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Thread: Who's in charge ?

  1. #1
    Member Debs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    North West UK

    Who's in charge ?

    Ive now grown my hair , Im now told that we are comimg out of downlock , I HAVE TO HAVE IT CUT !!!!, my question is why, do I tell my wife how she has her hair cut ?, nope never have, Also Im told , "you cant go out in that" (male mode), I never say to her "are you really going out in that ", So how downtrod (for you non uk , underfoot) am I the only girl feeling these issues.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    South Western PA
    That is one reason I am glad my wife does not participate in my hobby! It is almost the one thing that is all mine to make decisions!

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member SaraLin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017
    Central Fla.
    I too have the COVID non-haircut going.
    When it first started getting shaggy, my better half offered to trim it back for me, but I declined.
    She has mellowed though. She says I'm starting to look like the guy she married. Back then I had long hair and always wore it pulled back into a ponytail.

    Sadly it's too thin, and bald up front, so there is zero chance of it ever getting "pretty".

  4. #4
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    East Yorkshire UK
    hello Debs,
    hairdressers are open yet.
    what is wrong with having long hair in "male mode"? - long hair in top knots was quite fashionable recently (mostly down south I suspect)
    stay healthy!
    luv J

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Star01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    I had long hair in the mid 2000?s. It?s too thin on top to grow it out now. My wife doesn?t want to see me dressed or know that I am dressing but doesn?t say anything about my grooming choices. I can grow my hair or grow a beard if I wanted.

    Seeing as we are in NFL free agency leading up to the draft I would like to propose a trade. I will trade being able groom myself anyway I like for being able to dress at home as often as I please. If anyone is interested contact my agent. LOL

  6. #6
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Last year I started trimming off the split ends with a pair of hairdressers scissors purchased on Amazon.
    This allows it to get long as fast as possible.
    It is thinning since I'm in my 50s but I think it looks pretty good.
    It is now longer than most people my age.


  7. #7
    Reality Check Krisi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Every partnership is a compromise. It doesn't work well when one partner tells the other what he or she must do. On the other hand, each of the partners must consider the other's needs when making decisions.

    The alternative is to end the partnership.

  8. #8
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Yet another unfortunate example of the systemic oppression men face on a daily basis.

    Down with the matriarchy!!

    (I kid. Kinda. Y'all GG's are okay... I guess. )

  9. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Western Washington
    I suffer from male pattern baldness. Hair is white. I haven't had a haircut since the fall of 2019. I was scheduled for my in-home haircut sometime in February 2020. Lock down.
    A bunch of guys I know and myself are in a non haircut until at least June. My wife likes my curls. If I did not have this male pattern baldness it would be great. If I were to keep growing it out it may look alright donning a sun hat to go along with a pretty sundress in the summer.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    My wife didn't mind long hair. When she met me it was down to my shoulders. After I retired I started growing it again and it got to a point where it was again down to my shoulders. The difference this time was, I was bald on top. She thought it looked like hell, and she told me. I thought it was fine, as long as i wore a cap, but eventually I was getting so much breakage that I threw in the towel and got it cut.

    She told me how much better I looked. I didn't really think so, but I was happy because she was happy.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  11. #11
    Member Lori Ann Westlake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    If this is only about male mode, why don't you tell your wife exactly what you told us? You don't tell her how to do her hair. Why should she tell you how to do yours? Long hair on men is acceptable these days. You might look like a biker or whatever, but so what? Put your foot down.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    May 2014
    Pacific Northwest
    This reminds me of the bad joke from when I was a kid.
    Dude 1: My wife will not let me do that.
    Dude 2 : What are you, a man or a mouse?
    Dude 1: I must be a man. My wife is afraid of mice.

  13. #13
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    near Toronto, Ontario, Canada
    Of course, Dude #2 could also have added "Squeak up!"

  14. #14
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Orange County, Calif.
    Have u ever considered how lucky u r to have enuff hair to cut?

    Without wigs Sherry would be bald!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  15. #15
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    At 58 I am fortunate to have a full head of hair. It's gotta even fuller since Covid hit. My last haircut was 13 months ago. I will either wear my hair in a ponytail or with a hairband to keep it out of my eyes. It's finally at a manageable length and I like it. As my hair got longer my wife has repeatedly reminded me of how much better I look with short hair. While she thinks the ponytail is bad-a$$ed she has said we will talk about your hair once you are fully vaccinated. I am sure we an reach some sort of compromise like ...I will cut my hair if I can have my ears pierced.
    - Robin

    Because life is too short not to.

  16. #16
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Debs, you could try asking your wife when she is changing her hair colour.

    She will moist likely wonder why you asked.

    You can use that to make the point its her hair.

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  17. #17
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    Have u ever considered how lucky u r to have enuff hair to cut?

    Without wigs Sherry would be bald!
    I feel your pain.

    I started going gray at 25. Someone told me that I was lucky, because if your hair goes gray it doesn’t fall out.
    Yeah, right!
    My gray hair left me long ago, and now I’m bald as an egg.

    Well, except for wigs, which I never take off except to shower.

  18. #18
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    You are lucky to have a wife who even cares how you look. I kept my hair but both my exes have moved on to what they consider greener pastures (and of course, they are probably correct).
    The years to come seemed waste of breath,
    A waste of breath the years behind

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member kayegirl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    West Yorkshire England
    Debs, at the age of 71 I have a full head of thick curly hair, it might be grey (ish ) but it's all mine, and when anybody says that I need a haircut I laugh, run my fingers through it and reply, "At my age, if you still have it then flaunt it"

  20. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Hi Debs , Kinda like being between a Rock And a Hard Place, >Orchid**!!**
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  21. #21
    Member Valery L's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Ames, Iowa
    It is your hair; do whatever you want with it. If you do not control her looks, she does not have any right to control yours. She can make suggestions but should not expect you to take them as commands.

  22. #22
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Lowestoft UK. Beverley was here.
    Just tell her Mullets are in fashion again.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  23. #23
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2016
    Denver, Colorado
    Debs, so sorry to hear about that. I suspect for your wife long hair on you is overstepping the boundaries. Maybe time to have a discussion about her reasoning. Don't get adversarial, but just have a discussion about boundaries and limits - for each of you. Perhaps she feels it is too feminine. In that case perhaps the compromise is to choose a different style that is more unisex.

    Like others, I sure wish I had your problem. But quite frankly I think my wife would probably say the same thing. It is important for us to recognize their limits of what is and is not acceptable. And keep in mind that hair is very important to a woman and is a vital part of her expression. I think most women are very sensitive when it comes to hair style because, as we know, it is perhaps the one most critical aspect of our expression.

  24. #24
    Aspiring Member DianeT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Debs, to answer your question, it's not because you don't want to control something about your wife that she is not entitled to a say in the matter when it concerns you. She could return the argument and tell you that she is ok for you to have a say in her haircut as well. That is reciprocity too, after all. Who's right then? The one who wants neither to have a say, or the one who wants both to?

    I also suspect that if some followed the advice of Shelly (asking about her next color change), they may be surprised to see that she may appreciate the attention (my wife asks me about her haircut every time before going to the hairdresser).
    Maybe try and ask her?

    It's also your right to just vent.

  25. #25
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    San Diego
    I agree with you Karren. I am old enough to dress myself in either gender

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