During the week my son called me and asked me if I time to have a conversation with him and asked if it could be private. My family is my world and told him of course I have time for him and he came by the house. We had a almost 2 hour conversation and I was very surprised that he turned to me with this and not a close friend.
When we were done I thanked him for feeling free with me and that he can tell me anything and I will never be judgmental and he's always my son and I will always be proud of him.
He told me growing up that I always told him not to be afraid or embarrassed to tell me anything and he's always been very open with me and that was because I never did judge and I would except whatever situation came to me. At that point I got a pain in my chest, a pain of guilt because I wasn't practicing what I was preaching. I looked at him and almost shaking my head to my own disappointment that I couldn't do the same thing he just did with me.
I told him that I'm not perfect and that I also have faults and that hopefully he could see it as the saying "Do as I say, not what I do".
He told me it took time for him to tell me what he told me and when I'm ready I could talk to him to about whatever I want. We got up and hugged and thank GOD I was blessed with great children, but I walked away with a heavy heart and still do.
When I told my wife about the conversation she told me I'm really hard on myself and she's more then sure there are things he's never told me and not to flatter myself there are worse things I could have been. She told me that I have nothing to be ashamed about and that I'm a great father and not to look to much into it and instead of feeling guit I should feel flattered that our children talk to me about anything. I guess as usual shes probably right but sometimes this situation really sucks. Thought I would share, I had to let it out.