago I realized that my dressing was indeed a fetish and I only dressed outside of sexual situation to higher up the stimulus. So I started deescelating and after 6 month I only dressed for sexual reasons once again. I never missed the "just doing things dressed" part. A couple month later I run into a relationship problem related to my CDing, and so I came to a crossroad.

So I decided to stop even though my wife never pressured me to stop, it was my decision. I started meditating daily (which I wanted to do anyway) which helped with the urge and helped see my CDing from a higher perspective. After a month my relationship with dressing started to change. I did have the urge once or twice a week but if the urge rose I started picturing the dressing and realized that the urge is more of a reflex of years of dressing rather then actual desire. I purged almost everything except a bra and a penty to not purge everything. I thought that if I purge everyithing than the urge will be more irresistible.

Now one and a half month later the way I see my CDing, that it is part of me, and always will be, and I accept that, but I'm getting more frustration and stress out of it than actual joy and happines, so I countinue my journy without it, if I can (mybe I can't, time will tell).

I want to clarify again that I'm not saying that anyone can stop and should stop it. I'm just saying that as everything else in the world it's personal thing, and there can be a set af curcumstances where one can stop it and still be happy and fulfilled. The question is how much you want to stop and how strongly is it hardwired into you.

I just wanted to have a story like this here because anyone who wants to stop all he/she can read is "you can't". And although I know that it's only because wverywone tries to be helpful and caring maybe there should be discussion about stopping too if someone truly wants to stop.

Tomi